INFJ in a world of differences
I've been thinking a lot lately, in typical INFJ fashion, about just what it means to belong. I recently started a new job, and my coworkers seem kind, but I feel as if I'm the odd one out. Then again, I've always been the odd one out. I've always been different, always been at war with myself, and have always never quite fit it. Why? All I've always wanted to do was fit in, to have friends, to be seen as someone important, or worthwhile. Yet, I never have. I've always been different. I'm usually the first one forgotten about and the last one to be considered "friend" by another. I've always felt as if I'm on a different page than others, if not in a different book entirely. I've never felt like I've truly belonged. Maybe, since I am so different, since INFJs are so different, maybe I'm not supposed to belong. If that is the case, then where is my place in the world? How do I find it? Or do I always have to wander in the abyss of internal separation from others? At my new job, for instance, everyone seems to mesh perfectly, and I thought I could, but after today, maybe I was only fooling myself to attempt to satisfy this longing. What a cruel fate to be the embodiment of difference, yet have the one desire of companionship. What a trying time to try and fit in but always be left out. I just wish I could make sense of these internal complexities, to make bright the darkness that I seem to be designed from. I am an enigma even to myself, forced to spend my life here trying to sort out who I am. I just want to belong. Yet, in every personality test I've taken, I've always been different. Always an INFJ, and a deeply-seated one at that. How can one that feels so deeply be disconnected from others so severely? Or is it because I feel so deeply that the disconnection seems so severe? I've always been at war with myself, exemplifying a paradox that can confuse even the most intelligent person. I'm a walking oxymoron, whose thoughts flow but words stop short, as if there is a disconnect between the internal, and external. I wonder if this is typical for an INFJ, or if I am actually strange to my fellow strangers.
