#inthequiet

Çünkü bazı duygular

söylendiğinde eksilir.

Ben seni

sessizliğimde sevdim.

Kimsenin duymadığı,

ama hep benimle kalan bir yerde.

Je t’aimais en silence.

-Âme Atlas

I read a couple of pages from a brain-racking book that I have been re-reading for months now called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and there's a chapter that expresses that if we are unsatisfied and constantly becomes ungrateful with what we have Now, it will only lead to more dissatisfaction in the future. We may have all the grandest things in life but there will always be a void and a sense of emptiness because we don't live and learn to appreciate the Now. 

That struck me.

What a harsh reminder, isn't it? I realized that what I have now is way better than where I started and these are the things that I used to pray and hope for every single day. But still, I'm always caught in that dangerous web of unhappiness and self-loathing because it's like my Being lives in the future and my mind is always wired toward the "next biggest life accomplishment" instead of being in the present and learning to sit down and pause and celebrate my small wins and enjoying the process. There's absolutely nothing wrong to have some aspirations and plans for the future but I guess I'm already at this point in my life where I'm not gonna let it consume my energy by constantly worrying about what tomorrow comes and treating it as if it's my higher power because I know it's only gonna make me miserable. To find balance and the perfect rhythm in navigating life is my goal now and that is using gratitude as my moral compass and putting kindness to myself and the energy into things that really matter. Life, in its core definition, is the goal. To really live. It may be a concept that can change from time to time but I'm simply amazed by these revelations in my musings and reflections that we do have the power to pull ourselves back and learn to live in the moment and be present. 

Somehow, these are great little reminders to keep our feet on the ground. Life may put us in situations that are undeniably hard at times, and it's also important to acknowledge and work on that but on the other side of the spectrum, it is also important to remind ourselves of the person we have become, the small and the big wins we had achieved, the trials and the challenges we once overcome and the uncertain future that we will also triumph. Believe the process. 

09.12.22

J

☾

10/13/22

I'd like to believe that my reality is less complicated than what's going on in my head, and that patience is one of the possible cures for all of my anxieties. This insta generation has wired my mind to think that everything has to be done immediately rather than waiting for specific things to happen, and I know that this is one of the causes of my burnout; the lack of patience, and why I'm still not at that level of mental stability. 

But I am trying.

I just have to make it a mantra for now. One more time. Louder than ever. That my reality is less complicated than my mind thought it should supposed to be.

Now breathe...

I learned a very timely concept today called "catastrophizing," which is overestimating the likelihood or consequences of our worst fears, and I have to write the takeaways on these pages because there is no better slap-in-the-face advice that I have this morning than this. First, stop time travelling. Stay where you are instead of dwelling in the future or the past. We can never be too prepared for what is to come, and sometimes the outcomes aren't as bad as we expected. Second, think gray. Life isn't black or white, so stop emphasizing what's on black. Maintain your position in the middle. Find a middle ground when things don't go as planned. There's a lot more one way or the other than being on the opposite ends of our plans and decisions. Finally, try to maintain your motivation. It is critical to remind ourselves of the things we have overcome in the past and the greater likelihood that we can do so again.

While on my last sip of this tea, I realized that indeed our fears are valid but most of them aren't facts and I want to believe that. And for now, I just wanna bask on the moment of where I'm at, wrestle and hustle to be at peace with this reality and that one day I am content of what, where and who I am so far on this journey.

In the Quiet

As the day slowly releases itself into twilight, the light softens… colors deepen… and a quiet peace settles in.

The tree stands present and untroubled, rooted in the moment, witnessing the gentle change of hours.

In this space between day and night, we are reminded to slow, to deepen our awareness of life and spirit, and to allow the changing light to awaken a deeper peace within our own soul.           

“Stop, Breathe, and Be”

Today I was inspired by three amazing women on Instagram, which eventually caused me to turn a simple handlettering-piece into a whole blog post.

I’m currently participating in a 30-day creative lettering challenge by @thecheerfulcupcake and the Holy Spirit has really spoken to me through it.

Today’s prompt was “This chapter feels really good.“

I found myself struggling with it at first, because we can find flaws in every current season if we focus on what we don’t have.

Then I saw @maker_mom ‘s post on it and she inspired me to not just letter the prompt but write down something about the current chapter of my life.

When I asked the Lord for a word for the year 2018 in January, I heard “restoration“ in my heart. Wow, what a powerful word! I don’t know about you, but when I think about restoration, I think about being active, putting pieces back together to rebuild something that has been destroyed or even taken away.

While I had to take everything relatively slow last year because of my surgery in March (which I didn’t do, to be honest), I was anxious to get going and be active again.

I mean, that’s what society teaches us, right? Do! Work hard! Improve constantly! Prove yourself! Deliver! Strive! Succeed! Don’t waste time! Keep up!

And in Christian circles we might add things like: Help others! and Deny yourself!

While these prompts may be encouraging at first, they wear us out pretty quickly. It’s not a coincidence that more and more people are suffering from burn out symptoms and/or are diagnosed with depression / exhaustion. I can relate.

What I realized just a few weeks ago though was, that not only had I tried to adopt to these standards of society and subconsciously tried to keep up, I had also transferred them unto my relationship with God.

I was constantly trying to prove myself to him. I wanted him to know that I was working hard to gain more knowledge and wisdom by studying His word. I invested a lot of time to minister at church and tried to teach others what I had learned about Him and His word so that they might grow as well.

I thought that if only I could prove to Him that I had learned my lessons and was ready, He might finally fulfill His promise and call me worthy to become a mother. Or get that permanent job. Or a house. I read my bible daily (for hours), listened to worship all day long etc etc. And it was great for a while, but then I got exhausted.

Why?

Because I had forgetten about what God had told me almost a year ago.

@sisi.roose gave a perfect statement today. “We are not called human DOings, but human BEings.“ Somewhere along the way the focus has shifted.

Society tells us that just BEing is not enough. We are defined by what we are DOing and how successful we are at it. Our worth is defined by our works.

With God it is different.

In His word He tells us to BE STILL and let HIM do the work. Over and over again. (Psalm 46:10; 1 Peter 3:4 etc…)

Nowadays people keep on making jokes about how lazy they are and how they love to relax. But are we really?

I still can’t believe how hard it is to just BE.

And still, this is what God wants us to ‘do‘ – just be. Because He finds us in the quiet place. Not in the striving, constantly running forward.

So when God said “restoration“ at the beginning of this year, He was telling me that HE was going to be the one to restore. Not me.

See, He loves quiet time with you. Because He wants to bless you. And He wants to tell you how precious you are to Him while just being. He calls you worthy. You don’t have to prove anything to Him. You don’t have to deliver, keep up, improve constantly, work hard and succeed all the time. Because Jesus already delivered and succeeded on the cross once and for all.

You are loved and cherished by God, your loving Father. His arms are opened wide for you today to just spend time with Him.

You don’t have to read. You don’t have to listen to a sermon. You don’t have to sing or write or draw. Just be. And He’ll meet you there.

GERMAN / DEUTSCHE VERSION Heute wurde ich von drei tollen Frauen auf Instagram inspiriert, was schließlich dazu führte, dass aus einer einfachen Handlettering-Seite ein ganzer Blogpost wurde. 

Momentan nehme ich an der #30daysofcreativelettering-Challenge von @thecheerfulcupcake teil und der Heilige Geist hat dadurch so viel zu mir gesprochen.

Das heutige Zitat lautet: "Dieses Kapitel fühlt sich wirklich gut an." 

Ich habe anfangs wirklich damit gehadert, denn es ist so einfach unzufrieden zu sein, wenn wir uns auf das konzentrieren, was wir (noch) nicht haben. 

Nachmittags bin ich dann auf @maker_moms Post gestoßen und war plötzlich so inspiriert nicht nur das Zitat zu gestalten, sondern etwas über das aktuelle Kapitel meines Lebens aufzuschreiben. 

Als ich Gott im Januar um ein Wort für das Jahr 2018 gebeten habe, hörte ich "Wiederherstellung" in meinem Herzen. Wow, was für ein mächtiges Wort! 

Ich weiß nicht wie es dir geht, aber wenn ich an Wiederherstellung denke, denke ich daran, aktiv zu sein, Teile wieder zusammenzusetzen um etwas wieder aufzubauen, das zerstört oder sogar weggenommen wurde. Während ich letztes Jahr wegen meiner Operation im März alles relativ langsam angehen musste (was ich ehrlich gesagt nicht wirklich getan habe), konnte ich es dieses Jahr kaum abwarten, wieder aktiv zu werden. 

Ich meine, das lehrt uns doch die Gesellschaft, oder? 

Tu! Arbeite hart! Verbessere dich kontinuierlich! Beweise dich! Liefer ab! Strebe nach Besserung! Sei erfolgreich! Verliere bloß keine Zeit!  

Und in christlichen Kreisen könnten wir Dinge hinzufügen wie: Hilf anderen! und Verleugne dich selbst! Sei demütig! 

Während diese Aufforderungen zunächst ermutigend sind, bringen sie uns schnell an den Rand der Erschöpfung. Kein Zufall also, dass immer mehr Menschen an Burnout-Symptomen leiden und / oder mit Depressionen / Erschöpfung diagnostiziert werden. Ich kann es verstehen. 

Was ich vor ein paar Wochen jedoch realisiert habe, war, dass ich nicht nur versucht habe, mich an diese Standards der Gesellschaft zu halten und unterbewusst zu versuchen, mitzuhalten, sondern sie auch auf meine Beziehung zu Gott übertragen habe.

Ich habe ständig versucht, mich Gott zu beweisen. Ich wollte, dass er weiß, dass ich hart daran arbeitete, mehr Wissen und Weisheit zu erlangen, indem ich sein Wort studiere. Ich habe viel Zeit investiert, um in der Kirche zu dienen, und versucht, anderen weiterzugeben, was ich über Ihn und Sein Wort gelernt habe, damit sie auch wachsen können. Ich dachte, wenn ich Ihm nur beweisen könnte, dass ich meine Lektionen gelernt habe und bereit war, könnte Er schließlich Sein Versprechen erfüllen und mich als würdig bezeichnen, Mutter zu werden. Oder endlich eine Festanstellung zu bekommen. Oder vielleicht sogar ein Haus. Ich habe täglich stundenlang in der Bibel gelesen, den ganzen Tag lang Anbetungsmusik gehört usw. 

Und es war eine Weile großartig, aber dann war ich erschöpft. 

Warum? Weil ich vergessen hatte, was Gott mir vor fast einem Jahr gesagt hatte.

@ Sisi.roose hat das heute in einer Story perfekt formuliert. Die deutsche Übersetzung gibt das nicht annähernd wieder, deshalb setze ich das englische Original noch in Klammern dahinter. "Wir werden nicht menschliche Taten, sondern menschliche Wesen genannt." (We are not called human DOings, but human BEings.) Hm, da hat sich wohl irgendwie der Fokus verschoben. 

Die Gesellschaft sagt uns, dass es nicht reicht, einfach nur zu SEIN. Wir werden darüber definiert, was wir tun und wie erfolgreich wir sind. Unser Wert ist durch unsere Leistung definiert. 

Bei Gott ist es anders. In Seinem Wort sagt Er uns, dass wir still sein sollen und lassen IHN die Arbeit machen. Wieder und wieder. (Psalm 46:10; 1. Petrus 3: 4 usw.) Eigentlich wissen wird das ja. 

Heutzutage machen die Leute immer wieder Witze darüber, wie faul sie sind und wie sie sich gerne entspannen. Aber tun wir das wirklich?

Ich kann immer noch nicht glauben, wie schwer es ist, einfach zu SEIN. Und dennoch möchte Gott, dass wir genau das "tun" - sein. Weil Er uns am stillen Ort findet. Nicht im Streben, ständig vorwärts rennend. 

Als Gott am Anfang dieses Jahres "Wiederherstellung" sagte, sagte Er mir, dass ER derjenige sein würde, der wiederherstellen würde. Nicht ich. 

Weißt du, Er liebt die stille Zeit mit Dir. Weil Er Dich segnen will. Und Er möchte Dir sagen, wie kostbar du Ihm bist, während du einfach BIST. Er nennt dich würdig. Du musst Ihm nichts beweisen. Du musst nicht liefern, mithalten, Dich ständig verbessern, hart arbeiten und die ganze Zeit erfolgreich sein. Weil Jesus bereits ein für alle Mal am Kreuz abgeliefert hat. 

Du bist geliebt von Gott, deinem liebenden Vater. Seine Arme sind heute weit geöffnet  mit dem Angebot für Dich, einfach Zeit mit Ihm zu verbringen.