#kendralyssa

And then when everything happened and Kendra died and the world ended and Grandpa told her she could never see any of her old friends again, Kendra weeped.

At night, she held her pillow tightly—wishing and wishing and wishing it was Alyssa instead.

But this time, the idea of Alyssa sank her stomach instead of settling it, because she knew she would never, ever see Alyssa again.

Of course, the universe liked to prove Kendra wrong.

Two years later, as she sat down in her biology class on her first day of college, Kendra spotted her ghost sitting two rows in front of her. Fear that she had finally lost it brought bile to her throat. It couldn’t really be Alyssa, but then the teacher asked for the blonde’s name after she answered a question and she said Alyssa Carter.

Well, shit.

A shiver raced through Kendra. Muscles like a tense bowstring, her pencil hovered over an empty notebook page for the rest of the class, not breathing until the teacher bid them farewell and Alyssa exited through the class doors.

Once the last stragglers left, Kendra darted out of the classroom and toward her residence hall.

There, Kendra paced the small dorm room she shared with a stranger from California named Paloma, thinking of how to withdraw from her biology class as soon as possible. There might be another one, later in the day, somewhere sometime.

But, even that probably wouldn’t be enough.

Because what if she saw Alyssa again? In a different class, at the dining hall, at a sports game? Did she want to live her entire college experience in fear?

Kendra paused at the revelation. She had come to Virginia for a fresh start free of all her magical problems. And now, on her first day, she had run head-first into the worst kind of problem she could have.

Did she need to withdraw from this college completely?

It was Friday, she could do it over the weekend, no one would even blink an eye. She could quit UVA, quit Virginia, and return to Connecticut before the first week of college even ended.

Kendra resolved to do this, her heart and stomach sinking because she knew she would never see Alyssa again just as she had known years prior, when Paloma opened the door—laughing about something and saying, “So, this is my dorm. And this is my roommate, Kimberly,” and then Paloma walked in with two girls behind her, one of which froze at the sight of Kendra.

At this point, the universe just hated Kendra.

Whenever Alyssa arrived at such milestones without her, she felt so terribly alone. Despite new friends and old family members, there was always something missing. Someone missing.

Kendra.

It never got easier. People lied. It only got easier to forget. Alyssa could go days without thinking of Kendra, but when she remembered, it felt the exact same. The exact same hot tears, cold hands, tight lungs—it was always the same.

Well, except for today. Because today was worse.

Graduation. High school graduation!

Alyssa had put in 13 years to get her diploma this morning and to get to say “I did it.”

She had done fine throughout high school, alone, but if Kendra had been there, Kendra would have been able to blow them all out of the water. Alyssa knew it. She would have been able to say—that’s my friend, that smartie with the honors regalia.

She would have smiled at Alyssa as she walked across the stage and Alyssa would have done the same. They would have probably had a joint graduation party, and a big lunch with big flowers and big checks from relatives.

It would have been great.

Alyssa brushed away some of the dirt on the grave stone to read “Kendra Marie Sorenson.”

A memory came up and Alyssa snorted. Kendra had been so embarrassed of her middle name; she had thought it was way too common. Alyssa always countered that at least it was her middle name, because Alyssa shared her first name with, like, a million other girls at their school. Kendra buried her face in her pillow but turned her face slightly to say that she thought Alyssa was the best name anyone could have. The name was so…her. Alyssa would have told her that Marie literally sounded like the name a fairy would have, so even if Kendra maintained that Alyssa won the human name lottery then Kendra would have still bested the supernatural lottery.

The laughter turned to tears fairly quickly and Alyssa buried her face in her hands.

If they had had more years, maybe Alyssa could have found out if Kendra had also harbored the cute little caterpillars that bloomed into butterflies whenever Alyssa caught Kendra looking at her. Maybe then she could’ve known.

How will she ever get over it without knowing?

How will she ever meet anyone else and not wish it was just Kendra? That didn’t seem like a possiblility.

How was Alyssa ever going to move away for college when Kendra would always be right here, in Rochester?

How would she ever go somewhere where she couldn’t run to come visit Kendra when her day got rough or some customer yelled at her or Emma was causing drama again or when the loneliness and guilt and grief got so heavy Alyssa felt like she was the one with six feet of compressed dirt sitting on her chest?

How? There was no answer except that this fucking sucked. There were never any answers.

Why did Kendra have to go? Why did she have to die? Why didn’t they ever get to say goodbye?

Why wasn’t Kendra right here, right now?

Why wasn’t Kendra wiping away her tears and hugging her till her bones were crushed?

Why couldn’t it have been Alyssa?

Why, God?

Why?