#jhoom

“You got any New Year’s resolutions you gonna make?” 

His breath clung to the air. He could feel the cold in his gums, and he briefly considered going back inside. Braving the cold was worth getting Cas to himself, so he stayed put. 

“The usual,” Cas said. “Run at least one marathon this year. Maybe two if I stay healthy.” 

“Pssh, Cas, you’re doing it wrong. Your resolution’s not supposed to be something you’re gonna do anyway. It’s supposed to be something ridiculous that you can brag about for a few weeks before you lose interest.” 

“So what’s yours?” 

“Gonna learn how to paint.” 

“Twenty-two, twenty-one, twenty!” 

Between the alcohol and the beautiful cityscape before them, peppered with snowflakes and all aglow for New Year’s, Dean was feeling a little reckless. 

“You mind if I kiss you?” Dean asked as he looked down at Cas’ lips. Chapped as always, but so damn tempting… “Y’know. For uh… for New Year’s. When the ball drops.” 

Cas swallowed and Dean watched his adam’s apple bob. He wanted to sink his teeth into the meat of Cas’ neck and claim him right then and there. Not the first time he’s had that thought about his best friend, but it was especially hard to ignore the temptation right now. He knew he should’ve stopped after that third beer… 

“Okay.” 

“Ten, nine, eight…” 

“Yeah?” Dean perked up, unable to hide his excitement. 

“It’s tradition, isn’t it? Wouldn’t want to break with tradition.” 

“Nope, we sure wouldn’t.” 

“Especially not with my inadequate New Year’s Resolution.” 

“Yeah, you should probably try to cover your bases, just in case.” 

“Three, two, one…” 

The apartment erupted into cheers and a cacophony of party poppers and noise makers. Dean barely heard it, his heart was beating too loudly. Cas leaned in a little and Dean forgot all about the chill. His world was nothing but blue eyes and the soft brush of lips… 

They broke apart shortly after. He’d never felt drunker in his life, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t just the alcohol at this point. Oh no no no, it was something way more powerful than that. 

He’d done it. After all these years, he’d kissed Cas. 

The last thing he clearly remembered from that night was leaning in for another taste…

“Uh-huh” Cas was still smashed against Dean’s chest and he was patting Cas, trying to get him to some sort of coherent state. 

“No more shots for you, buddy,” As he tried to put Cas back on his stool. 

Meg smirking at him, what the fuck, where did she get to be all high nightly, with her really badly done blond hair and evil stair. Cas sat between them, almost slumped on the bar top.

“So, what are your plans for the Unicorn,” Meg said apropos to nothing, and Dean is shocked, how does this work, how do you answer this loaded question. He has been asking the same question for 4 years, who do you do with Cas. Cas is unique. 

“I don’t know,” Dean summarises and Cas is too drunk to even be aware that this discussion is going on. Dean is assuming this, otherwise he will never ever ever divulge his feelings in such a way. 

“Don’t be such a special snowflake, i get that daddy didn’t love you enough, didn't give you hugs enough but Cas deserves better, he deserves a lot better than both of us combined,” Meg is sombre and that makes Dean slump too. He feels too much right now. He understands what Meg is saying and why she is saying. He knows that Cas likes him, he has known since Charlie made him eavesdrop on Cas, while he was breaking up with Baltazar, he knows the depth of his feelings, otherwise why will anyone ever put up with his sorry ass.

Here he is on a saturday afternoon, trying really hard to know why he is still clinging to his last vestigial of John Winchester. He is long dead or gone, Dean really does give a fuck. Not right now. He gives a fuck about Cas and Cas is good, he is good for Dean. 

“I know, I know,” He puts up his hands and surrenders. He should have the moment he knew Cas loved him, in a way he loved him, and that this four years of absolute crazy of him parading girls he didn't like, or that one time, nope he won't go there, that would be too much. 

“Go, take my unicorn home,” Meg says. In that moment, he likes Meg, he is happy that Cas has people in his corner to fight for him, to kick people’s ass. Cas is too good to see the bad in people, too trusting. He likes Dean, how hard do you really have to look, you know. 

They are back home, Cas propped on Dean’s shoulder or Dean carrying his drunken weight. He feels heavy. He deposits Cas on the bed, removing only his shoes, Cas is too drunk and Dean can’t make him change right now. He is clinging to his sanity by threads and he needs Cas sober for that conversation.

***

The next day, Dean is preparing the breakfast and has a carton of honeysuckle ice cream out, Cas’s guilty pleasure because it is goddamn expensive and they are broke ass students

Cas has a serious case of bed head, some twenty problems with the morning or early afternoon and he wants to smite something, when he reaches the kitchen and sees the carton.

In the haze of a hangover and smell of eggs, Cas’s lips are quirking. 

“Is that for me, Dean?” Cas asks, because he is too good to be demanding.

“Good morning sunshine and yes indeed, today is a special day and you get all of it,” Dean is happy, he had a whole night to think over his words and he didn't back out. He is doing it.

“thank you, Dean,” The sincerity with which Cas says thank you is jarring. He can see how much any gesture by Dean means to him. They have been roommates long enough to know their happy faces, their sad faces. Cas is keep emotions at bay kind of guy and he is happy.

“So, as I was saying today is a special day. I would have made a big deal about it but we are not like that. We are what we are, hence, I am gonna come and say it, I love you, I am in love with you.” he breathes, Cas is looksing at Dean as he a puzzle to be unravelled, something amiss, that what is the real meaning of these words.

“Are you dying?” Cas questions, still feeling the effects of imbibing copious amounts of alcohol.

“No, what, no. I love you, I know I am doing this all wrong, but Cas I love you, I have loved you for ages. I know you have feelings for me. I heard what you said to Baltazar and I have been a moron, making you think I am straight, so that I can please my dead father or my fucking internalised homophobia. I know I know, what you gonna say, but Cas, please, believe me,” their friendship can’t go back from  here, this will either make them or break them, separately. 

“Really?” Cas still questions him.

“100% Cas,” Dean wants to convey so much with his eyes, and they are having those silent conversations their friends always joke about and he doesn't know what the conversation is, he desperately hopes that Cas get’s it.

“Okay, Dean” Cas replies.

“Okay?” Dean is not sure what the answer is.

“Okay, Dean. I am currently too hungover to do anything about this, my head is hurting, I feel nauseous but I am very happy, Dean. Let’s save the rest of the conversation for later?” Cas is eloquent as ever.

“Okay,” this okay feels better.

“Movie later?” Dean asks, because they are still Dean and Cas,Cas and Dean.

“Movie later,” Then Cas is taking his plate of breakfast, and putting his ice cream back in the freezer and takes a biggest cup they own and pours himself coffee. Lastly he kisses Dean chastely. 

This feels normal, as this was the middle of forever. 

They will go to a movie later, tickets will be saved and Cas will make fun of Dean for spelling dessert as desert. And also reading it wrong. They will make out in the dark of the movie theatre.