#kokam

During feudal Japan, cherry blossom was a metaphor for life of a samurais, who lived by bushido(“the way of a warrior”). It was part of their duty not only follow strict moral code and discipline, but also accept inevitability of their death if needed, without a fear. A fallen flower petal symbolizes shortness of their lives as it flutters to the ground. In that way, cherry blossom represents both life and death, as one cannot exist without other.

Sakura emblems also adorned the planes of kamikaze pilots during World War II (“die like beautiful falling cherry petals for the emperor”). Burning of bodies in Ueno park beneath cherry trees inspired Sakaguchi Ango to write a short “In a Forest, Under Cherries in Full Bloom”. I’m mentioning that novella here, because just like TB/X, it deviates from standard meaning behind sakura as symbol of pure love and beauty of temporary life, instead corrupts the thematic and shows its darker side.

Sakura symbolism in In a Forest, Under Cherries in Full Bloom:

I won’t retell the story here, but here’s a link to brief summary if anyone’s interested. Now, there are many interpretations to the story and its metaphorical meaning, especially since whole story is bizarre to say the least, as well as ambiguous and allegorical. One of them is that sakura blossom in this story represents infinite emptiness of human life. In beginning, main character is terrified of being beneath forest full of sakura in full bloom; he mentions how dreadful feeling of utter vacancy when beneath them in the forest, especially when alone. (“Underneath the blossom, wind wouldn’t blow but he still seem to hear it hollowing. There was no wind, no sound of anything, just himself and his footsteps wrapped in a cold, silent wind that never moved” – feeling of life being meaningless due to unchanging nature and routine). Also he couldn’t understand the secret of cherry blossom, why it terrified him so much. He’s terrified of his own fear and promises himself he’d deal with it every year yet fails to address said fear every year.

Cherry blossom is marked by two prominent symbolism: beauty and emptiness due to its temporary nature. It’s also a metaphor for woman (one of main character’s wives) in this story: she’s an embodiment of both ethereal beauty and infinite emptiness. And that emptiness is tied to sense of loneliness ("Even now, no one knows that secret of the cherry forest in full bloom. Perhaps it was loneliness"). Women is both beautiful and monstrous; her hobby is playing with dead heads for example. Bandit (main character) has monstrosity of his own, he kills for own benefit, including pleasing the woman with new heads to play with. In that way they maintain an illusion of a happy lifestyle. The loneliness for the bandit and woman is presented with their infrequent interactions, not understanding one another, being of use to one another solely, and how he feels solitude in the capital city and she in mountains. There’s no place where both can be happy.

She invited emptiness to his life by making him go to capital (Kyoto). He can’t stand the endless repetition of day and night, endless circle of light and darkness; and it suffocated him. (“By killing her, he could stop the endless repetition of light and darkness. But there would be a hole in his heart. The image of the bird would have flown away from his chest and disappeared. Is she me? He wondered. Was I the bird that flew straight across the sky without end? If I kill her, will I be killing myself too?”- she resembles cherry blossom and its repetitive nature; being stuck in a circle without a meaning where nothing ends nor nothing begins because you’re unable to let go of said circle that’s causing emptiness in the first place) She is epitome of beauty and that’s what captivated him in the first place. But she’s surrounded by death and infinite emptiness (“woman’s desire was endless, so now he was bored with that, too. Her desire was like bird flying straight across the sky with no end in sight; flying on and on without a rest, never tiring, slicing cleanly through the wind”). But just like swift beauty of cherry blossom, she couldn’t be eternal presence to his life either.

When underneath the cherry blossom, bandit mistakes her for a demon and chokes her to death. Only after he’s done he realized she was still the same girl, along with fact that he no longer feared cherry blossom (emptiness of swift beauty of human life), because he became that emptiness himself. Whole scene is described by utter sense of vacancy and emptiness. He realizes there actually, was no secret to cherry blossom at all – it is empty. And that’s only tied to ending where not only woman’s body, but bandit himself vanish in form of sakura petals – they literally became “emptiness”.

Now, as you can tell, this story is, from plot perspective, not even close to Tokyo Babylon or X, however they might share some metaphors and symbolism, especially regarding cherry blossom and loneliness. So now onto Tokyo Babylon.

Tokyo Babylon:

Let’s go through manga chronologically:

In vol1, Subaru recalls bits of his first meeting with Seishirou when he asks Subaru if he knows how cherry blossom became pink.

Again, from the very start Tokyo Babylon diverges from standard meaning of cherry blossom as love and new beginnings often seen in today’s fiction; instead adds rather morbid explanation to their existence (even if metaphorical). Nonetheless, like I’ve mentioned before, sakura can represent end of life cycles, meaning death. Seishirou is embodiment of both seductive beauty (as in presenting enchanting lifestyle and comfort/understanding and love Subaru needed) and uncaring invariant emptiness of Tokyo as big city, as well as death. He is a Sakurazukamori (“burial mound guardian of cherry blossom”; one who “guards” death), an assassin who brings death to others. Also in X’s tarot deck he is representative of Death major arcana. In that way, shadow side to meaning behind cherry blossom suits him rather well. He’s a constant, unchanging and unmoving – just like repetitive nature of sakura which blooms every year. But as Seishirou said, cherry blossom became ‘tainted’ due to ‘blood’, so in that way, he’s already ‘tainted’ by the time we first see him in manga. He already has ‘emptiness’ within him, which he’s most likely unaware of on conscious level.

And that’s where subconsciousness kicks in – why make Bet in the first place if not to fill that ‘emptiness’ due to lack of human connections? In this case emotions towards others. Just like Death itself, Seishirou doesn’t discriminate (Subaru doesn’t either but in completely different way); it doesn’t matter who he kills, it’s all the same to him; people have no worth to him (don’t mean anything to him personally) and are same as objects in his eyes. But it is in human nature to be social creatures and no matter how early he learned to not relay on others for anything, including fulfillment of emotional needs as mere existence of them would be a weakness (love is equivalent to weakness in his eyes), deeply embedded wish for connection does exist – thus the Bet.

But why Subaru exactly, especially since he caught Seishirou mid-kill and should be removed as a witness. It’s because of his kindness and ‘pure’ nature. Subaru’s first question to Seishirou’s morbid quotes was if that person was in pain. Keep Subaru’s job as omnyoji in mind, he’s not asking about physical pain most likely (as person is dead physically), but emotional one, something Subaru saw in ghosts/tormented souls on daily basis. If someone as pure as Subaru couldn’t accept Seishirou as ‘inhuman’ as he is, then no one could.

Later in same chapter, Subaru, Hokuto and Seishirou go to Ueno park. Only one tree there is blooming out of season and it attracts Subaru’s attention, just like on the day he and Seishirou first met.

Beside obvious flashbacks and foreshadowing, what’s prominent here are Subaru’s subtle fear and confusion. Which brings me to another meaning behind cherry blossom in TB/X – illusions, fear and confusion about what is real and what isn’t. It’s similar to meaning behind tarot Moon major arcana (on top of Death on): fear, deception, anxiety, illusion, intuition, uncertainty, confusion, complexity, secrets, subconsciousness as well as many more. Plus, Seishirou himself is an illusionist. He wavers rather complex illusions with magic, even if sometimes for dramatization purposes. Sometimes even readers are left in the dark whether something is an illusion or not, such as sakura tree during his and Subaru’s first meeting (after closer inspection, I came to conscious tree was his (unnecessary) illusion). Also in X disappears in form of sakura petals; and uses sakura based spells for killing rather than healing as main traditional symbolism behind sakura blossom.

Here, for example, how Seishirou uses cherry blossom based spells for killing:

It’s both beautiful and macabre sight; still, compared to his usual stab through chest method of killing, far less morbid and gore. Later on, Seishriou said how those who have extraordinary powers either become overconfident (as Kumiko-sensei, woman he killed) and deem themselves untouchable, or too timid (like Subaru) and become a martyr (get used, in Seishirou’s mind). No one can escape death, it’s inevitable part of life. No one should consider themselves ‘special’ enough to think tragedy can’t strike them as well because they believe they’re ‘above’ other somehow. This thematic is seen in xxxholic too, especially in story of monkey paw when woman was first overconfident in her ability to resist temptation, then deemed herself as special and believed nothing bad would happen to her, where monkey paw was impartial and indifferent – it fulfilled wishes whichever way it saw fit, uncaring for consequences. Much like role of Sakurazukamori in TB/X, where Seishirou killed his targets unbiasedly, everyone was the same to him. Death comes for everyone, even Death itself.

Which brings me to self-presenting question: does Seishirou deem himself special enough to avoid death? I believe no. Let’s look briefly at scene where he killed his mother, previous Sakurazukamori. It’s in Sakurazuka’s residence main garden which is in full bloom even in winter; since cherry blossom symbolize beginnings and endings of a circle, it’s fitting that both old Sakurazukamori dies and new is ‘born’ inside such garden that is always in full bloom (there’d always be new circle). In X vol16, Subaru inherits role of Sakurazukamori inside this very garden.

First thing first, there is something unnatural about Setsuka. Mainly about her teen-like appearance when she should be at least in late twenties (since Seishirou is fifteen in this scene). Along with behavior, she had locks on doors and bars on windows to keep her in (I’m not 100% sure on this one if it’s canon or fanon, if someone can confirm either I’d be grateful). She too, was ethereally beautiful and surrounded by death until her fleeting life came to an end – metaphorically cherry blossom petal. Also this is where meaning of cherry blossom as darker side of love comes into play – it’s never explicitly confirmed if their relationship was incestious, but given how Clamp writes in subtle clues and implications, it’s safe to assume it was. They behave more like pair of lovers than mother and son – just serves as another point of how ‘deranged’ their family line was and how pure concept such as love was ‘tainted’ and corrupted into something unnatural and wrapped. Also it’s interesting that even back then Seishirou tried to pretend to love. Why so, there might be few hypothesis but since there’s little to no canon material of his past for me to work on, I won’t be going into that, or his early psychological development.

And finally – when Setsuka told him he’d get killed by one he loves the most, Seishirou didn’t deny he’d be killed, as any sane person would do, but that he’d ever love someone. It’s interesting how Clamp gave symbolism that’s mostly associated with love and gave it to character that believes he’s incapable of love. Also, I doubt it’s a rule for Sakurazukamori to get killed but one they love the most since Seishirou wouldn’t be surprised by her words then; also it’d make little sense practically observing, especially if Sakurazukamori is killed by someone outside their clan who potentially is magically illiterate (they can’t become a successor). So my theory is that meaning is metaphorical and more like this:

Cherry blossom both represents emptiness as a lack of meaning to fleeting nature of human life at one end, and beauty of its present moment which leads to love on other end. As having a connection to someone translates to having sense of identity in Clamp works and sense of identity translates to having wishes, which further lead to serving as a meaning in life (for example Kamui after Kotori’s death: his attachment, even if closer to obsession, to Fuuma along with wishes connected to Fuuma gave him meaning to return to reality from his escapism), said love could bring a meaning to emptiness behind cherry blossom. So it’s cognitive dissonance: two conflicting wishes coexist: to have and not to have a connection (life with a meaning or without). Still, someone who is unused to feelings, especially strong emotions, just wouldn’t know how to deal with intensity of love; it’d overwhelm them and they’d reflexively seek way out of those emotions. To remain on status quo emotionally and psychologically, so to speak. Especially someone who views emotions as weaknesses, like Seishirou does; he deems himself untouchable (but he did get stabbed in the eye due to impulse to protect Subaru), his whole mindset would have to change in order for him to accept he’s capable of emotions, let alone love someone. It’s a death sentence to him. So in allegorical way, loving someone kills Sakurazukamoris as result of love clashing with their unfeeling way of living they’ve known all their life – inner conflict that’s only possible to go out through via ego death, slow and agonizing mental shift of life and self stances as a whole; of course Sakurazukamori’s would rather choose literal death over that.

Back to Tokyo Babylon timeline. Seishirou is an illusionist in allegorical sense too. Bet itself first and foremost, along with his pretending. He’s a mystery, both to Subaru and readers as vast majority of things regarding Seishirou are left in the dark. On same note, Seishirou thinks he understands himself but does so to extremely low degree as he’s willing to accept only parts of himself which fit in with his image of self (cruel, unfeeling and distant); anything else Seishirou dismisses as pretense, when line between his vet persona and real self does blur. So in that manner, he’s a mystery to himself too.

Later on in vol4, Subaru meets with his grandmother and she tells him about fortune reading she had on him.

Now, the most obvious explanation would be that she’s begging Subaru not to fall in love with Sakurazukamori but:

Subaru’s grandmother doesn’t know about Seishirou. Nonetheless, metaphorical meaning could be not to fall in love with over-top love, kindness and tenderness hes given as they’re nothing but an illusion. Similarly, Seishirou represents this beautiful, larger than life Tokyo that is actually empty at its core. Subaru loved both but both were unable to love him in return; he couldn’t change their unfeeling, disconnected and unwavering nature but he became ‘empty’ like them instead.

Even if Subaru knew about Seishirou (or even doubted his nature on conscious level), there’s nothing he could have done to stop the Bet countdown (except killing Seishirou, something I doubt Subaru in TB is emotionally and mentally capable of). Because, even if Subaru actively had suspicion about Seishirou and told him to leave on very first day of Bet (and whole grooming part didn’t happen), Seishirou would return exactly year later and kill Subaru. So there’s no ‘escape from death’ (ego death in canon timeline), so to speak. Much like fleeting life of sakura petal, Subaru is caught in a limited timeline of one year, where he has to ‘die’ in the end; either via literal death or ego death as he has no chance of walking out of Bet with same mindset as he had prior, not without becoming aware of ‘tainted’ nature of humanity on his own skin.

So more logical explanation would be to not be deceived by sakura, which only ties back to its symbolism as illusion and seductive beauty that’s actually empty as it offers nothing in return but temporary ‘love’. She knows about Sakurazukamori inverted pentagrams on Subaru’s hands, she knows he is marked for death and it’s only a matter of time before he comes and takes what’s ‘his’. But she’s keeping Subaru in the dark and giving him illusion of safety when he’s by no means safe. In grand picture, would it have been better if Subaru was aware of the marks or not, that’s open to question since there’s no clear-cut answer.

Next time sakura blossom became significant are during Bet end scene. 

Seishirou wavered an illusion in form of utter blackness with sole sakura tree in the middle – breathtaking sight, but indisputably speaks of emptiness. He could have created any possible scenario with cherry blossom, from country side to your casual shojo manga scenes to grotesque forests full of dead trees where what little of blossom was left looks like blood (if we’re going for horror elements); but no, utter blackness instead as symbol of both subconscious vacancy in his life and very conscious soon-to-be emptiness in Subaru’s. Also it’s interesting that Seishirou is shattering Subaru’s illusion of previous year inside an illusion; perhaps to serve a point that Bet year was like a cherry blossom: alluringly beautiful love that couldn’t last as its permanence and existence were nothing but an illusion. On top of that, right before opening door to Seishirou’s hospital room, Subaru realized he’s in love. In that way sakura tree stands as taunting reminder of shadow side of love and pain he’s undergoing at the moment due to love; corruption of thematic of romance where it’s shown as ‘tainted’ and tragic.

Let’s look briefly how Subaru’s and Seishirou’s first meeting went, more precisely how Subaru found his way to Seishirou’s illusionary sakura tree.

Glass shattering in first page indicates illusion of sense of safety/ innocence shattering - Subaru remembers their first meeting and corpse he saw. It’s interesting that Clamp hasn’t offered any explanation for Subaru wandering around like that, which is out of character for him as he’s disciplined and obedient. It’s more of a ‘it was fate’ thing. Subaru sensed “tree harbored the grudges and hatred of many”, but thought it was beautiful nonetheless. Then he tried to remedy those grudges but to no avail, there was nothing Subaru could have done. It’s an allegory to future Bet year – Subaru, with his pure, selfless and kind nature implicitly tried to remedy years and years of distant, inhuman and uncaring lifestyle of Sakurazukamori by making him feel something, but task was deemed fruitless from the very start as Subaru just can’t ‘change’ corruption and unfeelingness of both Seishirou and Tokyo as a whole.

Here, sakura symbolizes just what Seishirou said: becoming tainted.

But in which way? Again, dualistic symbolism: awareness of one’s emptiness and loneliness on one end, and awareness of (unacceptable) love on other. Subaru became aware of both in one-go. Tainted and ego-dystonic love is self-explainatory, loneliness is cause by Hokuto’s death and Seishirou’s abandonment, on top of proclaiming Subaru as worthless and ‘no different that object’. But what about Seishirou then? It might be that just that called Subaru to him and that sakura tree in the first place: his own unrealized loneliness. Now, keep in mind scenes like Subaru asking what’s the point of love/like and Seishirou replying with “It’s because we’re lonely. If we have feeling of liking then we can dream. There’s no person strong that he can live without dreams” (again, ties liking/loving to both wishing and weakness); or ending quote “maybe all people that do bad things are just lonely” which is interesting choice to end manga with since it’s not universally true nor justifies any of Seishirou’s actions. Still, in X after his death, Kamui says that Seishirou felt no attachment to life while living and that he might have found happiness in death – just like sakura symbolizes loneliness in story mentioned before, it might symbolize loneliness as result of emptiness in life. Loneliness is one of main thematic in Tokyo Babylon, not just in Subaru’s case but in all tragedies he was met before having his own; Subaru’s tragedy is inseparable from narrative as a whole since it drives point that Subaru’s tragedy is “just another tragedy in Tokyo”.

Seishirou has his talk about betrayal, how he’s Sakurazukamori and unfeeling, how Subaru, despite Seishirou’s ‘best efforts’ to love him, lost the bet; then he beats Subaru up, breaks his arm and kicks him to sakura tree where we get this scene:

Seishirou is puzzled why Subaru won’t fight back as he doesn’t realize Subaru loves him. That became a pattern later on as Seishirou never realized in which way he mattered to Subaru. Here meaning behind cherry blossom topple one on another:

 Tainted and broken love; self-explainatory. After this scene and period of denial Subaru goes through after Hokuto’s death (which duration is unknown; it’s unclear whether he wanted to get killed by Seishirou for a year or two, or 8-9 years) and realizes he still wants Seishirou, said love turns into obsession and something that haunts Subaru within his mind.

Similarly: being tainted mentally and emotionally by realization whole year of your life was a lie; these types of psychological betrayal are extremely damaging as victim cannot tell what was real and what wasn’t; also blames themselves for not seeing the warning signs. Also Subaru’s perception of world and people as a whole is being tainted. To put it briefly - everything he thought he knew, every stance about life and love in general he had would be brought it question as he’d be forced to go through ego death and change vast majority of those. And in that manner also:

Death; both literal as Seishirou is about to kill Subaru (or so Subaru thinks at least), and metaphorical end to life Subaru knew. Also Sakurazukamori himself represents death as explained before.

Emptiness and worthlessness Subaru feels by Seishirou’s betrayal and his talk how Subaru is like an object to him. Subaru already has issues with self-worth but after this scene in crumbled into negative levels. He internalized Seishioru’s words how people have no worth to him and truly sees himself as nothing better than the object.

For the first time: being chained by something outside own control. Subaru is literally trapped by cherry blossom and its branches and for the first time aware of how chained down he was from the very first time he met Seishirou seven years ago. Later on in TB and mainly X, Subaru would feel imprisoned by cherry blossom as he’s unable to let Seishirou go, whether it’s for revenge plan or to get killed by him.

There’s also a reason why Subaru doesn’t even try to fight back and whole analysis could be written about deep rooted corruption, loneliness and tragedy of no one caring for tragedy of people in big cities as it’s a part of ‘daily life’ (“Why are you so sad? Tragedies like this happen every day in Tokyo”), but main point here is cherry blossom and its meanings so I’ll skip those. Subaru’s grandmother sends her shikigami and shatters Seishirou’s illusion at high cost (her mobility); that illusion shattering moment might also be a metaphor for Subaru’s illusion of reality shattering (happened the moment he stepped into hospital room however). Still, there are theories that Seishirou subconsciously wanted Subaru to get rescued since he postponed killing Subaru for so long (when all other victims were killed swiftly). So in that way, it might be that illusion he was presenting to himself was shattered too. Still, it would imply Seishirou becoming aware he might not see Subaru in same ‘object way’ as others and I doubt it happened during TB timeline so I’m not certain that’s another meaning behind illusion shattering. Howbeit, Bet year as illusion was over, and that’s probably main meaning behind that glass/illusion shattering moment.

Subaru goes into catatonia for a month and wakes up when he sees Hokuto was killed. One of things Subaru saw in that moment was this:

Both of them are disappear in form of sakura petals, just like in the ending of story mentioned above. Both of them literally disappear from Subaru’s life in one-go and moment he woke up from catatonia marks the beginning of emptiness and loneliness he’ll feel for rest of his life. Also marks the beginning of time he’ll feel haunted by cherry blossom: reflection on past, feeling of being restrained and unable to prevent tragedies from happening (in one dream Subaru was restrained by cherry branches and couldn’t prevent Hokuto from seeking Seishirou), love he feels and self-reproach that gets evoked as result of love deemed ‘sick’, obsession, having no meaning to life and so on.

Since it takes place in TB timeline (even if revealed in X vol16), let’s take a look on Hokuto’s death scene as there’s a sakura tree.

What’s interesting is that it parallels both Bet end scene and Subaru’s and Seishirou’s first meeting scene; imagery of illusion Seishirou wavered is the same: sole sakura true in infinite empty dark space. In a way, Subaru is only connection Seishirou had, thus only connection to little bits of humanity he possessed. By killing Subaru for real, he’d kill what little connection he had during his whole life; then he’d know true emptiness and loneliness as extreme situation would probably trigger some degree of self-awareness (like when Subaru lost an eye in X). So, in a way, Seishrou is killing ‘image of Subaru’ (as he and Hokuto are identical twins) while Subaru actually remains alive. Perhaps that is one of reasons why illusions look the same, as well as inviting vacancy into Subaru’s life by killing only person who genuinely understood him and loved him more than anything else.

Now, it’s hard to tell what exactly made Hokuto believe this was the only way to snap Subaru out of catatonia and sort of keep him physically safe. But one thing is for certain - she did it out of love. Perhaps it was also because she saw how easily Subaru disregarded his own life and concluded he’d gladly let Seishirou kill him (”You truly think it doesn’t matter if you die. That’s why i wanted you to become devoted to something” - Hokuto in vol7). Also, she’s keeping her promise to ‘kill Seishirou’ if he ever hurt Subaru and bolting Subaru awake from his escapism in one go. Hokuto is aware her wish to keep Subaru safe is hypocritical given how she just gave up her life for him. After she dies, her body dissolves in sakura petals as spell she cast onto Seishirou takes hold. It’s possible this isn’t solely allegorical, perhaps her physical form really doesn’t exist anywhere (as Kakyou indicated in X). However allegorical meaning could indicate just that - vacancy her death left in Subaru’s (and Kakyou’s) life. On top of that, sakura indicates illusions in TB/X, just like her wish for Seishirou and Subaru to live happily together was nothing but a (hopeful) illusion she gambled her life on.

Yet, even if Seishirou killed Hokuto during this scene, in a way it felt like she had upper hand over him; he certainly looked unnerved or even wary of her. Even if Seishirou was aware Hokuto had hidden agenda, he killed her anyway (curiosity killed the cat perhaps? Maybe he likes to play with fire just or wanted to kill her for reasons mentioned above, ones subconsciously related to Subaru); rather swiftly actually, unlike how he extended things when planning to kill Subaru. Perhaps sakura tree is present because it marks an ending/death of life period to all three – Hokuto died, Subaru as a person that he was ‘died’ as well in same breath and Seishirou turned blind eye to Subaru’s presence all until year of 1999. Also this is first scene he’s seen with a blind eye, rather than bandages – marks a beginning of era where Seishirou is subconsciously forcing himself to ‘turn blind eye to reason behind his blind eye’, so to say.

Right after stabbing, Hokuto begins explaining what sort of spell she will cast in moment her heart stops, how she wants both Subaru and Seishirou to live, how Subaru saw him as special, how she needs Seishirou to trust her that spell actually wouldn’t work (to prevent him from even thinking about trying to activate the spell as its efficiency would be like Schrodinger’s cat pretty much) – and look at Seishirou’s face during all of that. He’s serious and thrown of loop; he doesn’t understand the situation and why Hokuto is doing all of that even one bit (that’s what I meant by upper hand). And then she says this:

In a way, this is mirroring to Setsuka’s death scene when she told him he’s capable of love/will love someone. Seishirou is at one end of spectrum of sakura’s meaning, one where death and meaningless to human life are. Love is unacceptable to person that he is; love and emotions are deeply down in his mind internalized as weaknesses and ego-dystonic. It’s a paradox: subconscious internalized loneliness as result of lack of connection but mental barriers aren’t allowing him to consciously seek said connections. Still, one way or another, somewhere deep down Seishriou was unnerved/surprised by Hokuto’s words otherwise he wouldn’t make brief himself-unlike expression like that. Perhaps it was at exactly that moment that he decided to stop keeping eye on Subaru from afar and abandon him for real. All until fate had them meet again in 1999.

X:

Now, in X cherry blossom symbolism isn’t exclusive to Subaru, Seishirou or their tainted relationship. During first volume, cherry blossom is seen on campus grounds during some scenes between Kamui and Kotori (as well one between Kamui and Fuuma). This is mostly to give illusion of ‘normality’ to manga as cherry blossom is common symbolism in shojo manga; and even if X is shojo manga, it’is anything but regular high school romance drama. Since it’s first volume and sakuras can indicate beginning of a circle, symbolism is fitting. Also, Kotori herself has nature symbolism attached to her, mostly little birds, but also trees. Allegory to her innocent, unsophisticated, free but also fragile nature. Sometimes when a character is confused regarding something or believes in a lie/illusion, cherry blossom could be seen as backgrounds in panels. Nataku himself sometimes has flowers/sakura symbolism attached to him for these reasons.

Here, from vol1. Gives illusion of regular shojo manga where cherry blossom indicates start of something ‘pure’, ‘innocent’ and ‘beautiful’, often either romance or close non-romantic connections.

Later in vol4/vol5, Kotori and Kamui meet underneath the tree accidentally; since it’s April in manga timeline, it’s very likely that tree is in full bloom. Both Kamui’s and Kotori’s flashback involves tree somehow – potential growth of a relationship and both of them as individuals. Nonetheless, prior to that moment in manga, Kamui was worried if he should break his connection to Kotori (and Fuuma) in misguided attempt to protect them. After all, he saw a future in which Kotori will die (bond being broken again, this time literally via death). Their little romantic/emotional moment was interrupted by no other than being attacked by Sakurazukamori himself. In a way, light side of cherry blossom (love and new beginnings) was met with its shadow (illusions and death). I wouldn’t say Kamui’s illusion of safety was shattered because he never had such illusion in the first place; more like that encounter served as an upstep for Kamui to realize he wants to protect Monou siblings. Seishirou wavers an illusion, fights until Fuuma interrupts them, then once he senses he might no longer have upper ground, disappears in form of sakura petals; this type of fighting became a pattern to him. This is the last time sakura blossom is shown in connotation of Kotori and Kamui.

Still, what’s interesting is that sakura isn’t show as a symbol of connection between Kamui and ‘Fuuma’ (as parallels are drawn between them and relationship between Subaru and Seishirou; is seen one or twice between Kamui and Fuuma previous to transformation but that’s for identical reasons as with Kotori), but Kotori and Kamui, who have very little in common with Subaru and Seishirou, if anything at all. However in this connotation, cherry blossom serves as metaphor for love and connection that cannot last in reality because it’s on borrowed time. It’s beautiful and intoxicating sight, but swift in duration as its permanence is nothing but an illusion one want to maintain. In case of Kotori and Kamui, it’s because of ‘fate’ (X plot, more or less), that connection between them was cut short too swiftly. Her death was foreshadowed from very beginning and it’s debatable if it could have been avoided; especially since Hinoto said she would have died regardless of side Kamui chose.

Love between the couldn’t last and new beginning was interrupted by uncaring and impartial nature of death that can suddenly come for anyone, leaving nothing but emptiness behind; so those few moments they spent since Kamui’s return to Tokyo were nothing but an illusion built on borrowed time. In case of Seishirou and Subaru, if we were to follow meaning of cherry blossom as “love and connection that cannot last”, then it’d be an indicator to Bet year. Beautiful memories tainted in Subaru’s eyes as they were nothing but a lie. Seishirou pretended for a whole year to be someone who he’s not and that act has it expiration date.

In Seishirou’s case, cherry blossom in X represent his role as Sakurazukamori; as grim ripper pretty much. Especially since sakura based spells are part of his magic and abilities. Sakura was always part of his symbolism for dozens of reasons mentioned above. However, part of that symbolism is passed onto Subaru as well. They’re usually shown when Subaru is reminded about Seishirou or talks about him. Meanings pile on one another:

Longing/obsessive love which causes mental torment as it’s deemed forbidden. In both images Subaru has rather conflicting expression (lovesickness) when thinking about Seishirou. Cog in second represent fate and domino effect where chain reaction can’t be avoided - fate made them meet again. Meaning behind cherry blossom as romantic love is being corrupted and ends up showing its darker side where not only love is source of self-resentment, guilt and partly suicide wish, but also continues its existence past its due date (cherry blossom is temporary, but one can ended up obsessing over its beauty even after it stopped existing); Subaru has no clear-cut reason for why he still loves Seishirou after everything. However, he isn’t longing for an illusion of vet persona, but for metaphor of death himself; after all, when Subaru saw Seishirou’s image in Kamui, it wasn’t his vet persona but how he looks in X. And yes, it is possible for someone to see someone who ‘isn’t real’ in Kamui, Nataku did so (saw Kazuiki’s father, but with symbolic of cherry blossom on same page, indicating it’s nothing but an illusion). As it’s obsession and obviously toxic love, reasons are probably pathological, starting with Subaru’s loneliness and excruciatingly low self-worth.

Loneliness and emptiness. Image of Hokuto vanishing explains it all (as well as Seishirou using illusionary spell to disappear in form of sakura petals; he first disappeared from Subaru’s life by abandoning and betraying him, then later when he committed suicide-murder). Also scene in hospital when Yuzuriha gives Subaru a bunny and says “so you won’t feel lonely” brings Seishirou to his mind. I doubt Subaru is projecting loneliness onto Seishirou since he sees him as untouchable and indifferent, certainly not to be bothered by something human as emotions, let alone loneliness. Instead Subaru thinks about his longing for connection with Seishirou (even if via his own death) and loneliness he feels as result of his absence. Still, it’s a cognitive dissonance: Subaru both longs for Seishirou but doesn’t actually want to ‘fix’ their relationship or be with him (not like it’s ‘fixable’ in the first place, but still); he isn’t like Kamui harboring an illusion about Fuuma, Subaru has no delusions about Seishirou’s cruel and emotionless nature. So Subaru is put in the spot where he wants something not only he could never have, but also wouldn’t permit himself to want in the first place. For very valid reasons. This scene sums up perfectly how he views himself because of his ‘love’:

In a way, no wonder he thinks death is only solution: he can both, in twisted sense, feel closeness to Seishirou and bring meaning to his existence (by Seishirou validating it as he’d see Subaru as worth of killing at least) and bring end to his mental torment and loneliness he felt for previous decade. Even if Subaru needs some help, perhaps in form of therapy so his self-destructive tendencies, prolonged maladaptive guilt and low self-worth could be addressed properly, Subaru is by no means ‘sick’ and other degrading things he calls himself with. Just like other X characters, he’s stuck in binary loop: he concluded he’s never get ‘better’, gave up on even trying as he thinks he doesn’t deserve it and thinks death is his only way to not be haunted by cherry blossom (’sickness of his heart’) anymore.

‘Being tainted’, especially becoming self-centered and selfish because of pursuing death wish (which would hurt other). Prior to this he told Yuzuriha he’s not worth of her affections/care. Keep in mind that Subaru had maladaptive behavior patterns in Tokyo Babylon, where his selflessness and self-sacrificial behavior, even if praise-worthy on first glance, were actually pathologic. With that mindset, Subaru is bound to think that anything less than being a martyr is ‘wrong’ of him. He views himself as selfish and while yes, being self-centered would be an improvement to him, Subaru’s selfishness mostly evolves around his longing for something that’s not good for him (smoking, self-destructive behavior, Seishirou himself, suicidal wish etc.). That’s perhaps why he views himself as ‘bad person’, when that’s obviously far from objective truth. He became ‘tainted’, in his eyes, he was changed by sakura and all that it represented.

Death (“only one who can make you happy” = only one who can make your wish come true + one you long for). Subaru is literally marked for death by Sakurazukamori, representative of Death itself. But Subaru believes he’s not worth even that, that Seishirou ‘turned blind eye on him’. This is also both a reminder of his own death wish, and all who had died at hand of Sakurazukamori, including Hokuto.

In similar manner, his own perceived worthlessness. Subaru literally put a parallel between his own life and sakura petal (as well as branch on the ground and many more degrading things). Sakura petals themselves, they are metaphorically empty if we go by meaningless of human life as it’s an endless circle of beginnings and endings where in grand picture nothing truly changes in a way that is significant. But practically too: they’re not fruit, to humans overall they serve no purposes beside aesthetic one. Still, one way or another, Subaru got his wish of ‘bringing meaning to his life by having Seishirou validate it’ granted: it’s a question without clear-cut answer if Seishirou loved Subaru or what his last words were, but all implicit clues in manga indicate that Seishirou didn’t see Subaru ‘like the rest’, at least not in the moment of his death.

Being allegorically trapped and unable to break free. This is an interesting one, because Subaru isn’t free physically, mentally nor emotionally. Subaru is only given an illusion of safety since he is marked; he never knows if he’d actually live another day or if it’s a day Seishirou decides to give him long-promised demise. So in case Subaru didn’t possess a death wish, that’d be a serious threat to his safety where only way out would be if he killed Seishirou instead. Emotionally because of love he still feels for murderer of his own sister, and resulting self-resentment. Even if Seishirou is excluded directly, there are many many Subaru’s self-destructive emotional responses and overall behavior that became maladaptive given their prolonged length, frequency and intensity. As a result of them, along with memories of tragedies and Bet year, Subaru is trapped within a mind cage, by his own mentality and emotions. This is not something he can break of easily or if at all, not without some serious help. So in that way, Subaru perhaps believes he was trapped by love/death/loneliness/in a circle where nothing begins nor nothing ends/ illusion of being ‘free’/Seishirou (all could allegorically mean cherry blossom), ever since that day – probably Bet end day, but could also mean day he and Seishirou met, since it is where Subaru’s tragedy is rooted in the first place.

In the end, Seishirou dies, and cycle comes to an end; just like sakura, Sakurazukamori can’t be ever lasting either. In moment of his death, an era of Subaru’s life came to an end too. Where it’s clear why Seishirou is chosen for Death arcana, let’s look at Subaru as Hanged Man major arcana for a minute:

At it’s core, Hanged Man is about being suspended in time, waiting for a change (Death being next card) to come. It’s about surrendering to period of introspection and pause as there is no swift break out of mindset one had (upside down represents change of perspective) – it’s about slow and often painful inner metamorphosis as opposed to Death card, which also means change, but swift and unexpected ones. Number 12 is often associated with time (12 months, 60 (5*12) minutes and seconds, 24 hour clock) – meaning being stuck in a loop where nothing new begins and nothing old ends. It also has traditional meaning of sacrifice, lack of direction and stagnation. All in all, fitting metaphor for how Subaru’s life was during nine year time skip.

Still, meaning doesn’t have to be so grim, that period of stagnation doesn’t have to be meaningless: in traditional tarot decks, most of the time Hanged Man is directly facing front and his hands are hidden from a view. Meaning he could manipulate and use time he’s forced into stagnation to his own benefit – new healthy perspective on something, gain in some way, enlightenment (halo around head) etc. Time of pause doesn’t need to be wasted. However in Subaru’s case, his hands are visibly tied behind his back – he has no control over situation, all that’s left for him is to wait for change to come for him as he can’t bring it himself (mental cage). Halo around head in his case also resembles enlightenment, but in from of self-awareness. During Tokyo Babylon Subaru is in denial about his own feelings and wishes, he’s literally living like personification of an angel sent from above. After Bet end, Subaru became aware of multiply things: death around him, personal tragedy, selfishness he possesses actually, loneliness and emptiness within his life, wished for revenge and later his own death. And of course, obsessive nature of his own ‘(love)sick’ heart – that’s all why he’s restrained by sakura branches and surrounded by sakura flowers.

Flowers and trees by themselves symbolize growth and healing, however meaning here is totally opposite one as Subaru cannot heal as long as he doesn’t give up his self-destructiveness and breaks free of both mental cage and sakura (obsession). In most tarot decks, Hanged Man’s legs are bent in 4 shape, but it’s a bit unclear if Subaru’s are too due to his shikifuku (those ceremonial robes indicated purity and innocence – he was ‘tainted’ by sakura around him). That position can indicate a cross (sacrifice), simply uncomfortable position he’s enduring or waiting for a change (in Japanese 四 (shi, “four”) has same reading as 死 (shi, “death”), so four is unlucky number in Asian culture; one of meanings is that Hanged Man represented Norse God Odin, who hung from the World Ash tree for nine days and nights and at the end his ordeal was granted the gift of prophecy). Black background on tarot cards often indicate something oppressive, all-consuming and constant as there’s no variance to blackness. It also can resemble being left in the dark regarding something, mysteries and the unknown - after all, even if Subaru gained an enlightenment about himself and own wishes and is able to understand most of people at their core, he never understood Seishirou nor what he meant to him (same could be said for Seishirou not understanding Subaru’s love/longing for him and nature of his wishes).

But Hanged Man can also indicate it is time to let go and break free when timing is right. Something Subaru is unable to do.

In vol17, Kamui visits Subaru in Sakurazukamori’s residence.

It is a birth of new Sakurazukamori, a beginning of new circle. Subaru isn’t forced to continue it, he is offered a way out, to simply not accept Seishirou’s eye and try to move on as his wish of getting killed is obviously never going to be realized. That’s also why Kamui pointed out Subaru would inherit role as Sakurazukamori if he accepted the eye – so Subaru would be fully responsible for his decision and their consequences. Instead Subaru just like he couldn’t break free of sakura’s hold while Seishirou was alive, can’t so after his death. Parallels to intensity of Subaru’s reactions here are a telltale:

Seishirou still matters to him, even if man is literally fish food below that bridge. Subaru can’t let go and instead wants to erase his own identity by crossing a final step – becoming a Sakurazukamori, something that was prominent part of Seishirou’s identity while he was alive. But just like Subaru is metaphorically chained by cherry blossom and it’s toxic love, in a way Seishirou was too since Subaru lost an eye. He had a wish that was connected to another person, who Seishirou could no longer deny doesn’t mean anything to him, that couldn’t come true. Both eye injury and potentially wanting Subaru as there is no ‘happy ending’ for two of them. Mental cages both of them have prevents them from that ‘happy ending’ in every alternative universe Clamp made so far. Also by intaking Seishirou’s eye, Subaru finally has something that connects him to Seishirou (as inverted pentagrams were gone after his death), something to keep him allegorically alive and going. If he dies, eye dies too. Very object-related way of attraction, especially in that one scene where Subaru hugs eye container closer to himself. Also, Kamui implicitly confirmed that Subaru did matter to Seishirou, even if in twisted and also object-related way; and that whatever Seishirou’s last words were, Subaru got a confirmation that they were the truth. Subaru got some sense of closure at last, but at incredibly high cost as he became the Sakurazukamori now, who is detached from World and humanity as a whole as no one is special in his personal world anymore.

Even if this isn’t X ending, it is metaphorical ending of Subaru’s story. He did appear in vol18 and vol18.5 later on, but he serves as a mirror to other characters (mainly Kamui, but Kamui as well) and someone to serve as a reminder where ‘losing sight of yourself’ leads to.

Now let’s look at moment that brought all this tragedy once again:

Panel of blood on white petals is direct illustration of “Cherry blossom started out white. White like snow. Do you know how cherry blossom petals turned pink? They drank the blood of corpse underneath the tree” quote. That is what happened to Subaru. He was pure as snow, but was tainted by ‘blood’, ever since he met Seishirou and cruel, unfeeling nature of Tokyo around him. Sakura petal and that quote are a metaphor for him and love that tainted him. In the end, much like protagonist in In a Forest, Under Cherries in Full Bloom, he became “loneliness itself”. But unlike him, Subaru disappeared only in name (his identity and wishes, which in Clamp works give sense of identity to characters) since he took on a role as Sakurazukamori.