#intj ask

As many INTJ’s I have the resting bitch face so If I do smile it’s because I’m laughing or I find something humorous and the like. I don’t smile for the sake of it I guess. If I force a smile they end up being terribly awkward. 

Honestly I think it’s alright?? I’m a little giddy myself with my close friends. Don’t believe the stereotype that INTJ’s don’t smile because they do! In a comfortable environment it may be easier for us, I suppose! 

ABSOLUTELY. I did that for a while at an old school but the people there were so fake and uninteresting i gave up and embraced isolation. but yes, it’s definitely something i’ve done and it works! 

sometimes it’s actually helped me convey emotions or something that i didn’t know how to verbally express so that is one pro i can think of!

So, a) you, anon, gave me a horribly difficult question b) IM SO SORRY I HAVENT ANSWERED THIS SOONER I FEEL AWFUL

I think this is one of the most difficult questions i’ve ever answered, actually. I ended up thinking about it and talking to INTP about it ever since i got this, trying to figure out the differences and all that. i’d never thought about it in quite this way so it took me a very long time to figure out what i wanted to say. 

As for how i process it, my Fi shows up for me in stages. first, i think “oh god, it’s a feeling, RUN AWAY.” then i quarantine it and try to ignore it for as long as possible. then when things build up and i finally burst, i have a very physical emotional reaction, usually anger. then it goes back to quarantine and i mentally dissect it and logic myself out of the emotional hole i dug for myself. sounds super sarcastic, but no joke that’s usually pretty much what happens.

comparisons: i picked out a couple core things here

- my Fi means that i deal with stuff internally and i usually haven’t the slightest idea how to explain it to another person, externally. INTP is not like that. he actually wants to talk about his feelings, you just have to convince him to do it first. with him, the “offer to listen but don’t push” tactic works well to encourage him to get stuff out. with me, you HAVE to push, and you also have to be extraordinarily patient, because i will fight having to talk about it for as long as possible, even if i want to talk about it, because i don’t know how to.

- while both of us need to be really pushed before we get truly angry, our ways of showing annoyance are different. i either go quiet and glare or take it out on people around me who make the mood worse.

- INTP actually needs external validation A LOT. he needs to hear that people like him and care about him on a daily basis, and he likes to hear it from as many people as he can, but especially his very close friends and me of course. I’m different. I have crazy trust issues so the only external validation i want comes from him and my INFJ, since they’re the only people that it would kill me to lose. everyone else’s opinion of me is something i only care about in terms of usefulness.

- INTP is much better at explaining his emotions. for me, emotions are extremely confusing and i almost never fully understand what i’m feeling at a given time. when he talks about it, he always has a very coherent explanation and knows exactly what’s bothering him. i literally never do, i am not in touch with my emotions at all.

- even though he is better at dealing with emotions, i’m definitely more sensitive. i’m easily frustrated because i’m a perfectionist and that leads to a permanent state of annoyance basically. i’m always very aware of things affecting me emotionally, i just never know what to do about it. INTP is the opposite. he always knows what to do about it lol. 

- it shows up in our arguing styles a little bit too, combined with Te vs Ti. INTP will argue any idea from any side, any time. it doesn’t matter whether he agrees with it or not, he’ll argue it. he does it for the fun of it. his opinions, though, are very well defined, even if he hides them at times, and they’re decided much more subjectively than mine. his thinking style in general is more subjective than mine which, i guess, you could attribute to the fact that he’s TiFe and I’m TeFi. i’m different from him in that i almost never interject in a debate (i’m usually content to let him handle it) but when i do, it is a very well thought out argument that typically was designed to destroy the opposition and give them no room to retaliate. i end the argument instead of enjoy it, basically lol. i also have very few concrete opinions. it’s a legitimate annoyance, i find it almost impossible to do. i think it’s because i see the merits of mulitple sides and therefore usually can’t find the right middle ground, so i just don’t, i guess? i don’t know, that’s hard to explain.

well, yeah. there you go. some stuff about Fi and Fe in my brother and me. sorry again that it took me so long, but here you are!

uh, honestly, i am not the one you wanna be asking about that. 

you can ask INTP, i am an absolute mess when it comes to careers. i’ve got no idea what i want to do with myself.

https://www.truity.com/personality-type/INTJ/careers

that is a pretty solid article that lists some ideas, based off of stuff we typically enjoy/don’t enjoy, but it also covers a couple different less common areas, such as arts. 

i’m sorry i can’t be of more help. i would, but i have no idea myself, so i don’t think i’m really qualified to answer with my own opinion lol

I got an anonymous ask about whether it’s normal for there to be a wide range of emotions, and feeling of emotions, within the INTJ type. (I am paraphrasing my understanding of the ask) My answer did not post, for some bizarre reason, so I shall re-post it.

Yes, I think it’s perfectly normal for there to be a wide range of emotions among any type. I also believe there are many ways in which people interpret feeling emotions. I also believe the level of a given emotion we feel varies widely depending on the context you are in. I feel a lot of emotion surrounding my boyfriend when I am around him, but when not around him and doing other things I do not notice any at all. When someone annoys me I feel that little tickle of anger, but once they’re gone and I have space that quickly dissipates. The ask mentioned that a friend of theirs reported feeling no emotion at all. I am fairly confident in stating that is not a healthy way to be, when you’re neutral, you feel neutral. A total absence of emotion could be due to psychopathy, depression, PTSD, and a variety of other causes. I believe they either supress their emotion or feel them so slightly it has no effect on their day to day activities. I admit I do not feel emotions acutely as others might, and they tend not to interfere with my day to day life, but I certainly feel them. I am very able to ignore them and suppress them, but I am aware this is not healthy.

Yes. It’s a myth that we’re cold-hearted, though outwardly we can seem that way. We try to keep our feelings inside where we can comfortably (or uncomfortably) process them. INTJs value privacy and I don’t think you can get any more private than personal emotions. I have no problem discussing random facts about my life, as long as they pose no security risk, but feelings just seem far too personal to share. Not only does sharing them seem to invite vulnerability, but we may not understand our own feelings well enough to talk about them even if we wanted to.

This is all thanks to introverted feeling (Fi), our tertiary function. Our feelings are focused more internally and we generally have a better idea of how we feel than how others feel. We also tend to care more about our own feelings than those of others (unless they are people we really care about). This can make us seem unempathetic or selfish. Since Fi is a tertiary function, it’s less developed than our intuition and thinking functions, and it needs to be improved over time.

For more information:

Fi vs Fe 101

How Fi Acts in all 4 Positions