I mean I can’t really be mad.
I’ve been going back and forth a million times in my head. Is that called overthinking?
Because if it is, then I suffer bad from it. I typically am good at being able to quiet my thoughts from avoiding feeling THOUSANDS of different feelings, but lately, its been the only thing I feel like I have been able to do correctly.
Let me tell you why.
I’ve basically got myself into an interesting situation. I didn’t expect to continue to keep feeling this way. I am typically good at knowing when its time to step away from something that isn’t serving me in the ways I need it to. Not to say that I take advantage, I just know that I am worth more than some of the things that I allow to happen. Which results in me not allowing them to continue to keep happening.
However, for this situation. I almost don’t even know how to say no & THAT IS NOT LIKE ME. & it really screws with my mind. Because WHY am I still stuck in this when I know better?
The answer: Every time I finally am like “you know, I am much better off & I can detach from this crappy feeling that leaves me depleted” & when I finally decide to make that decision and am feeling good. BAMMMM, the universe is like “sike, we got other plans” & the situation once again reappears like a freaking WRECKING BALL back into my life. Theres really never anything good that comes out of it.
okay, i’m lying. Theres been plenty of good things that has came out of it, but I also feel like I shouldn’t be feeling empty if it is meant to be good, you know?
Well, fortunately for me, I am living in true anxiety from knowing that some of my future plans are probably going to entirely screw me up for most likely another month and although, I am terrible sad about knowing that....I CANT SAY NO. Ugh.
I keep trying to justify:
“Well, I don’t think its meant to be this way, I think I am just overthinking it.”
“I think everyone in this party is just trying to figure it out and therefore, it isn’t directed towards me.”
“I don’t think that anyone in this party has bad intentions. I think that everyone is going through their own thoughts and feelings and can in result lead to feeling empty because well, we’re all empty”
So, I mean, I can’t really be mad right? I’ve let it go on multiple occasions, just for the occasion to automatically keep back. So wtf does that mean?
