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LOADING INFORMATION ON OLYMPUS’ LEAD VOCAL, LEAD DANCE KIM DAESUNG…

“whatever dax. if you want to be friends with taeho, do it. but i can be pissed about it. and i don’t have to sit here and listen to you telling me i’m whatever. i can be upset if i want to.” this statement shouldn’t come out defensive, or nearly as cutting as it does. but san is defensive. in his experience, people often tell him his feelings are wrong, misplaced. that he shouldn’t have them, that he’s being mature. and right now, he is upset. and he doesn’t want dax to rob him of that feeling, to sweep it away and call him a child. that he’s wrong. with the way dax is looking at him right now, san thinks he might. so he’s defensive. clenches his jaw as he adds songs to the playlist, angry jabs of his thumb. 

dax is many things. a performer, a loud mouth, an asshole, but one thing he is not is someone who plays the victim. if h had any idea that just talking to taeho a few times would have set san off this badly, he might not have done it. dax in the past, dax in high school who was wrapped into taeho, that dax wouldn’t have cared if it hurt san or not. the old dax didn’t think about other people’s feeling or even noticed them, really. now that san is his friend, though, and he remembers how hurt he was when taeho dropped him, he probably would have played it a different way.

it’s not like taeho and dax are the best of friends now or anything. they’ve talked a little bit here and there; they run into each other a lot during broadcasts and have had a couple of jobs together since they parted ways originally but they don’t intentionally seek each other out. dax can’t even remember a time when they had an honest conversation that wasn’t just an act for the cameras in front of them. which is why it catches dax completely off guard when san brings it up. the conversations with taeho that he’s had over the past few months compared to the friendship that dax has with san seems so minuscule. so inconsequential. 

he studies san’s face, tries to work out what game he’s playing, what he wants dax to see. he’s closed off, passive in a way that seems oddly fitting for him in another setting but not around dax. he can tell that san is trying to distract himself, trying to stay composed for some reason when there’s no one else around to need to keep a strong face in front of. maybe that just goes to show how pissed he is at dax to not even react in a natural way for him. to not view him as close anymore. it gets under his skin, the nonchalant way that san ignores him, the stone face void of emotion. the irritation worms it’s way into dax, burning holes in it’s wake, making him angrier and angrier. he’s been called a loose cannon one or two (or more) times in his life because he has a short temper and this is definitely not an exception. 

“they never want real,” he agrees, sighing a little bit as he shifts against the cushions, trying to settle himself into comfort. the heat of the alcohol helps soothe tired muscles, the ache in his back that never quite goes away, a remnant of a stress injury that likely won’t ever fade. will only get worse until he can’t dance anymore. it’s a bitter truth but not unfamiliar, that inevitable decay of body, decline of health. any dancer knew it was coming. no one could withstand the level of stress and exertion they put forth without consequence.  “aroon is disgusting. he was literally created to convince people to do things. he shouldn’t have been an idol, he should have been a politician. he’d have taken over a country by now, the world by fifty.” he grins fondly as he looks into his glass, scoffs out a thin laugh. “tell me, what’s going on in your life lately?”

dax has always wanted to be a big super star. someone that was a household name, someone who could barely walk down a street without being stopped for photos and autographs. someone who everyone loved. he didn’t have much of that growing up. with all the moving around his family had done, they were off to a new school, a new town before anyone could even remember his name. stability. that was what he really craved.  a place to call his own and place that he wouldn’t have to leave unless he wanted to. and titanium gave him all of that. sure, he was contractually obligated to stay for a certain amount of time, but it’s not like he is trying to leave. he loves being a part of something because he’s never had that certainty before. he’s never never had this feeling of a chosen family before. 

“one day i’d like to go out and just show them what we’re all really like. what i’m really like.” dax knows his fans don’t love him for how he really is. they only see this side of him that’s all an act. his entire image is manufactured and the people who call themselves fans are falling deeper into this trap of it. they think they know him but they really have no idea who dax really is. all the pleasant smiles and soft looks, they’re anything but natural for him. “god could you imagine aroon as a politician? now that would be a place i could never live.” dax laughs at the image, secretly happy that aroon is actually an idol because then he never would have met him. 

taking a sip of his drink, he contemplates the question. what has been going on in his life? too much and not enough, honestly. “well you know me, too many bars need me to keep their business up,” he jokes. dax wishes that he was doing something more exciting. he wishes that his nights weren’t spent alone in a bar, drinking and feeling down on himself. he wishes that he could be like some of the idols he sees that go out with each other and have fun without the need for alcohol to get the night started. “i just did that whole for hite, you know? and now i can’t walk down to the convenience store without seeing a poster of my face in the windows. god that commercial was horrible.” noticing that his glass has become empty, he gets up to refill it, grabbing milo’s along the way even though he wasn’t out. hey, he can be a considerate friend when he actually wants to be. “hopefully they’ll get me back on stage again soon.” 

“you seemed busy anyway. taeho told me.” san adds, and he attempts at blase. but he’s not. he’s pissed, and he’s hurt. he grinds his molars together, flips his phone against his palms again. “i’m still working though, so like…” he trails off, the unspoken words being so if you could just fuck off, and dax has known him long enough to parse that out. he drops his phone to the ground, a soft clatter, leans back against the wall and pulls fingers back through his hair – stiff with dried sweat. “i’ve got a bunch of lines and shit to learn for chile.” he defends before dax can find issue, they’re both stubborn people. it’s just that they’re usually stubborn together. 

it’s all horribly ironic. or consequential. or whatever. the thing that ended taeho and dax’s friendship in the first place was san. and here they are, full circle, a friendship becoming a wedge between another. dax has known taeho since high school, the two of them sticking together out of necessity (at least on dax’s end, that is) but things fell apart for the two of them when dax met san. not like it was san’s fault, but dax just needed someone to listen and san was there for that. with taeho, things were always stilted and tough and there was this unspeakable rule that their friendship was there for fun, not for serious matters. when dax was able to find people that were okay with him expressing the mess he could be, it was like a switch flipped in his head. taeho wasn’t actually a friend, just someone to make him feel less alone. it also didn’t help that he dropped dax the second he found out that san and dax were buddies. 

dax actually like this hodge podge group that he has; he likes that he doesn’t have to worry about seeming weak because he figured out a way to mask his issues in jokes and sarcasm until he has an outburst to let them know how he’s really feeling. they all get each other without having big heart to hearts. it’s something he’s not used to but not opposed to. having friends validates him. makes him feel less like a shitty person.

which is why when taeho is brought up, dax gets defensive. he feels as if an electric shock runs through him, his spine getting tense, his shoulders coming up around his ears instinctually. dax has never been one to talk in passive aggressiveness because he’s normally just... aggressive. so the blaze tone that san has makes dax more irritated than anything. “taeho? what the fuck does he have to do with anything?” either he is stupid or san is grasping at straws trying to find a reason to be mad at him. maybe it’s neither. maybe it’s both. but if there’s one thing that dax hasn’t learned over his years of ‘maturing’, it’s that he doesn’t know how to back down if he feels cornered. he hasn’t done anything wrong. he’s getting a cold shoulder seemingly out of nowhere so he’s not going to let it slide. 

TITANIUM DAX BECOMES NEW BRAND MODEL FOR HITE

“it was… a lot.” he agrees with a groan. taps a hand against his own cheek, then the other’s, with a “chok chok chok~” in a singsong, ragged voice that belies hours of annoyance with the catchphrase of the product.  “i’m willing to bet money they just use that third take, when we were all still able to like, laugh with a vague sense of something genuine, and then just ditch all the rest of the footage. i think we just got progressively more stone faced as it wore on. except maybe aroon. he can fake anything.” there’s a twitch of a grin at his lips. 

for someone who isn’t the easiest person to get along with, dax really pulled off some high level luck to get put into a group with people who he can actual pal around with. he doesn’t really know why any of them put up with him, but he appreciates it. aroon was a the first of the titanium members to really make dax think he could be a person that has friends. he stood up to dax’s bullying during their trainees days and that impressed him enough to keep the kid around, looking out for him when ever he needed to even though aroon could hold his own against anyone. he didn’t really get to know milo at all until they were grouped up to be in the final group together. dax honestly wouldn’t be surprised if while they were training milo didn’t like him cause it’s not like dax tried to be buddies with anyone. but once they got to know each other, it seemed to fall into place. they’re personalities could match up really well when they needed it to, making them almost unstoppable on variety shows and interviews when they were together. idiot 1 and idiot 2. 

it was all new to dax, thinking of other people instead of just himself. simple things like fixing milo a drink instead of expecting the other boy to make his own. watching the other members out of the corner of his eye when they were on set to make sure no one was getting to exhausted. working together to make titanium as successful of a group as they all wanted to be. but it was a nice change; it was welcome. it made him feel lighter than before when all he could do was drown in his own self deprecating thoughts and doubts. 

and there’s an ugly piece of himself that can’t help but wonder if it even matters. if it even factors into dax’s actions – san and taeho’s relationship. it doesn’t san thinks as he stares up at him. their friendship is flimsy, san and dax.  melting like hot wax, and it all pools underneath them. a staple to most of san’s relationships – the subsequent disintegration of them. his mother’s right – as always – he has no right to focus on anything but his work. nothing else to offer. despite it, he’s still angry. the selfish, petty creature that ryu san is. “i guess. had to get a new one.” he answers, voice stiff as he turns the phone over in his hands. “why’re you here?” san wants him to leave. 

on any given day, dax wouldn’t consider himself as one to pick up on emotional cues. to be honest, he usually has too many things to deal with in his own head than to try to figure out (or care) what other people have going on so it’s easier just to ignore it. most of the time when he’s around, people don’t really want hime there anyway, so he’d rather ignore the pointed looks and obvious disdain if he can. but he considers himself a bit lucky when it comes to san. they’re both a little (or a lot) emotionally constipated so it’s always been nice to have someone to vent to. a shoulder to lean on when things get to be too much. he has his band members, but it’s different with san and jowi. they all found each other, this odd bunch of misfits that fit together through thick and thin and for the first time in his life, dax had people to rely on. people to trust. 

so getting the cold shoulder from san is a surprise, to say the least. mentally, it makes him stumble a bit, taken aback by the bluntness of his friend’s tone. dax tries to think back, see if he missed something. a birthday or a special event or something that could make san be dismissive. sure, they hadn’t seen each other much in the past month or so, but san had been busy with performance stuff while dax had been doing nothing of much importance other than frequenting bars and nursing hangovers. they had never really been the types of friends who see each other every day anyway. he gets caught up in back peddling through recent memories before giving his friend a dry smile. after all, he could be completely over thinking it. it’s not like he’s the master at friendship anyway.

“ugh,” she laments, quite eloquently if she did say so herself, “your havana cover was cute. did i say that already?” she squints at him with a concentrated expression, sorting through the muddle that has been the last few hours since the performances. “probably,” she determines, with a shrug of a single angular shoulder. “anyway it’s your turn, compliment me now,” she instructs him, swings her legs up and over his lap with a sigh as she relaxes into the stiff patio furniture cushions. “i like this. this, like, being away,” there’s a sigh on her lips as she clarifies it, a vague circling of her fingers. 

there are definitely worse ways dax could be spending his night. he could be back in korea, spending countless hours practicing dances he could do in his sleep. he could be stuck in a boring hotel room, staring at walls. he’s lucky he gets to be in a new country, essentially on a vacation that’s considered work with his closest friends around him. the night air is a bit humid, making his skin feel slightly sticky, his hair plastered to his forehead where its fallen out of whatever style it had held earlier in the night. his body feels boneless not only from the stages they had done today, but from the long flight that they had taken. his body isn’t what it used to be. it doesn’t seem to bounce back so easily from jet lag and lack of proper sleep and too much alcohol. it’s almost as if he’s melted into the chair he’s sitting in, the heat of the night air combined with the whiskey in his cup making his body warm and comfortable. 

jowi shifts as san stands up to do god knows what (something he surely doesn’t want to think about) with god knows who (probably milo) and it’s a pleasant feeling. there had never been anything further than friendly flirtation between the two, both of them assured enough in their friendship to never push the boundaries. for dax, it’s almost nicer to have that than to have anything else with her. growing up without any sort of closeness, the platonic intimacy the two can share is refreshing, different than any other kind of relationship he has. usually because he fucks things up and ruins things between him and anyone who tries to get close to him, but that’s neither here nor there. dax leans his cheek against the top of jowi’s head on his shoulder and nuzzles down a bit, making the hair stand up a little strange when he picks his head up. 

so when dax approaches him, at first taeho doesn’t know if he wants to talk. he’s been annoyed and angry. he’s bored. they have got closer again during their music show situation, but not like they were before. taeho still didn’t know how he felt about him, or who he was for that matter. someone new. someone old. weird. “shit, i don’t remember her name,” taeho says, voice lazy. there’s still a hint of a hungover behind his eyes, a migraine that simply doesn’t leave. “some rookie? whatever, really. i wanted to get remi again but guess i ran out of luck. you?”

he wasn’t an idiot. he never really expected things to magically become better with taeho. even when they were still really close years ago, it was easier for them to lock away their feelings and emotions, the boring stuff. the things that grew harsh and loud inside of dax, clawing to escape in any way it could. it made him lash out at people, harden himself to anyone and everyone; it made dax unbearable. he just feels things and then doesn’t know what to do with it and it doesn’t help when the person he called friend didn’t care. he should have known to keep it all bottled away like he had done for his whole life, but he thought having someone close could make a difference. that he could maybe hurt a little less and let people in to see the negativity he had. 

but taeho didn’t care. he could never care, and it drove them apart. dax got to find a new friend to put all his doubts and worries onto and san was there. there had always been a tension between the two of them and dax wasn’t foolish enough to think that it had anything to do with him. maybe midas had pushed the two olympus members to their breaking points with each other, maybe there were secrets lingering between them that dax would never hear about. whatever it was, it wasn’t his business. he wasn’t going to push either of them to find out why taeho and san could never in a million years get along. dax may rely on letting his troubles out on san a bit too much, but that doesn’t mean they’re equal in the sharing department; he wears his heart on his sleeve too often for someone who tries to block everyone out. 

it’s promising to see that taeho isn’t pushing him away now so dax takes taeho’s answer as an invitation to a conversation. he has to be careful this time around. he has to dance around him whenever he initiates a conversation in case taeho decides suddenly that the last thing he wants to be doing is talking to dax. “shit, i’m lucky i didn’t get placed with a rookie,” he says as he props his elbow onto the table top, resting his head in his hand. “i can barely tell half of them apart from each other.” a pause. “we’re getting to old for all of this, i guess.” dax allows a smirk to come across his face, attempting to make the conversation a bit less awkward. ease the tension. remind both of them what it like to talk to each other normally.