#is everything

Kevin held the sink. His head hurted and fatigue made him feel foggy.

He pulled the underside of his left eye, searching for a glimpse of light in those green orbs. But his reflection only showed traumas and hungover.

He never thought he could be happy someday, even with the monsters by his side. Riko would forever live in his every thought. They were dictated by his voice and even the grass and his notebook made Kevin come back to him.

He couldn't escape it. He did run away from the nest but he will never run away from the nightmare he called ‘brother’ once upon a time.

His sight drifted to his nose, his hair and eyebrows… He was now looking for Wymack’s features. He wanted to look more like him and less like the Ravens who all ended up with the same eyebags and irritated lips as his.

He couldn’t find anything. His throat tightened when he realized that all he had from him was his competitiveness and probably his alcohol problems.

He never knew what a father was and Wymack never knew a son who got to do his first step, first game, and first party... He didn’t even know he had a son in the first place!

His heart ached, he always wanted to be perceived by playing, he hoped that, maybe, Wymack wondered what it was like to have a son like him.

He was too scared to tell him, too scared to be a burden, too scared to look as weak and helpless as he really was.

He remembered being proud to be in charge of recommending players, to pick Neil and seeing he was right to choose him even though he, at certain times, regretted it. He thought that if Neil was a burden, then Wymack would never trust him for such important things anymore.

Kevin could hear someone knocking at the door. He slowly managed to open it. Neil entered without a word and closed behind them.

“You've been in there since forever, I thought you passed out.”

Kevin glared at him and went back to staring at himself. “I will soon if you don't shut it.”

“What are you looking for?”

“Who told you I was looking for something?”

He didn’t want Neil here but maybe he could help. He was the only one to know about Wymack being his father.

“No one,” he shrugged. “I was just wondering why looking at yourself takes you so much time.”

“I’m not-”

“Come on.” he stood next to him, staring through the mirror. “You can’t fool me.”

“Do I look like him?”

“Riko?”

“The coach.” Those words felt like glass in his mouth, he was only a player by the eyes of his biological father. He felt ashamed and washed his hands to distract himself with cold water. “Forget it.”

“You do,” Kevin raised his head, surprised and full of hope. “You have the same gestures sometimes when we're training.”

“I really do?”

Neil nodded. “You probably look more like your mother though.”

He sat on the dry corner of the sink and started at the wall. Kevin went back to look in the mirror but this time, it was to look at his arms. He was proud to conserve something from his mother, but he still didn’t feel like David Wymack’s son. His gestures did not look like him at all. Neil must have lied…

“You can’t see it through your point of view, you’ll probably feel like an impostor all your life.” He said while swinging his legs. “You should tell him.”

“And what?” Kevin spatted. “He’ll feel uncomfortable and won't even address or look at me? No thanks.”

“Not his type.”

“Like you know him better.”