#invalidated

Ooooooohhhhhh I’ve been waiting to talk about this because I think about it SO much. Basically, I want to talk about how people always say that “Merlin and Arthur are brothers” and “stop trying to make everything queer” and “just because they hugged doesn’t mean they’re gay” and—you get the idea. Today I’ll be hitting the first point, and will be doing two and three in other posts.

Queer interpretation doesn’t invalidate male platonic intimacy

Fiction v. Real Life

Did anything actually change?

ONE:

To start off, queer interpretation is just that: it’s a different perspective on the same piece of art/whatever. When people try to say that there’s a crisis in male friendship because of queer interpretation, I struggle to see the reasoning. Why does someone saying that a pair on TV seems queer affect the way you see that pairing?

Really, it’s an inadvertent way for many men to accidentally invalidate their own friendships. When men in these intimate friendships become insecure because of a queer interpretation of that same sort of intimacy on screen, and when they try to tell queer people that they shouldn’t be speculating in this way, they give unwanted power to those who don’t want to wield it. All most people want is representation in the sparse land of English film and tv. So what if I think that Merlin and Arthur hugging in that way is gay as hell? You can still hug your male friend as a man in that same way and it not be queer (mind blowing). The point is, just because queer people are interpreting media in a queer way, doesn’t mean they’re trying to invalidate male intimacy and male friendship. And trying to say that there should be no queer discussion or interpretation is like saying that people can’t have any other opinion than a heteronormative one.

Want to also recommend that you watch AreTheyGay’s YouTube video on the “crisis of male friendship”. It’s so well crafted and I draw a lot from it!

part two sooooon. Stay along with me if you want to hear my bit on fiction v. Real life male intimacy!

When my plans change it often causes a meltdown where my brain can't even comprehend doing anything else. I cannot even imagine a plan B that would work.

Yesterday I was going for a hike. I had planned a big long hike - hoping for at least 10km.

When I walk in the mornings I talk to my mom on the phone. This helps distract me from the fact that I'm walking. (I had gotten to the point where I loved walking but I've gained a lot of weight and haven't walked in so long that I'm back to hating it, but I need to get back to it).

I ran into two coywolves in the trail. Right at the beginning, I was not even 1.5km into my walk/hike. The first one just ran by along the side of the hill. The second one, about 2 min further along the trail, was up on the crest of the hill. He saw me and turned around and started stalking me from up above. Had he not done that I would have been okay, but the stalking made me pretty uncomfortable. I decided I had to abandon my hike and headed back out.

Abandoning the plan, having to change my plan, caused a meltdown. I got really agitated. My brain could not wrap itself around anything else being a comparable plan b. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to quit. I needed time and space to process the change in plans before I'd be able to switch directions and do something else.

My mom does not understand this despite having tried to explain it to her many many many times. She immediately launched into my 30 other options to get exercise since a hike through the woods was not happening anymore - walk around town, go home and do one of my exercise videos, put music on when I get home, and dance... She continued with "something is better than nothing" and "that's what I do, I just switch to plan b when something doesn't work out" and "just do it". I tried to explain to her that I couldn't do any of those other things. My brain had shut down and just the thought of doing all those other things which I enjoy CONSIDERABLY less was making me even more upset and agitated. I started to sound angry and she hung up on me.

I wasn't sure if we got disconnected or if she had hung up. I waited 5 min and called her back and asked if she was done talking to me. She told me I was getting angry at her for just trying to help and it was upsetting her and ruining her walk. I, of course, apologized for how I had made her feel. I didn't get the same consideration.

My mom refuses to learn about being neurodivergent. She refuses to accept anything other than I'm "unique, just like everyone else". She cannot comprehend that I cannot do the things that she can "just do". She cannot comprehend that the tactics that work for her do not work for me - at all. She's constantly pushing on me what she can do and how I should be the same. When she launches into the things I "should just do" or the things that "work for her" so basically why don't they work for me - it makes me feel inferior, less than. It makes me feel, as always, that I will never live up to her expectations. It makes me feel like I'll never be good enough - a feeling I've had my entire life. I feel ashamed for who I am.

I am at my wit's end with trying to make her understand me. I can only explain and re-explain so many times. She is just so completely self-absorbed and ignorant. - cannot imagine anyone not being able to do things the way she can. Cannot understand why if she can push through something why anyone else couldn't. Can't understand that not everyone's brain has the same capabilities. I

i knew it was the beginning of the end when he cared more about the mother he knew nothing about than the supposed friend he did.

i should have cut him from my life sooner. as soon as he suggested i give everything to her just because she’s dying.