#epidural

“Can you feel that?” asked Dr. Ritter.

“Feel what?”

“Good.”

Hi!

That’s so exciting - you’re almost there! :D

I know many moms who got their epidural and loved it, and I know others who didn’t have such a great experience or had side effects/complications. There’s no easy answer here!

Epidural doesn’t lower your risk of tearing (in fact, sometimes it raises it if you aren’t feeling the urge to push and have to do directed pushing). There are a lot of things you can do with the help of your nurses/midwife to avoid or minimize tearing, like using warm compresses and doing perineal massage (the latter you can start doing now before you go into labor!). It’s becoming much less common for doctors to do episiotomies except in extreme emergency situations, but definitely ask your OB their policy. The research shows that episiotomies do not prevent tearing (in fact, they may increase the risk), so there’s no real reason to do them routinely.

There are a lot of ways to cope with labor pain without an epidural, such as using movement, different labor positions, massage, counter pressure, aromatherapy, breathing techniques, a warm bath/shower, and so on.

If possible, consider getting a doula for your birth. DoulaMatch.net is a good place to start. If you can’t get a doula (or even if you can), it’s a good idea to let the nurses at your birth location know that you are trying to avoid pain medication and need their support with comfort measures. At a recent birth I attended, because the mom came with a birth plan focused on a natural childbirth, they assigned the nurse who is really passionate about natural childbirth to her, and that nurse was awesome, almost like having a second doula!

The two biggest things to remember:

1. Don’t go to the hospital too early! With your first, labor tends to last longer, and without the context of prior births many moms think they are closer to delivery time than they are. When you get into early labor (sporadic contractions that don’t stop you from talking/focusing on other things), try to take your mind off the contractions by taking a nap, eating a good meal (definitely eat a good meal before going to the hospital!), watching TV, taking a walk, or some other activity. Don’t go until it’s really time, or you’ll spend more time than you need to getting poked and prodded by nurses.

2. When you do go to the hospital, remember that women are not designed to labor laying on their backs! Gravity is your friend, as is movement. The two together will help your baby descend and engage in the pelvis. Walking, sitting on a birth ball, slow dancing with baby’s dad, and getting on hands and knees can all help baby move while also reducing the tension in your body. I recommend changing positions every 30 minutes or so (but if a position isn’t working for you, don’t wait!)

I thought Lincoln’s birth was fast, this was next level. It was happening before I really had a chance to comprehend or prepare myself for what was coming.

I had my normal weekly appointment with Dr B. At this stage I was 40+4 and ready for her to be here. When I arrived, he advised that he had scheduled my induction for Sunday 7/5/2023, as he would be on call that night and would be there to birth her, this had always been our goal, but as we were public patients this time, there was no guarantee. The plan for Sunday was, to arrive at 8am to break my waters and start the process from there. 

He also said we could try a second stretch and sweep today, to see if that got things going over the next few days, I agreed, I was willing to try anything at this point. He advised there was no change to my cervix from the week before, I was still only  1-2cm dilated and no further effaced. He didn’t seem confident it would do anything, but it was worth a try.

I left the office, went and collected my mum so we could grab some lunch together before collecting Lincoln from day care. When we arrived at day care, around 2:30pm, I said to mum that I was feeling really sore and uncomfortable, but put it down to cramping from the sweep and over doing it while walking around in town.

We went back to mums, Lincoln had a play while I sat on the couch and rested. I started cramping, but still didn’t think it was labour, because they didn’t feel very regular and the cramps weren’t that painful. Also, Dr B had told me to expect some cramping afterwards. 

At around 4pm, I decided Lincoln and I needed to go home to start our wind down to bed time. I drove the 20 minutes home, cramping all the way. By the time I arrived home, I was struggling to stand straight and struggled to get Lincoln out of the car. The thought that this could be labour still didn’t cross my mind, I proceeded to cook Lincoln's dinner, sweep the floor and change his bedsheets. I messaged Husband and asked him to hurry home as I was struggling to care for Lincoln and I needed his help. 

I had started to suspect something was up, the pains were getting worse and they were feeling somewhat regular. When I was contracting with Lincoln, I could pick a beginning middle and end, this time I couldn’t. It was just one constant pain and when it was over and I felt completely normal again. I took some paracetamol and decided I would have a hot shower while husband put Lincoln to bed. 

In the meantime I decided to call my Practice Manager, and spoke to her and Dr B. They advised to see what the Panadol did and have a shower and see what happened. If the pain got too much worse, I needed to go to the hospital to be checked so they could either admit me and give me stronger pain meds, or send me on my way with codeine. Dr B also told me at this stage, that the Dr who was on call for tonight had broken his foot and needed to go home. Dr B had been asked to cover his shift and he had accepted. It looked like if things happened tonight, he would be there to birth our baby. Which was a major anxiety of mine., so this put my mind at ease

Husband arrived home around 5:45pm, I told him to eat something, just in case this was it, and asked him to please get Lincoln in his PJ’s ready for bed time. 

I went for a shower and the pains increased. By the time I got out of the shower, each contraction was making me feel sick. We decided to go to the hospital to be checked. While husband showered, I began getting Lincoln’s things ready for a sleep over, just in case. I called mum and asked her to come and sit with him, then my sister could come and collect him from our house, if we were being admitted to stay. 

Once husband finished his shower he saw how much pain I was in, and said we shouldn’t be waiting for anyone to get here, we needed to leave and take Lincoln with us. I called mum and again and said we were coming to her house and my sister would need to go to her house to collect him. I sent an sms to Dr B and my Practice manager to let them know I was on my way to the hospital. Dr B said he was on from 8am and would call the registrar for regular updates on my progress.

After a quick drop off and ‘I love you’ said to our little guy, we were back on our way. We arrived at the hospital around 7pm.  The nurse took us straight through to the birthing suite and got us set up. I let her know that I really wanted an epidural and if she could please arrange it sooner rather than later, I would be appreciative. She checked my cervix and said I was 4-5cm dilated, maybe more. 

Another nurse popped her head in the door and asked who was in the room because Dr B was on the phone chasing an update and wanted to make sure we had made it. Our midwife (Lizzy), left the room to call him back with the results, she came back in and said Dr B was coming in for us and he wasn’t even on call yet. Not too much after, the anaesthetist arrived to administer my epidural. She had some trouble locating the best spot for it but after a few tries, she got it. Mum arrived not long after this. This Epidural was completely different to the one I had with Lincoln. I could still feel my contractions and some pain in my cervix, I was also shaking a lot due to the epidural but also because it was cold, but I hadn’t noticed.

Dr B came shortly after 7:30pm while the epidural was being placed. He asking how shortly after how it was going and if I could tolerate an exam and for him to break my waters. I said in a few minutes just to get a little more comfortable.

He left the room and came back, gowned up ready to get started. I told him I was feeling a sharp stabbing feeling in my cervix with each contraction. He checked again and said I was 10cm and it was up to me to decide when the baby was coming. He said I could start pushing now or I could wait and do it when my body told me. He said, this could mean we wait longer but there was less chance for me to become exhausted before the baby was ready to be born. I decided to wait and see what happened.

We didn’t have to wait long before I could feel downward pressure and my body pushing for me. This feeling became stronger with very contraction until I couldn’t control it. I remember telling everyone in the room ‘its happening’ mid-involuntary push. I could feel everything, no pain, just pressure and stretching. I felt her come through the cervix in to the birth canal and as she began to crown, then her head, shoulders and body. With husband and mum on either side holding a hand and Dr B sitting on the bed holding my leg, our little girl entered the world a short 20 minutes later at 9:34pm. 

And just like that our little family was complete.

Husband cut her cord and we had immediate skin to skin and attempted feeding. She wasn’t super interested just yet, but that's ok. Once she was here, we all just sat in silence, drinking her in. 

Dr B asked what her name was, because there was no way anyone at work was going to let him get away with not knowing the name. 

We had to think on this for a while, Evie had become our second name and we just couldn’t decide which she was. Eventually we said her name was Sienna Eevee Wren. Changing the spelling of Evie to the spelling of the pokemon and Wren for my Grandmother who is no longer with us. 

Husband left around midnight to go home and get some rest and mum left around 1am. Then it was just me and our baby girl.

I lost a little more blood than expected following the birth, around 650ml and it wasn’t stopping. They connected me to the IV and gave me cintocin to help my blood clot. I had to be connected to this for 4 hours before being moved to the ward, I tired to get as much rest as I could at this stage. After a shower, I was moved to the room at around 3:30am.

We went home to our begin our life as a family of 4, the next afternoon and its been full steam ahead. 

Medical procedure gone wrong / Traumatic birth / Chronic illness

I’ve been incredibly vocal about my experience with getting an epidural injection during my labor & delivery in 2018 if you know me on my personal social media. It’s been three in a half years and I’ve decided to try to go a little more public with my story. Why? Because I have felt so hopeless, exhausted, sometimes crazy, and incredibly alone over these years and if telling my story helps just one other women who might be experiencing the same things as me, that’s enough of a reason for me. I’ll be splitting it all up into chapters to help make it easier to read! 

*LONG DISCLAIMER*

Please keep in mind, my story is mine and it is still ongoing. I’m being seen by medical doctors and still trying to find a diagnosis after 3.5 years. I do share my opinions but I also share factual evidence. I am not a doctor and I cannot diagnose anyone, I can only share my personal experiences. Please seek out professional help and always do your research from reputable sources.

Secondly, I am not anti-medicine. I am pro do your research and make sure you know what you’re letting people put into your body. I am pro advocate for yourself and your health. I am pro listening to women and mothers and taking them seriously. As a woman and a mother, I’m an advocate on recognizing medical gaslighting and knowing your medical rights, things I didn’t know about before going on this journey. I’m honestly not against epidurals even though I had a horrible experience with one. I won’t tell you not to get one, but I will tell you my experience with getting one, how my life changed after getting one, my pain I live with every day after getting one and all of the risks, no matter how rare they may be that are possible with these procedures.

Mothers are being handed a consent form while they are having contractions every minute, bent over in pain, about to give birth to a whole human being and expected to understand what they’re reading, to care about what they’re signing and to fully understand the risks involved. Doctors are failing to verbally inform of all the risks as well and not all of the risks are listed on the consent form. 3.5 years ago, I didn’t question it either. I had no reason to. Now living with the pain I’ve had to go through, I see how much that needs to change. I am not anti-medicine, I am not “ban all epidural injections during childbirth” at all. I want to make that clear. Even if at times I seem hostile or against it, please understand how much that needle has affected my life so I do get emotional when discussing it, however I still recognize how rare of an occurrence this is and most of the time epidurals work just fine.  

Chapter 1 - Stabbed in the back

It was finally induction day! I was 39+1 weeks and so ready to not be pregnant and get control of my body back. I spent most of my time pregnant bending over a trash can vomiting multiple times a day, I also had gestational diabetes so I was pricking myself 4 times a day and dieting, so boy was I over it! I just wanted to meet our precious baby.

I went into my induction with one goal and one goal only: have a healthy baby. That’s all that mattered to me. I didn’t have any type of birth plan other than get the baby out. I did however knew that I wanted to try to go as long as possible without any pain meds. I wanted to give birth naturally, I wanted to see if I could do it. After all, that's what us women were made to do! I won’t go into details about my labor so let’s fast forward a bit. I was 6 cm dilated and my water had just broke. I was doing pretty good up until then but the contractions started to come on so strong and they weren’t giving me any breaks. I remember my husband telling me, “You don’t have to deal with this, you can get an epidural. It’s okay to get one if you are tired.” I was so tired, but I pushed on for another hour or so until I just couldn’t handle it anymore, or so I thought. 

The anesthesiologist comes in and asks everyone to leave, except for my husband and nurses. We go over the consent form and how the procedure will go, at least I’m assuming we did. This whole time in my labor is a huge blur. I’m having contractions every 45 secs to a minute and I didn’t really care in that moment. I just wanted some relief.

I sit on the side of the bed, curled up against a pillow, trying to not hold my breath at every contraction. My lovely spine is exposed as the doctor gets ready to jab a needle the size of my hand into it. He starts the procedure. After about 5 minutes I could tell something wasn’t going as planned. There was a lot of maneuvering about, there was a lot of pulling sensations that I thought were odd. The doctor told me he was having a hard time getting it placed, he told me my ligaments were super thick. He tried at one spot, couldn’t get it in. He told me he was going to have to try a different spot. Each time he tried a spot, sudden electrical zaps would shoot through my lower back and buttocks, making me jump. It was frightening, that’s the only word I can use for the feeling.

Here I am trying to stay as still as possible while going through contractions because there is a huge needle in my back and something is happening to my body that I can’t control. I screamed out each time and started to cry, trying to explain what I was feeling to the anesthesiologist. He was still struggling behind my back but now he was perplexed as to why I was uncontrollably jerking every time he poked me. “Let’s try another spot,” he said. At least 30 minutes has past now. My mom and my sister are waiting in the hallway, trying to figure out what’s taking so long. I remember reading that epidurals usually take about 10 minutes to complete so I knew something wasn’t going as planned. 

Onto another spot he goes, poking me another time in another spot on my spine. Het gets it in, I feel some relief mentally very briefly because I know this should mean my contractions will fade soon. Suddenly, as he starts to inject the epidural medicine into my back, I start to feel this intense pressure going up my back, my neck and all the way to my head. I heard liquid sounds in my ears as this pressure was going up my back. It felt like liquid was being injected into my spinal cord and that pressure was traveling up my back, into my neck and into my head eventually building up so much pressure that so I legitimately thought that my head was going to explode. I screamed out in pain. What the hell is happening?! My back was on fire, my head was throbbing, the light in the hospital room blinded me. Everything is blurry. The doctor asked me what's wrong, what hurts. I try explaining to the best of my ability but all I can get out is “my head, my head!” My head feels like it’s going to explode at any second. He keeps telling me over and over he doesn’t know what happened. Neither did I. All I knew was that this man had stabbed me in my back and I was in the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life all while trying to make sure I have a healthy baby. 

My head is still spinning, my tears stained my cheeks. Contractions are still coming on strong but the epidural is in correctly now, at least we think it is. I lay back down and try to rest before it’s time to push. I keep getting told that everything is fine. I keep getting told that nothing wrong happened. But my head is killing me. I still have that same pressure that I experienced during the epidural administration. I try to stop thinking about it but the pain in my head was so bad it was hard to ignore it. I had a job to do though. I had to birth a baby!

An hour after the pain explosion during the epidural, the epidural started to wear off. I knew that wasn’t normal but again, I was just trying to focus on having my baby. It’s finally time to push, the pressure is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. My head is still throbbing, making it hard to push a whole baby out from my body. I remember pushing so hard because I couldn’t stand the pain any longer, I just needed the baby out. So I kept pushing, pushing, pushing, hurry up and just get out! I was getting lightheaded from pushing and the pain, I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to finish pushing. But 5 minutes later, a beautiful baby girl was born. Adeline Mae, 6lbs 8oz, 19 1/4 inches long. She was so tiny...and so so perfect. For the first hour I forgot about the pain I was in. I forgot about the horrible epidural experience. I forgot about how scared I was. I was just so in love with the tiny human we created, nothing else mattered. But the head pain never went away. It’s still there to this day as I’m typing this, 3 in a half years later.

Stay tuned for chapter 2.

*DISCLAIMER*

Epidural Use At Birth Not Linked to Autism Risk

This means while I'm not pain free I can do a little more without so much pain. It's time to start putting together my plague doctor robe for Halloween, plant my pansies, and get back on my bike. I had to stop because of knee problems but it's finally healed so I just need to get back to my non-punishing ten minutes a day on the bike.

My doctor said something to me at the appt that really made me feel better about my endeavor to lose about half the weight I gained to help ease my joints. I'd be lying if body image didn't play a part, but I'm not trying to get skinny, just a little lighter. I told my doctor I lost 8 pounds in 8 months, and he said that means it's a pound you wont gain back. Slow steady weight loss as opposed to crash diets and dropping 10 pounds in a month often come back later because it was never a sustainable loss. It reminds me it took about 4-5 years to gain all this weight, it will take just as long to lose it the safe way for my body.

Hi! Guess what?! I had my baby boy! He’s here, healthy and happy! I’m such a proud mom! Can you tell? Lol. I was in labor for 3 days but I was in active labor for 12 hours, without an epidural, woah can you say painful. But it was all worth with, he came on his actual due date which everyone thinks is so crazy but I knew he would. I’m so happy we have him. My boyfriend and I love him so very much, he’s our reason to push harder and work harder. My boyfriend even said yesterday that he’s glad we didn’t go through with it. Yeah I am to because even though I’m in pain and still healing and tired out of my freaking mind I wouldn’t trade him for the world. My sweet baby boy! I can’t believe I’ve been writing about him for months and now he’s here. I still miss him being in my belly sometimes. Mostly because he came everywhere with me and because I miss his kicks and nudges. But I love that I get to see him and hold him and kiss him. I hope I’m a good mom, I’ll damn sure try my best! I’ll do anything for my son. But hey besides that my boyfriend and I have been pretty good. He’s such a good dad, but it feels like our relationship changed. Not in a bad way it’s more so there’s 3 of us now so our relationship is based around the baby now. Also my sex drive has come back but we can’t do anything because I’m still healing. I’ll definitely be more careful once I’m able to you know have sex again, I seriously don’t want to be pregnant again. Well not for a few years. Well anyway I can’t believe I’m a mother now, let’s begin this new chapter of my life :3 gotta go

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