#inking pens

Ok incoming unedited vague and yet specific ramble about my feelings and experience 😳

Art school is everything I hoped for...idk if y'all remember cause I've had this acc since sophomore year, but I was conflicted about college even then cause of how people made the experience sound horrible and not worth it. Especially artists. I was nervous applying, I didn't think my work was even vaguely good and yet I got into my top choice school. Further, I found very quickly that this experience is in fact crucial to me personally as well as artistically. It's very challenging but in a way that makes my soul feel like I have purpose. I fucked my sleep schedule SO bad this year (😭) and my diet has gone to shit (purely my own irresposibility, don't freaking do what I did there's always better ways).

The feeling of accomplishment in work I spend full days and nights on, as well as how it feels to be in a space with the kindest and also fellow like-minded artists, is unmatched to anything I've experienced in my life. I've used materials and made progress I long ago swore off never touching because "I could never"

I wasn't happy in high school, despite what people said about how I'd miss it when college starts, how I'd hate college, how everything sucks now blah blah blah. Nope. Maybe they loved the experience, their friend groups, the feeling of not being the only person going down their career path (my school was small, I am the only person who graduated going to art school. It was hell during the application process, being told left and right I'm doing it wrong and I shouldn't bank on being an artist anyway. I learned that year the value of ignoring people fr).

OH NOT HAVING TO TAKE MATH, SCIENCE, ETC......IVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG AGHHHH 😭✨✨ The feeling of anxiety and worthlessness over not understanding or doing well in those subject areas while also knowing it's not important in the bigger picture but still feeling horrible over them....being gone....knowing I can put my whole mind and heart into creating now...sobbbbbb it's amazing

Right now, I'm feeling good about everything, even with the many ups and downs during the semester--ultimately, I'm where I wanna be now, and I'm kinda hype for the next semester 🥰 idk if my opinion counts or if this will reach any people who are in my previous situations, if this is encouraging at all but maybe perhaps it will?? And if it does then I'm glad 🫡