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Unlocking your phone quickly, you open it in high hopes, only to see Sam’s name appear and your face falls. 

Sam: Bucky said you tried to call. Is it important?

You: No… just we had plans.

You confide, knowing Sam will understand.

Sam: Oh shit. Okay, want me to tell him to come home?

You: No. It’s fine.

Sighing, you toss your phone on the other end of the couch, throwing your head back in newfound anger. Asshole. He saw your calls and didn’t even pick up the damn phone. After a year of dating, you at least deserved that. 

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“Hey this is y/n, I can’t come to the phone right now cuz I’m out livin’ my life! Leave it at the beep.” He hears your all too familiar voicemail through the speaker. He had helped you come up with it, you hadn’t known what to put on it. He kicks himself, knowing you weren’t actually out living your life, just dodging his calls. Not that he blamed you- He deserved it and he knew it. Calling again, he’s not surprised when he hears your voicemail again.

“Hey… Um, listen, I know I was supposed to be at your place after the mission… I just wanted to unwind with the guys and- Shit. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think you would mind that much, I’ll be over in a bit to make it up to you, okay?” He leaves the message and ends the call before starting his car and driving towards your apartment, guilt heavy in his stomach.

You listen to his voicemail over and over, a strange mix of rage and sorrow weighing on your heart.

Tears roll slowly down your cheeks silently as you lay curled up in a defensive ball on your bed, trying to block out the unmistakable sound of Bucky begging you to open the front door; “Babe, please open the door,” He says, fist resting gently against the frame. “I’m sorry- really, really sorry. Please let me in and we can talk about it,” He sighs, resting his head against the door in defeat. He could break the lock and go in. You both know that. But he wouldn’t do that to you- All that would do is make you fear him and that’s the last thing he wants. He slides his back down the wall til he’s sitting on the floor next to your door, his elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair; Tears gathering in his lashes. He really messed up this time.

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The next day you drag yourself out of bed, trying to forget last night and all the tears you shed. After a shower and breakfast, you head out the door for a coffee run before work. You stop in your tracks when you see Bucky still sitting there, eyes red from lack of sleep and regret written all over his face. He jumps up when you walk out, keys in hand, the door closing behind you. “What are you doing here?” 

“I- I came to apologize,” he murmurs, looking in your eyes.

“I don’t want to hear it,” you bite, moving to step around him but stopping when he steps to block your path.

“Bucky, I’m going to be late for work,” you say coldly, glaring at him. “Move out of the way.”

“Please doll, just let me expla-”

Huffing, you roll your eyes. “I understand perfectly, James.” You watch as he flinches a little at the use of his first name. You only use it when your really mad or really happy, and it isn’t the latter right now. “You were too busy with your beer buddies to come see your girlfriend after being gone for three weeks, but what’s new? It’s been like this for months. I guess it was naive of me to expect something else this time.” You shoulder past him as he stares at you; dumbfounded. Tears gather in your eyes as you make your way to your car in the rain. Your almost there when you feel a large hand on your arm and hear your name being whispered. You turn around and look up into his stormy eyes. You always loved his eyes- They’re always so bright and big and- Now is not the time to be thinking about his stupidly gorgeous eyes.

“Please! You have to let me make this right,” he whispers, tears forming in his eyes as well, mixing with the raindrops rolling down his face and dampening is hair. 

“Bucky…” You sigh, pulling your arm out of his grasp gently. “I don’t think you can fix this. I can't keep being your second choice, not when you're my first." You climb into your car as he stares at you as you pull out of the parking lot. He sinks to the ground on his knees, not caring that his clothes are practically soaked, or that someone might think he looks crazy. None of that matters- because your gone. His girl. Gone. He can’t breathe. The pressure weighs heavy in lungs as all the air is pushed from them and his heart shatters. It’s all he can do to draw a ragged breathe between sobs.

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You manage to hold yourself together until you pull into the starbucks parking lot. And then you totally loose it; Tears and mascara mix together and run down your cheeks as you sob into your steering wheel. It feels like your heart is being torn out of your chest. Bucky was the best thing that ever happened to you… and deep down you had feared something like this would happen, but you didn’t think it actually would. You loved him- And now he was gone. 

You trek into Walmart, heading straight for the junk food isle, not caring that you look like an absolute mess. Grabbing some much needed chocolate, chips, cookies and other coping foods, you check out, starting to cry again when the cashier gives you a pitiful look on your way out. 

Stumbling into your apartment, you throw your bags on the kitchen counter before grabbing your desired snacks and tossing them on your bed. You pull on sweatpants and one of Bucky’s hoodies, sending an ache of longing through your chest. Even changing clothes feels like more effort than you could possibly muster but you somehow manage before crawling into bed and turning on reruns of Friends before you start crying again. After 2 bags of chocolate, a bag of Doritos, a burger and french fries you grabbed on the way home, you still feel like absolute shit. Maybe this is just how it will be- Unable to get over him, unable to move on. Eventually you fall asleep from exhaustion, tear stains and left-over makeup on your face and Bucky’s pillow clutched against your chest. 

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Bucky ambles into the bar, sliding onto a stool with sullen eyes, ordering a shot of vodka before mumbling “Keep em coming.” 

Throwing his head back, he grimaces as the bitter liquid burns its way down his throat. He knows he can’t get drunk but he’s willing to try. Anything to stop feeling like this.

The old barkeep leans on the bar behind him, looking at Bucky with an evaluating stare. 

“What was her name?” He questions gently after a moment of silence.

“Wha- How did you know?” Bucky looks up in surprise and pain, his forearms resting on the bar, holding another shot.

“Son, you can’t hide the look of love gone wrong.”

Tossing back another, Bucky looks in the shot glass like it holds all the answers before whispering your name, his voice breaking. “Did you ever love someone?” He asks brokenly.

The older man chuckles lightly at this. “I did, still do.” He holds up his left hand as proof.  “Do you wanna know the secret to love?” He asks, stepping closer.

“Why not, it’s not like I could lose anything else,” Bucky says dryly, taking yet another shot.

“Sometimes love doesn’t last and you have to let it go… but sometimes you have to fight for it. And it’s up to you to decide which you’re gonna do. So which is it?”

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Crackheads:

During those five years, Y/N had to move on. After all, she was an Avenger. The world needed her and her special abilities. By gritting her teeth together, she pushed through her pain – mostly burying them deep within herself – as she tried to move on. It had taken two years for her to even consider seeing anyone else. Somehow, she felt like Loki wasn’t gone. Everyone that cared about her thought she had lost it when she said she could feel his presence. When she met Adam, she felt like life offered her a new chance, an opportunity to heal. Despite how hard it was, she pushed her feelings aside and allowed herself to get lost in this new relationship.

Adam was tall and dark, strong too. He was kind and gentle. Sure, he wasn’t capable of making things appear out of nowhere nor did he have the knowledge of a thousand-year old god, but it was alright. He was human and that was good enough. As a chef, he knew how to cook delicious food and he always said that the right way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach. It had seemingly worked. Y/N had told Adam about her past with Loki and the man hadn’t judged her at all. In fact, he was very understanding, which was exactly what Y/N needed. Her heart would always belong to Loki, but Adam was someone who could fix it. Sometimes he could make Y/N forget about her difficult past. He made her feel human too.

 Then of course, all the good came to an end.

 Loki came back to life – or from hiding. It didn’t matter. He was alive! The spaceship with all the surviving Asgardians arrived on Earth, in Norway. It was all over the news worldwide. An alien species, gods and goddesses, were coming to live on Earth, to rebuild a kingdom that had been destroyed. Among them were King Thor and Prince Loki, the very same man who had once been the public enemy. Their story of their return somehow cleared up his name. Y/N already knew all about it. Loki wasn’t evil, he never was. She knew about Thanos, since Loki had told her everything those five years ago.

What upset her was that his return shook her ground, making her feel incredibly unsteady. She was sure he was dead and even when she doubted it, people told her she was crazy. She found someone new and now her heart ached to return to the very same man who broke it. Her inner conflict was almost too much for her, so Y/N did what she knew best; she pushed her feelings aside. It’s like someone switched her body on autopilot and she blocked reality away for a little longer, only to shield herself from the immense pain.

Y/N thought she could simply ignore it, until Loki joined the Avengers.

                                 “Hey, are you okay?” Adam broke Y/N’s bubble of thoughts. They were at the Avengers compound, getting ready for a date. In only a few hours, Loki would surely be in New York. Y/N didn’t want to be at the compound to see him, so the date was perfectly timed.

She leaned against the kitchen counter and took a sip of cold water, trying to stop her hands from shaking as she held the glass. “Oh, I’m fine, Adam. Just a bit…tired, that’s all,” She smiled sweetly as she told him a blatant lie.

Naturally, he didn’t buy it. He knew it just as well as the rest of the world that Loki was back. The tall man sighed as he wrapped his arms around his girlfriend’s waist, pulling her close. He had just showered, and the scent of his cologne filled her lungs. “I know it’s hard. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. I mean, you thought he was dead, Y/N!” He went straight to the point, trying to relate to her.

Y/N melted in his grasp and nodded. She didn’t want to talk about it. “I’ll go change. I thought I’d wear the dress you bought me,” She changed the topic and broke free from the loving hug. She put the glass down on the counter and walked off without waiting for his reply. If she stayed there longer, she was afraid she would cry. It was the last thing she wanted to do. How unfair would that be for Adam?

The moment she shut the door behind her as she entered her room, she took a deep breath in a desperate attempt to calm herself down. Tonight, she would go out to a nice dinner with her boyfriend and she would enjoy herself. Determined to make the night good for them, she stripped out of her daytime clothes and slipped on the dress Adam bought her. It was a sleek, red dress with a slit to reveal her leg. For a floor length dress, it was a little bit scandalous which was exactly what she liked. Y/N looked at herself in the mirror and she smiled. The dress looked good on her and she knew it. Paired for a silver necklace and a few rings, black heels and her purse, she was ready to go. Before she left her room, she sprayed perfume in the air and walked past it, giving herself the hint of a rosy scent.

“Adam? I’m ready to go!” Y/N yelled from the hallway, applying lip-gloss as she walked towards the nearest kitchen where she had last seen him. When she didn’t get a reply, she grew worried. Adam wasn’t in the kitchen and it was awfully quiet on the floor. “Adam?” She called his name again, but to no avail.

Y/N decided to check the common area. Perhaps he had found company. After all, the compound was full of Avengers and personnel, their friends et cetera. It would be strange not to find anyone to speak with.

What Y/N found was far from what she had expected. She entered the common area, which was huge, and it was full. Everyone in the compound must’ve been there and it didn’t take a genius to know why.

They were welcoming Thor and Loki to the compound. Even Adam was there.

In the middle of them all, Y/N laid her eyes on the man she had missed for all those years. Loki walked beside Thor, looking around the place with a smile, but she could tell he was nervous. Moments later, their eyes met. Y/N felt shivers running down her spine as she faced Loki. Her blood turned into ice and her breath was lost somewhere in her throat.

Seeing him crushed the lies she had told herself.

 He was back and she still loved him.

 Before Loki could even think about walked past the crowd to see the woman he used to call his girlfriend, another man walked by her side. The man put his hand on her waist and Loki put two and two together. After all, it had been five years. He should’ve expected it, but nevertheless, seeing it with his own two eyes was like a slap in the face.

Y/N tore her eyes off Loki and faced Adam with a small smile. “Can we go, please?” She pleaded and it became clear how uncomfortable she was.

Adam pressed a kiss on her forehead, “of course,” he said and offered her his arm. Y/N grabbed it and appreciated the support. She needed it as her legs felt weak from shock. Just like that, she turned her back on Loki and walked away with Adam. This date would definitely be one to remember.

 The date was just like any other, expect this time Y/N felt like her mind and body were in two different places. She enjoyed herself, the food and the drinks, even Adam’s company, but at the same time her head was in a different world. Loki was constantly on the back of her mind and she couldn’t possibly forget the moment their eyes met. It had felt like lightning struck her.

When they returned to Adam’s apartment, Y/N wished that his kisses could take her mind elsewhere. They got lost in the sheets just like they had done a thousand times before, but Y/N could still not forget him.

This continued for days.

At the compound, it was hard to ignore the god of Mischief. They lived under the same damn roof and they still hadn’t spoken. Every time he would enter a room, Y/N would leave. They would only stay in the same room during a meeting. Even then, Y/N avoided his gaze but Loki could still feel her catching glimpses of him when he wasn’t looking. They both knew they couldn’t continue like this forever. Loki didn’t want to wreck her relationship, but he felt like Y/N had began to question it already.

One day, Adam confronted her. He arrived at the compound after she hadn’t replied to his texts and calls for a day. He was worried about her, so Adam thought it was harmless enough to visit her. What he didn’t expect was to find her in her room with mascara streaks on her cheeks. She looked a mess!

Adam rushed to her side on the floor and he cupped her face softly, “baby, what happened? Are you okay?!”

Y/N’s lips quivered as she faced Adam. Tears were rolling down her face and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. When Adam pulled her on his lap into a hug, she gasped for air and let out a cry that broke his heart. Little did they know that the people outside her room could hear, including Loki.

“I don’t…I don’t k-know what to do!” Y/N sobbed into Adam’s chest. She had stayed up the entire night because her mind hadn’t given her a moment of peace. She felt broken all over again.

Adam already knew what it was about, and his fears seemed to become real. When he heard the news of Loki’s return, he had honestly expected her to break up with him already back then. But she didn’t. No matter how much he wanted a future with her, it began to become clear that it wouldn’t happen. They both knew it. Deep down, Y/N had always loved Loki.

Tears stung Adam’s brown eyes as he hugged her shaking body. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, taking in her familiar sweet scent. He didn’t want to let go of her, he really didn’t. “I love you, Y/N.”

His quiet words made her feel terrible. She felt rotten to her core. It felt so wrong to cry over another man when she had someone as nice as Adam. “I’m sorry, Adam…” She sniffled as she hugged him. Yes, she cared about him too, but it was different.

They stayed like that for a while until they had both calmed down a little bit. Eventually, Y/N broke free from his arms and she walked to her bed, sitting down on the soft mattress. Adam stood up from the floor and he wiped away his own tears. “Do you love him?” He wanted to know, even though the truth would break his heart.

Y/N swallowed thickly, not wanting to say it. It was so wrong. But she didn’t want to lie to Adam either. She ended up staying quiet, but her gaze said it all.

Adam took her silence as a ‘yes’ and he felt like crying all over again, but not in front of her. The situation was bizarre so he couldn’t find the nerve to be angry with her either. Adam was angry at Loki, who first pretended to die, breaking her heart and then he returned like he had never done anything wrong.

“Goodbye, Y/N. If you need me, c-call me, okay? No matter what,” Adam told her as calmly as he could. Despite the cold harsh truth, Adam was still holding onto the hope that they would be endgame. His voice betrayed him at the end of sentence, but before he could stay and let her see him like that, he left. Y/N hated herself as she sat there and just let him go away. She felt bad for wanting him to leave.

In the midst of her sorrow and rage, she got an idea. It wasn’t the wisest one, but she didn’t care anymore. She was going to end the silent war between her and Loki. With red and puffy eyes, she got up from her bed with only one destination in mind, wherever Loki was.

She found him in the living room with Peter Parker and Bucky. The three of them seemed to have formed a very strange friendship. Right now, Y/N didn’t care that the two others saw and heard her like that. Loki looked up to her with wide eyes. He wanted to comfort her as he saw she had been crying, but the angry look ok her face kept him from doing that. He already knew what was coming.

“You!” Y/N pointed at him. Her hands were shaking. “Who do you t-think you are?! I thought you were dead!” She sobbed angrily, slowly losing her grip on herself. She was overwhelmed, to say at least.

Loki stood up from the couch and slowly he made his way closer to her. His heart was already beating a little harder in his chest. “Y/N, I can explain-“

“No! I..I don’t want to hear it. You were dead and now…” She stopped to look at him. A part of her wanted to close the distance between them, to hug him, to hold him again, to feel that he was in fact real. But she refused to do so. Just a few days ago she slept with Adam and they were in a good, happy and healthy relationship! “Now you’re here like nothing ever happened!”

Peter and Bucky were quiet, but they stayed. They could’ve walked away, but they were worried that the situation could escalate. Y/N was powerful. They had seen her on the field. Despite how amazing her powers were, they could get out of hand when she was overwhelmed. Just in case something would happen, they wanted to be around so they could help her.

“I’m sorry,” Loki apologized sincerely. That was rare coming from him. It didn’t sound like he was mocking her. He was genuinely sorry for what had happened. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I wish that all of that would’ve never happened, but I can’t change anything now.”

“Why…why didn’t you tell me you were alive?” Y/N wanted to know. Her eyes were glossy from the tears that were evidence of the pain she carried.

Loki wished he could explain everything to her, but it would take a long time. Right now, she wasn’t in the headspace to hear the long story. “It’s complicated. But I assure you, I will tell you everything.”

Y/N stood there and shook her head. There was a pounding headache taking over her and all she wanted now was to disappear. It felt like her entire life changed overnight, again. She saw it coming, but it hurt nevertheless as Adam walked away. Y/N scanned the room and she noticed how all eyes were on her. Peter and Bucky looked at her with pity written all over their faces. She didn’t want to be pitied or felt sorry for.

“Adam left me,” she whispered quietly, teary eyed, but everyone heard her. She faced Loki, which was the hardest thing she had done in a while. He looked sad for her. It was a side of him many hadn’t seen before. Y/N could tell he wanted to hold her, just like she wanted to hold him, but neither of them dared to move a muscle in the dramatic moment.

Of course, Loki was sorry for her. Adam was there to pick her up from rock bottom when she needed someone the most. He must’ve meant a lot to Y/N. But Loki was also angry. Now that Adam was gone, it was far too tempting to try and take her back, to seek forgiveness. Loki was angry that Adam left her like this when she was clearly so hurt. 

Before it could all get too much for her, she turned to leave. Y/N had only taken a few steps when she felt someone grab her wrist. “Y/N, please. Don’t walk away. We need to talk about things!” Loki pleaded. He sounded startled.

Y/N knew he was right. They worked together now. Ignoring each other would be impossible. Instead of pushing him away, Y/N sighed, “Alright.”

To get some privacy, they walked away from the watching eyes in silence until they ended up in Y/N’s quarters. She led him all the way to the balcony, so they were standing under the moonlight. She needed some fresh air and the coolness from the outside breeze helped her calm down at least a little bit. Avoiding Loki’s gaze was the only way she could still control herself somehow. She knew how hypnotizing his gaze could be, luring her to betray her own grip. But she wondered if she should let go and return into his arms. Would he even want that? Would it be wrong?

“If I had told you, I would’ve compromised thousands of Asgardian lives. Maybe I should’ve told you, but I didn’t. I’m very sorry, I truly am,” Loki decided to break the silence that had briefly surrounded them. He sounded angry at himself.

Y/N had suspected Loki had a good reason for what he had done. She wanted a reason to be resentful at him, but she struggled to be that. Because at the end of the day, she had wished for him to come back. For four years, she had dreamt of the moment she could hug him away, to see he was alright. The conflict she felt was slowly tearing her apart.

Loki felt rather confident, courageous enough to put his large hand on her cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb. Y/N didn’t back off, instead she leaned against his touch which she seemed to do without even thinking about it. “I love you, Y/N,” Loki admitted. He had always loved her, and he always would.

The three words felt like a blow to Y/N’s high walls. She had almost wished that he wouldn’t say that so it would be easier to let go of him. But now that she heard them, she knew she couldn’t let go of him. Why couldn’t the god of mischief just have lied to her one more time? She looked right into his emerald eyes and searched for any signs that he was lying, but he wasn’t. Loki was still in love with her, there was no doubt about that.

“I love you, Y/N. I have always loved you. I understand if you hate me, you have all the reasons to after what I did to you,” Loki continued, his voice getting a little louder and raspier as his own emotions bubbled within himself. “I’m sorry what happened between you and Adam. You seemed happy and I wish you know I would never want to make you unhappy.”

Y/N wished they had never met, because he was too hard to forget. But at the same time, she knew that Loki was the best thing that ever happened to her. Sure she had seemed happy, but now she questioned everything that had happened. Was the truly happy with Adam or was she happy she had someone to distract her from Loki? “Loki, I…I wasn’t that happy- gosh, I don’t even know what I’m saying!”

No matter how dirty she felt for loving him back, especially this hard, only moments after she broke up with Adam, she couldn’t lie to herself. Y/N was sick and tired of denying herself of what she truly wanted. Now that Loki was back and Adam was gone, was there really a reason for her to hold back?

No one else’s opinions mattered anymore. Y/N loved him too.

“Let’s settle this once in for all, okay?” Loki breathed out. He seemed nervous but incredibly determined to get this over with. “Be honest,” He continued although he wished she would return the words, even if she would be lying, “do you love me?”

Y/N already saw his question coming from a mile away. She knew what her answer was, but it felt like her lips were frozen in time. The words were heavy on her tongue.

Silently, she got up on her toes and almost threw herself at him. Loki grabbed her body in his strong arms, and he didn’t waste a second to hug her back, almost in shock. He was afraid she would never forgive him for what he had done, but clearly, she still wanted him. She had always wanted him. Y/N grabbed Loki’s cheeks and pulled him closer to her face. Loki’s body moved in sync with hers, knowing exactly what to do. He put his hand at the back of her head just as their lips collided into a passionate and messy kiss.

The world stopped spinning and everything unnecessary disappeared from around them as the two lovers got lost in that kiss. It had been far too long since the last time, but it felt like no time had passed as their lips met again.

Tears washed down her face as they kissed, but Y/N didn’t care. Loki was so happy to have her in his arms, to taste her lips again. It grew heated and passionate very fast. Their teeth clashed as they tried to deepen it too fast, both yearning for more. It made them break the kiss and despite the emotional whirlwind that had taken Y/N by surprise, she giggled, surprising Loki. “Yes, I love you, damn it. I never stopped loving you.”

Before this, Loki had been certain that she hated him and everything about him. How could she not? What he had done to her was absolutely terrible and he hated himself for it. He had been ready to ask her to lie to him, to say those three words to him one last time. But he didn’t have to ask her, and she didn’t have to lie.

It was true.

No more unnecessary words needed to be spoken. Their minds worked together, almost magically. Loki picked her body up in his arms and Y/N wrapped her legs around him as they retreated inside into her room. As they fell onto her soft bed, for a moment, they forgot about everyone and everything else. They were finally together once more and they both craved each other, more than people in hell craved ice water.

They could fix what had been broken, together, like the chaotic couple they had been and still were.

He knew that at the time he should not get drunk, he had another obligation that needed him, but it was very difficult to continue with that pain.

It hurts so badly, he didn't know how he was going to get over it, he didn't feel able to continue, he was very angry because everything changed, the plans that you had now made no sense.  

It supposed you will be old together, you were going to have several children and they would see they grow up, but Werner von Strucker came to ruin all the plans, even though they had captured him, it wasn't enough, he wanted revenge, he needed to make he pays for destroying his family, but his teammates wouldn't let him, they claimed he would pay, however, they didn't understand what you meant to him. , nothing would be enough to make up for what had taken away from him.

 I've been searching for a trail to follow again Take me back to the night we met

 He could remember in great detail how you knew each other, both had entered as recruits for S.H.I.E.L.D.  

 You used to be away from the rest of the recruits, almost always alone, you seemed very shy, he used to always be chatting with one of his teammates.

That's precisely what caught Brock's eye on you, he didn't understand why someone as beautiful as you wouldn't want to draw attention.  

He felt lucky when he touched them on the same team in the first practice. 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you introduced yourself by extending your hand. 

"Brock Rumlow," he replied by holding your hand. 

You were a great team, you always gave the best results.

The first time he asked you for a date, he'd never felt so nervous before, for a moment he thought you were going to turn him down, he walked into the office you were working on to invite you in.  

"Do you want to go to the fair?” He invited you. 

"With you?” You asked distractedly.  

“Yes... Well... forget it, never mind,” he retracted.

You blinked a little, you finally understood what Brock had asked you.  

"I'd love to, as long as it's just you and me," you answered.  

He smiled a little, the nerves were gone.  

"Only you and me, Saturday at seven o'clock, I pick you, okay?”  

"Perfect.”

 And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do

 He looked up a little more, in a chair, was the first stuffed animal he had given you, the face you had put in made it worthwhile, it had been a successful first date.

 "Do you want some of those stuffed animals?" he asked when you walked past one of the stands.   

"Do you know how to play it? I'm too bad for those games," you said.  

You stopped in front of the post and paid.  

"Which stuffed animal do you want?" he questioned.  

"That dog," you pointed out.  

Never before had he felt so pressured to win a prize, he played and won it, he immediately gave it to you, you looked like a little girl. 

"Thank you, you're very skillful," you thanked him.

You kissed him, you barely grazed his lips, but that was enough for him.

 And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you

 Your kisses, he was going to miss them, your body, your caresses, everything from you.

 He needed to know if you two were in a relationship to know how to behave, if it was just an adventure, would set aside your feelings. 

"So what are we?” He asked.  

"Aren't we in a relationship? I thought that...” 

"We've never talked about it before..."Then I have to assume we're nothing or we can be in a relationship if that's what you want,” you figured.

He kissed you.

 I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met

 He felt it was all his fault what happened, he must have insisted that you stay at the Compound with Wanda that day, if he could return the time, he would prevent you from going on a mission. 

 You were lying in bed after making love, you had your face hidden in his chest, while he hugged you with one arm and with the other hand caressed your hair.  

"Marry me," he said suddenly. 

"Hmm?”   

You raised your face, you weren't sure what you heard. 

"I know it's not the most romantic way, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he continued.  

You smiled, you passed a finger over his chest. 

"Are you sure? I can be very unbearable," you answered.

“If you could feel what I feel when you walk into the room, everything about ‘us’ would change.”

You bit your lip, you knew he couldn't stand the intrigue. 

"I don't think you're very convinced.” 

 "I am more than ever, do you want to be my wife?" he asked again.  

"Yes, but only if you give me my engagement ring," you answered, laughing.

"I'll buy you the one you like the most," he promised. 

He kissed you and you made love again.

 I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met

 He stroked his wedding ring with one finger, what was he gonna do now?

He saw your wedding photo, it was one of the happiest days of his life when he started thinking that he should do things right.  

He took the picture, for him, you had been the most beautiful bride in the world in that dress.  

Sometimes you used to dance to the song that had been your waltz at your wedding.

 You were married for four months when he decided to tell you the truth.

 "I have something to confess to you," he said out of nowhere.  

You looked at him with doubt, even though you kept muddying the jam on the bread you were having for breakfast.  

"Are you cheat on me?" you questioned trying to stay calm. 

"What? No! I couldn't do that to you.”  

"Ah... then it can't be worse,” you answered calmer. 

 "I'm HYDRA," he finally said.  

You dropped the bread out of your hand. 

 "What? Oh... Brock...”  

What were you supposed to do? You never suspected he was the enemy.

"If you ask me I'm going to confess everything to Fury, I don't want to lose you, first listen to me, there's a good reason for this...

 You had heard and supported it, in the end as promised he confessed everything to Fury and even helped dismantle the organization enemies, yet many enemies had been gained. 

When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears

 When you announced that you were pregnant, he immediately prevented her from going on more missions, he didn't plan on taking any chances, finally, he was having the family, he had always wanted.

One night you got up when you heard noises, they came from what would be the baby's room, when you walked in you saw Brock opening boxes with the furniture that would be in the room.  

"Brock, isn't it very fast yet, I mean, I'm only three months old," you asked. 

He turned to see you, he didn't think he was making so much noise.   

"Everything must be ready by the time the baby gets here," he replied.

 And when the little girl was born, he didn't care if they saw him crying, it was promised that he would protect his daughter from any danger.  

Tears fell again when he remembers when the doctors told him that you were dead.

 When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met

 “Brock…”

It hurts a lot, he crouched down to check your wounds. 

“Y/N... wait... help is on the way," he said. 

"I don't think...”

”Shh... everything will be fine, they're on their way," he repeated.  

He was trying to stop the blood loss, but you'd already lost too much. 

"I love you, tell our daughter that I love her too, please take care of her, take care of her, please, I’m sorry….” 

He tried to keep you from talking to keep you from running out of energy. 

The wait in the hospital had become eternal, as soon as he saw the doctor immediately rose.  

"I'm sorry, they didn't make it," they informed him. 

 "Did they make it?" he asked.  

The information was like a bucket of cold water.

 I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met

 You were three weeks pregnant, he couldn't help wondering why you hadn't told him yet, what he didn't know was that you were going to tell him the night that you came back from the mission.  

He wiped away tears when he heard the door open.  

"Daddy?" the little girl came into the room.  

"Hey princess," he replied by opening his arms to get him closer. 

The girl ran to hug him.

"Sorry, she got away," Wanda apologized coming in.  

Brock beckoned her that he was fine.  

"Mommy doesn't love me anymore?” The little girl suddenly asked.

"What? Why do you say that?” Brock questioned.  

He had asked not to tell him anything that had happened, he wanted to explain it to him himself.

"She didn't come back," she replied.  

"Your mommy loves you, do you remember Lucky?”  

"Mom's dog? Yes, he liked me to give him my candies.”  

"Mom and Lucky are together," Brock explained.  

"In heaven?”  

"Yes, from there they're going to take care of us," he continued.  

"Why didn't she say goodbye? We're not going to the park on Saturday anymore?" the girls asked distraughtly.

Brock sighed, it was harder than he had thought, and he had been promised that all three would go on the weekend.  

"In a little while we'll say goodbye to your mommy, don't worry, you and I are going to the park," he told her.  

He got up and carried her, it was time to go to your funeral, it was going to be very difficult, he kept feeling that his world was collapsed, he would give everything to go back to the day he met you and avoid making all the mistakes, he would be able to do anything as long as you were alive.  

However, he couldn't let himself be beaten, his daughter needed him.

Sabía que en ese momento no debía emborracharse, tenía otra obligación que lo necesitaba en sus cinco sentidos, pero era muy difícil poder seguir con ese dolor.

Realmente dolía y mucho, no sabía cómo iba a superarlo, no se sentía realmente capaz de continuar, estaba muy enojado porque todo cambió, los planes que ustedes tenían ahora ya no tenían sentido alguno.

Se suponía que iban a envejecer juntos, iban a tener varios hijos y los verían crecer, pero Werner von Strucker llegó a arruinar todos los planes, aunque lo habían capturado, no era suficiente, quería vengarse, necesitaba hacerlo pagar por haber destruido a su familia, pero sus compañeros de equipo no se lo permitieron, afirmaron que iba a pagar, sin embargo ellos no entendían lo que significabas para él, nada sería suficiente para compensar lo que le había quitado.

 I've been searching for a trail to follow again Take me back to the night we met

 Podía recordar con lujo de detalle cómo se habían conocido, ambos habían entrado como nuevos reclutas para S.H.I.E.L.D.

 Tú solías estar apartada del resto de los reclutas, casi siempre sola, parecías muy tímida, él en cambio solía estar siempre conversando con alguno de sus compañeros.

Eso fue precisamente lo que le llamó la atención a Brock de ti, no comprendía los motivos por los que alguien tan hermosa como tú no quisieras llamar la atención.

Se sintió afortunado cuando les tocó en el mismo equipo en la primera práctica.

—T/N T/A —te presentaste extendiendo tu mano.

—Brock Rumlow —respondió tomando tu mano.

Eran un gran equipo, siempre dieron los mejores resultados.

La primera vez que te pidió una cita, nunca antes se había sentido tan nervioso, por un momento creyó que lo ibas a rechazar, entró a la oficina en la que estabas trabajando para invitarte.

— ¿Quieres ir a la feria? —te invitó.

— ¿Contigo? —preguntaste distraída.

—Si…bueno…olvídalo —se retractó.

Parpadeaste un poco, al fin habías comprendido lo que Brock te había preguntado.

—Me encantaría, siempre y cuando solo seamos tú y yo —respondiste.

Sonrió un poco, los nervios habían desaparecido.

—Sólo tú y yo, el sábado a las siete paso por ti a tu casa, ¿te parece? —pregunto.

—Perfecto.

 And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do

 Alzó un poco más la vista, en una silla estaba el primer peluche que te había regalado, la cara que habías puesto hizo que valiera la pena, había sido una primer cita exitosa.

 — ¿Quieres algún peluche? —te preguntó cuando pasaron frente a uno de los puestos.

— ¿Sabes jugar? Yo soy muy mala para esos juegos —dijiste.

Se detuvieron frente al puesto y pagó.

— ¿Cuál peluche quieres? —cuestionó.

—Ese perro —señalaste.

Nunca antes se había sentido tan presionado por ganar un premio, jugó y lo ganó, enseguida te lo entregó, parecías una niña pequeña.

—Gracias, eres muy hábil —agradeciste

Le diste un pequeño beso en la boca, apenas le rozaste los labios, pero eso había sido suficiente para él.

 And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you

 Tus besos, los iba a extrañar, tu cuerpo, tus caricias, todo de ti.

 Él necesitaba saber que eran ustedes para saber cómo comportarse, si solo era una aventura, haría a un lado sus sentimientos.

— ¿Entonces que somos? —te preguntó.

— ¿No somos novios? Yo creí que…

—Es que nunca lo habíamos hablado…

—Entonces debo suponer que no somos nada o podemos ser novios si es lo que quieres —dedujiste.

Te  besó.

 I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met

 Sentía que todo era su culpa, debió insistirte que te quedaras ese día en la base con Wanda, si pudiera regresar el tiempo, evitaría que fueras a la misión.

 Estaban acostados en la cama después de haber hecho el amor, tú tenías la cara escondida en el pecho de él, mientras él te abrazaba con un brazo y con la otra mano acariciaba tu cabello.

—Cásate conmigo —dijo de pronto.

— ¿Hmm?

Alzaste la cara, no estabas segura de lo que habías escuchado.

—Sé que no es la forma más romántica, pero quiero pasar el resto de mi vida contigo —continuó.

Tú sonreíste, pasaste un dedo por su pecho.

— ¿Seguro? Puedo ser muy insoportable —respondiste.

—Si pudieras sentir lo que siento cuando entras en la habitación, todo sobre ‘nosotros’ cambiaría.

Te mordiste el labio, sabías que él no soportaba la intriga.

—No te veo muy convencido.

—Lo estoy más que nunca, ¿T/N quieres ser mi esposa? —pidió de nuevo.

—Sí, pero solo si me das mi anillo —respondiste riendo.

—Te compraré el que más te guste —prometió.

Te besó y volvieron a hacer el amor.

 I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met

 Acarició con un dedo su anillo de matrimonio, ¿qué iba a hacer ahora?

Vio la foto de su boda, fue uno de los días más felices de su vida, cuando comenzó a pensar en que debería de hacer las cosas bien.

Alzó la foto, para él, tú habías sido la novia más hermosa del mundo con ese vestido.

A veces solían bailar la canción que había sido la de su vals en la boda.

  Tenían cuatro meses de casados, cuando decidió decirte la verdad.

—Tengo algo que confesarte —dijo de la nada.

Lo miraste con duda, aunque seguiste embarrando la mermelada en el pan que estabas desayunando.

— ¿Sales con alguien más? —cuestionaste tratando de mantener la calma.

— ¿Qué? ¡No! No podría hacerte algo así.

—Ah…entonces no puede ser peor —respondiste más tranquila.

—Soy HYDRA —dijo finalmente.

Dejaste caer el pan de tu mano.

— ¿Qué? Oh...Brock…

¿Qué se suponía que ibas a hacer?, nunca sospechaste que él fuera el enemigo.

—Si tú me lo pides voy a confesarle todo a Fury, no quiero perderte, primero escúchame, hay una buena razón para esto…

 Lo habías escuchado y apoyado, al final tal y como te lo prometió le confesó todo a Fury e incluso ayudó a desmantelar la organización enemigos, sin embargo se habían ganado muchos enemigos.

 When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears

 Cuando le anunciaste que estabas embarazada, él de inmediato le impidió que fuera a  más misiones, no pensaba arriesgarte, al fin estaba teniendo la familia que siempre había deseado

Una noche te levantaste al escuchar ruidos, provenían de la que sería la habitación del bebé, al entrar viste a Brock abriendo unas cajas con los muebles que estarían en la habitación.

—Brock, ¿no es muy rápido aún?, digo apenas tengo tres meses —preguntaste.

Él volteó a verte, no creía que estuviera haciendo tanto ruido.

—Todo debe estar listo para cuando llegue —respondió.

 Y cuando nació la pequeña, no le importó que lo vieran lloran, se había prometido que iba a proteger a su hija de cualquier peligro.

Las lágrimas volvieron a caer cuando recordó la noticia de que habías muerto.

 When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met

 —Brock…

Te dolía mucho, él se agachó para revisar tus heridas.

—T/N…aguanta… ya viene la ayuda en camino —aseguró.

—No creo que…

—Shh… todo estará bien, ya vienen en camino —repitió.

Él trataba de detener la pérdida de sangre, pero ya habías perdido demasiada.

—Te amo, dile a nuestra hija que la amo también, cuídala por favor, perdón…

Trató de hacer que no siguieras hablando para evitar que te quedaras sin energías.

La espera en el hospital se le había hecho eterna, en cuanto vio al médico de inmediato se levantó.

—Lo siento, no lo lograron —le informaron.

— ¿Lograron? —preguntó.

La noticia fue como un balde de agua fría.

 I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met

 Estabas embarazada de tres semanas, no podía dejar de preguntarse porque no le habías dicho aún, lo que él no sabía era que tú le ibas a decir en la noche que volvieran de la misión.

Se limpió las lágrimas cuando escucho que la puerta se abría.

— ¿Papi? —entró la pequeña a su habitación.

—Hey princesa —respondió abriendo sus brazos para que se acercara.

La niña corrió a abrazarlo.

—Lo siento se me escapó —se disculpó Wanda entrando.

Brock le hizo una seña de que estaba bien.

— ¿Mami ya no me quiere? —preguntó de pronto la pequeña.

— ¿Qué? ¿Por qué dices eso? —cuestionó Brock.

Él había pedido que aún no le dijeran nada de lo que había pasado, quería explicárselo él mismo.

—Ya no regresó —respondió.

—Tu mami te ama, ¿recuerdas a Lucky?

— ¿El perro de mamá? Si, le gustaba que le diera de mis dulces.

—Mamá y Lucky están juntos —explicó Brock.

— ¿En el cielo?

—Sí, desde ahí nos van a cuidar —continuó.

— ¿Por qué no dijo adiós? ¿Ya no iremos al parque el sábado? —preguntó la niña angustiada.

Brock suspiró, era más difícil de lo que había pensado, le habían prometido que irían el fin de semana los tres.

—En un rato iremos a despedimos de tu mami, no te preocupes, tú y yo iremos al parque —le dijo.

Se levantó y la cargó, era hora de ir a tu funeral, iba a ser muy difícil, seguía sintiendo que su mundo se derrumbada, daría todo por volver al día que te conoció y evitar cometer todos los errores, sería capaz de hacer cualquier cosa con tal de que estuvieras viva.

Sin embargo no podía dejarse vencer, su hija lo necesitaba.