Oct 25, 2025
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@maedhrosmaglorweek Day 6: Kinslayers
Elrond: YOU DID WHAT!?!?!?
Random elf in Imladris: It was ONE mortal sir, anyway it was self defense he was about to kill me.
Elrond: YoU kIlLeD sOmEbOdY
Also Elrond...
Erestor: Sir, your father has killed dozens of elves
Elrond: Well murder isn't that big of a deal anyway
The sons of Feanor are known as the Kinslayers, those elves who committed the horrific crime of violence against their own kind, their former friends and neighbors dying at their hands.
Yet every son of Feanor died at the hands of elves. Not accident, or violence by Men or orcs, or some foul creature or plan of Morgoth.
The kinslayers were, in the end, the kinslayed.
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The Fourth Kinslaying:
Elrond gets really tired of that "Tra La Lally" song and finally snaps.
The Kinslaying at Aqualondë, a play in one act
Actors enter
Olwë: Oh hello! It's Fëanor, a really nice guy who has never done anything bad. How can I help you?
Fëanor: I want your swan ships.
Olwë: Sorry, we never lend out our swan ships.
Fëanor: Then we'll rent them.
Olwë: We don't do that either.
Fëanor: We'll buy them then.
Olwë: We don't sell our swan ships. Tell you what. We'll teach you to make your own.
Fëanor: I don't want to fucking make my own.
Olwë: [embarrassed silence]
Olwë: You're really good at making stuff. You should make your own ships. But not swans. That's our thing.
Fëanor: [fuming]
Olwë: I mean, you could pick a different bird. How about raven ships? You seem like a raven kind of guy.
Fëanor: I have to find my shiny rocks. Give me the swan ships. I promise not to set them on fire.
Olwë: That's... oddly specific.
Fëanor: Look, I'm sorry, I'm just going to have to kill you.
[stabs Olwë]
Olwë: Well, that escalated quickly.
Fëanor: Now look what you made me do.
Olwë: Strewth! [dies]
Enter Mandos
Mandos: [to Fëanor] You done fucked up.
Fëanor: Shut up. This will work out fine.
Exeunt
Maedhros:
Rent: $800
Lembas: $450
Sword Polish: $50
Kinslaying: $10,550
Utilities: $125
Somebody who's good with money, help me make a better budget.
Galadriel: Spend less on kinslayings.
Maedhros: No.