#janesmoon

Do you know the look of love?

the look so deep and so involved that it gets you thinking there is nothing else like it. 

its a look your smile can't disguise. it also can't deny that it loves you.

the look of love that makes time look like it can await. 

tonight let it be the start of so many nights like it is... 

seal it all with a kiss ... 

“ I can't hardly wait to hold you... “

the look of love... a love so deep it is impossible to wait, it is impossible to put a side. 

the look of love, a love so deep no one else will be able to give. 

a love so deep it ends with you and me. 

the look of love ... like the jazz played by Diana on her latest days. 

The look of love, you know... the look you give me when you're deep inside my wet walls, as you feel like everything is just fine but you know it is definitely not.

the look of love. 

No words were said we just hugged each other. A hug so deep and passionate.

You start kissing me, as you kiss me i try to hold back my tears, i try to understand why are you here?

I just told you we needed to part ways but instead of simply letting me leave... you come home and remind me why having you in my life is such a relive.

We made love all night & as you stroke me i cry, i don’t know if you can feel th tears falling down my eyes but as soon as you look at me i try to hide.

Why? Why? Baby don’t you understand i need to fix me before I’m able to love you right.

But you insist I’d be the light you see at night.

As i woke up this morning, there you were laying next to me like every night before. I was happy but a little sad, i knew you were only near me because you were mad.

Mad that i can’t love you the way you want to be love, mad that i can’t fix myself quick enough.

I’ll be honest i don’t know where to start but I’ve come to the conclusion that i have to let you go.

I love you so much i can no longer hurt you. Although those were never my intentions i didn’t see that clearly because i have yet to fix me, i have yet to love me completely to be able to love you how you wish to be loved.

My Star,

The one that surrounds me...the moon. wether is there or not you complete me. Wether I’m half or full you make me exist.

My Star,

The one i wished upon one day and all my dreams came true but i was so confused and lost i didn’t know if it was true.

My Star,

I wish i could love you right, i wish i could explain to you why I’ve done all the things I’ve done but i can’t. For some reason I’m lost in my own mistakes.

My Star,

You shine so bright, you stand out. You remind me everyday why i have to change, why i have to focus on me to be the best me i can be.

My Star,

No there is nobody else, yes you’re the only one but seems like you’ll never understand that. Seems like i will always be telling lies.

My Star,

The one I’m trying to figure out how i would live without, the one that i wish i could hold in my arms everynight. But i refuse to be doubted any longer, i refuse to disappoint you, i refuse to question my every doing and wondering if I’m treating you right every night.

My Star,

I rather us part ways and maybe one day meet again, rather than continue playing this game neither one of us can understand.

My Star,

But instead I’ll get your “i love you” tattooed on my wrist where i once tried to end it all.

You saved me that night, no matter how angry you were you stayed by me.

You saw the weakest me there was and you didn’t give up, you still told me you loved me.

I promised you I’d never be that weak again, but not having you with me is my weakest link.

I’d get your name tattooed on my heart if i knew we’d meet again.

But instead I’ll tattoo Love VS Hate on my wrist to remind me love won.

Although it didn’t win when it came to us i hope hate didn’t win either.

I ask myself...

How could you?

Why would you?

And why didn’t you?

How could you lie to someone that loves you?

Why would you lie to someone that cares?

Why didn’t you stop yourself from all these fairytales?

How could you live with yourself?

Why would you not love him as much as he loved you?

Why didn’t you just tell him the truth?

Then i answer every question and none of it made sense...

That’s when i realized i had a problem, a problem much bigger than any other problem i had in this world.

That’s when i realized that i needed to change.

That’s when i came to the conclusion that if i loved this men the way i said i did i would not hurt him.

That’s when i told myself “if you truly love him you’ll let him go and let him find the definition of real love”.

That’s when i started to cry the most because i knew i didn’t want anyone else loving him, i didn’t want anyone learning his needs and wants. I didn’t want to share his best qualities with NOONE.

But the fact that I’ve done all that I’ve done also made me realize that this is what’s best. He deserves someone to love him the way i crave to be loved and it seems like right now i can’t give him that because I’m still learning how to love myself.

Therefore how could i not want happiness for him?

Why would i keep him all to myself?

The days seem longer.

I’ve been laying in the living room since 3pm.

Watching tv, feeling useless. Wishing to do things but i can’t seem to get up.

I miss you.

But i know this is what’s best for the both of us.

Although It’s so lonely with out you.

Never share you with the world, but i do want the world to see you are mine.

I wish life was as easy as we make it seem.

Thinking of ways to love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated while also finding a way to make you happy on the daily.

I wish love wasn’t as complicated.

The way we love one another seems to be so different and hard to explain.

I wish i could start over with you.

That way i can make mistakes that I’m ok with making and i know you’ll be ok with too.

I wish the world was ending ...

Dear Me,