Driven By Dopamine

If someone you know is struggling, instead of saying, "I hope you have a great day!" which can feel like added pressure. Try, "I hope today is gentle with you." It's still positive but it's softer, kinder, and more validating. It's impact vs intent

I miss the quiet, the calm, the low demands, and the expectation that you would NOT go out into the world.

The questions, the noises, the demands, the expectations... I knew I couldn't do it.

Yet, here I am, caregiver of a toddler. A toddler that is with me 24/7.

So may questions, so many demands, so many expectations. So much "don't do that" and then watching them do it anyway. "please do this" and watching them walk away and do something else. Saying things they shouldn't, talking to them about it, and having them do it again. And again. And again.

Plot twist: my brain is that out of control, misbehaving, toddler.

This is how my brain manages requests when I'm burnt out, emotionally charged, or overwhelmed.

It wants to know if I'm human before it will process anything and present me with the resulting information.

2 steps forward and 8 steps back.

This cycle is like burning a house down a little at a time.

First you accidentally set something on your stove on fire. Easy enough to put out but there's definitely a bit of smoke damage and a terrible smell. Smell goes away but you never get around to cleaning up that smoke damage.

A while later your Christmas tree catches on fire while you're not home. Your neighbours notice the flames and the fire department puts it out before it burns down the whole house. But you lose everything in that room. And you can't afford to replace it. You'll just have to do without.

Shortly after that there's an electrical fire. Old wiring you were never able to update. The whole house is on fire. The smoke detectors don't work. You're asleep. Nobody notices the whole house is up in flames. Eventually the Fire department shows up but at that point their main priority is to minimize damage to nearby properties. Nobody knows you're home. Nobody checks on you.

Being sick is such a sensory nightmare. I sit down, I sit up, i lay down, I get up and stand in the middle of the room, I turn the lights on, I close the curtains, I turn the lights off, I turn different lights on, I change my shirt, I change my pants, I change my shirt again, I put on another shirt, I turn on the heater, I open the window, I close the window, I get a blanket, I kick the blanket off, I put my hair up, i take it back down...

Too hot

Too cold

Too hot

Too bright

Too dark

Wrong light temperature

Chair is uncomfortable

Sitting is uncomfortable

Shirt is too tight

Pants are too loose.

Socks are itchy

Hair is hot

Hair is itchy

Hair is sore