Hi I'm the girl behind itsnotjustpms. My post of the woman saying feminism shouldn't be judged by men seems to be getting misconstrued a lot. She's not saying it should just be judged by how beneficial it is to women. She's saying that it's great that men are getting involved with feminism because it does affect them! However, whether a guy supports it or not shouldn't affect the women's decision to support it. Also, being able to make that post doesn't keep her from being oppressed.
I’m going to address this in reverse. First of all: yes, having the capacity to go online and receive a sympathetic audience when you discuss the social/political movement that gave you more rights than other people does mean that she’s not oppressed. You need a very specific definition of oppression, one with a really low entry requirement, to claim that women in the first world are oppressed.
Next: you are completely right that a person’s decision to support a movement or identify with it should not depend on other people. It should depend on the movement and the individual. Just as I don’t identify as a feminist any more, and do not support the organizations and institutions that do identify as feminist. And I think that people who are interested in actual equality and real-world fairness should not identify as feminist. Not because of people, but because of the verifiable and concrete harm that feminism has inflicted.
But she, much like many other feminists, and perhaps like you yourself, is trying to get men involved in feminism, trying to bolster the ranks. And since feminism hurts men, intentionally and systematically, I don’t consider that to be a good thing.
Look, here’s the boil-down: people tout feminism as an equality movement. But it’s only equality for one gender. It has endless patience, resources, energy, and interest in helping first-world women in any way it can to any degree that it can with no regard to long-term consequences. This has created an environment where men have great disadvantages, but feminism persists in helping only women and preventing any attempts to help men.
That is why I said that feminism should not be judged only by what it has done for women. The whole story is important, the whole context is important.