#idk vent

I was on a server where was a guy who was really into him and also was realy open about his fantasies and describing them and im also pretty sure there was some fetish content and stuff....

Anyways always i see one of those i feel kind of grossed out about it.... also i was in that server like 6 years ago but i unfortunatly cannot forgot about the amout of bdsm details and the series turned out to be my all time favourite and im kinda stuck with it....

To be clear this isnt some kind of atack towards anyone

i just dont know how to justify it still depsite thinking all this i go like i dont need it etc etc i feel like such a faker tbh

but im thinking wheelchair or something because. id like something that can help me get outside even on days im struggling to go out because im so damn tired

The Maury show where they would mock trans people and had episodes like “MAN OR WOMEN” where they would bring people out and have the audience guess if they were a man or a woman. (Which is also awful if they were a woman having people think you were male by the way you looked???)

Also the 1999 movie Boys Don’t Cry

That I think I'm a horrible and greedy person for it.

I wnat attention in a server, I make something, nd I get no attention and I'm selfish for wanting attention became they arnt guilty for a crime of not being interested in me

Why am I like this, I've been told my post that not everyones gonna think about you

That not everyone thinks your a horrible person in every moment

But I just want attention what else am I supposed to think of.

I can't help it, I just want attention and I have friends but

Why is my socialising with strangers and socialising with the people I know will respond so diffrent in energy.

....

Alrighty my moment of attention seeking yearnest is done

does anyone else just feel like they look at gender and g like ‘meh’

ilI’m afab, very comfortable with she/her pronouns, and look female but if someone called me a man or used some different pronouns I would just be like ‘ok? Cool?’ Bc I don’t see any of that as bad or derogatory in any way.

“you dress like a dude” K? Some dudes dress well and some don’t

“You throw like a girl” like a sporty girl or one that can’t throw? Be more specific

Gender is a social construct that in my pov was built based on some expectation from people based on their birth sex and gender roles are just weird.

a lot of people feel comfortable with gender and it’s roles and I’m happy for them because it’s what’s right for them.

I just fell like I’m walking on a line and next to me is a different ‘path’ that is gender. It is messy and it is colorful but it’s like next to me, and I’m just going along with it

idk

if that make sense to anybody?

anyways

it trickles down my mouth like honey

sickly sweet

down my neck,my chest, my fingertips

till it reaches you

you drag it out like the cigarette in between your teeth