Things didn’t go completely terrible, but it definitely wasn’t great either.
I think the thing I’m most upset about is how my midwife treated me. It was basically a 24 hour argument. I was never able to get to the point where I felt safe enough to deliver with her, and it wasn’t til I transferred to the hospital that I could relax enough to have my baby (despite my fear of hospitals).
I just wish there had been another midwife on call that night. I think things would have gone a lot better and I could have avoided a lot of the problems I had.
1) I hadn’t met the midwife until I went into labor. There are about 8 midwives working at the birth center I went to, and they don’t have things set up in a way to make sure you meet them all. So when I got to the birth center I had to labor with someone who was essentially a stranger.
2) my water wouldn’t stop gushing over the course of a few hours. That’s not a big deal, but I didn’t know that happened & It made me feel self conscious.
3) I couldn’t stop throwing up. I threw up about 7 times during labor and it really exhausted me. I couldn’t keep any food or water down and after the 4th time I just didn’t want to move anymore because I felt so weak.
4) the midwife put the IV for my antibiotics and fluids in wrong.
5) I didn’t know how painful vaginal exams could be and my midwife wasn’t trying to be gentile. After telling her I wanted as few as possible because I was GBS positive and I didn’t want bacteria pushed into the birth canal, she insisted on checking my cervix every few hours. Each exam made me mentally and physically shut down because they were so painful.
6) Being GBS positive stressed me out because I felt like I was on a timeline to give birth as soon as my water broke.
7) after only 6 hours of labor the midwife started pushing to get me to go to the hospital.
8) the midwife kept telling me how much time was going by (I think in an effort to try to get me to go to the hospital). Once I got to 10 hours I started to feel like there was something wrong with me and I panicked even more.
9) while I was in labor, there was a tour at the birth center so like 20 people were walking through the hallways and the rooms next to mine.
10) after about 16 hours I agreed to transfer to the hospital so I could get the epidural and take a nap. I was so exhausted from throwing up, I didn’t have the energy left to push.
11) as soon as I got the the hospital the midwife started trying to convince me that I needed pitocin, which I refused.
12) I got into an argument with the midwife about not wanting her to wipe the vernix off the baby because it’s good for his skin. She insisted she had to. We argued about it for at least 10 minutes.
13) I was so upset at myself for going to the hospital that I couldn’t really sleep, so I just laid there for a few hours.
14) after the epidural started wearing off, I decided I was ready to push. I told the midwife I wanted to push on my side to reduce the risk of tearing. She said ok, but then she kept shifting me so I ended up on my back. She kept telling me to “push the baby up” which is stupid. Laying on your back is the most ineffective birthing position.
15) I ended up tearing in 2 places.
16) when the midwife was stitching me up, I told her I could feel it and I asked her to numb it, but she said I shouldn’t be able to feel it because of the epidural. But the epidural had practically worn off so I could. Finally she numbed it, but she was almost done.
17) after about 25 minutes of the midwife stitching me up, I politely asked her how much longer it would take because the baby was trying to breastfeed and I couldn’t get him to latch while I was on my back. She told me that if I wanted my vagina to look like a vagina again then I would wait.
