#idryusan

with @idryusan at midas studio, second recording session for their collaboration.

despite what he may seem like, aroon is not delusional. he knows that the world doesn’t revolve around him – although in his opinion it should – and he can’t always have what he wants ( case in point: bae hyukjae ). but there are moments, glimpses of life in which aroon believes he can do things with his hard work and talent alone, that if he pushes for something and keeps on insisting he will get his way. and while this might work with his titanium members, particularly dax when he is on a grumpy day, it doesn’t work with midas. they own his soul, control his fate in ways no one should dare to, and they have no trouble reminding aroon that he is nothing but a puppet every time he starts to feel like a real person.

most times aroon doesn’t mind, he signed the contract out of his own will, after all. he didn’t need to, his parents had a whole life planned ahead for him, and yet he went to a foreign country and sold himself cheap to midas so they could make something out of him, something he would like instead of whatever he was as a pre-teen. his self hatred was unnecessary back then, he knows now, but at the time he didn’t and he was desperate to love himself again, midas sounded like a good idea.

they promised him the golden touch if he was willing to work hard for it, if he was willing to sacrifice everything for it. aroon kept his side of the bargain, midas is still keeping theirs. it started with a song on titanium’s album, then another, then a single, then songs for aurora and for san’s solo album. little by little, piece by piece, they were feeding him crumbles so aroon could think they kept their word. but midas holds their cards close to their chest and they never make a move without reminding aroon that he will have to do all the work on his own. the midas touch is nothing more than that, brief and inconstant.

so they send him to show me the money and it doesn’t matter much for them, midas is not known for stellar rappers anyway. but it’s a strategy, they tell him. titanium needs more fans and who else but the prince to charm them? if aroon wins, good. if he doesn’t at least he had exposition to a wider audience. but aroon hates losing, so he pours every piece of his soul into making this work, gives himself to it until there is nothing left.

this was supposed to be their moment. aroon and hyukjae, standing on the stage together, the song they worked together on for months, who they polished and perfected and prayed for midas to like. and then, then they pull the strings and remind aroon that he is not a real boy, no fairy will turn him into one. he is their puppet and he shall do what they want.

in comes ryu san with his arrogance and his uninterest and his glooming presence. it’s suffocating, to be with him at such a small place. aroon hates everything about him, hates his soft skin and his dyed hair and his voice, hates the way he moves with elegance, years of dance training to thank for it. but mostly he hates that san stole hyuk’s place, that san will be on his song, that san will be credited for something he doesn’t care about.

halloween party starter for @idryusan

there comes a certain part of the night where dax is surprised anyone still wants to be around him. it’s well into the evening and he knows just how annoying he must be to those around him, the way people quickly pick up their drinks and try to subtly move away from him is a big hint. he’s past the point of yelling drunkenly whenever he tries to have a normal conversation and has moved onto laughing when he has to repeat himself because he’s slurring his words. the best part about this point of the night, though? it means that he could do basically any dare and not even have to worry about it until possibly the next morning.

dax thought about the people who were at the party that could still put up with him and the only person he could possibly think of was san. as they were at that point, dax was sitting in a high top chair, focusing constantly about not falling out of said chair and san was next to him, head in his hand as it balanced on the table top. the night was needing some more excitement and dax was happy to force san into it. plus, he liked winning so he needed to get more points. "saaaan," he whined before knocking back the contents of his glass into his mouth and smirking over at his drinking buddy. "we gotta do one of the dares, dude. why haven't we done one yet?"

taking out his phone, he looked over the list of dares they could still possibly do. they had been sent a lot of options but dax almost choked when he read over a specific one: see who can fit the most ice cubes into their mouth. it was perfect. he scrambled to get out of his seat, tripping a bit over the back of his open dress? skirt? cape? whatever it was. quickly, he walked to the bar and asked for a few cups of ice, along with a refill on his drink. dax carefully balanced all of the cups and went back to the table, careful not to bump into anyone on the way. he grinned over at his friend and put the cup of ice in front of san.

( yellow, 3gp ; they're friends, kinda, so it's no harm to drag @idryusan, right? )

status: noah's probably wasted. do people walk on an angle normally? he doesn't remember but doesn't think so. his vision is off, rusted around the perimeters. or maybe it's his sense of balance that's off? he can't tell, but he's staggering to san like a zombie in need of brains.

vodka is sloshing from his glass, spilling on his hands and clothes. and where the bloody hell is his costume to wipe this shit on? last time he saw it was with sophia or did he even come dressed incognito? whatever, whatever. that's been his mood the whole night.

wait, correction. get shit-faced intoxicated and do as many dares as possible whilst drunk because at least he won't remember anything. better than having to relive every single ordeal the infamous morning after. right? right. or whatever. yeah, that sounds better.

he doesn't care. no, not at all. noah can't care or he'll never rack up game points for whatever this version of saw is. he doesn't get it. thinks it's really fucked up, but look at him, participating like he'd get graded. wait, technically, they all were. his scholastic childhood would have a blast. not. competition, even friendly, he detests. leaves a bitter taste on his tongue.

but there he goes, sharpening it on a whetstone. about to swing at san.

they're kinda friends. deja vu. but kinda not? noah can't quite tell where they stand because he's a shitty friend in general. so, he doesn't know what's appropriate to label san. but that should make it easier to, y'know, disrespect him or whatever the dare said to do. anyway, it's all fun and games.

“oh god, it's you. i see you everywhere.” and that is the stupidest thing to say ever because noah approached first, but he can only smell the stench of alcohol on his breath and blindly chase after it while running his mouth. there’s no manners when there should be. san’s the more senior artist, but noah observes with an impudent sneer. “does the golden boy think he’s better than everyone, so he didn’t bother trying for his costume?” not that noah really cares what san is or what anyone is, for the matter. 

wtih @idryusan at end of the year awards, trying to be civil.

the award is heavy, heavier than he thought. it weighs aroon down, anchors him to the here, to the now. it’s easy to disappear backstage, even easier when he is with jingyi, find some empty room, kiss away the nervousness. but now this is what he needs, to hold the award and think about it. it’s not much, not the better award of the night, but it’s something, something they did was right. and aroon is not one to worry much about public perception, they knew from the get go it would be like this, they are too conceptual, too out of the box, too strange to the common place one would want from a boy group.

whatever, at least they got something.

they stumble back to the titanium waiting room with disheveled hair, ties crooked and still out of breath and the others know what happened. someone gives aroon the award, tells him to go for a walk because for christ’s sake can’t he be professional just for once? aroon smirks and rolls his eyes, holds it and leaves. they can celebrate later, all of them. he knows this means a lot, noticed the way dax’s voice faltered when he accepted the award, knows it’s the same for guanlin, knows jingyi will cry more later, probably. it’s okay, it’s all okay because aroon loves them. titanium is his family and this is their moment.

and if he has nothing but good feelings for titanium he can’t say the same about san. of course they meet, of course they have to cross paths, it’s how their luck goes. san looks as always, the golden boy holding the golden prize, the image of everything aroon ever wanted to be. and it’s not envy that makes aroon dislike san, it’s the feeling of unfulfilled potention.

because ryu san is a cliché, and there’s nothing aroon hates more than that. the poor rich kid, how hard it must be to be rich, good looking and famous, how terrible his life must be. and sure, it’s never easy, fame eats your soul up, piece by piece, but ryu san walks around as if he has nothing more to give, as if he is too hollow, and if that’s the case he can always leave when his contract is up. move somewhere across the world, leave next to a beach in brazil or at some small village in argentina. but he won’t, aroon knows. he won’t because ryu san is a cliché and he hates being famous, but he loves it too, aroon can see it in him, tearing him apart like an addiction. good.

Send me ☃️ to find out a resolution my muse has for the new year. 

a gift for san. her first love, a true friend. 

it is a running joke that ryan is and has been apologizing for her romantic entanglement with one taeho of olympus since the very moment that ryu san discovered their tryst. when ryan had been young and foolish, freshly attending sopa, san had been something of a golden boy even then, mysteriously known to the denizens f the school as a trainee at midas media and, on top of that, one that was likely to debut soon. she had taken great pleasure at the time in knowing that his heart was hers, and more pleasure still as he debuted to fanfare, with a string of teasers highlighting his seductive and controlled dance style. girls adn boys alike had swooned and at the end of the day he had been hers. a childish affair but her first great love nonetheless, san remained, in the wake of their breakup, one of her dearest friends. with her debut following shortly in his footsteps, they had a lot of time and distance a like to find themselves, to grow into themselves. 

—send me 🎁 to find out what my muse would give yours for christmas.

the key question here was what does ryu san like? in sungyeol’s mind it’s throwing tantrums. acting like a kid. unfortunately, none of those things were material. not that sungyeol would give him that, were they material. 

Send me 🎄 to know how/if my muse has decorated for Christmas this year.