May 15
when i donât feel like a fictional character i donât feel like anyone
I donât have my own identity
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when i donât feel like a fictional character i donât feel like anyone
I donât have my own identity
x
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Sometimes I feel like my "memories," attachment, and ability to predict what's going to happen next is just me being a writer and that kin isn't real. I wish someone could prove fictionkin as fact already.
i generally consider myself a psychological kin + not a system, but sometimes my canon/s really really rock/s me to the point of body-shaking heartache and tears (and elation too!! so many wonderful good feelings). i feel self-conscious talking about "my canon" or "my source" in such vivid detail since i'm a singlet + not spiritual, but it's so incredibly ingrained in my head and in my heart how things are for Me. it makes me feel like a bit of an imposter, ahaha.
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I feel like a lot of people donât take their identities as seriously as I do. I respect that, obviously â you donât have to be super serious about it â but itâs a tad disheartening being surrounded by other kins (sourcemates especially) that donât share your âlevelâ of identity for lack of better words. Other people seem to just go about their days, but I frequently feel like something, everything, is missing. Iâm extremely attached to my canon and miss almost every aspect of it, even the negatives. I so desperately want to share my experiences with others who share my attachment to the identity (funny, lol, how attachment is absolutely not encouraged to many folks in my canon [Star Wars, for anyone curious/seeking]). I want to interact with people I knew, like we were back in canon. I need that feeling. This identity is such a large part of me, and I often feel unrepresented at least in my current âkinâ scene. Talking about it feels like ranting to an unsuspecting bystander whoâs just there for the ice cream across the street.
not an irl btw felt the need to clarify
#đđŸ
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this is just to help me, but if it also helps anyone here im glad
youâre afraid youâre âfaking it?â okay, letâs break this down. isnât faking something usually something thatâs purposeful, meant to do? and if it is accidental, why do you miss them so much? your friends, your soulmate, the world you probably left behind. why does your heart leap whenever you hear your theme song, or your soulmateâs theme song. why did you cry so hard when your friends died? why do you refer to your kin as âIâ when you watch the show? if you looked like your kin you wouldnât feel this way. but because everything about you two is different, you think itâs not a real connection. you do not have to feel like your kin all the time. you do not have to be in a kinshift 24/7. you do not have to worry about looking like your kin.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
i have really weird feelings about doubles tbh. the discomfort is almost always there, but the reason for it varies. like. sometimes itâs âam i not me enough? am i lesser? am i even valid??â and other times itâs just âuhh??? youâre not me though? fymâ
and like. i believe in the multiverse. it makes perfect sense to me that there are other mes out there. their existence shouldnât make me feel threatened. no fucking clue why it feels like this. wish it didnât
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that deep-seated fear of not being "in character" enough. and the self-doubt. ah yes, if i say or do something "ooc", everyone who knows anything about my source will execute me at dawn. sure.
identity issues with imposter syndrome on top of identity issues with imposter syndrome pretending to be a dick grayson. yuuuup. nothing to see here doc! a perfectly stable specimen!
- dick grayson/nightwing, #đȘ¶featherwing #fictive
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the AGONY of wanting to find sourcemates or cannonmates but the overwhelming fear we seem like such FAKERS because we don't behave the way other systems or our system friends do. and it's like. yeah we get it, not all one system acts the same but it makes us feel sooo weird when we do something *slightly* different and we feel like such liars even though we KNOW were not. duality of man goood..
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