#kt; eval

this is just an evaluation, but it’s more than that.            this could be the last evaluation as a kt trainee -- and that’s a thought that propels woohyun forward. it makes him want to work harder, showcase his work. if woohyun is going to leave, if he’s going out to try to debut under sphere, the least he could do is give it his all and give the very best he did as a kt trainee.

kt deserves it. everyone there deserves nothing but the best so woohyun will give it all in full. 

when the song starts woohyun shuts his eyes and exhales, offers a lazy smile on his face as his body moves automatically to the beat. little sways and jerks and slight movements of the beat as he lets his body find a natural rhythm, remember practice and the muscle memory. he pops his body and move his arms, teeth biting into his lip as he tries to keep it as up to the beat as possible; popping isn’t something he’s good at, but the song doesn’t have a whole lot of it so he’s thankful for that.

once he hears the lyrics being spoken up, background at first-- woohyun steels himself. he inhales sharply, and tightens his body. once the lyrics starts and the beat gets faster along with the words, his body moves, feet shuffling and arms moving, sharp movements and stretches that he does with a concentrated face and held breath. 

in general, the song is fun. a lot of spin movement, exaggerated arm stretches and wide swings. the further he gets into it, the more his face relaxes; a smile takes over as he lets his body move into muscle memory, enjoy the feel of the beat. he has more fun at a part with his arms stretched out and slow movements forward as he spins his arm. it’s a fun, slower move that requires a lot of focus on his part, but the sight of it in the practice mirrors always brought a smile to his face so he hopes it does the same for the ones watching.

he slides across the floor, arms following the movement of the beat and mouth moving the some of the words he can understand. his clothes brush on his skin with each movement, and woohyun exhales sharply through his nose, eyes narrowed with focus. 

once the chorus hits and woohyun’s left arm raises high as his waist and hips move along with the song, he steers himself for the breakdown. he swallows tight but tries to loosen up the features of his face so he doesn’t look like he’s struggling or it’s hard. his feet move across the floor as his arms move in tangent with his other limbs. 

once the beat drops, he’s moving-- body going into muscle memory as he exhales, lips quirking up and eyes falling shut as he jerks his body into the proper motions. once the breakdown moves into the next chorus does woohyun begin to slow-- the song fading out as he breathes out harshly, raking a hand through his hair as he stills.

“let’s do our best.” he beams at the other boy before they perform. the kind words and hope, he wants to express to yien the best he can. woohyun trusts yien, and in turn-- after all the hard work they’ve put through with this, the long days and nights of practice, he hopes yien does too.

“this is a beautiful lie,” woohyun starts, voice soft. “my last lie. even if it hurts to death i am hiding myself under a mask for you.” he lowers the microphone, stepping back to give the attention yien, nodding his head to the beat. his expression is schooled into the proper one for the feeling of the song, a somber one as his eyes flutter shut, loosing himself into the lyrics and yien’s voice. 

lifting up the microphone to harmonize, and he lets his voice reign through. “i’m letting go of your rightly held hands, but my heart is still the same; but i’ll let you go. i’m letting go of your hands, but my heart is still the same.” yien finishes the verse with his rap as woohyun inhales, throat catching as he coughs lightly, gathering composure and continuing.

“this is a beautiful lie. my last lie. even if it hurts to death, i am hiding myself under a mask for you.” his voice isn’t as light as he’d like, and it cracks at the beginning but woohyun has done this multiple times before. he doesn’t let the concern show, keeps his expression perfected as he continues. “it’s alright if you leave me. i want you to be happy. oh i’m, i’m a beautiful, i’m a beautiful liar.”

his hand lifts to his throat, massaging it as he clears it as quietly as he can as yien continues. his tongue swipes across his lips, sniffling as he rakes a hand through his hair to calm his nerves. 

“i won’t hang onto you. i will smile. this is me, don’t hesitate anymore. leave me--” he blends into the chorus immediately, and his voice sounds better this time around; there are no hiccups, but woohyun is hoping that everything else settles perfectly. 

the next harmonization comes, and woohyun waits with the microphone perched at his mouth patiently. “it’s time for me to give you the last bits of my heart. the fact that we loved it beautiful.” yien’s voice fades out and woohyun continues. “me with iron shackles on my legs is more like me than ever before.” 

the song is haunting. woohyun almost resonates to it, but he tries not to focus on it. his fingers twitch around the microphone. 

swallowing back his nerves, he ducks his head and stares down at his legs, racking his mind for something. for something he can perform-- singers have all the freedom to choose, and only a minute to perform. what on earth can he do? acapella? that even limits him more. maybe is woohyun hadn't been stuck in such a slump, this would have been easier for him to figure out. there's plenty of songs he could sing, plenty of parts that could showcase his growth. but he can't think of a single god damn one. when his name is called, he looks up in a daze, croaks out a weak "coming!" as he manuevers his way up to the center stage. he tells his nerves to calm down, focuses on the lyrics of a song from a cartoon-- that's easy enough, right? there shouldn't be anything to worry about. the only ones here are his fellow kt trainees, his coaches, katie lee. is fainting on stage a good showcase of talent? because it's certainly what woohyun wants to do. he throws caution to the window, offering a shaky smile to the crowd as he sucks in a breath. he pushes to get it over with, stuttering out a laugh as he begins-- "i am a cat, just chilling out. but in the night-- she’s all i think about.” his voice is soft, hesitant-- amplified by microphones as he attempts his best at lyrics. “i feel so strong, when she’s around. she picks me up-- when i am down.”

it’s embarrassing, just a tad. to be singing a children’s show theme song, but it’s the best that woohyun has.

“oh no, you’ll never know.” he breathes. “my love can only grow. and when i see her smile, that’s when she becomes...” he holds out the note for a second longer than he’s supposed to, soft smile on his face as he feels the ambiance of the lyrics, imagines the beat. “miraculous, simply the best-- up to the test, when things go wrong. miraculous--- the luckiest, the power of love always so strong.” another repeat of the chorus-- his vocals don’t do the original female counterpart justice, but he tries his best. miraculous-- you are the one!” 

“oh, climb on board. we’ll go slow, and high tempo.” he taps his fingers on the stand, breathing into the mic with a soft, lofty voice, fitting for the original. “light and dark, hold me hard and mellow.” his throat bobs, eyes falling shut for a brief moment as he catches his breath, tongue swiping over his lips. he keeps up with the beat, keeps the practiced lyrics in his head the best that he can. “i’m seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure, nobody but you, nobody but me. nobody but us, bodies together. i love to hold you close, tonight and always.” it’s an intimate song, one that once the lyrics were translated explained, had woohyun blushing for a long time. he’s enjoyed the song immensely just hearing it, and now it’s almost strange to sing it with such intent, such emotion. it feels strange, especially after knowing what the song entails. “i love to wake up next to you, i love to hold you close—tonight and always, i love to wake up next to you.”

he raises his voice as the chorus dictates, trailing his hard earned work and passion into his voice. he keeps his gaze strong, keeping up with the feel of the song, the intensity. “so we’ll piss off the neighbours, in the place that feels the tears, the place to lose your fears. yeah, reckless behavior—a place that is so pure, so dirty and raw.” he tries his hardest not to blush, but he’s sure the tips of his ears are tinging pink. “in the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day, loving in fighting on,” he casually slides in a replacement word for the curse, tongue swiping over his lips as he tilts his head, hair falling into his gaze (he needs to cut it soon). “it’s out paradise, and it’s our war zone. it’s our paradise and our war zone.”

he feels comfortable. he feels confident. “pillow talk, my enemy, my ally. prisoners—then we’re free, it’s a thriller.”

he falls back into the lyrics, gets comfortable at what he remembers—and the song goes by smoother than he expects. sure, there’s a couple of slurred word from his accented english, but woohyun takes them in stride, lips quirking up when they happen with no bother at all.

and it’s something he looks forward to, between practicing for this song along with the practice with the trainee boys for theirs. he think about it day and night, and come performance day, he’s so, so very happy.

and nervous, because there are a lot of people watching and he wonders if everyone just knows. he isn’t subtle, even yeri could tell just by the smallest things (small, woohyun claims but they’re probably bigger signs than he thinks).

practicing with mijoo is easy. it comes naturally to sing the lines with her. everything is easy and comfortable and woohyun finds himself relishing the time spent– but come performance day, he’s scared he’s going to forget his lines altogether. breathe in, breathe out, he has to do this another time today, to perform with the other trainee boys, so this should be easy enough;

but he isn’t performing the first time with the boys– he’s performing first with mijoo, in front of countless of important people, and that’s what makes his heart beat the most.

and he’s so focused, so entirely lost in the thought of performing he jolts when fingers find his own. his head swivels to stare down at the hand wrapped around his, and he follows the appendage up to the warm smile, plastered on mijoo’s face. his heart skips a beat, and the tips of his ears tinge pink.

“oppa, it’s okay!” she murmurs, and woohyun swallows thick, smiling despite himself as she beams up at him. “we can do this!” her hand clasps his encouragingly, and woohyun grips back, shoots her his trademark boyish grin and nods his head. she continues and woohyun leans in automatically to listen to her. “just breathe, and relax! just tell yourself we’re back at the practice room again. we’ve done this before, it’’ll be okay!”

that helps a little bit, but not much. he does his best to think back to the times in the practice room, but each and every time there had been something– he was either too busy blushing at her smile, too busy being involved in her voice, or the way her lips would curl and her eyes would crinkle when she laughed, or how cute the knit sweater looked–

puppy love at it’s finest.

“you’re right,” he breathes, nodding his head. he swallows once more. “we got this.” he shoots at her, smile widening, before he lets go of her hand, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. he lets out a soft exhale, straightening his form– and as their feet take them to the stage, woohyun doesn’t drop his smile, energized alone by mijoo’s attempt to ease his worries.

the familiar melody of the songs, the tinkling of bells that begin it make woohyun feel alight, shoulders relaxing and settling in familiarity. he smiles down at the crowd, swaying to the beat, the christmas spirit settling into his bones—into the rhythm. he tries to forgo his nervousness and instead focus on the better parts; christmas time had always been his favorite, and he was surrounded by people he adored—sharing a stage with a girl he was convinced he could grab the stars out of the night sky and place in her eyes.

mijoo starts it off, sings with a voice he’s always enjoyed, adored—and he hums and sways, smiling softly to himself, his fingers adjusting on the microphone. he crosses his eyes over the crowd with a hum, and when her voice ends and his turn begins, he lifts it up to his lips, falling into the melody and feel of the music.

"i have no choice but to say a difficult farewell,” he begins, voice falling into rhythm, just like they had practiced. “i can’t think about anything at all, so i just turn around.” their voices begin to melt together, in a pretty ring and harmony that makes his heart skip beats. what he would give to do this all the time, to sing with mijoo with no worry at all, with no obstacles, nothing to hold them back. “please wait a little for me, because being able to love again is still too overwhelming for me.”

woohyun sings with passion, the softest smile on his face. and he distracts himself from the song to look at mijoo, his smile softening even more as he watches her, standing next to her on stage—in front of all these people.

it’s a dream come true for him.

the song is albeit sad, lyric wise—but the beat and melody makes his heart light up as he continues. “please think of me, of the days we spent together since sometime last winter, until tears fall from the longing.” his voice holds the proper notes, hits the proper tunes, because singing with mijoo comes natural, because all his hard work, all his care and adoration slips in to impress and not disappoint a girl he’s come to cherish and want to keep a smile on her face for all of their days.

he readjusts his clammy grip on the microphone as mijoo begins to sing more, and he turns his body to hers, and slowly walks on the stage, keeping his eyes solely on her as they move together. he lifts his microphone to his mouth as he sings—“because i can’t forget that day, that image. i can’t think about anything at all, so i just wait.” their voices mesh together once more, and he steps close, stands in front of her with all the confidence he can muster.  “please wait a little for me, if you can wait until i’m able to understand. it’s not such a long time.”

the chorus begins again, and he allows for his smile to cross his face again, lets his voice carry on with the emotions of this performance, of this situation, of his holiday spirit and his happiness for performing with her.  the verses come like clockwork, and when they sing the notes together, their voices rising higher and higher with pitch, perfected adlibs meshing and separating into their own parts; woohyun puts his all into it, lets everything bleed forward and out because he could live in this moment forever. “please think of me, of the days we spend together since sometime last winter-- until tears all from the longing.”

it’s heart-stopping, hearing their voices mesh together and mix into a pretty melody woohyun is sure he’ll think about for days. his throat tightens with the thought, but he pours it into his voice, all the emotion that’s threatening to spill over. “please wait a little for me, me. if you can wait until i’m able to understand, me-- if you wait for me.”

“if you wait for me, it’s not such a long time. think of me, please think of me. wait for me-- of the image of me standing alone in the snow.” he reaches out for her hand, turning his attention to the crowd as he sings, holds her hand as they sing together. the last few lines of the song he spends singing with her, swaying in place as their voices mix into something pretty—and the last few na na nas have him grinning with gusto, and when the last final tinkling’s of the song begin to fade, woohyun inhales deep.

he grips her once more, and then lets go, bowing as he smiles and blurts out his thanks.