#ifeelempty

Or both

My life is somehow getting better lately. I'm getting more stable at job, drink way less *even if this point still need some work* and nothing really dramatic happens to me lately. But I'm craving for some cocaine and it piss me off, it didn't happens since a least a month. Why this idea had to came back when I feel good?

Night time is when you’re supposed to be sleeping, but I can’t. At night people close their eyes and rest their minds, they descend into dreamland to recharge and prepare for the day to come. But when I do that all there is to it is nightmares and restlessness. My blood stops flowing in my limbs and rushes to my head where my jaw is clenched and my neck is tense. I close my eyes and all of a sudden I hear the voice of the guy who assaulted me. I lay on my side and I can feel his hand on my throat and feel his breath on my neck. My mouth is dry and my stomach is in a knot, my chest tightens with every breath. I can’t sleep now that the night is upon us because it fell on my soul long ago. My heart is bruised and everything hurts, sleep doesn’t seem to heal anything. The only way I feel safe enough to sleep is if the sun is out. But that’s not very useful since day time is a time to work, and live and walk around. And I really want to live, I really want to go on walks and see the world. But I’m in so much pain that I don’t know how anymore. I don’t want to be scared anymore, i can’t spend the rest of my life in fear. I want to sleep at night, like normal people do.

I’ve been burning up since you left. #nevergettingoveryou #burning #samsmith #thethrillofitall #ifeelempty

-EJL

It took me 3 hours to get through the last 40 pages cause I couldn't stop crying