#knowingyourvalue

I talked with a good friend today about back when we were dating; back in those breezy days of college and our early 20s, when you met someone in class, at a party or a bar or even the library.

It made me think of college and of the lines I was fed and the lines I ate up like a starving child who was looking for a hot meal. “You’re amazing.” “You’re beautiful.” “You’re sexy.” “You’re hot.” and so on and so on.

And the scary thing is, I actually believed them. Not because I knew or thought they were right, but because I desperately wanted to think they were right. So I fell for it...over and over and over again.

It wasn’t until I started in 12 step and therapy that I realized there is a huge difference between “I want you” and I want YOU.

With I WANT you, it’s about the other person, not you. It’s what they want. They want to F you. Maybe once, maybe more, but really that’s all they are primarily interested in. What THEY want. Their needs. Don’t give it to them and suddenly their interest wanes. Tell them that being with you comes with, gasp, an expectation and suddenly the hills are calling and they are running.

But someone who wants YOU? That’s entirely different. Then and only then is it truly about YOU. They want the person inside the exterior. They want your heart and soul, not just your body.

Tell them you come with expectations? They get it.

Tell them you are flawed and wonderful all at the same time and they accept it.

Give them your heart and they hold it as cautiously as a precious gem.

Yes, the words may be the same, but the emphasis makes all the difference.

Because to have someone simply WANT you is really not anything special. We can all walk around wanting a million things and a million people every day.

But to have someone want YOU? You. Well, that’s something to be flattered by. That’s something to be honored with. That’s something to believe in. And that’s something to actually take a chance on.

(Preparation: In a Word

This  wasn’t originally a blog or even written for the public.  It was sent via bccto my closest friends for their support and input.  This message was sent, without pause or apology,  in true introverted fashion – emailed.   This form of communication is fondly accepted by the introverted leaders who desire to speak comfortably and freely about topics that are uncomfortable.  So, enjoy the rare…

Finished this book on the way back to Prague from Karlovy Vary. Absolutely loved it as it inspired me to read more, learn more, increase my value, recognize that value, and get what’s deserved.

Some of my favorite quotes: “You undermine yourself by not developing your tools and learning what to do with them and what not to do with them; how to use your voice, your brain, your words, your style, your approach, your finesse, everything in your power to get your value."

"You can’t sit around waiting for people to recognize your work, you have to ask for it."