First mistake was giving me a free will

Naruto stretched for too long, ofc there was minimal planning in advance, and that’s glaringly obvious in Obito’s character. Most of his actions and inactions make zero sense. World’s dumbest main villain, no seconds. He was on Zetsu buds 24/7. Only that can explain why he let Sasuke vs Deidara fight happen.

Yeah, I get he might have wanted to pit Deidara against his potential future pawn as a way to test Sasuke’s strength, especially as he’s planned Itachi’s death. But I have to ask how exactly did Obito, familiar with Deidara’s attitude, envision that fight would end? One of the angry twinks kicks the bucket. Either Deidara dies or he kills Sasuke and ruins all of Obito’s plans. And what did Obito do to prevent either of those scenarios? Literally nothing.

Deidara’s skills and ‘I cause destruction for shits’ attitude are made for Obito’s goals. Why risk losing such a powerful peace for Sasuke that unarguably did nothing for Obito’s goals? Obito gambled too much on a kid that gave him nothing. Did he reckon Sasuke is far easier to manipulate and that he’d eat up all Obito’s lies once hatred engulfs? Did he project his angsty adult teen self on Sasuke? I’m inclined to say that yes, the dumbhead had.

That all led me to wonder why Obito hasn’t let Deidara in any of his secrets, which is what prompted me to word vomit in the first place. Didn’t trust him? Knew he couldn’t control him? Flattering as that is on Deidara’s part, I highly doubt it. Maybe words would fail, but genjutsu sure wouldn’t. Moreover, Obito is a master manipulator. Deidara’s inferiority complex is his Achilles heel. Obito could have come up with a thousand and one ways of exploiting it.

Point being, Obito had options with Deidara. Which led me to suspect he didn't want to reveal the truth, which I also discarded the more I thought about it.

It’s not that he did not want to reveal anything, maybe really did, but could not. I know it sounds absurd at first glance, but allow me to elaborate.

Obito – as Tobi – is torn between two worlds with Deidara. He cannot return to the childhood innocence he once had, that world of playing ninja with Rin and Kakashi would make him feel alien now that his mindset is twisted (which is how the series should have ended imo, he achieves his perfect escapistic world and realize it doesn’t fill the void inside his soul as he knows deep down it’s all a lie. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Pain and loss are inseparable parts of life).

Nonetheless, there is a part of Obito that itches for escapism, a character trait of his (the seed bloomed when he was isolated for months in Madara’s cave, fed Madara’s pessimistic rhetoric, and could do nothing but dream. Rin’s death was a catalysis). In that sense, Tobi is a macabre mix of his childhood playfulness and the need to let go of the reins on one end, and absolute hatred for the world and ‘Madara’s’ influence on the other. There’s a misconception caused by the fillers that Tobi is this goofy fool that can do no wrong. In the manga, his jabs are way too sly. They’re well-timed. They strike. Those are mocks. He’s a bitter person that spews hatred wherever he goes. As corny as Konan’s line that he’s a darkness of this world was, she was spot-on.

On that note, there’s an even bigger misconception that Obito has done all that shit because of Rin (she’s dead, thus can’t have her Infinite Tsukuyomi; moreover, she died to prevent a biju from destroying Konoha, which Obito showed how much he respected by setting off a biju inside Konoha cuz his petty wanted Minato dead that bad), or because he genuinely believed the world is doomed and is bringing true peace to the idiots that can’t see his vision (maybe he was deluded enough to believe this in some form, but that was far from the truth).

In reality, Obito was doing it for no one but himself. He wanted to escape the world of ‘bad stuff’ and enter a dream filled with only ‘good stuff’, as White Zetsu simplified. He wasn’t some wanna-be messiah like Nagato tried to be, weathered by the horrors of the world five great nations have brought upon him and his loved ones. If you want to, you can interpret it as Obito wanting to play a hero in a wicked sense, a remnant of his dream to become a Hokage (retconned btw, for the sake of Naruto parallels, as nothing of that sort was mentioned in Kakashi’s Chronicles), but I digress.

Obito is one of the most, if not the most, emotionally fragile characters in the series. Kamui is a metaphor for dissociation. He wanted to avoid pain at all cost, unable to stomach it without a proper support (which I suppose Rin has been, wittingly or not). There are many factors that contributed to Obito’s maladjusted coping mechanism, what sort of loser he was prior to his death, said death itself, Madara’s grooming, being a black sheep within not only the elite Uchiha clan but also shinobi world itself, being shoved into the war before he could conceptualize the horrors and what sacrifice he was demanded to make, severely under-skilled for the task, being disillusioned by the system, and so on. Rin was indeed his sole lifeline, and one could argue she was the beginning of his penchant for drifting away into a world with no hurt.

Obito upheld a rather dangerous and heinous philosophy of annulment of responsibility. “Consequences of my actions don’t matter because pain won’t exist in the dream world” – such mindset allowed him to cause unnecessary destruction all around. 99% of shit he did contributed nothing to the Tsuki no Me. He caused mayhem out of his pure hatred for the world that unjustly hurt him, nothing more, nothing less. Not that far different from Deidara’s love for destruction, although reasons do differ (existential crisis and hardcore romanticism of death as an inability to come to terms with life’s inherent meaningless and fragility). Again, this is all Kishi’s mess cuz he was using the masked man as a plot device, the ultimate evildoer, but once the presence has gained a name he’s suddenly a poor little meow meow.

Off the tangent I have gone. Anyways. Obito was juggling between a world of stolen innocence (pre Madara Obito) and the angsty post Madara mess with Tobi. Goofing around with Deidara allowed such ‘dream’.

Deidara is also a juxtaposition – both tainted and unmarred by the shinobi world. Trademark Iwa pridefulness, suicidal all-or-nothing willful attitude, toxic competitiveness, inferiority complex, you name it. For a labubu height explosive parrot, he’s jampacked with exquisite flaws. On the flip side, he retains lust for life most jaded experienced missing nins lack. He’s unwavering, free to express himself (a massive taboo in the shinobi world), knows what he wants, is honest to himself, puts his passion above the bullshit logic of being an unfeeling shinobi before all, wears selfishness like a medal. If to be a shinobi means to be self-sacrificial (as Kishi was peddling with Itachi), Deidara is a failure. Very much like Obito was back in Konoha when he challenged Kakashi’s nationalistic stances, so perhaps there was a subconscious pull on Obito’s part.

As Tobi, he was a part of the Akatsuki but also not, as he didn’t do shit. Deidara, in line with his live in the moment philosophy, never asked questions. Sure, he must have been curious, but was never shown to pry or demand answers like Naruto had later on. Deidara had no use of Tobi’s past or his secrets, he was content with ‘Tobi’ he had in front of him. It was a comfortable position for Obito because it allows fence-sitting. He doesn’t have to give anything up – neither the carefree little world he’s crafted with Deidara, nor his evil master plan. In a sense, those six months he spent were a free trial Infinite Tsukuyomi.

All that falls apart the moment Deidara realizes the truth.

This isn't just about Deidara’s hatred for Sharingan and the Uchihas – that’s a tip of the iceberg. Obito has manipulated him, robbed of his freedom, tricked into fighting for a cause he’d despise if he knew of. The longer the lie goes on, the more livid would Deidara be once he figures out he’s been deceived. And that’s not even mentioning the Infinite Tsukuyomi Deidara would rather blow himself than support. He’d 101% turn on Obito. His escapism would be tainted, a presage of what will happen to the actual Infinite Tsukuyomi that Obito’s emotional immaturity cannot allow.

Alas, vacation has to end at some point. Akatsuki’s goals can’t stall forever. Zetsu will press. Nagato would ask questions, Konan’s suspicion rises, more paper is ordered from Temu. There’s a seal on his heart. A myriad of reasons. His time will Deidara as he knew it will be cut short. He has three options: reveal the truth with manipulation and continue using Deidara, or reveal it without pulling the string and let Deidara turn on him (results in either of their deaths).

Both would ruin the little fantasy he’s carved out for himself. It sounds ridiculous considering Obito is a, well, a man in his 30s and the main villain. The point I’m trying to drive home here is that Obito grapples with the smallest amounts of emotional disturbance. His (emotional) discomfort tolerance is alarmingly low. He’s highly mentally unstable, has a fragmented sense of self, empathized by his many masks and names. Obito was seen being edgy and overly dramatic many times throughout the series, lost his shit post chapter 600 too many times for me to count. He’s rather fickle, as a result of unstable ego, constantly changing his mind and making irrational moves. It’s a fluke of luck he’s gotten as far as he had. It’s plot armor on Konoha’s part that Obito was the Akatsuki’s true leader.

Since the cave, Deidara was his only bond that eludes the complications of ‘the plan’ (Ame trio, Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, etc.). It’s the only one untainted by the duplicitous nature of the shinobi world – his little escapistic bubble. It was built through a lie but wasn’t a lie per se, regardless of whther Obito was willing to admit it to himself. The more a man lies to himself, the more the shadow (subconsciousness) influences his decisions. Obito is way less in control than he lets on. I’m not a fan of many post chapter 600 stuff, but the way he clung to the past and was unable to smoothly become the Juubi Jinchuriki (sever ties to the living world) when Madara could proves that denial was his most loyal companion.

Third option is, of course, having Deidara die.

I’m in two minds whether Obito would have done it himself in case Deidara lived long enough to become an obstacle. I guess it depends on how far he’s sipped on the ‘it doesn’t matter, senpai will be happy in my dream world’ delulu juice. Luckily for Obito, he can opt for inaction with a firecracker that eagerly awaits own demise, which is exactly what happened in canon. Cowardly, he preferred Deidara pulls his own ticket out.

That said, I believe Obito subconsciously knew Deidara’s clash with Sasuke could end in Deidara’s death, especially after he used C4, his ultimate trump card (to Obito’s awareness). He’s acquainted with Deidara’s pridefulness, impulsivity, disdain for Sharingan. He knew Deidara’s filter was ridiculously low that day. At heart, he had to have known what would happened if Deidara were cornered like an animal. Thus, shadow’s work froze his butt and levitated stupidity levels off charts that day. He’s gonna lose what he had with Deidara anyways, one way or another, might as well do it with the least amount of suffering on his part. Deidara’s too, he’s happier dying without knowing the truth.

he was absolutely not considering the possibility of his senpai dying in that confrontation, and we know that for a few reasons. for one, he doesn't know about C0 - and we can see that from how he shits himself when the thing comes for him, so in his eye(s) Deidara's death can only come from Sasuke (who in theory is hecking based avenga no violence unless it's Itachi but also here you go Deidara a quick Chidori to the chest👌) who is not interested in killing Deidara or Deidara placing himself in a dangerous enough situation. for two, Obito has no reason to assume Deidara's recklessness is severe enough to throw his life away for such a pointless battle - if you reread Deidara's appearances in the previous arcs and the one where Sasuke breaks the lore 7 times to "win" against Deidara, Deidara's borderline suicidal impulsivity is a heavy bastardization of his original character. yes, Deidara doesn't like preplanning and prefers going with the flow of the battle, but he knows his strengths and analyzes his opponents, and, more importantly, knows which battles to pick. Obito found him post Kazekage Rescue arc with no arms because Deidara made the choice to fake his suicide when it suddenly became him with no arms, a knife and a dream against 8 people of Konoha-Suna team. Obito knows Itachi is Deidara's real goal, and he saw Deidara make the correct choice in priorities in the past, so it's very reasonable (I know shock and horror) of him to assume Deidara would not be throwing everything at the wall when it comes to Sasuke. such assumption should have obviously been thrown out of the window the moment Obito saw C4 hitting the battleground, but he's a dumbass who'd rather jerk his cock off in the middle of the forest while the twinks he needs for his le evile plan are tearing each other's throats out somewhere he can't control the damage they're inflicting onto each other

and, finally, you've mentioned it yourself, but Obito is a lazy copium-sucking fence sitter. he's been doing dumb shit to prolong his time with senpai at the plan's expense long enough, and yet he's still hoping he can get more time being Deidara's kohai which is so delusional when Itachi's doomed to die regardless in a month's time (Deidara loses his one reason to stay with Akatsuki), Sasuke might be getting into Akatsuki (a new Uchiha coworker + potential Itachi's killer, so that's an immediate confrontation with Deidara and this one is guaranteed to the death) and they have only two more Tailed Beasts to catch (Deidara is inevitably learning of Eye of the Moon and absolutely furious that he was dragged into something like that). the best time to cut the charade was yesterday, the second best is now, and yet Obito is still holding onto his Tobi mask and comfy fantasies regardless if all signs are pointing at disaster coming his way if he doesn't do something about the situation. he doesn't want to disturb his delusional status quo, he doesn't want to consider the reprecussions of his actions and how Deidara will react to that in the long run, he doesn't even want to consider the worst outcomes for Sasuke vs Deidara (and it was actually a good match up for him because if you remember they could have also met Naruto, Kakashi and co searching for Sasuke, now that would have been a disasterous battle for everyone) because he's trying to remain with senpai for as long as possible while also attempting to further his goals. Obito is delusionally hopeful about his success chances of juggling his personal interests with the interests of the plan, and so he mistakenly takes the role of the spectator during Sasuke vs Deidara as he assumes neither will be willing enough to destroy each other because they've got bigger fish to fry

Also good point about Sasuke vs Deidara clash, I didn’t realize Obito didn't realize Deidara is in a potential grave danger. That made me change my belief that subconscious was at play and that he let Deidara die as a cowardly way out of the tense situation of own stirring. But oh god does it say a lot about his negative IQ 💔 anyone with a lick of sense who's thrown as much as a glance at Deidara would at least suspect he has a suicide move under his belt, but I guess I'm asking for too many brain cells from Obito. We know he thinks with the butt he scratches and dick his Uchiha angst prevents him from yanking.

I hate how the plot bends for the Uchihas and other characters suffer as result (like how Orochimaru was dumbed down so Sasuke could defeat him, or how Kabuto was fixated on him for a stupid reason which was the beginning of his end). My tobidei brain loves Deidei having a hate boner for Sharingan and all that juicy ust stuff with Obitobi, but he lost it unreasonably bad with Sasuke. He kept his cool the entire Kazekage arc, didn't even throw a fuss when his arms were torn off and he could no longer make art. And now suddenly his pettiness and insecurities are exponentially heightened, he wants a getback for Orochimaru, for Itachi, for basically everything. The mere sight of Sasuke had him seething when Kakashi, who had the same skillset as Sasuke, didn't awaken a fraction of that rage. Uchiha plot bullshit. Like lighting winning over earth nonsense.

But yeah... Obito had no idea about C0's existence. I wanted to say he must have never seen Deidara shirtless but that's unlikely given they're hip by hip and constantly on a road. In reality Uchiha wood got absurdly hard, there was no blood left in head to think about what the stiches on Deidara’s chest are for. His brain went yangabanga cave man ungabunga all he could think about is how sexy it is. Ladies and gentlemen, your main villain. Rendered stupid by his throbbing virgin boner. When Deidei pulled the signature death flag by ripping the Akatsuki robe off the sight of the sexy chainmail fishnets, senpai's snatchable waist and perfect bubble butt had him popping a bad one. Dick harder than the boulder that fell on him. Obito had to run off to the forest to cup himself thought the slacks cuz god forbid his dick breaths some fresh air. C0 almost cleared his best asset off.

And yes once Sasuke joins the Akatsuki (as Obito intended) there is no way Deidara wouldn't jump him, the only replacement for Itachi who is in Deidara’s eye stronger than Itachi. And yes that fight would 300% be to death. My guess is that Obito’s copium was that potent that he convinced himself he can keep different fractions of the organization apart - team Taka in the shadows and what's left of the og Akatsuki (Kisame, Konan, Deidara and well, Tobi clown self) in the front. Tho it's disputable how that would have gone with the supposed leader Pein dead. He probably would have had Konan take over the leader role in name. Who knows. Obito certainly doesn't.

For Itachi’s first birthday there was a small cake and an even smaller smiling baby, held in his mother’s arms. He was excited about the cake and his small chubby hands reached out for it. That small baby had no idea what was coming, he just wanted his cake.

For Itachi’s fourth birthday there was a war raging, Father was out, mother was scared. She’d smile at her son but the smile was strained. He received his first kunai set that year. It was wrapped in blood red wrapping paper.

For Itachi’s fifth birthday most of the focus was on his soon to come little brother, Itachi didn’t mind, he was as excited as his mother. She joked that his brother was his present this year. He spent the day in her lap listening to the tiny heartbeat. He thought that was the best present he would ever receive.

For Itachi’s sixth birthday Sasuke said his first clear word, the family was sitting around the table for Itachi’s birthday dinner when Sasuke suddenly said ‘Tachi!. Itachi changed his mind, this truly was the best present he would ever receive.

For Itachi’s seventh birthday he was on a mission. One of his first. His teammates gave him gifts of kunai and shuriken. They were of lesser quality than the ones he got from Nekobaa but he was grateful all the same.

For Itachi’s eighth birthday he gained the Sharingan. He wanted to forget that birthday, he lost his comerades. His father called his Sharingan a gift, Itachi thought of it as a curse.

For Itachi’s tenth birthday he trained for his Chunin exam with Shisui. Shisui gave him some bruises for his birthday. He also gave him a new katana for the exam. Itachi treasured it.

For Itachi’s eleventh birthday he received his ANBU mask. His little brother spent the evening trying on Itachi’s mask and gently tracing his new tattoo.

For Itachi’s thirteenth birthday he became an ANBU captain. His comrades all congratulated him no mention was made of his birthday. Even when he got home his parents both congratulated him on his promotion, that was the most important news. Only Sasuke remembered his birthday, he got him some fresh dango with his allowance. It was their last birthday together.

For Itachi’s fourteenth birthday he was alone. He was alone in his room in the Akatsuki hideout. He was alone with his memories of birthdays past. His memories of his family especially his baby brother. Sasuke hated him now and probably cursed this day. Itachi hated the day too, if not for his brother, he would wish he was never born.

For Itachi’s seventeenth birthday he saw his brother again for the first time in four years. He would regret that day for a long time. He had tortured his brother. ‘It’s to make him stronger’ he told himself. He could tell himself that all day, the trick was to make himself believe it. Sasuke had grown so much, he was taller, he looked like their mother.

For Itachi’s eighteenth birthday he found out he was going to die. He was diagnosed with microscopic polyangiitis. He had woken up several mornings coughing up blood. He was losing weight at an alarming rate. He felt tired all the time. For the first time in his life Itachi prayed. He prayed that he’d live long enough to die at his brother’s feet.

For his nineteenth birthday he was in remission. He could breathe easy. He had hope for the first time in a long time.

For his twentieth birthday the illness was back and worse than ever. He didn’t know how much longer he had but he knew he had to live. He had to live to die. His hands shook as he took a few extra pills and medicines and continued on with his day.

On Itachi’s twenty-first birthday he died. He finally fulfilled his wish. He died at his brother’s feet. He barely made it through the fight but he survived long enough to die. He died with a smile on his face, Sasuke would be the hero he could never be. Sasuke would be at peace and could move on with his life.

And thus: Deidara riding the fully clothed Tobi, who's fighting for his life. Why? Because if Tobi's face won't see the light of day, dick won't either. Deidara is prideful like that. And it's revenge to see Tobi miserable.

Fic is E rated, obviously, so under the cut: