#introspect

Blog Post #8 Preliminary Drafting: May 6, 2023 Blog Draft Created: June 3, 2023 Blog Posted: June 4, 2023 Post-Publish Revisions: Not Applicable

I claim that I have developed myself as compared to before. But just how much did I develop? Let us see here!

I think that I have developed ever since I took Psych 101, and I also think that my self-analysis based on some psychological developmental theories may be of help to affirm this claim. I am by no means an expert regarding these theories and as such, some statements may be inaccurate in the perspective of some people. However, I will try my best to be as objective in evaluating myself with the help of the theories I selected, namely: Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development and Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development. I will also make use of one mainstream personality theory, particularly, the Big Five Personality Traits. Lastly, I will also be explaining my overall health using concepts related to the mind-gut connection.

A. Pre-Analysis Thoughts

I honestly believe I have improved quite a lot compared to how I started the Psych 101 course. However, there were times when I regressed due to stress and pressure, although I think I have managed stress and pressure quite well now, especially considering my body does not show signs that I am stressed or pressured. In any case, I am pretty confident that I am more or less psychologically healthy. In terms of the concepts that I will be using below, I think that:

My moral orientation fluctuates between Stages 4 to 6.

I am currently in the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage and prefer intimacy.

I became less neurotic and less extroverted.

My mind and my gastrointestinal tract are both functioning well.

While many of these would probably be correct since I also observed that I am becoming more aware of myself and my environment, partly because of taking Self-Defense classes and mostly because of taking the Psych 101 course, some predictions may still be inaccurate due to bias. Additionally, besides the mind-gut connection that has a multitude of scientific bases, the other approaches are still theoretical and thus may not totally be applicable to my case. Considering all of these, there may be differences in the results and my predictions, hence why I also included the last part to address possible test-induced inaccuracies or my personal biases.

B. Before Taking the Course

To be completely honest, I did not have any expectations of what will be discussed within the entire course because I know that different instructors will approach the course differently. As such, I did not have any relevant test results that I have taken immediately prior to the start of the semester. However, analyzing my actions from before may be able to give insights into how I was before.

Even when I was still studying at my Senior High School campus, I already did not like conforming to norms, although this does not mean I break the school conduct. Instead, I do not like to follow what society considers normal—I do not follow fashion trends, I do not use trending apps, I do not play popular games, and many others. It should therefore not be a surprise when I say that I do not entertain beggars, I retaliate when Christians use their religion to justify wrong deeds, and I oftentimes intentionally leave people on seen.

Retrieved from https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/kohlbergstheory/

Therefore, I can say that my moral compass during this time is oriented toward Stages 4, 5, or 6 on Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development (or Theory of Moral Development). Mostly though, since I always consider the benefit of involved parties during this time but not the law, I think I used the Stage 5 orientation the most. Stage 5 of Kohlberg's theory is when a person acts for the benefit of him and other involved parties, hence the reciprocity.

Comparing myself to others, I am a very romantic person when it comes to relationships, hence why I generally tend to be careful with the feelings of my loved ones. I also try to spend as much time as I can with people, going so far as to stay awake until past 1:00 AM if the person I am talking to is dear to me. Additionally, when given enough time to prepare, I make sure that I can give little gifts to my friends when I am going on a trip. I do not really like being isolated from my loved ones, hence my clinginess to people I care for even when sometimes, this clinginess does not show up since I repress them when I think I may be going overboard. To tell you frankly, I used to have adult separation anxiety until as recently as last year. As such, my being clingy to other people, especially my friends and family is not out of the blue. In this case, I am choosing between intimacy and isolation and evidently, I prefer intimacy, even just with those whom I consider friends. For reference, this is the conflict of Stage 6 of Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development, the summary of which can be viewed below.

Photo by V. Sus (2023). Retrieved from https://helpfulprofessor.com/psychosocial-development-theory-erikson-stages/

These two previous theories are age-related and since I am in the respective stages appropriate to my age, prior to taking Psych 101, both my moral development and psychosocial development are not delayed.

The Big Five Personality is a holistic assessment of an individual's personality, although it tends to only be descriptive rather than explanatory according to some researchers (Lim, 2023). However, it remains the personality theory that is the most widely accepted by psychologists of the present day. In this theory, it is said that a human's behaviors can be modeled through five traits: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism, hence the acronym that is often used for the theory, OCEAN. I personally have taken this personality test although unfortunately, I was not able to take it immediately prior to the start of the course. However, I remember taking it last year and scoring quite high on both neuroticism and extraversion. Looking back, I agree with these results as before, I tend to get mad or upset quite easily and even outwardly express these emotions. Moreover, I was also very outgoing back then and connected a lot with the people I love and care about. In retrospect, this could have also been caused by my adult separation anxiety.

As discussed during one of my Psych 101 class meetings, there is a very strong link between mental health and gut health, which is coined as the Mind-Gut Connection. Since December 2021, I have suffered from chronic gastric inflammation called gastritis. Aside from this, if you can correlate it to my Blog Post #6, this is the same year I experienced the trauma related to my so-called "ex-M.U." Turns out, this bout of chronic gastritis could have been attributed to the aftermath of my initial heartbreak. This, in combination with the stresses brought about by the nearing application period for many universities like De La Salle University-Manila, University of Santo Tomas, Far Eastern University, the entire UP System, and many other universities, is what I claim to be the trigger of my chronic gastritis. When I consulted a gastroenterologist, he told me that he cannot pinpoint the cause of my gastritis through my lifestyle and eating habits and so, one of the most probable causes is stress. It can therefore be triangulated that stress is the real cause of my gastritis, hence anecdotally proving the mind-gut connection.

C. After Taking the Course and Comparative Analysis

After taking the course, I honestly learned so many things and while I know myself that I will not remember all the specifics taught to me, I do know that I will remember the concepts, especially those that can be applied to my life. Talking about these concepts, I will be writing below what I think I became in terms of my morality, social development, neuroticism, extraversion, mental health, and gastrointestinal health.

Moral Development

To supplement the definition of Stage 5 from before, the sixth stage of the Moral Development Theory means a person acts based not on acceptance or mutual benefit but based on what they think is right, uninfluenced by the sake of others. As such, this kind of action is fueled by an internal moral compass, adjusted to do things that do not benefit other people even just to some extent. Using this theory, I can definitely see myself fluctuating between Stages 5 and 6, although compared to before where I always use Stage 5, I now mostly use Stage 6 as demonstrated by my prioritization when taking action. Before, I always do group work first because it will benefit not just me but my groupmates too. However, now, I make sure I prioritize my individual work because the amount of work that needs to be done in this individual work tends to be much greater than in group work, thus needing more attention and focus. In addition, when choosing between responding to my friends and doing my academic outputs, I always choose my academic outputs now because while responding quickly to my friends would, to some extent, increase our closeness because they would think I prioritize them, I think academic matters are more important and are therefore my priority for the time being. And yes, I still retaliate when Christians use their religion to justify their wrong deeds and even their superiority complex. Although, instead of attempting to defend a person being attacked, I am retaliating because I think they need to be taught the hard way that anything immoral remains immoral even when any widely accepted book justifies it. In any case, I do not care whether other people agree or not with me, as long as I am doing what I think needs to be done—to prevent the justification of what I think is wrong.

Psychosocial Development

After multiple times of introspection, what I came up with is that I am still in the sixth stage of Psychosocial Development—Intimacy vs. Isolation stage, and I still choose intimacy over isolation even though I am not currently looking for a prospective lifelong partner nor am I looking forward to meeting one in the future. It must be important to note that this stage does not call for wanting a partner for one to desire intimacy over isolation. This intimacy may come from different sources like family, friends, pets, and many other similar beings. As such, my wanting intimacy with friends is enough to justify my desire for intimacy over isolation. As for my separation anxiety, it has thankfully gone away by now, although some of its manifestations like worrying about the well-being of my loved ones from time to time are still present since it has become second nature to me after suffering for so long from adult separation anxiety. Despite this, I still manage to contain my worry and I do not become controlling or overbearing when I am worried about the safety or happiness of my loved ones. Since I still desire intimacy and am also intimate with select friends, it can therefore be concluded that this separation anxiety only increased my wanting intimacy and not directly caused it.

Big Five Personality Traits

I had personally taken the test for this personality typing and if my memory serves me right, my previous test scores for both neuroticism and extraversion are higher compared to the values I received now. Screenshots of my most recent test scores that pertain to neuroticism and extraversion can be seen below.

My neuroticism decreased by a little bit while my extraversion decreased by a lot. Compared to what I can recall wherein I got 80+ for both neuroticism and extraversion, the values seen above are lower, especially the extraversion one. I think the cause of my becoming extraverted is that I am now able to know how important it is to make time for myself and what I actually need to do that benefits me, not that of other people. I used to be quite people-oriented, and I still am, the difference now is that I do not only see how important it is to connect to other people but I also see how important it is to connect to my inner self rather than ignoring it. The slight decrease in neuroticism though is much harder to explain, although I may have a lead as to why it did not decrease significantly. I am quite neurotic ever since I was a child even when I did not experience neglect, I am confident in my skills, and I do not overreact to many things. I think the reason why I still got such a high neuroticism value is because of the high-stress environment around me that causes me to constantly and deeply feel negative emotions. Although, compared to before, the level of stress I experience now is a lot more manageable despite being subjected to arguably a more stressful environment than in senior high school.

Mind-Gut Connection

I personally think my mental health is much more stable now compared to last year's—I do not always feel sad, I am not always stressed, I feel happy when doing daily things, I am interested in learning more than what was taught, and many more. Compared to before when I used to only learn for the sake of complying with the requirements, I only submitted on time for the sake of not being reprimanded, and I only kept my grades good for the sake of not being shouted at, my being curious now is a significant improvement. And my gut health also supports this, as evidenced by my overall healthier gastrointestinal tract. I now do not experience gastritis often, if at all, and I can also eat without feeling nauseous after only eating a small portion. With a small concern being erased, my mind gets put to rest, hence my better mental health. It can therefore be said that the mind-gut connection is not just a symbiotic connection but it also benefits from feedback loops wherein the improvement of one facilitates the improvement of the other which, in turn, facilitates the further improvement of the one.

D. Post-Analysis Thoughts

Summarizing the entire evidence of my improvements, the following key ideas can be seen:

My moral orientation is now oriented toward self or mutual gain, rather than being somehow bound to conventional morality.

I still prefer intimacy over isolation. I do not have problems being intimate with friends as long as the context is right. I am not seeking to have a romantic partner at the moment.

My moral and psychosocial development milestones are appropriate for my age.

Both my neuroticism and extraversion went down. I am still stressed although I can manage the feeling better now.

My mental health and gastrointestinal (gut) health are steadily becoming better. I now do not experience gastritis often.

Perhaps almost next to nothing can be added here since there does not seem to be any disparity when comparing the comparative analysis results and my previous predictions. If anything, it revealed that I am now quite self-aware as even without a lot of intentional and focused reflection sessions, I already know my current self and how it compares to my previous self.

Wooo! That was a lot. If you are still reading till this point, I congratulate you for your unwavering dedication. I appreciate you reading this blog till the end. See you again!

References:

Lim, A.G.Y. (2023). Big Five Personality Traits: The 5-Factor Model Of Personality. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/big-five-personality.html

Psychology Notes HQ. (2020). Kohlberg’s Theory [Online image]. The Psychology Notes HQ. https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/kohlbergstheory/

Sus, V. (2023). Erikson's Psychological Stages [Online image]. Helpful Professor. https://helpfulprofessor.com/psychosocial-development-theory-erikson-stages/

thought to spoken word

and Christian echoes

of nostalgia, rich

in humanity,

beyond symbolic

wisdom, blanketed

blue shakes hands from

the trunk, wraps a true

friend up, good things will

come, saccharine

mush recounted to a

boisterous laugh, smiling

at staying vague, knowing

pitfalls in retrospect, her

ring encircles poise,

reverbing advice like

a windchime, aligning

logic with starfall,

the trio of dorks crossed

upon good luck, and

patience is a virtue

for two of us—that

once wasn’t—now a

must, fulfilled

in fourteen

degreed darkness,

once more, seat reserved

for cold feet, last street,

but it’s okay,

pondering, bones

rattle away fall,

linear adventures,

letting river flow

when she’s tired

of freezing, while

snow takes center

to soften icicles,

with divine glisten,

each flake awaited

by wheels, to rock

a lull, a bygone

The Imitation Game is another name for the Turing Test created by Alan Turing in 1950. It is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behaviour equal to or indistinguishable from that of humans. With advanced technology, we have seen that almost anything can be hacked into and stolen while the victims are left unaware of the situation that has undergone inside their devices. If data is not being hacked into, chances are that the companies of the applications that they use on a regular basis, are stealing data and not for anything good. The Netflix Documentary “The Social Dilemma” which is a play on the title of the movie “The Social Network” which just so happens to be the biopic movie of this guy that you may have heard of called Mark Zuckerberg and how he creates this platform that you may have also heard of called Facebook. The documentary starts off with a touch of irony and a pinch of salt as a bunch of employees who worked or still work at a lot of the big shot companies like Facebook, Google, Twitter, Pinterest, Youtube, Instagram and Snapchat speak about circumstances that they faced at their respective companies. They had ethical concerns and were campaigning for ethical designs but at the same time, these are the very people that take advantage of the users’ psychology and work to keep them on their platforms for as long as possible such that it has become a battlefield for them to see who can hold the users’ attention the longest. This is quite concerning because of how fast technology is changing and becoming better by the day such that at this rate, people can might as well live inside a small box and look at screens of social media platforms all around them, day in and day out. 

 However, it is important to address this issue in countries apart from the US as the social dilemma focuses mainly on the audience from the US. It shows a parallel storyline where siblings in a family are struggling to disconnect their personal, offline lives from the virtual one. In countries like India, China, South Korea, Japan and many other eastern and third world countries, there is a huge cultural difference as opposed to the west. Especially when it comes to children doing well at studies, it is quite common for eastern parents to be authoritarian and do whatever they have to do so that they do not have any distractions around them and focus on studying. Having said this, it does not mean that the west does not have the concept of strict parenting or that the east does not know how to go easy on their kids, but the fact is that an Indian parent spends on helping their kids with homework is 12 hours per week whereas an American parent spends 6.2 hours per week on an average. Most of the Generation Z Indians did not have access to technology and social media as the concept of mobile phones and touchscreens did not arrive in India until much later than it did in the US. Albeit there may be some people that do get carried away in the world of virtuality, a lot of the people still know how to draw the line between social media and reality because they have a lot more to be worried about in real life than on social media. Blame it on the education system or on the strict parenting, children are still worried about scoring well even in their preliminaries, let alone their board examinations. We see them studying day and night to make this happen and most of them do not get to have mobile phones until much later in their lives, beyond an impressionable age. We only see the negative side of the coin when it comes to these things but if the coin could be bothered being flipped over, maybe there is a positive side to it after all. It is very probable that people do not get influenced as easily as the document portrays it and that maybe there’s a slight exaggeration about how people believe everything that they see on the internet. 

 But the fact that big tech conglomerates have been taking advantage of people who use their platforms and have been influencing people in the worst ways possible is not moral. We see terrorists and crime insinuators being bred at homes because of the propaganda that these companies have been feeding them. A lot of lives have been impacted because of this and it is about time that they take responsibility for what they have been doing and for what? A few measly bucks. An example for this is the Cambridge Analytica data scandal. In 2018, the world was shaken when they found out that Facebook and a political data analysis firm called the Cambridge Analytica were the perpetrators of a massive data breach. They obtained and used the data of millions of users without their consent to their advantage. Hundreds of thousands of users had signed up for a survey called “this is your digital life” which they might have thought, sounded harmless, at the time. But Facebook allowed the survey to take all the data that the users had entered and played the psychology card to get people to vote for the politician, Donald Trump. His institute paid Facebook to get the data of users regarding their political preferences. As shown in the documentary, users are shown as puppets being controlled by imaginary people literally behind the screen and are shown only what the companies want them to see. AI has advanced to a level that can show human-like behaviour and knows what humans want to see and uses methods to show it and more to them. But the big tech conglomerates exhibits behaviour similar to that of a child having newly discovered a toy that it constantly solely wants to play with and shows no interest in absolutely anything else. Unfortunately, the toy is the actions they take that can affect emotions, behaviours and actions of the user in real time, which they monetize and exploit. This is not just limited to people who can possibly do no harm, it has an impact on deranged people who end other people’s lives for their extremist causes. It does not just bring people closer and make the world smaller, it may possibly end them as well. 

 With COVID-19 plaguing the world, forcing people to be indoors and isolate themselves, it took a toll on their mental health. Without technology and social media, people would not have been able to get any work done from home or would not have been able to stay connected to their loved ones. It is easy to lose sight of the fact that social media has done a lot of good and was intended to connect people from different parts of the world for each other’s benefit. It was not created with malicious intent and none of the creators thought of how it could have a totally different face to it than what they imagined. People decide that their self-worth revolves around something as inconsequential as the amount of likes and views that they get on social media. They make careers out of being an influencer and millions of people all around the world struggle to achieve the façade of perfection that is displayed on screen. It has insinuated to put down a lot of the viewers’ selfconfidence and self-esteem which in turn affects their mental health.

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.

I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.

I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.

I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”