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đ´đ˛đťđżđ˛: fluff | little angst | established relationship
đ˝đŽđśđżđśđťđ´: kevin moon x afab!reader
đđŽđżđťđśđťđ´: mental breakdown | mentioned of stress
âĄ;- ę° Â°you had a hard time with being insecure of yourself and kevin was there for youęą
*ŕŠâŠâ§âË a/n: i went to take a break after I wrote this. I want my own kevin ă ă
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There wasnât a time where you think you were âenoughâ for him comparing to his fans that treated him better than you did. Especially when youâre his girlfriend. There was a sense of insecurity blew your mind when it comes to this. You couldnât blame Kevin for it or course. This made you blame yourself for couldnât be the best for him.
You wondered if he ever felt that way. Although he did talked about how both of you should be transparent with each other. But humans can say words with empty promises anytime they desire. Itâs just up to you to believe it or not. It doesnât make it any better, the way your own mindset is thinking is making you look like you donât trust Kevin. You donât want it to be that way. But you were scared to death each time your life depends on Kevin too much. Once he leaves you, with or without reason, you didnât want to feel the unbearable pain. If it was going to hurt at least make it less.
Leave is a powerful word. Itâs something he could hold onto and use it anytime if you did not live up to his expectations. Thatâs what you had in your mind. Itâs more awful to think how much you have tried your hardest to be a better partner for him. For Kevin.
Heâs talented. Kevin is the most talented person you had ever met. He had always been since high school. Kevin was everyoneâs dream boy as far as you could remember. A boy who knew how to sing, dance, cook and more things you could list in your mind. It was no surprised that a lot of people liked him. But compared to everyone else, you couldnât understand the way he sees the world.
It was definitely clear in your memories. You remembered when it was the first performance for Kingdom. He came back home with a worn out figure. Very different than when he went out the door in the morning. There were bruises on his bodyâs, your guessing is that he has quite a fall during practice. But then again out of all of that sweat and minor injuries, he looked like the happiest boy you could possibly imagine. When the group gained more fans from the show, you couldnât forget how excited he had gotten.
There was a night, where both of you were sitting down in the living room. The only thing that could be heard was songs from his phone with a mix of yours and his playlist. It was 2 in the morning and a layer of glass was formed in his eyes. The tears threatening to fall out. He was stressed. Kevin talked about something that has to do with not getting the choreography right, the song was hard and the album was a total mess. He was completely a different person at this moment. He wasnât smiling like he always do, wasnât laughing nor cracking up his stupidly funny jokes. It was just Kevin who let out and spill all of his struggles. Which soon leads to him breaking down with you comforting him.
You canât deny, the world is a scary place.
He felt too much pressure in his head. It seems like it could burst if he didnât let it out.
That was the last time you had seen him breakdown.
âI donât think I could even cry, because then I couldnât be the one that he could lean onâ the sound of pen scratches against your notebook paper, leaving nothing but ink. Your knuckles turned white from gripping the pen too hard, feeling your hand going numb.
Your heart questioned you. What do you know about Kevin and yourself?
You stared blankly at the white wall. Nothing came up to your mind except the not so nice ones. A tear slipped down from your eye, following by a few more so it was non stop.
Kevin loves midnight driving in the middle of the highway with nowhere to go. He prefers speaking English with you and Jacob because to him it doesnât sound as awkward as speaking Korean. He doesnât like to be called by his Korean name, he doesnât have a reason why but people rarely calls him Hyungseo.
Was that really all you could recall after dating him since high school?
âI canât even understand my own emotions. Something is hurting but I canât tell what it isâ You scribbled, pulling your knees to your chest as you cried. Forgetting about the world around you as everything seem to fade away.
Kevin wonât be back until another few hours. Iâll be fine you thought. You couldnât even sleep. Tears were streaming down your face that you didnât even bother to wipe away.
And you didnât even bother to turn on your phone to see the miss calls from Kevin and notifications from his text messages he had sent you.
Kevin was indeed, a little bit skeptical about your quiet behaviour this morning before he left for practice with the other members. He had actually asked if you were alright but you just replied with a dry âyesâ to him. He almost made up his mind about going to work and just stay at home with you to keep an eye out for you. He couldnât skip today due to an important meeting. But that doesnât mean he wonât ask about your condition in text. Which also, you replied dry.
âwhat would happen if I could not be the one enough for him?â The notebook was stained with tears.
You were too lost in your own thoughts to hear the sound of the front door creaked, signalling and a reminder that Kevin is home. He saw you sitting in the dark living room on his work desk with your notebook opened. The only thing that could be heard was your slow sobs.
And through the night was playing on your phone.
Kevinâs eyes softened at the sight of your silhouette. Slowly approaching you so he wouldnât startle you to death. He took a glanced at your notebook before he touches you, watching as your tensed body suddenly eased at his skin contact. The unfamiliar temperature of your body pulled his heartstrings, taking you in a hug.
âiâm home love. Iâm here now.â He whispered as you buried your face in his chest, letting out every single of your worries by crying. He could tell you had so many problems in your head that you were afraid to admit. Kevin could read your eyes that was screaming how you were not okay. And his heart broke more to see your ill body that you had neglected. âdonât cry, itâs okay shh. Iâm right here with you. Iâll keep your problems away baby. Trust me. I will hug you so tight, until you forget about every single problems thatâs stuck in your head.â
It took a few minutes for you to calm down. The tears were still flowing but it had definitely lessened. His hand was rubbing your back repeatedly while he gave you forehead kisses every few minutes. You were avoiding his eye contact. âLook at me sweetheart.â His request was soft, he could see the glassy layer in your eyes when you look up to him. âWhat were you thinking baby? Was the fever bothering you?â He wasnât completely wrong about the fever part. You do tend to get in a 5 emotional stages when you donât feel well.
Your voice was stuck in your throat. You were trying to swallow whatever was in your throat so you could speak. âDeep breaths baby.â He said and you followed his breathing.
âI was- not feeling like the best person today. Maybe not just today, for the past few weeks as well.â You admitted. Kevin let out a hum, signing you that he was listening.
âI felt like I wasnât good enough to be your⌠girlfriend.â There was a slight frown formed on Kevinâs expression before he reached his hand to cup your face and wipe the tears with his thumb. âYou were everyoneâs favourite person since high school and iâm- just. Not up to your expectations.â
Kevin guided you to the sofa and placed you to sit on his lap before he started saying. âYouâre the most precious and wonderful person that had entered in my life. No matter what really happened, youâre the first person I will come to at the end of the day.â Kevin told you. âYouâre the actual reason why Iâm still here and performing in front of people. I donât think I could even continue if you werenât here.â He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.
âI donât want you to feel like youâre not enough for me. Youâre everything love. I swear if I could take you to see what you are in my life, I would. Just to proof to you that you worth much more than you thought.âyou felt his lips connected with yours. It wasnât full of lust or anything lewd. It was full of sincere.
When you pulled away to catch a breath, you stared into his eyes. You didnât know how to say thank you. You werenât good at expressing yourself. But Kevin could read your thoughts better.
You snuggled up in the croak of his neck, inhaling the scent of his cologne while he starts telling you about his day and something interesting that had happened at work. Some made you laugh and he felt like his mission was complete.
âDid Eric really lost his phone?â
âChangmin found it underneath the couch. But Eric accused Jacob for taking iďżźtâ Kevin replied with a slight laughter.
Both of you ended up talking more about his days. Until he realised both of you had to go to bed.
âNow that my girlfriend is smiling, you have to take your medicine before bed you old sick ahjummaâ Kevin joked. âThen youâre ahjussi. Weâre the same age.â You laughed.
He was grateful that he could be the reason you could smile again. Kevin wouldnât trade you for the whole universe. He wanted to stay like this for the rest of his life.
With just you.
