#fuckthis

What the fuck is going on, this world feels so fake we’re all doing jobs for people who are doing jobs for the people who are also doing jobs for those people we’re all the people it’s like why r we working so fucking much for each other why was this country - this world created like this. Like I just hate it get me out

I should stop posting on Tumblr. I am not getting any likes to anything. This is the most unresponsive platform that I have ever been on. I am lonely.

I honestly don't know what to do. I feel so ill all the time. I'm so uncomfortable. Thoughts of death all day. Memories popping up. Bad memories. I don't want to remember it. I'm fucked. I'll never be independent. I'll never be  able to live alone. I'll always need help. I'm in pain. So much pain. I deserve this. Although it hurts, I deserve every bit of this and more. I put them through helll and still do. I'm a burden. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I don't feel well. I can't cope. It's everyday. It never ends. What is my life? I sit down all day and rot. I wish I was rotting literally. 6 feet under. Then I'd be okay. I can't though. It would kill them. What do I do? I'm dizzy. I can't sleep. Why can't I kill my fucking self? Why are other people allowed to do it? I've been thinking of murder suicide but there's no way I could hurt them physically. But what options do I really have? They're in pain too surely? I want to hurt myself so badly. I want to be normal, I really do. I want to be successful and make my parents proud. I want to be smart. I want to ride my bike really fast. I'm wasting away mentally and physically. Parents get over/cope with their kids dying all the time. Why can't they? I'm in PAIN. God to be in America and have a gun. It'd be over by now. I haven't even got it that bad. What am I bitching about? I have a house, loving family, food, dogs, luxuries. I'm not disabled or actually ill. Why even bother. I'm a shell of a human. If I were an animal I'd have been eaten at birth because I'm so weak. I wouldn't stand a chance. And I don't. I'm just prolonging the inevitable. I could do it now. Dare me. Why don't I? The thoughts are chaotic and fleeting and hard to comprehend. They're so quick. My mind is a minefield. I'm a ticking time bomb. I wish I had an off switch. Shut down permanently. My eyes don't focus for long. I'm too warm. I've tried to sleep. I've tried without my blanket, on my stomach, curled up, the floor. I'm angry. I could scream. Where do I belong?

IJUSTWANNABEFELTUP