the transgenderness of lachryma. walk with me.
meta commentary. tf describes it as "a song about self-deceit" and has repeatedly talked about it as a song addressing The Self in some capacity.
lyrics. so, this, directed at The Self:
if it's about self-deceit, then the "it" feeding on/eating the speaker is the thing the speaker is lying to themself about. this "it" is something the speaker is paranoid about because they believe everyone around them can tell, and they can't escape from a lie they're telling themself, ABOUT themself.
then there's the first and second verse.
verse 1 is the speaker addressing this part of themself, this part that represents Not Being Honest About Some Part Of Themself, as a vampire. i interpret this to imply that the thing they are pretending to be is something that's sucking the life out of them.
verse 2 frames this situation as something that's only worsening over time. even though it may have initially served a purpose and potentially made some things easier ("sweet"), this form of self-deceit is destructive.
the chorus is just about the speaker's response to this situation and acceptance of the internal grief it's causing.
the final lines of the song are very blunt: "i need somebody new now / I'm done." the version of the self that was upholding this deceit and suppression cannot be allowed to keep existing.
3. the video. it opens with a shot of this little house silhouette on a hill, then cuts in a way to suggest what we see next is the interior of that house, in the room with the lit window.
...which is a bedroom. the narrative here is about a woman who is afraid to get out of bed because there is a demonic-looking guy in her room who keeps terrorizing her and essentially scaring her into staying put.
at the climax of the song, she gets out of bed and stares at herself in the mirror.
then, at the final chorus, she lipsyncs the line "i'm done" twice.
when the song ends on "i'm done" she sees the demonic guy in the corner of the mirror and turns around to look at him.
he then slips away into the shadows and she smirks at herself in the mirror.
now! the rest of the video, happening concurrently with this, is v singing and the band playing in a little courtyard set. observers may note that v has, essentially, the exact same hair as the girl in the room.
the silhouette of the house on the hill is visible in most shots from within the courtyard, but prominently so when v is singing the chorus. it also pops up frequently near v's head with v in the foreground.
what is happening in the house is presented as a visual metaphor for what the song is about (good job me, that's what a music video is!). because the house is just a cartoon silhouette in the parts with the band, it implies the house is on a lower level of "reality" than what's happening on the courtyard stage. it implies that, as v is the current speaker of the song, what is happening in the bedroom reflects v's thought process re: the lyrics.
4. what does any of this mean.
this is a song about deceiving yourself and perceiving that what you are projecting out into the world is a worse version of yourself that is keeping a more vulnerable, more authentic one captive. it is also about the paranoia that this self-deception is visible to everyone around you. the bottom line is that the lies are 1) not working anymore, and 2) causing you active harm.
crucially, this is also not about someone who has already made the change and addressed this self-deception. this is a song about realizing that a change is necessary and imminent.
the way this was visually presented is through showing a young woman who is trapped in place by a demonic man.
this song is sung by a character whose actual appearance is kind of difficult to parse due to a mask and a bunch of bullshit, but who, underneath that, has the same hairstyle as the trapped woman. also they are both singing the song.
which could mean nothing.
