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plural culture is watching the current host realizing they may have started out as a headmate separate from the old host for like, a few minutes before the old host promptly integrated with them and had them take over. and then giving them comfort and reassurance throughout this crisis of realization
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was poking around in a library today, found a book about multiplicity written by an integrated system. didn't know they were integrated until i read the foreword by their psych, and like... it's not a big deal, i know a lot of systems integrate and it's a valid path, but it was still sort of jarring. the beginning of the foreword was about how he didn't want to treat the sysmates as less important, how he treated them all like individuals and they were happy with that, but then it ended in (paraphrased) "as time went on, the barriers broke down and down until we were left with one whole person, [name]"
i guess it was the way the beginning let me think it was going to end in nondisordered multiplicity, combined with the way it seemed to present singlethood as the only valid way to be a complete person despite that, that just kind of hit me in the chest.
i know there's other books, but it just hurt a little bit personally. just a little bit.
on one hand we want a therapist and we want to be able to tell them we're a system. but on the other hand i feel like most therapists either wouldn't believe us, or would try to get us to integrate. but also how else do we explain some of the stuff we experience/say other than "yeah theres a buncha guys in here"
The fact that me and the host are really fucking similar, to the point we donโt even notice who is fronting and having to rely on entirely my subconscious habits. I swear if we integrate or whatever Iโm screaming.
Maybe its just cause im co-host or because he kins (for fun/copinglink) my source.
- Kokichi (fictive)
Integration CW! OT ask but we genuinely have no idea where to ask and hoping someone knows! One of our headmates was nearly integrated because of medication, and we were told tulpamancy could help save them- and it did!! A year or more of work and we saved them from the Void, but now we don't know what to classify them as??? Are they still a headmate? Are they a tulpa? The label doesn't matter to them, but the rest of us are curious.
I mean we would consider tulpas to be headmates, but it's really up to you guys what you want to call them
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Plural culture is being held at gunpoint by "pro-recovery" mfs and "allies" because most of our system don't want to go for integration or source seperation and have been instead working out a different way for us to personally recover.
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[ TW FOR ABLEISM ๐]
Plural Culture is trying to come out to your biological family as plural by unmasking and using your name in a signoff when messaging them because you AREN'T the original guy , you're a host ...
... only for them to threaten to institutionalise you for 72 hours so you can be observed like a fucking animal , say that your existence as an alter is highly triggering and confusing to them , fakeclaim you ("you're either doing this to fit in with your friends , and if you AREN'T faking it you need to fix it.") , and threaten you with an internet blackout as well as threatening to take you to therapy with the goal of basically forcing final fusion upon you . (this is right after we resplit at least 12 different people who WERE trying to fuse but they were CLEARLY hurting. they HAD to resplit to recover.)
so now , you're stuck masking in the real world , and you've been locked in front since .
others are co-conscious , and i have at least ONE other guy with me , but I've been stuck for days and I'm tired . I'm tired and anxious and I wanna go live with my partner systems asap. sick of this fuckin' house , man. idk why i tried โน๐
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what am i supposed to do if i don't really wanna be a system
my system's boring, for lack of a better word. no inner world and no hopes of ever having one; when someone's in front they're never a distinct person from whoever else is in front and when someone's not in front they basically don't exist and both scenarios are just fucking lonely; because of the aforementioned nobody actually likes each other, at most they just like the basic idea of each other; we barely switch, which means interacting with each other is even more annoying because external communication literally just isn't an option; also because of the aforementioned fusion is just not possible, let alone final fusion; no littles or exomemories or anything like that that don't sound exactly fun but are at least interesting; i could go on, just the most stale nothing-burger system one could imagine.
but i can't even just be similar to a singlet oh no no no, i have to be JUST plural enough so that it impacts my life too much for me to ignore it. not in any of the ways that plurality could ever be enjoyable or improve someone's life, just a bunch of identity confusion and derealisation. being a system never helps me with my mental health, especially since none of us have roles or anything. all our trauma and mental illness and adult responsibilities are just dumped on whoever's in front this month, and if i need a protector or caretaker then too bad so sad i have to make myself feel better on my own.
i'd probably be fine with all of that if it weren't for the fact everyone else has interesting systems where shit actually happens. saying "oh well all systems are different" doesn't really help because my concern isn't that i'm weird it's that i'm missing out. even if i was a singlet i'd still be able to make my own system if i really wanted to, but i already have a system and it already has clear-cut functions that i can't bullshit my way out of. i just got the worst possible outcome. it's absolutely miserable, what am i supposed to get out of this.
i just want something to make it better. a way to get rid of my system or advice on how to go forward or whatever i'm just sick of this stupid fucking system. none of us like it and none of us ever will.
Final fusion generally isn't something a system can achieve on their own, it's something that takes work with a therapist to guide you. If this is something you want, finding a therapist who will help you with that is your best option. Alternatively, there may be therapists who can help you with communication and making your system function the way you want if that's something you're struggling to do on your own, but there are also guides on those kinds of things if you don't have access to a therapist (like these guides on how to build a headspace, this guide on communication, and these switching guides)
