Introspect: A Journey into the Mind's Depth

Blog Post #8 Preliminary Drafting: May 6, 2023 Blog Draft Created: June 3, 2023 Blog Posted: June 4, 2023 Post-Publish Revisions: Not Applicable

I claim that I have developed myself as compared to before. But just how much did I develop? Let us see here!

I think that I have developed ever since I took Psych 101, and I also think that my self-analysis based on some psychological developmental theories may be of help to affirm this claim. I am by no means an expert regarding these theories and as such, some statements may be inaccurate in the perspective of some people. However, I will try my best to be as objective in evaluating myself with the help of the theories I selected, namely: Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development and Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development. I will also make use of one mainstream personality theory, particularly, the Big Five Personality Traits. Lastly, I will also be explaining my overall health using concepts related to the mind-gut connection.

A. Pre-Analysis Thoughts

I honestly believe I have improved quite a lot compared to how I started the Psych 101 course. However, there were times when I regressed due to stress and pressure, although I think I have managed stress and pressure quite well now, especially considering my body does not show signs that I am stressed or pressured. In any case, I am pretty confident that I am more or less psychologically healthy. In terms of the concepts that I will be using below, I think that:

My moral orientation fluctuates between Stages 4 to 6.

I am currently in the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage and prefer intimacy.

I became less neurotic and less extroverted.

My mind and my gastrointestinal tract are both functioning well.

While many of these would probably be correct since I also observed that I am becoming more aware of myself and my environment, partly because of taking Self-Defense classes and mostly because of taking the Psych 101 course, some predictions may still be inaccurate due to bias. Additionally, besides the mind-gut connection that has a multitude of scientific bases, the other approaches are still theoretical and thus may not totally be applicable to my case. Considering all of these, there may be differences in the results and my predictions, hence why I also included the last part to address possible test-induced inaccuracies or my personal biases.

B. Before Taking the Course

To be completely honest, I did not have any expectations of what will be discussed within the entire course because I know that different instructors will approach the course differently. As such, I did not have any relevant test results that I have taken immediately prior to the start of the semester. However, analyzing my actions from before may be able to give insights into how I was before.

Even when I was still studying at my Senior High School campus, I already did not like conforming to norms, although this does not mean I break the school conduct. Instead, I do not like to follow what society considers normal—I do not follow fashion trends, I do not use trending apps, I do not play popular games, and many others. It should therefore not be a surprise when I say that I do not entertain beggars, I retaliate when Christians use their religion to justify wrong deeds, and I oftentimes intentionally leave people on seen.

Retrieved from https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/kohlbergstheory/

Therefore, I can say that my moral compass during this time is oriented toward Stages 4, 5, or 6 on Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development (or Theory of Moral Development). Mostly though, since I always consider the benefit of involved parties during this time but not the law, I think I used the Stage 5 orientation the most. Stage 5 of Kohlberg's theory is when a person acts for the benefit of him and other involved parties, hence the reciprocity.

Comparing myself to others, I am a very romantic person when it comes to relationships, hence why I generally tend to be careful with the feelings of my loved ones. I also try to spend as much time as I can with people, going so far as to stay awake until past 1:00 AM if the person I am talking to is dear to me. Additionally, when given enough time to prepare, I make sure that I can give little gifts to my friends when I am going on a trip. I do not really like being isolated from my loved ones, hence my clinginess to people I care for even when sometimes, this clinginess does not show up since I repress them when I think I may be going overboard. To tell you frankly, I used to have adult separation anxiety until as recently as last year. As such, my being clingy to other people, especially my friends and family is not out of the blue. In this case, I am choosing between intimacy and isolation and evidently, I prefer intimacy, even just with those whom I consider friends. For reference, this is the conflict of Stage 6 of Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development, the summary of which can be viewed below.

Photo by V. Sus (2023). Retrieved from https://helpfulprofessor.com/psychosocial-development-theory-erikson-stages/

These two previous theories are age-related and since I am in the respective stages appropriate to my age, prior to taking Psych 101, both my moral development and psychosocial development are not delayed.

The Big Five Personality is a holistic assessment of an individual's personality, although it tends to only be descriptive rather than explanatory according to some researchers (Lim, 2023). However, it remains the personality theory that is the most widely accepted by psychologists of the present day. In this theory, it is said that a human's behaviors can be modeled through five traits: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism, hence the acronym that is often used for the theory, OCEAN. I personally have taken this personality test although unfortunately, I was not able to take it immediately prior to the start of the course. However, I remember taking it last year and scoring quite high on both neuroticism and extraversion. Looking back, I agree with these results as before, I tend to get mad or upset quite easily and even outwardly express these emotions. Moreover, I was also very outgoing back then and connected a lot with the people I love and care about. In retrospect, this could have also been caused by my adult separation anxiety.

As discussed during one of my Psych 101 class meetings, there is a very strong link between mental health and gut health, which is coined as the Mind-Gut Connection. Since December 2021, I have suffered from chronic gastric inflammation called gastritis. Aside from this, if you can correlate it to my Blog Post #6, this is the same year I experienced the trauma related to my so-called "ex-M.U." Turns out, this bout of chronic gastritis could have been attributed to the aftermath of my initial heartbreak. This, in combination with the stresses brought about by the nearing application period for many universities like De La Salle University-Manila, University of Santo Tomas, Far Eastern University, the entire UP System, and many other universities, is what I claim to be the trigger of my chronic gastritis. When I consulted a gastroenterologist, he told me that he cannot pinpoint the cause of my gastritis through my lifestyle and eating habits and so, one of the most probable causes is stress. It can therefore be triangulated that stress is the real cause of my gastritis, hence anecdotally proving the mind-gut connection.

C. After Taking the Course and Comparative Analysis

After taking the course, I honestly learned so many things and while I know myself that I will not remember all the specifics taught to me, I do know that I will remember the concepts, especially those that can be applied to my life. Talking about these concepts, I will be writing below what I think I became in terms of my morality, social development, neuroticism, extraversion, mental health, and gastrointestinal health.

Moral Development

To supplement the definition of Stage 5 from before, the sixth stage of the Moral Development Theory means a person acts based not on acceptance or mutual benefit but based on what they think is right, uninfluenced by the sake of others. As such, this kind of action is fueled by an internal moral compass, adjusted to do things that do not benefit other people even just to some extent. Using this theory, I can definitely see myself fluctuating between Stages 5 and 6, although compared to before where I always use Stage 5, I now mostly use Stage 6 as demonstrated by my prioritization when taking action. Before, I always do group work first because it will benefit not just me but my groupmates too. However, now, I make sure I prioritize my individual work because the amount of work that needs to be done in this individual work tends to be much greater than in group work, thus needing more attention and focus. In addition, when choosing between responding to my friends and doing my academic outputs, I always choose my academic outputs now because while responding quickly to my friends would, to some extent, increase our closeness because they would think I prioritize them, I think academic matters are more important and are therefore my priority for the time being. And yes, I still retaliate when Christians use their religion to justify their wrong deeds and even their superiority complex. Although, instead of attempting to defend a person being attacked, I am retaliating because I think they need to be taught the hard way that anything immoral remains immoral even when any widely accepted book justifies it. In any case, I do not care whether other people agree or not with me, as long as I am doing what I think needs to be done—to prevent the justification of what I think is wrong.

Psychosocial Development

After multiple times of introspection, what I came up with is that I am still in the sixth stage of Psychosocial Development—Intimacy vs. Isolation stage, and I still choose intimacy over isolation even though I am not currently looking for a prospective lifelong partner nor am I looking forward to meeting one in the future. It must be important to note that this stage does not call for wanting a partner for one to desire intimacy over isolation. This intimacy may come from different sources like family, friends, pets, and many other similar beings. As such, my wanting intimacy with friends is enough to justify my desire for intimacy over isolation. As for my separation anxiety, it has thankfully gone away by now, although some of its manifestations like worrying about the well-being of my loved ones from time to time are still present since it has become second nature to me after suffering for so long from adult separation anxiety. Despite this, I still manage to contain my worry and I do not become controlling or overbearing when I am worried about the safety or happiness of my loved ones. Since I still desire intimacy and am also intimate with select friends, it can therefore be concluded that this separation anxiety only increased my wanting intimacy and not directly caused it.

Big Five Personality Traits

I had personally taken the test for this personality typing and if my memory serves me right, my previous test scores for both neuroticism and extraversion are higher compared to the values I received now. Screenshots of my most recent test scores that pertain to neuroticism and extraversion can be seen below.

My neuroticism decreased by a little bit while my extraversion decreased by a lot. Compared to what I can recall wherein I got 80+ for both neuroticism and extraversion, the values seen above are lower, especially the extraversion one. I think the cause of my becoming extraverted is that I am now able to know how important it is to make time for myself and what I actually need to do that benefits me, not that of other people. I used to be quite people-oriented, and I still am, the difference now is that I do not only see how important it is to connect to other people but I also see how important it is to connect to my inner self rather than ignoring it. The slight decrease in neuroticism though is much harder to explain, although I may have a lead as to why it did not decrease significantly. I am quite neurotic ever since I was a child even when I did not experience neglect, I am confident in my skills, and I do not overreact to many things. I think the reason why I still got such a high neuroticism value is because of the high-stress environment around me that causes me to constantly and deeply feel negative emotions. Although, compared to before, the level of stress I experience now is a lot more manageable despite being subjected to arguably a more stressful environment than in senior high school.

Mind-Gut Connection

I personally think my mental health is much more stable now compared to last year's—I do not always feel sad, I am not always stressed, I feel happy when doing daily things, I am interested in learning more than what was taught, and many more. Compared to before when I used to only learn for the sake of complying with the requirements, I only submitted on time for the sake of not being reprimanded, and I only kept my grades good for the sake of not being shouted at, my being curious now is a significant improvement. And my gut health also supports this, as evidenced by my overall healthier gastrointestinal tract. I now do not experience gastritis often, if at all, and I can also eat without feeling nauseous after only eating a small portion. With a small concern being erased, my mind gets put to rest, hence my better mental health. It can therefore be said that the mind-gut connection is not just a symbiotic connection but it also benefits from feedback loops wherein the improvement of one facilitates the improvement of the other which, in turn, facilitates the further improvement of the one.

D. Post-Analysis Thoughts

Summarizing the entire evidence of my improvements, the following key ideas can be seen:

My moral orientation is now oriented toward self or mutual gain, rather than being somehow bound to conventional morality.

I still prefer intimacy over isolation. I do not have problems being intimate with friends as long as the context is right. I am not seeking to have a romantic partner at the moment.

My moral and psychosocial development milestones are appropriate for my age.

Both my neuroticism and extraversion went down. I am still stressed although I can manage the feeling better now.

My mental health and gastrointestinal (gut) health are steadily becoming better. I now do not experience gastritis often.

Perhaps almost next to nothing can be added here since there does not seem to be any disparity when comparing the comparative analysis results and my previous predictions. If anything, it revealed that I am now quite self-aware as even without a lot of intentional and focused reflection sessions, I already know my current self and how it compares to my previous self.

Wooo! That was a lot. If you are still reading till this point, I congratulate you for your unwavering dedication. I appreciate you reading this blog till the end. See you again!

References:

Lim, A.G.Y. (2023). Big Five Personality Traits: The 5-Factor Model Of Personality. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/big-five-personality.html

Psychology Notes HQ. (2020). Kohlberg’s Theory [Online image]. The Psychology Notes HQ. https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/kohlbergstheory/

Sus, V. (2023). Erikson's Psychological Stages [Online image]. Helpful Professor. https://helpfulprofessor.com/psychosocial-development-theory-erikson-stages/

Blog Post #7 Preliminary Drafting: June 2, 2023 Blog Draft Created: June 3, 2023 Blog Posted: June 3, 2023

You feel down? Read this! And do not forget na hindi ka nag-iisa. Labyu!

A. To the Present

I know you may be hurting right now, but I guarantee that everything will be okay in the future. I know how courageous you have been, how much you tried to understand the people around you, and how much effort you have exerted just to meet the demands of the people you care about. But please, live your life for yourself, not for the sake of fulfilling other people's expectations and demands. You are your own person, hindi ka property ng ibang tao, kahit na ano pa man ang ambag ng mga tao sa buhay mo. You ought to thank them and make them feel appreciated but wala ka nang ibang responsibilidad sa kanila, hindi mo responsibilidad na pasiyahin sila at hindi mo rin responsibilidad na suklian yung kabutihan nila. Just make sure you do not do anything bad to them, enough na yun. Alam kong alam mo kung gaano kahalaga ang pag-aaral para makamit ang mga pangarap mo so please make sure na hindi mo pinababayaan ang pag-aaral mo, pero siyempre make sure din naman na hindi mo nilulunod sarili mo sa schoolwork. Matuto kang magkaroon ng work-life balance, hindi yung panay aral lang, hindi yung panay pagpapakasaya lang. Alam kong ayaw mong papalit-palit ka ng ginagawa kaya may times na ayaw mong maggawa ng requirements kasi nanonood ka, at alam ko ring may times na buong araw ka na lang nag-aatupag ng outputs na next, next week pa ipapasa. Pero kailangan mong matuto na laging masama ang sobra, at masama rin ang kulang. So please, make sure na nababalance mo ang kasiyahan at responsibilidad mo, ha? Mahirap man ang hinihiling ko mula sa iyo, tandaan mong dahil lang ito sa kagustuhan kong mapabuti ang pamumuhay mo. At dapat mo rin isaisip na kung ang intensyon ko lang naman ay sumbatan ka lang, dapat sana hindi ko na ito sinabi sa iyo at ini-rant ko na lang sa mga kaibigan ko. Yun lang, mahal na mahal kita, I am looking forward sa future mo. Laban lang!

B. To the Present

Stressed? Well, normal lang yan. Ang hindi normal ay yung kung ano-ano ang mga ginagawa mo para lang mabawasan ang stress mo. Ayos lang yung mag-rant at magreklamo, pero yung ibuntong sa iba ang stress mo, mali yun. Pero naiintindihan naman kita, kasi alam kong super unstable ka ngayon, hindi mo alam kung ano ang tunay na nararamdaman mo. Kaya work on knowing yourself better, yung tipong hindi ka na magdadalawang-isip kung ano pwede mong ipan-describe sa sarili mo. At isa pa, naalala mo yung connection ng sleep at stress levels? Matulog ka naman please, huwag kang magpuyat lalo na kung tuloy-tuloy. Yung mga games at videos, makakapaghintay naman yan eh, pwede mo yang atupagin kapag may free time ka na. Yung kalusugan mo, hindi yan makakapaghintay na isaayos mo siya kaya as much as possible, prioritize your health, you'll thank me for saying this to you. At saka huwag kang mahiyang lumapit sa mga kaibigan mo kung may kailangan ka man. Hindi ka naman nila ipagsasawalang-bahala eh, lalo na't natulungan mo na rin naman sila before, ano ba naman yung manghingi ka ng tulong ngayon, diba? It's not as if nag-dedemand kang tulungan ka nila. They will be able to help you during your darkest times. Huwag mong isipin na dahil hindi ka nila agad mabigyan ng tugon ay wala na silang pakialam sa iyo. Busy lang sila siguro kaya ganoon, pero hindi totoong hindi ka nila pinapansin. I just though I'd let you know that just in case nag-reregress na naman ang pag-ooverthink mo. And lastly, ayos lang magpahinga, hindi dahil wala kang ginagawa ay sinasayang mo ang oras mo. Kailangan mong alagaan ang sarili mo, you ought to take breaks para naman hindi ka manghina or mawalan ng motivation. Kahit na may pangarap ka pang gustong abutin, mabuting maabot mo yun nang maayos ang lagay mo. Hindi magtatagal ang pangarap mo kung ikaw mismo ang mawawala so please, take care of yourself. Balance your studies and your pleasures, better yet kung mapagsasabay mo sila, but make sure walang nag-dodominate para tuloy-tuloy kang makatahak tungo sa pangarap mo.

C. To the Future

Hindi ko alam kung kailan mo ito mababasa, or kung babasahin mo ba talaga in the first place but probably, ang concern mo right now is kung tama ba ang track na tinatahak mo. Sa totoo lang, hindi rin kita kayang masagot ngayon, kasi sarili mo lang ang makakaalam ng totoo. Pero alam mo, as long as sa tingin mo ay mabuti yung ginagawa mo, napapasaya mo ang sarili mo at ang gma mahal mo sa buhay, at may mga magagandang bakas kang naiiwan sa kahit ano mang bagay, sa tingin ko ay tama ang tinatahak mo. Kilala kita, alam kong ang kasayahan mo lang naman ay mapasaya ang ibang tao, makapag-iwan ng mabubuting bagay sa mundo, at tumulong mapabuti ang lagay ng mga tao. Kaya kung totoo kang masaya, perhaps tama nga ang tinatahak mong landas sa kasalukuyan. Pero kung sa tingin mo ay hindi ka naman masaya at pinaiiral mo ang temporary satisfaction mo imbis na magfocus sa long-term happiness mo, pakiramdam ko ay mali yang ginagawa mo sa kasalukuyan. Kung gayon, I feel like it's better kung magkaroon ka muna ng change of life? Yung maiba ba yung mga ginagawa mo sa pang-araw-araw? Kasi aminin mo, mabilis kang magsawa unless para sa passion mo yung ginagawa mo. Kung pareho namang hindi ka nagsasawa sa mga ginagawa mo at masaya ka rin naman, maybe tama nga yung ginagawa mo. Otherwise, I suggest try mong tumingin sa ibang hobbies or even profession? Maybe doon mo makikita ang totoong passion mo? Basta in any case, please do not rush yourself, kasi lalo ka lang maguguluhan kung magmamadali kang kumilos tapos mali naman yung ginawa mo. Take your time, and make sure na inaalagaan mo rin ang sarili mo, ha? Proud ako sa iyo at sa mga nagawa mo na! Tandaan mo yan lagi.

Blog Post #5 Preliminary Drafting: May 4, 2023 Blog Draft Created: June 2, 2023 Blog Posted: June 3, 2023 Post-Publish Revision: June 5, 2023 - Added statements to Headings D and E and updated List of References

Short Answer: No. Long Answer: It depends on the context.

I technically do not really study, if the definition of studying is the memorization of concepts and how they relate to each other. So what is reviewing anyway, and how does it help a person perform academically or in other contexts?

A. What It Means to Study

According to Merriam-Webster (n.d.), to study means to use reference materials to learn about a particular subject at hand, which means the process that revolves around gathering information from a specific preferred source. It is clear here that learning is a process wherein there is a transfer of information from one space to another (i.e. from a source to a receiver). With that, any conscious entity like humans, AI (artificial intelligence), and even bacteria can learn from their environment. However, learning and studying are not the same. Learning needs a processing unit and a storing unit while studying needs only a processing unit. Therefore, studying is not a reactionary process, rather, it is only a conscious process. Studying means gathering information and processing it whereas learning means gathering information, processing it, and reacting to it. To study means to immerse oneself in an environment full of information but not necessarily to absorb this information.

B. Studying vs Immersion

These days, many groups or organizations claim that they have the perfect studying technique for you. However, it is not as easy as that, because when people aim to study, they do not just aim to study—they aim to learn. In this case, the proper term should be the perfect learning technique, especially because studying is only one of the two major ways through which a person learns. A person can learn through studying or immersion, they acquire knowledge from the former, experience from the latter. In this case, a person does not necessarily need to study in order to learn, they just need to find a suitable way to learn the concepts, lessons, or ideas that they need to learn. That being said, studying is still the default option because only through this can someone dig deep into the nuances of particular information. Studying involves learning through reviewing and observation while immersion only involves observation. Studying is using scientific and empirical information whereas immersion uses anecdotal information. Studying is used more often in the physical sciences because they need solid and universal explanations whereas immersion is used more often in the social sciences. Fortunately, I like both physical sciences and social sciences and so I like a balance between studying and immersion, which means I study fairly often back then. It just so happens that almost all my courses for this semester are under social sciences, which made me study less, hence my answers in the introduction.

C. Systems Related to Learning

There are many different learning systems that a person can employ in order to study. Self-regulated learning is one of them, which is defined by Añonuevo (2010) as the use of different cognitive abilities to learn at one's own pace and desired environment. Some of the systems that should be developed and used in this type of learning are time management, scheduling, challenge, proactivity, idea organization and connection, environment modeling, and areas of interest. Therefore, learning should:

make good use of one's time

use timetables and management systems

be sufficiently but not too challenging

be a proactive process

allow a person to integrate an idea into the learner's daily life

take place in an environment conducive to learning

tackle topics or lessons that are interesting

However, studying is a different experience for everyone, which means that not all learners will learn a concept in the same way. Thus, it is important for a learner to determine what works best for him. What remains constant though is the element of having reason in order to study. This basically tells us that study guides may help us learn, but they should not dictate to us how to learn. At the very least, they should just be able to point out what topics may be of interest to people who want to learn. Hence, studying also varies from person to person, and the method through which a person studies and learns must be developed by the person, not by the so-called experts.

D. My Study Habits

Personally, I only like studying when the task or assignment calls for it (i.e. when there is a quiz or an exam, a recitation, or anything that requires a rapid recall of information). To help give you an insight into how I actually study, below is my analysis of how I study based on the statements of Añonuevo (2010):

I often cram outputs that I consider easy.

I do not make timetables for when I should be studying and when I should be doing some other tasks.

I challenge myself from time to time, but not too frequently that it leaves me drained.

I am a proactive learner. The only time that I learn reactively is when dealing with historical lectures because careful evaluation must be done first before integrating ideas into my mind in order to prevent false interpretations, incorrect comprehension, and faulty perspectives.

I usually integrate learnings into my life. I do this by determining the purpose of the information and then looking for ways in which I can apply my learnings.

I do not study in cramped and noisy places because the environment always ends up distracting me, leading to an inefficient studying session.

I make sure that I find topics that interesting in a particular subject. This is less complicated than how it sounds because I am naturally curious and therefore consider many topics as areas of interest.

Oftentimes, what people want to know when they ask about one's studying habits is their studying technique. Whereas study habits can be defined as what context enables a person to study efficiently, I define studying techniques as the categories of practice through which a person can learn the topic the person wants to learn. Personally, I employ two studying techniques—notetaking and blurting. Some may argue that notetaking is not a studying technique and yes, I do think it is not entirely a studying technique. However, I still view notetaking as one because I not only immerse myself in information through which I can learn but also gained knowledge since notetaking is a form of reviewing the information gathered through immersion. On the other hand, I use blurting because it helps me check whether I remembered the information I need to learn and memorize. While Cayanan (2019) claimed that shared space study sessions are inevitable to happen between siblings, I personally do not study with my brother or even with anyone in general because I always get distracted when in the presence of other people since I end up observing them instead of studying what I need to study. Aside from this, I do not think there are more things to elaborate on regarding my study habits. For the most part, I like immersion more than studying and so, I am more aware of how I want to immerse myself than how I want to study.

E. Outlook and Reflections

Curiosity and good studying habits are the keys to a fruitful learning experience. However, there still needs to be an appealing end goal to any studying session because if there is no reason for someone to study, that person would not be happy to study, would not retain information, or would not study at all. In my case, I only study when I think there is a need to study or the topic is interesting, whether for academic purposes or just to satiate my desire for information. This may explain why I do not always study for quizzes or exams but I like studying geography, neurology, and literature even when I do not take these courses. In addition, my habit of not always studying is solely based on what piques my interest and not because of other activities taking up my time. In fact, a study conducted by Guzman (2014) reported that there is no correlation between doing casual activities (e.g. using social media, extra-curricular activities, and personal interests) and the time spent studying of students. Despite this, I recognize the fact that I need to study often in order to maintain passing or good grades. Hence, I am planning to look for areas of interest in the following semesters.

References:

Añonuevo, K. (2010). Ipinatong sa mesa, ibinalibag sa kama! [Audio podcast]. Iskomunidad. https://iskomunidad.upd.edu.ph/images/2/25/POCH101410.mp3

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Study. In Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/study

UP Theses References (Diliman only):

Cayanan, I.L.F. (2019). A multiple case study on how siblings transform an existing domestic space into a shared study space [Undergraduate Thesis, University of the Philippines-Diliman]. University of the Philippines Diliman Digital Archive. https://digitalarchives.upd.edu.ph/file/23661

Guzman, J.G. (2014). The Reading Interests and Habits of Science Curriculum Students and Science High School Students in Quezon City [Undergraduate Thesis, University of the Philippines-Diliman]. University of the Philippines Diliman Digital Archive. https://digitalarchives.upd.edu.ph/file/28041

Blog Post #6 Preliminary Drafting: May 5, 2023 Blog Draft Created: June 1, 2023 Blog Posted: June 2, 2023

Handa na ba kayong basahin ito? HAHAHAHA please grab your cold drinks cause things will get quite hot in a second!

I'll start retelling or perhaps re-viewing na rin this blog post sa araw kung kailan ako umamin sa kaniya, April 18, 2021 iyon kung tama ang pagkakatanda ko. Bandang 7:00 PM 'yun, and umamin na ako after akong sabihan ng mga online friends ko (na friends din naman ng inaminan ko, well at least at that time). At first, siyempre, kabado ako, aba'y aamin ako eh diba? Anyways, I think let's cut the chase na, initially that day sabi niya sa akin he reciprocates (yes, I'm not straight po for those na alam ang aking real identity) what I feel, so technically, umamin din siya na gusto niya ako.

Part I - The Precursor

I kid you not but not even a week later, nagsabi siya sa akin na nahuli siya ng nanay niya na mayroong fan account kaya hindi rin siya masyadong makakapagbukas ng account na yun. Take note, we started off sa online and probably, part of it is my fault kasi I should not have even fallen for someone who I only knew online. In any case, that happened, and so minsan lang kami makapag-usap, although sa times na nakakapag-usap naman kami, it felt real, it felt good, it felt satisfying, so yeah, no complaints naman for the time being.

Part 2- The Red Flag

So since reduced nga yung time na nag-uusap kami dahil binabantayan siya lagi ng nanay niya pag gumagamit ng cellphone to check if may fan account pa siya or if ginagamit niya yun, I resorted to other people. I likely overstepped his personal boundaries at that point kasi I shouldn't have asked knowing na ayaw niya sabihin kung ano ang real life account niya. But then back then, I thought ayos lang since we felt the same way towards each other naman eh, so no disadvantages if we did know each other's real account. Anyhow, I found it out by asking his friends and I asked him whether or not I can add it. At first reluctant siya to allow me, but he probably gave in due to pressure, I mean hindi ko siya ginamitan ng gaslighting ha, siguro naisip niyang it won't hurt din naman to let me do so. But ayon, in hindsight, it should have warned me na there might be a deeper reason why reluctant siya. Eh pero wala, honeymoon phase pa yun eh, masyado pa akong bulag sa pag-ibig. At saka sinabihan pa niya ako gamit ng fan account niya na wag kaming mag-usap na parang may namamagitan sa aming dalawa. I mean understandable naman siya but then medyo nakaka-off siya pakinggan kasi parang ikinakahiya niya kung ano ang relasyon namin.

Part 3 - Calm Before the Storm

Ewan ko ba kung bakit sumapat na sa akin yung ganoon na nakakapag-usap kami sa real account nang parang walang namamagitan sa amin. Siguro dahil maunawain ako noon? Pero baka rin sadyang hindi ko lang alam na bare minimum lang yun at hindi ko alam na hindi pala sapat ang ganoon kung may gusto sa isa't isa ang dalawang tao. Pero ayon, kalmado naman ako by this time though siyempre may kaunting kalungkutan kasi hindi kami makapag-usap nang masinsinan at nang mahaba, pero for the most part, masaya at kalmado pa rin naman ako noong mga panahong iyan. In fact, binati niya pa nga ako noong birthday ko eh, so siyempre natuwa at kinilig ako noon, kahit pa dapat naman talagang alam niya na birthday ko total nagsabihan na rin naman kami ng birthday namin sa isa't isa eh.

Part 4 - The Bomb

Hindi ko na tanda kung anong araw exactly yun pero I estimate around May 3, 2021 siya nangyari. I don't remember kung paano napunta sa usapan 'yun pero habang nakikipag-usap ako sa group chat (gc) naming mga online friends, may nagsabing sa babae lang nagkakagusto 'yung crush ko. Siyempre hindi muna ako naniwala kasi 1) baka nagsisinungaling o gumagawa lang ito ng kuwento at 2) baka ganoon dati pero hindi na ngayon. Hindi ko naman maitanong doon sa "ka-M.U." ko kung totoo 'yun kasi magiging sanhi pa yun ng di-pagkakaunawaan kung bubuksan ko 'yung ganoong topic. Pero hindi pa rin mawala sa isipan ko na maaaring totoo yun, lalo na't nakikita ko siyang may nilalandi in public na alam ko ay babae. Hindi ko naman yun pinagtuunan ng pansin kasi in public naman siya at mukhang nakikipagbiruan lang din. Pero nasa likod pa rin 'yun ng isipan ko, lalo na't may bali-balita akong natanggap na maaaring magpatunay na hindi niya pala talaga ako gusto.

Part 5 - Confrontation (Literal)

Okay this can be split to two parts, although they happened within the same day rin eh so might as well combine them. So 'yun, May 5, 2021, around 3:45 PM, naaalala ko pa noon, Biology time 'yun, nakikipag-usap ako sa group chat namin kasi napag-aralan ko naman na yung lesson na idinidiscuss (via GMeet) a while ago at saka patapos na rin naman yung time so tapos na rin naman yung discussion. Anyway, nakipaglandian kasi yung "ka-M.U." ko sa kaibigan niya, I mean alam ko pa rin namang pabiro lang ito, lalo na't sa harap ko ginawa tapos sa group chat pa. Initially, hindi ko nga pinuna kasi alam ko namang walang namamagitan, pero as the time passed by, unti-unti nang nawawala yung patience ko kasi paulit-ulit na lang eh, especially considering na alam nilang magka-M.U. kami that time. I went off around 4:00 PM and immediately after, nag-deactivate siya ng Facebook account. He sent a message to the group chat using another account, though hindi ko naman alam kung siya 'yun since maraming nakakagamit ng account na 'yun. I eventually came to the conclusion na siya iyong nag-send ng message na 'yun based sa mga nakausap kong gumagamit ng account na 'yun. In that message, he taunted me na kesyo masaya raw bang mawalan ng nagpapatakbo ng group chat (siya kasi yung admin/leader ng group chat) at kung masaya raw ba ako sa nagawa ko. I was hurt when that happened, and obviously it took very long to even begin the process of moving on. In fact right now while typing this, medyo naluluha pa rin ako, but I know that in due time, makakaka-move on din ako completely.

Part 6 - The Immediate Aftermath

So obviously umiyak ako the entire day, and the day after, and the following days HAHAHAHA. The last day that I noticed I cried is May 14 if I do remember correctly, I am not the type of person to hold grudge over simple things nor am I the person to remember the dates in which I felt bad and so knowing I remembered these dates, it implies just how traumatized and hurt I was at that time. Anyway, 10 days din 'yun ng walang-sawang pag-iyak. Patapos na school year noon eh, then I think it is also around the time na naghahanda na ako ng requirements for UPCA tapos ganoon so I was so unmotivated to even do any preparations for UPCA. Oh and my mother knew of my sexuality, guess what, she is not that supportive of it. I mean hindi naman sa galit siya but she asked me na since bisexual ako, can I not just like girls, even going so far as telling me she has been praying na maging straight ako since may hunch na siyang bisexual ako. I did not know who to confide to during those times and suffice to say, my mental health almost hit rock bottom. Thankfully, I gradually warmed up to my friends again and in due time, I felt better than I did before I even liked him.

Part 7 - The Amnesia

Hindi ko alam kung ano nangyari sa utak ng ex-M.U. ko na at that time pero nagpadala siya ng message sa akin na kinukumusta ako and obviously, hindi pa ako okay at lalong hindi okay na magparamdam siya sa akin knowing how hurt I was and how much I do not want to associate with him any longer. Para bang walang nangyari? Parang hindi niya ako sinaktan? Parang ganoon na lang iyon na palilipasin lang ang lahat tapos okay na? I did manage to talk to him for some days yata but after some time, I chose not to respond anymore for the sake of healing my mental health. I also unfriended his account on Facebook so that I will not get any direct reminder of what he is doing. I did not end up blocking him kasi wala naman nang reason to do that, hindi na rin naman kami nag-uusap at hindi ko na rin naman nakikita posts niya at all. If I blocked him parang ako pa yung talunan kasi ako yung gumawa ng reason para di kami makapag-usap. Although if he even attempted to message me again for some reason using his account and maramdaman kong parang wala naman siyang remorse sa ginawa niya, I would not hesitate at all na i-block siya.

Part 8 - The Analysis

Okay, I admit namang I probably should have controlled my emotions but in this case, it would have done next to nothing if I was able to, for all I know baka lalo pa akong nagamit kung pinairal ko ang pagiging rational ko eh. Still, I like to think na mayroon sanang naging maayos na closure kung hindi ako sumabog nang basta-basta na lang. However, justified naman lahat ng naramdaman ko, I think, since normal lang naman masaktan pag may nilalanding iba ang taong gusto mo, lalo na kung sinabi niya ring gusto ka niya, regardless kung pabiro or not yung flirtiness na yun. Probably hindi reasonable yung pagsabog ko, but it was understandable, kasi it would not have led to such extents if there was no stimulus in the first place. It just so happens na yung tolerance ko for those things is low, especially considering how insecure I was at the time after having gone through a failed relationship where I literally poured everything I have but the love still did not blossom.

Part 9 - How I Feel at the Moment

I am still moving on, hindi naman sa masakit pa rin, pero naririto pa rin ang mga alaala, masasakit na bakas ng nakaraan na kailanma'y hindi ko mabubura, gustuhin ko man o hindi. Hindi ko man mabura ang sakit, unti-unti ko itong matatanggap, at unti-unti rin bubuti ang kalagayan ko. Andami ko nang pinagdaanan, sa ganitong bagay pa ba ako bibigay? Of course not! Ngayon, ang ginagawa ko muna is self-love, after having a crush that was not reciprocated that took place months after this abomination of an event, pero topic na yun for another time, kung may another time man HAHAHAHA. Oh and somehow this person I talked about message me the exact same day I posted this draft... I do not know how to feel about that. Pero may reason naman siguro kung bakit nagkaroon ng ganoong coincidence. Maybe I am open to another start of a friendship, or baka closure lang talaga ang hanap ko. Either way, I'm mature enough not to turn this down, lalo na't kung hindi man kami maging magkaibigan, at least mabibigyan ako ng closure diba? I'll take that, lalo na't mas mabilis akong makaka-move on kung sakali.

Girl if you reached this far, you are another breed of reader! Props to you, baka machika ka lang, but then nothing's wrong if ganoon, I would love that even kasi machika rin ako HAHAHAHAHA. Anyways, that's all. See you sa next blog ko!

Hello, my fellow Introspecters! Please click the following links in the order you wish. Happy reading!

Part 1: Introduction Part 2: Culmination of Self-Assessment Part 3: Evaluation and Analysis (Introduction, Stages 1-2) Part 4: Evaluation and Analysis (Stages 3-8) Part 5: References

Blog Post #4 Preliminary Drafting: March 26, 2023 Blog Draft Created: March 26, 2023 Blog Posted: March 27, 2023

References:

Bailey, A. (2022). Understanding Psychosocial Development. Verywell Health. https://www.verywellhealth.com/psychosocial-development-5220563#:~:text=Psychosocial%20development%20describes%20how%20a,eight%20stages%20of%20psychosocial%20development

Cherry, K. (2022). Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt in Psychosocial Stage 2. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/autonomy-versus-shame-and-doubt-2795733

Cherry, K. (2023). Initiative vs. Guilt: Psychosocial Stage 3. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/initiative-versus-guilt-2795737

Holland, K. (2019). What is a superiority complex?. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/superiority-complex

Perry, E. (2022). What does it mean to have personal values?. BetterUp. https://www.betterup.com/blog/meaning-of-personal-values#:~:text=Our%20personal%20values%20help%20us,dreams%20instead%20of%20against%20them

Word Count: ~2340 (w/o References), ~2415 (w/ References)

Blog Post #4 Preliminary Drafting: March 26, 2023 Blog Draft Created: March 26, 2023 Blog Posted: March 27, 2023

iii. Stage 3: Initiative vs Guilt

The third stage deals with the social interactions a child engages himself in during his childhood and so problems in this stage causes a child to form distorted views of social connections and may therefore become wary of forming connections with other children. It must be noted my friend's childhood memories always revolved around his family and not with his non-familial friends, which suggests that he only stayed within his family and barely interacted with other people, if at all, effectively making any interaction outside his family foreign to him. In the case of Kyu, he mostly leaned onto the initiative side but due to his previous conflict regarding shame and doubt, there is an inevitable formation of guilt. According to Cherry (2023), if the child forms guilt during this stage, the tendency is that they will avoid new things fearing that they might do something wrong. In hindsight, this may have contributed to Kyu's wariness of letting me into his life, as having me constantly present is an entirely new concept to him considering I am the first close friend he formed a relationship with online instead of in real life and the only non-familial friend who is older than him.

iv. Stage 4: Industry vs Inferiority

Before I proceed to the content of this portion, please bear in mind that my friend's psychosocial development is delayed as a result of his prolonged Stage 2 and as such, the timeframe I will mention is not the common timeframe in which this stage should have taken place. Stage 4 is when the child begins to form his desire for social acceptance and as such, problems here may lead to a child having problems perceiving their correct status relative to others. Since my friend did have a predisposition to having low self-esteem and nothing was done to directly resolve that problem, his self-esteem was kept low, especially since he does not like being underweight and has a short memory span. This was further exacerbated by his lethargic nature, which may lead to people sometimes perceiving him as lazy, possibly causing a further drop in his self-esteem. Thus, he ended up leaning onto inferiority, as demonstrated paradoxically when he opened up to me that he once had a period during his 9th grade when he had a superiority complex. Holland (2019) claimed that this is most likely the mind's compensation for having perceived inferiority compared to others, further solidifying that Kyu leaned onto the inferiority side more during this period. Thankfully, this superiority complex is already resolved and has been removed from his personality at this point in time.

v. Stage 5: Identity vs Confusion

The conflict present in this stage has to do with the journey to find the true self of a person and therefore, if a person fails to find his true identity, it leads a confusion about his role. Normally, this journey spans the entire high school life of a person (7th grade to 12th grade) but since Kyu experienced a delay, he is only experiencing this journey starting from 11th grade and is currently in this stage. It is indeed good that his identity is slowly falling into place manifested by his formation of life principles and values, namely: fun, reciprocity, and appreciation. My friend's positive traits may also be interpreted as his values: creativity, patience, and detail-oriented. As one of his closest friends, I have done and am doing what I can in order to ensure that he will end this stage while leaning onto the identity side so that he can start the succeeding stages with a positive outlook.

vi. Future Stages (Stages 6-8)

I am honestly interested in how he would develop in the future and while I am always going to be by his side, it is ultimately on him to change his future for the better. Should he end the fifth stage leaning onto the identity side, I think he is basically set on having a brighter future, a future hopefully with me in it.

Blog Post #4 Preliminary Drafting: March 26, 2023 Blog Draft Created: March 26, 2023 Blog Posted: March 27, 2023

C. Evaluation and Analysis

To start this, I must address that I will primarily be using the psychosocial development theory of Erik Erikson to evaluate and analyze the statements of Kyu as well as to give explanations and reasonings behind my personal evaluation and analysis. The Psychosocial Development Theory authored by Erik Erikson sometime during the mid-20th century describes the psychological development of a person based on the social skills the person develops through time and experience (Bailey, 2022). The stages included within the theory claims that during a certain developmental milestone of a person, he will respond to the corresponding psychosocial crisis and based on his response, he will develop skills correctly, develop incomplete skills, or not develop skills at all. Using this theory will allow me to extrapolate based on the information he previously told me, develop my personal understanding of the case of my friend, and determine how he fares according to the theory.

i. Stage 1: Trust vs Mistrust

When I asked Kyu whether his needs were met instantly and appropriately when he was just an infant, he told me that while many of his needs were met, there were some that were not because they did not have the means to do so. As such, he may have developed a slight mistrust of people and as such, as I take note of it, I am inclined to think that this is the reason why he hardly allows people to enter his life and they can only do so when they actively demonstrate that they can be trusted enough by my friend. To further solidify my point, it took me around 6 months of daily talking to him before I knew of his real identity, and even then, there was still a lot I did not know about him. However, I am not sure as to when he really did feel comfortable enough for him to be completely honest with me.

ii. Stage 2: Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt

This stage has to deal with the ability of a child to perform and enhance his physical skills, meaning that this is where the child becomes aware of the need to become independent when it comes to doing basic human actions. As such, when the child does not feel like they are not getting enough, it can lead to them being doubtful or ashamed of themselves, hence the early stages of low self-esteem (Cherry, 2022). This was the case with Kyu—he did not have access to all the things he needed and therefore, he also did not have what he needed to practice his physical skills, in turn making him dependent on his parents and elder siblings. As such, he still has low self-esteem, although I have tried and am still trying to help him enhance his self-esteem gradually but more stably. Moreover, he also told me that he perceived that at some point, he felt that his academic performance is below average, which Cherry (2022) also listed as one of the results of forming doubt during this stage. As his access to resources gradually increased, he slowly but surely began to lean onto the autonomy side of the social crisis, although this undoubtedly prolonged his stay on Stage 2, thus causing the succeeding stages to be delayed as well.

Blog Post #4 Preliminary Drafting: March 26, 2023 Blog Draft Created: March 26, 2023 Blog Posted: March 27, 2023

B. Culmination of Self-Assessment

Since I want to gauge his self-perception as an additional means to see whether he is self-aware, I asked him to introspect into his persona and then give me the following information he came up with after introspection:

3 childhood memories

3 positive traits

3 negative traits

3 health issues

3 life values and principles

I also asked him to elaborate on all of the information he provided me and if I felt that his elaborations were not enough, I asked follow-up questions in order to elucidate his flow of thoughts. In the next parts of this blog post, his introspected information will be summarized or expounded appropriately.

i. Childhood Memories

My subject told me he only had a few memories from his childhood and as such, I clarified first that the memories can just be experiences that happened multiple times (i.e. recurrent events ingrained in his mind). After saying that, he has successfully compiled three childhood memories which I summarized as follows:

He was playing with his cousins and his cousin's friends in their vacant lot near their house. This happened when he was still very young (while he is still studying in an elementary school).

He and his cousins used to have a sort of summer camp wherein their older cousins would teach them about anything related to school such as their lessons in their subjects.

He used to play Minecraft alongside his cousins every after school and when they did not have school for the day (i.e. weekends, holidays, class suspensions, etc.). He remembers that he is the one who always summarizes the updates to the game to his cousins every time a new update is made available.

ii. Positive and Negative Traits

I asked him about his positive behaviors in order to assess him psychologically in a more holistic manner and the following are what he provided me: creative, patient, and observant. Of course, a truly holistic evaluation is impossible without accounting for the not-so-positive traits, or more accurately, the negative traits that he took note of. He told me that his negative qualities are as follows: has low self-esteem, is easily discouraged, and is dependent on other people. It must be noted that since this is a subjective method of self-assessment, the results are also subjective and as a consequence, the traits he viewed as positive may not necessarily be positive to other people, and what those that he perceived as negative may actually be positive for other people.

iii. Health Issues and their Consequences

Physiologically speaking, my friend also has some problems, especially when considering how his physiology may affect his overall health, or more specifically, his psychological well-being. As such, I asked him to compile for me three health issues he has, the most significant of which are:

Abnormally low energy/lethargy

Being underweight

Short memory span

I surmised that these are real health issues not because they are, by themselves, health issues, but because they tend to cause those who have them to have health issues or are otherwise symptoms of some medical issues. Additionally, it is his perception, and as such, even if some people may argue they are not health issues, they are to him, and so, they are real health issues.

iv. Life Values and Principles

A person, while not always conscious of their values and principles, is almost always controlled by them. As a result, their actions, decisions, priorities, thought processes, and basically, anything about their behavior is almost always sifted through a person's values first (Perry, 2022). My friend has given me three of his life values which are: reciprocity, appreciation, and fun.

Blog Post #4 Preliminary Drafting: March 26, 2023 Blog Draft Created: March 26, 2023 Blog Posted: March 27, 2023

Author's Note: The author has, on multiple instances, asked permission from the subject of the study, in which all attempts granted the author permission to use the disclosed information. Any and all succeeding information, knowledge, and data were thoroughly reviewed and critiqued by the subject first before being posted publicly.

In the many things in which we need to decide on our action or option, we must ensure that our decision is sound but also reflects what and who we are as a person or at least what we want to project to other people. While guides from the internet and the people who we can regularly rely on such as our friends, family, or health professionals can be accessed, some decisions would have to be made based on what we truly want. This becomes problematic if the person who needs to decide has little to no self-awareness and even when people attempt to become self-aware, it does not always work due to various reasons. As such, it may be of some help if someone who knows them very well will attempt to help them become self-aware by means of psychologically analyzing their thoughts and developmental milestones. It is undeniable that such attempts at psychoanalysis may yield results that may not be of any particular help to the person being studied, but this is still better than not doing anything at all to help them better understand themselves. In line with this, I decided to psychoanalyze a friend of mine who I will call, for the purpose of confidentiality, alias "Kyu." He is an 18-year-old male student who hails from the Philippines; his real name and identity will not be disclosed in any part of the blog or in any method to preserve his right to privacy.

A. Origin and Nature of Connection

I have personally known Kyu for almost two and a half years now and while this is probably not long enough to get to know a person deeply when the relationship is very casual, this was not the case I had with Kyu. For additional context, we met online and have continuously talked daily until now, around 20 months (or 1 year and 8 months) later. Not wanting to disclose any unnecessary information, I will just leave this specific topic by saying that I have gotten him, not against his will, to open up to me, to talk to me regularly, to maintain a close connection with me, and to always be honest whenever we talked. It might have been demanding of me but in the end, it worked out because we are very close right now and I must say that while we have had our fair share of debates, disagreements, and even fights, we emerged stronger each time we did. However, this does not guarantee complete honesty between us and as such, I tried to cross-check all information he has disclosed and to the best of my comprehension, I did not find any potentially fraudulent information.

Blog Post #3 Preliminary Drafting: March 16, 2023 Blog Draft Created: March 25, 2023 Blog Posted: March 26, 2023 Selected Video: 'Sikreto ko, OC ako' by Sandra Aguinaldo

TW// Mental Health Problems. Please do not read if you are sensitive to mentions of mental health problems.

A. Background of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

There are a lot of mental health problems that are recognized by the arguably most influential organization about mental health in general—the American Psychological Association, also known simply as APA. In addition, some mental health problems are observed but not recognized by the APA, as demonstrated by the absence of these problems in the list of the formally recognized mental health problems included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (5th edition) or DSM-5. According to Peterson (2019), the DSM-5 contains around 300 officially recognized mental disorders and is designed to aid psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, and other mental health professionals to diagnose or recognize the mental health disorder, if any, of an individual. While the DSM-5 book can be accessed by common citizens if they so desired, it is important to note that it should not be used to self-diagnose because this may lead to incorrect diagnosis and false panic. One of the disorders mapped in the DSM-5 is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), characterized by a person's extremely disruptive obsessions that fuel compulsions that prompt the brain to take action on these obsessions by attempting to satiate them (Kelly, 2021).

B. Lives of People with OCD

While I personally do not relate to the people featured in the video, Engr. Efren Yebra, Jr. and Emile Enriquez, I am quite intrigued by OCD, especially considering I have seen the term being used on the internet, almost very easily. Having said that, I will be offering my most sincere and not sugarcoated outsider's perspective about OCD, but I will still try my best to word everything respectfully. Perhaps the reason why OCD is heavily stereotyped is that it is a mental disorder whose symptoms can mimic everyday normal actions like double-checking whether the door has been locked properly, cooking for a very exact amount of time, washing hands repetitively due to fear of getting infected while eating finger foods, and many more. To be completely honest, before I properly searched the internet to read about OCD, I have a poor understanding of it. I used to view OCD as something that is plainly just something that causes a person to do repetitive tasks and not necessarily something that disrupts their lives. Thankfully, I haven't really used the term "OCD" in writing or talking and as such, I never misused it whilst misunderstanding it, which I am thankful for since I have not made someone upset over a would-be misuse of the said term. Unfortunately, that is not the case with everyone, as is what happened in an article penned by Gudrun (2017) where she detailed her experience of being incorrectly dismissed by her former college roommate when she claimed to have been diagnosed with OCD. She stated that she was very disorganized which made her roommate think that she must have been misdiagnosed with OCD.

C. My View of People with OCD

In terms of what I think about those who have OCD, I really do not have any incorrect stereotypes in mind, although I must not deny that I will think of them as people whose actions tend to be unnecessarily repetitive. In my mind, I think of people diagnosed with OCD as regular people, although they have tendencies that do not conform with "normal" people. I intentionally quoted the word 'normal' because normalcy is relative and non-universal and may therefore change from person to person. That being said, I do not necessarily think of anything negative of them such as "wasteful," "inefficient," or many others because I recognize that it is not their will that is causing them to act as they do and that is beside the point that some of them are not even wasteful or inefficient in doing their actions. In fact, some symptoms may even have their own niche but nonetheless advantageous effect, although please note that this is only a side effect or a byproduct and should by no means imply or infer that OCD can be romanticized or dismissed. Langham (2022) expressed that due to the meticulousness associated with OCD, some sufferers may perform well in detail-oriented job positions where they can supervise things that need to be supervised during work.

D. What I Think People with OCD Feel

While I do not want to appropriate the experiences of people formally diagnosed with OCD, I will try to map how they may feel based on what I think they may feel. As a natural empath, I may be able to gain insight as to how these people may feel, especially having access to the cases of Engr. Efren Yebra, Jr. and Emile Enriquez. According to Yebra, in order to prevent the anxiety brought about by his disorder, he does what he calls "rituals," which are basically like routines that he follows to mitigate the effects of OCD. In the case of Enriquez, his OCD only happens when his mind is not occupied by thoughts, which means he functions well during work, thus qualifying him to be a High-Functioning OCD sufferer with accord to Langham's (2022) previous iteration. It also seems impossible to map the thought process of people with OCD apart from a generalist explanation that is summed up as such: "People with OCD have chemical imbalances, which makes them have disproportionate obsessions over some things, and they respond to these obsessions by doing them repetitively." As such, I will attempt to rationalize their thoughts by using the social phenomenon involving coming out with a mental health problem—social stigma or worse, ostracization. Corrigan and Watson (2002) argued that people with mental disorders deal not only with the disorders themselves but also with the stigma that they experience as a consequence of being diagnosed with mental disorders. Zoppi (2020) stated that the social stigma against people with mental disorders often leads them to socially isolate themselves, causes them to have low self-esteem, makes them feel shame and hopelessness, and may even cause the disorder to worsen.

References:

Corrigan, P.W. & Watson, A.C. (2002). Understanding the impact of stigma on people with mental illness. World Psychiatry, 1(1), 16-20. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1489832/

Gudrun, H. (2017). What It’s Really Like to Be “So OCD”. National Alliance on Mental Illness. https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/October-2017/What-It-s-Really-Like-to-Be-So-OCD

Kelly, O. (2023). What Is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd-2510675

Langham, R.Y. (2022). How Can I Tell If I Have High-Functioning OCD?. Impulse. https://impulsetherapy.com/how-can-i-tell-if-i-have-high-functioning-ocd/

Peterson, T.J. (2019). The DSM-5: The Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders. HealthyPlace. https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/mental-illness-overview/the-dsm-5-the-encyclopedia-of-mental-disorders

Zoppi, L. (2020). What is mental health stigma?. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/mental-health-stigma

Blog Post #2 Preliminary Drafting: February 27, 2023 Blog Draft Created: March 23, 2023 Blog Posted: March 26, 2023

Associations arise between two particular things because they tend to come together in most situations in life. Some examples of this phenomenon include language and culture, references and books, and school and education. Of course, this is not really limited to those mentioned, and this reality extends to psychology. In this case, there is a relationship between colors and the behavior that is evoked by them in different individuals. Since it is technically already proven scientifically, I will instead provide different reasons why a certain color is connected to a specific human emotion, feeling, or trait. To make this short and concise, I will only associate the colors red, blue, and yellow, knowing how common they are, especially considering they are the three primary colors in pigments. Now, it is important to note that word associations are mostly due to the action or concept that reminds the person of another word. For the sake of ease, I attached below a mini flowchart to help explain this thought process.

A. Red

The first color is the color red, a color that is mostly associated with war and love. Having iterated previously that word association is mostly due to the perceived complementarity between them (i.e. they, in some sense, one is complete only when the other is present), it is easy to say why war and love are almost synonymous with the color red.

i. War

For starters, one of the most common things that are associated with the color red is blood, after all, blood is the most universal constant a person possesses. Blood, while not seen, is literally everywhere—every person alive right now has it, because, without it, you should theoretically be dead within a minute or two. Moving on, blood is most commonly seen in hospitals in the form of blood transfusions, during blood dialysis, during surgery, during emergency situations, and many others, which sends the message that blood is more or less present when the body has undergone an attack or trauma. In other terms, when the body has been at war, literally or figuratively. That explanation is the most straightforward one, but the next possible explanation has less to do with direct connection and more to do with the symbolism present in our languages.

ii. Love

Blood is associated with the heart, and that much is very well known to a majority of educated people, even those who do not have scientific knowledge may be able to deduce the relevance of a blood-regulating organ. Yeah, you're correct, it is exactly the heart of a person that is the mediating factor why the red is associated with love. Love appears like it stems from the heart and while many scientists and doctors will disagree, the symbolism of the heart in our language and culture is very strong and widespread that scientific explanations cannot effectively take a grip on people's thinking.

B. Blue

Next up is arguably everyone's current or former favorite color—blue. If you ask around people, even those who are considered socially isolated will probably say that blue is connected to calmness or relaxation. Why, you ask? Let me try to explain this phenomenon. The color blue is mostly associated with water, after all, a significant volume of the Earth's water appears blue due to the refraction of light against its surface. Moving on, what does water make you feel, or what do you think after hearing water? Comfort? Quench? Even life as a whole? Whatever you thought of, you probably thought of something that brings about well-being to a thing or an individual that experienced distress in one way or form. Now, what does make of water? Does it make the concept of water feel like something that modifies "bad things" to become "good things?" Exactly, this ideology revolving around water may be the reason why it is associated with calmness, relaxation, comfort, or basically, any other word that makes people who are distressed feel good.

C. Yellow

Yellow, on the other hand, may have also been one of the favorite colors of any people but given how the people around me tend to find either of the two previous colors as their favorite, I am inclined to think that yellow is not as popular as them. That being said, I used to think of yellow as my favorite color, and, as reflected by some of the National Flags (e.g. Sweden, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, the Philippines, etc.), it may also infer that it is not only significant to common citizens, but also those in the government. Yellow is a very bright color, which in fact, is the brightest color in the 8-color Crayola crayons and so it is very convenient to think of yellow as a color that gives light into or illuminates a dark or empty place. This brightness is what makes people think of yellow as a color that brings about happiness.

Appendix/Outline

I am fond of associating certain topics or ideas with concepts that I already know because I believe that this may help me better remember the topic or idea at hand. As such, when I thought of writing something connected to color psychology, I immediately started drafting my thoughts about the topic. As for the reason why I chose the colors red, blue, and yellow, I thought that they are the most common colors, and therefore, at least one of them may also be included in the world's top three most favorite colors.

Introduction

Colors

Red, Blue, Yellow

Diagram

Red - color of blood - connection with war and love

Blue - water - calmness and relaxation

Yellow - brightness - happiness

Blog Post #1 Preliminary Drafting: February 20, 2023 Blog Draft Created: March 19, 2023 Blog Posted: March 19, 2023

Hey everyone! Please welcome me and treat me well as this is my first time blogging. Anyhow, to give a background, I am currently 18 years old and my pronouns are he/they. For the sake of retaining privacy, I will not divulge any other potentially sensitive information. For those who do not know what nickname I go by, you can simply call me "zhou." Anyhow, let's get started.

As this is my first time blogging, it would only be proper for me to introduce myself but since I want to retain my privacy, I would instead introduce my personality and relevant information, starting from childhood I guess, so that you may use that information as a means to determine why I behave or think a certain way.

A. Prepubescence

For starters, I grew up in a relatively rural area, although looking at it right now, in my 14 years living here, it has developed quite a lot and based on my research, it was supposed to be a city and is qualified to be one. I remember back then, I was always just thinking of how I wanted to spend my day, be it playing with my friends, watching some television shows, answering my assignments, or just doing MY regular day-to-day activities. I also started liking science and mathematics around this time, although I must say that back when I was still at preparatory school, I already used to ace both subjects, just that they do not really seem to pique my interest. Safe to say, it was always these two subjects that were running around inside my head. Proof? I always watch science videos before and after school, so much so that I watch them first before doing my assignments. I must also mention here that I had problems with anger management, although this is more of a problem of incorrect expression rather than just the plain inability to manage anger. Of course, I did have my eyes on the far-flung future but, to me, its concept seems to be one that will arrive after the next 30 years or so. Alas, I was wrong, puberty arrived faster than I expected it, perhaps due to my ignorance.

B. Puberty and Adolescence

Puberty was well-timed (it's arguable, though) for me, in that it arrived during my 8th grade, a time when I was already done coping with the elementary-high school transition and have already successfully adjusted and assimilated. It was particularly harder for me to adjust given that I came from a private and more relaxed elementary school and started studying in a public and more pressured environment, especially considering the school has an elevated prestige due to its name. I also met my first, long-time best friend here and thankfully, that best friend is still with me, although we do not regularly talk nowadays due to conflicting class schedules. Fast forward to my 10th grade vacation, it was very chaotic considering the fact that this was the first time I was in a mutual understanding (colloquially tagged as M.U), ending with me experiencing mental trauma due to my then-partner having self-harmed and me attempting to contact my then-partner more than 70 times due to concern about a potential episode of self-harm. This was repeated again the next year around the same timeframe, although this time was worse because my then-partner ended up not liking me at all, while I tried to come to terms with the list of the misdeeds of my then-partner to many people, myself included, getting no closure whatsoever, making the problem worse. Set in the pandemic, the problem just became ten times worse given that I do not have a lot of people to rely on and those who I can rely on also had decreased tolerance to hearing other people's personal problems and challenges. Due to that, I tended to keep things to myself in order to preserve what little sanity I had left within me. You can only imagine how mentally unstable I was during this time period, especially during the middle years (around 10th or 11th grade). After those stressful times, there were no other times that I was stressed just as much until I turned 18 years old.

C. Postpubescence

While I probably won't immediately know when my adolescence will stop until months or years after it actually stops, I am almost entirely sure it has stopped due to the stability of mind I have right now. My emotions are also always under control now, although obviously, I experience slip-ups here and there when the situation becomes too stressful for me to handle. I still have quite a lot to learn about the human mind, and my inexperience in dealing with many things such as documented cases of mental and physiological health problems helps prove my point. That being said, I already have quite a lot of experience consoling people and listening to them when they need someone who can listen to them, although the things I do are based merely on what I think would work and not what other people think would work since I do not often if at all, browse psychology articles aside from personality test-related articles or webpages. Overall, before starting to take the Psych 101 class, I have a lot of experiences, the relevance of which is arbitrary, although I think they may be, in one way or another, helpful in enhancing my experience during and after taking the Psych 101 class.

Appendix/Outline

So hello, I guess I'll just write this draft as a means to dictate what concepts will be included in my main post, so yes, the following are the ideas that I plan to have in my post as well as the elaboration I do plan to include:

Me as a pre-pubescent person - mentality-wise (regular activities, anger problems, fascination with science and mathematics)

Time of Puberty/Adolescence + changes in mentality (instability in mind, life event-related emotional, mental, and physiological disturbances, in the context of the pandemic)

Post-puberty (or more precisely, after I turned 18) - preps for college, college life, research-induced stress, transition-induced stress