#thathappened

So a gecko somehow got into my bathroom. I noticed him when im about to take a shower. I’m like “is that alive or just my gramps dogs chew toy that he put up there to prank me.

It moves. It’s real. I freak out, run out of the bathroom.

Now my parents come in, and they realize it. So now they get stuff to catch it and release it outside. By now I’ve named it Jeff. My sister is just laughing.

Cut to my parents trying to catch this gecko. It’s two fully grown humans vs a tiny reptile.

The gecko is winning.

They finally catch Jeff and release it outside.

We just found a dead caterpillar. It’s name is Greg.

Me: WOW said the broken californain down!

Idiot: ugh u kids and ur stupid rock

Me: this isnt stupid rock this is ART

Idiot: * runs away crying*

Epic teacher: wow that was absolutely epic have an harvard scholarship

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This is all your fault, @shadylainey!

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Prompt #33 Modern AU: Claire auditions for a role opposite Jamie who has been cast as the male lead in a TV drama.

Sooooo  NSFW.  Maybe not safe for home, either.  Yeah.  You’re welcome…

“Well, that erection is long gone,” said Jamie to himself as he stood at the door. It took him three tries to get the card to work.  He was slightly surprised Claire didn’t come to open the door for him. She’d been as horny for him as he was for her.

He didn’t understand. Until he stepped inside the room.

She hadn’t heard him.

She was on the balcony, gazing over the city.  The sun was beginning to go down, ruddy and orange through the southern California haze. What he noticed first was the glowing halo around her, a silhouette of her shape backlit by golden light.  She’d taken her hair out of the braids and bun, and the curls were tousled around her head, glinting with highlights of auburn and mahogany and maple.

He stared at her as she stood there, looking small and fragile and lovely.  She still had her dress on, but she’d kicked off her shoes, which made her look that much tinier.

Jamie stealthily removed his boots and socks, pulled his shirt off, and walked out to join her. He stepped behind her, gathering her to him firmly, breathing in her scent.  He grunted quietly at his body’s response to her.  He was a young man still, but the thought had crossed his mind that he wouldn’t be able to get aroused again.  His poor cock had been on a roller-coaster all afternoon and evening, and he had feared it would just go on strike or give out from exhaustion. He sighed gratefully; neither appeared to be the case.

“God, Claire,” he whispered into her hair, “With you in my arms, I feel like…” he grinned cheekily to himself, “the King of the World.” She was gorgeous, and he did feel something in the depths of his soul, some connection, some force drawing them together.

She turned to face him, her eyes lazily caressing his form from his long toes to his curly hair.  “That’s my line, James Fraser,” she said gently, reaching her arms around his waist. She pulled him to her, and her lashes fluttered wide, blinking in astonishment at what she felt.  She swore in a near whisper, “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!”

Jamie laughed, gently cupping Claire’s chin to kiss her, “Well, I havena heard that one before.  And aye, my desire for you exists,” he said.  “But that’s neither here nor there.  We can take all the time ye need.”

“It has been such a long day,” she voiced in a near-yawn. “I debated lying down while you were gone, but I would have been snoring in two minutes.  What took so long?”

“Left my wallet on your table.  Walked up the stairs as penance.”  He paused, furrowing his brow.  “Do ye think, Claire, that maybe the universe is trying to tell us something?  Maybe we should save this chemistry for the show?”

“And waste this?” she said incredulously, glancing downward to where their bodies were sandwiched together. His erection twitched at being mentioned.  

“I’m serious,” Jamie said. “I believe in something bigger—I dinna ken whether ye’d call it fate or providence or God or karma.  But the condom… and then the wallet… maybe the universe is trying to tell us something.”

“I think the only thing the universe is telling us is that you didn’t plan to have sex today and you forgot your wallet upstairs.” Claire said firmly.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Jamie shook his head.  “More that if we do this, it’s going to set off a series of events that we canna control.”

“You mean, that we’ll jinx the show?” Claire asked skeptically.  “Have you read the script?  It’s probably going to be terrible,” she said.  “A television show based on a tragedy that was over within 24 hours?  I know it’s about the Titanic, but they even titled it ‘Sinking’? Seriously, I have no false hope about a long-running career. It’s not based on some series of eight or nine well-beloved novels or anything.”  She nodded again, certain.  “Oh, it’s definitely going to suck.”

Jamie looked at her, eyes narrowed. “I dinna ken if I agree wi’ ye on that,” he said, shaking his head and cursing his stupid nervous tell.  No, he was pretty sure it was going to suck, too.

“But this, Jamie,” she emphasized, looking into his eyes.  “This? You and me?  I have the distinct impression that this will not suck. At all. Though there might be some sucking involved…” her voice trailed off and she bit her bottom lip, her eyes going hungrily to his mouth.

He was looking at her lips, too, ripe and red and velvety.  She looked delicious.  

Claire reached her hands up to the nape of his neck, drawing her fingers back towards herself along the scruff of his jawline.

Fate be damned, thought Jamie, as he bent his mouth to hers and crushed her in a fervent embrace.

They were inside the room in seconds, sliding door shut to the city noises outside.  Her hands at the fastener of his slacks, his fingers at her buttons.  

She’d really fucking re-buttoned all those damn fucking buttons?

When his pants had dropped around his ankles, she knocked his hands out of her way and made quick work of unbuttoning the buttons on her dress herself. Jamie stepped back to watch her, filled with desire. She stopped when the dress was undone to her waist, not breaking eye contact with him as she slowly slipped the bodice off first one shoulder and then the other, revealing perfect globes of breasts with rose-hued nipples.  The dress hung on her hips and she didn’t appear to be in any rush to remove it the rest of the way.

Jamie gazed at her nipples.  He wanted to taste them.  He didn’t want to lay down yet, but he was too damn tall, Jamie thought.  Even though she was a wee thing in comparison to him, she knew exactly what she wanted. She pushed him backward to the bed, whipping the covers down, forcing him to sit and then stepping in between his legs, her arms resting on his shoulders.

He reached around her hips and pulled her closer to him.  Christ, she had the roundest arse.  He closed his eyes and groaned, kneading and massaging her with his sizeable hands.

She squeaked, an adorable little sound.  When he opened his eyes again, her breasts were inches from his face.  He grasped one with his hand, again relishing the weight and feel of her, the way her flesh cushioned his fingers, the way he could feel her nipple hardening under his palm.  He licked his lips slightly, then took her other nipple into his mouth, gripping her breast with his lips and stroking her with his tongue.  

She was gasping; her head dropped back, baring her neck.  He left her nipple for a moment, sampling the skin over her collarbone, licking the hollow at the base of her neck, gripping her hair and pulling her head down to him so he could suck under her ear and nip her earlobe.

She pulled away for a moment to shimmy out of her dress and drop it to the floor.  She was in the process of kneeling in front of him, but Jamie stopped her.  “Ladies first,” he said huskily, standing, ushering her to the spot he’d been sitting.

He knelt between her legs as she lay back on the bed.  He took charge, lifting first one and then the other leg to rest on his shoulders.

“If it’s no how ye like it, ye can direct me,” he said, turning his face to gently kiss her inner thighs. From the lack of orders and the increasing volume of Claire’s moans, he could tell what he was doing was just fine. He parted her folds, his tongue searching out that sensitive swelling, circling and stroking her.

His hands free, Jamie alternated between caressing her buttocks, stroking her legs and reaching for her breasts. Her squeals were getting faster and shriller, and she was clenching her muscles, her legs squeezing against him. Jamie smiled as she froze with one last cry and then collapsed, liquid and stunned on the bed.

By the time she’d recovered conscious thought, young master Fraser had gotten a little weary from such a busy day.  Jamie stayed where he was, considering how best to proceed.  He needn’t have worried about it.

“My turn,” Claire said, extending a hand to help him off the floor and return him to the spot where he had been sitting.  He didn’t lie back at first.  He liked watching, and she appeared to like to be watched, meeting his eyes as she licked his length.  When she had his full attention, she sucked him into her mouth, an entirely new sensation for him.

“You’re huge,” she said, gasping and chuckling.  She’d made a slightly strangled noise as she’d taken him in her mouth. She wasn’t lying. A little attention and his friend had returned to full working order. 

“Are ye ready for me?” he asked, reaching for the condom he’d put on the bedside table. “God, I want ye so bad. May I?”

“Yes,” she sighed, as he helped her up, gently laid her back upon the bed, and with a groan on his part and a gasp on hers, he took her.

It was so good, so hellishly, fuckingly good.  Jamie relished the warmth and tightness of her around him, the way she moved with him, raked her nails across his back, met his eyes with a hungry gaze, and grabbed his ass, pulling him even closer to her.  When he finally came, it was the longest awaited orgasm he thought he’d ever had.  Towards the end she had squeaked, her eyes wide as he engorged at the last, and she appeared stunned to have come a second time.

Finally they lay on their backs on the bed.  Claire was flushed, her hair spilling around her on her pillow.  She blinked her eyes several times.  It took her several tries to find her voice.  “You said, Jamie, that when I’m in your arms, you feel like the king of the world?” she asked.

“Aye,” he grunted, rolling on his side to admire her and stroke her velvet skin.

“I couldn’t say how you feel,” she said.  “But I am convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that I’ve just been bedded by a king among men.”

The End.  Finally.  Truly.  Really.  :)  You’re welcome. Now where’s my husband?

🎁🌆 🚢 👄🎢🦐👅🐱🐡🛌👌👌👌☺️🤴👨👨👨👨

Well, actually, decided to continue this thing!