#intergenerational curses

“Insisting that one's life is limited by external sources creates inferiority complexes that become intergenerational curses. Daring to meet life head on with the assertion that we are FREE is how we break the chains. Leave behind all associations that insist you believe that you are enslaved.”

I think we should consider the gendered language of how we talk about the work of ancestral healing and curse-breaking. 

Most of the people doing ancestral healing or intergenerational healing are women or otherwise aligned with femininity in some strong way. Those who are tend to be shouldered with the expectation of carrying family burdens on their shoulders alone incarnate-wise, of being vessels for things other than themselves: the dreams of their partners and spouses, their children, the medicine and nurturing energy for living relatives, the goals of their community. Historically across cultures, it is uncommon that such bearers of so much have their agency or multitudinous nature honored, let alone seen. The pain is simply...piled on. I rarely see people discussing this openly, at least not here on Tumblr.

I’ve seen people talk often about the dual struggle and glory of being an ancestral healer, but very little about the more fundamental nuts and bolts that keep us healthy and balanced - such as setting boundaries with ancestors. Nor have I seen much about how to replenish the self after a leg of work has been done (which I will address). We command new healers to humble themselves, lest they forget that they are vessels through which the ancestors may flow. But what about balancing that with remembering our autonomy in this process? There are plenty who certainly heeded those insta posts and fire tweets,  who dutifully committed to memory that they can be vessels, but do not remember themselves. Who, in dutifully emptying themselves out so that they could ensure the victory of their ancestors, lost the things that made them who they are beyond a rootworker, a healer, a priest, a conjurer.

Do not forget that you are part of the pattern you are trying to heal. Take in the gravity of the oft-stated truth: that if you heal yourself, you will heal those who came before you. It is more than a quotable. It is medicine on the days that the berry-bright taste of being alive fades to nothing but the trace of tobacco on your tongue.

I say this because to be very clear, there are ancestors who will use you as a battery; you may have a massive crew of honored dead, but a huge number of them may be present only for the power if you aren’t filtering who comes to your table. Also, some will forget that you are human. Some of them have not distanced themselves from incarnate life. Some of them still have their biases. Even if they understand the value and power of this work, those kinds of ancestors will value you primarily as a beast of burden.

And if they aren’t willing to check themselves and honor you as much as we demand that you honor them, know that those are the ancestors who need to leave.

Remember that you are more than a tool to be used; you’re a whole person with wants, needs and dreams that transcend your tasks as a healer. You and your spiritual power are more than just a vehicle for ancestral will, or divine will since we’re at it. You’re allowed to be whole. You’re allowed to take a break. You’re allowed to set boundaries with your ancestors, and let go of the ones who won’t honor that. All they are is proof that the work isn’t done.