#ifiwere22

This post originally appeared on the SlideShare Blog “Don’t worry so much.” “Manage your energy like an athlete.” “Forget the past.” Those were just some of the advice we got as part of our#IfIWere22 Upload Campaign, where we asked you to share with graduates what you wish you had known at age ...

Recently on LinkedIn professionals from all over the world have been sharing their stories and talking about what they wish they knew at the age of 22. Reading the stories and lessons that people have published it really gave me a sense of relief, knowing that all these amazingly successful people have shared the worries and dreams that I currently have at 22. 

I am the youngest person in my office, I may have a degree but when it comes to business I often find myself doubting my abilities and feeling under qualified. It’s a strange sensation, on the one hand I feel like I have hundreds of dreams that I want to achieve, and on the other I know that I am not ready to take them on. Thankfully it appears that I am not the only 22 year old in the world to have worried about my competence at work and my chances to move into better roles. It seems to be a common point that many people have mentioned on LinkedIn; everyone has to start somewhere and at the beginning of a career you have to work the hardest. 

I think it’s easy for me to forget that 22 is still a young age, and that I have a lengthy career in front of me where I will gain experience and responsibilities in my job roles. I’m already a different person from the fresh faced and immature girl who left home to study at University four years ago. I hope that others in their twenties will seek out these posts on LinkedIn and feel the same comfort I did, purely from know that I was not alone. 

I saw a post in my Facebook of Alanis Morissette’s “If I Were 22″  with the idea spread throughout LinkedIn. I thought I’d give it a try here in my Tumblr blog.

Why? At 22, my life changed. It was the year that my brother next to me in age committed suicide.

I had two brothers: Deo (2 years in gap from me) and Leng (6 years in gap from me). Deo was always the joker making people laugh and playing tricks on them while Leng was the obedient child always making new friends wherever he may be. I am the eldest of the siblings and obviously the only girl with a rebel attitude. When I stepped into college, my mother became protective of me, bringing me along whenever she got promoted in her job somewhere else. That’s why before I was in my mid-20s, I already traveled 75% of the island of Mindanao here in the Philippines. My mother was a hard worker which meant a lot of travelling for the both of us.

I also went to many colleges and universities. Before my wallet got stolen on the last city I stayed in, I was already collecting various uniforms and different colorful IDs. I already knew the enrollment process of transferees which was almost similar in every university. It had become a constant thing for me which scared me sometimes of unable to belong permanently so I will be able to graduate smoothly.

The last city I stayed in was Zamboanga City. I was 22. I was trying to finish the course I recently shifted into, learning Macromedia Flash, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Premier, Adobe Audition, Corel Draw and a lot more audio/video/visual programs that had molded my skills to today, when my mother called me to come home for summer.

I didn’t understand why I was so against it. I mean, sure, I miss my brothers a lot but something was telling me to stay, but my mother was persistent. So I agreed.

When I came home in Davao City, I was so glad. What was I thinking? Why was I planning on staying for the summer? I will never know the answer but I really did miss my brothers so much. They are my life. In truth, I love them more than my parents. Living in an unhappy family with my father drunk every night and my mother always away for work, it was my brothers who were my team. They were my support, my family, my friends, my partners when things got rough for us. We were our backs to lean on. We were inseparable.

On that summer, Deo celebrated his 20th birthday by gifting himself a new bicycle part for his future Mountain Bike project. It was so shiny that I congratulated him for it. He had been an athlete all his life always with a new sport every year or so. He was then a traithlete. Around that time, Leng was in an Emergency Boy Scout training in the hills somewhere in Malagos preparing for his senior year in high school. The boys were busy while I was away which made me happy because there were times in Zamboanga City when I would get up and cry for missing them both so much. It was a relief for me seeing them like this that going back to Zamboanga City for the opening of the final year of my college will finally ease my longing for them.

It was a mistake because I will never to go back to Zamboanga City and finish my studies. By the second month of that summer, I found Deo lifeless on his bed with a yellow nooze of thick nylon rope dangling above him and the crooked mark on his neck. My father had already brought him down from his death stance when he saw him.

This is still very hard for me to write down because it had been 8 years since he passed on but the details of that Saturday morning was as clear as day just like it was yesterday.

I could not move then. I could not step further inside his room. I was in denial. That is not my brother, I thought over and over again. But no matter how much I shake my head in disbelief, his lifeless form was right before my eyes telling me the truth of it all: he was--gone.

I’m 30 now. If he was alive now, he’d be 28. Maybe he’d already be married with his longtime girlfriend, having kids, working in Germany in my uncle’s workshop like he planned to. His future would’ve been bright. But he never managed to finish his fifth year in Electronics and Communication Engineering course, he never got to marry his girl, he never did what he planned.

If I were 22, I’d hug him tighter and attend his games more often. I’d tell him to continue living despite the rough struggles in life. I’d tell him that I’d be there no matter what, that I’d help him get through all of it. Leng and I would be there for him and that he wouldn’t have to suffer it alone. I would stop going to college so that I can tell him that it’s okay, it’s alright, I’m here, your sister is here to protect you from your demons, I’m here for you.

I know I can never change my past. After his death, a series of life-changing events happened. My parents got annulled, my brother Leng started acting in independent films, I got into singing with bands. We moved out of our old home and life went on.

Sometimes, I consider myself a failure as a sister. That role alone is the most important to me and I failed in one. Now that I have one brother left, we hold on to each other like never before with renewed visions in life, more optimism, fresh goals and grand plans for the future. This time, I will never make the same mistake again.

Hey guys! I found this article with some tips from the great Tim Brown. It’s more useful for when you graduate, nevertheless it’s good to start thinking about these things now. Enjoy!

If I Were 22, Advice For the Class of 2014 and Young Professionals.

This article is written for the graduating class of 2014 and young professionals, with the hope of helping to guide them as they embark on the journey of fulfilling their hopes and dreams, and also to face their fears as they move towards their ultimate success. #IfIWere22

If only I knew then what I know now.               

If you are going on a journey you need a road map or you will travel…