#queer rant

Like I just went fishing with my dad today. I have never wanted to go fishing before, until earlier when I realized that when they inevitably find out about the gay stuff, I'm never gonna have the chance to do it.

Every time I'm having a good time with them, I'm happy. I can pretend for a minute that everything is gonna be fine and dandy forever. But there's always this pit in my stomach knowing that it's not really gonna last.

And I know it goes without saying, but it really fucking hurts.

because it pushes the harmful stereotype that being gay is inherently sexual, that same sex relationships are not based on love and mutual care but purely on lust.

Also you don't hit a certain age and suddenly you turn queer, it is something you discover overtime and it's different for every person.

Another thing is that queer people have existed for as long as humanity has existed. Just because it was the 50s and homophobia was rampant does not mean homosexual people didn't exist, it just means they had to hide. But having to keep their sexual preferences from public eyes doesn't make an individual less queer.

We need to stop assuming peoples labels. I'm a heavy no label guy so I'm bias, but I always had people breathing down my neck assuming I'm gay just because I'm a feminine man. I am not gay, for the record, I don't use labels - but no REAL PERSON is required to tell you that.

Just because a man is not traditionally masculine does not mean that he is gay, or bisexual, or any fun label you want to place on him. Just because he is comfortable in his skin does not mean he is queer. He COULD be, but that is not up for you to decide - you don't get to dictate what a celebrities label or status is just by outwardly observing. That is up for the person to decide, and if they don't want to then they do not have to.

Leave people alone!! Is all I'm saying lol.. this is specifically about David Dastmalchian I've seen several people make comments assuming he's gay or bi just because of how he acts, or because he kisses his friends. This guy is a real person, he's not fictional, he's not a character for you to headcanon - he has a brain, a life, and a world completely outside of anything fans see. You don't know anything about anyone more than they know about themself.

If he uses labels and wants to comment on it, that's up to him, but he does not owe anybody that. He can just be himself, and that is perfectly fine. He does not need to be any specific thing to resonate heavily with people who see themselves in his work, or to connect with queer folks.. y'know?

Perhaps this is coming from a place of projection, as a non-conforming queer man who is not any label but that and had SO many placed on me just because of how I look or act.. it is very annoying, disheartening, and makes you feel disconnected from the community when everyone is so obsessed with shoving you into a box.

I get where it comes from, if you’ve lived your whole life being told your gender is wrong, your body is wrong, your existence is wrong; sometimes you cope by flipping the script. you take all that powerlessness and you invert it. Suddenly it’s “haha what if i had control over other people’s gender.” It’s edgy, it’s dark humour, it’s trauma cosplay. Psychologically, projection 101. Sociologically, it’s a way of imagining power when the world has denied you any.

But not everything that helps you survive internally should be unleashed on random people externally because when you start broadcasting “snip snip ball-chopping fantasy hour,” you’re not just doing catharsis, you’re reinforcing every nasty stereotype cis people already cling to, the “trans ppl want to convert us” narrative, the “they’re dangerous” narrative. You’re not flipping the script anymore, you’re handing the haters their script back, gift-wrapped.

Like, i respect your identity, i really do, but respecting your identity doesn’t mean i’m required to sit politely while you threaten my hypothetical balls. I can empathise with your pain and say “keep that bit off-stage", both can be true.

I’m a demigirl. I’ve been identifying this way for about 6 years now and it’s what I’m comfortable being perceived as. To explain it in the way that suits me, I am a girl but I’m not. I use feminine terms. I enjoy being fem. But I’m not a girl and don’t view myself as one. I do experience dysphoria on occasion, too fem, not fem enough. I don’t enjoy when people solely put me into one box. What box I should be in, I don’t know, I may never know. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that people understand that I am not “just a girl” (even if I may say that sometimes lol) or “just non-binary”. I am both at once.

I remember talking to a friend about my identity once, since both our pronouns online were set to she/they. She said “she/they just looks better than she/her” and at the time, I just felt kind of invalidated that my identity was just boiled down to an aesthetic.

I remember a point in time where I was bullied for my pronouns being she/they because it was considered attention seeking behavior. “If you’re fine with going by she/her and you’re afab then you’re just a girl.” Which is stupid. I am okay with it but that doesn’t imply that that is solely my identity.

I remember a friend thinking my identity would fluctuate and my entire friend group asking me whether I felt more feminine or more non-binary every day to gauge what pronouns I wanted when in truth I just wanted to be seen as a middle ground.

Any time people refer to me, they use she, which is fine, I really couldn’t care less. My close people use they and I appreciate that. I wish I could communicate that I am both without making people lean towards one or the other.

My pronouns being she/they and my identity as a demigirl is important to me. In the words of Janet from The Good Place, “I’m not a girl.” Janet, a fem presenting, she/her using, entity, is not a girl, so why can’t I be as well? I’m a demigirl and I’m very real.

Idk if other demigender people ever feel this way, but I wanted to touch on it bc it’s bothered me a lot recently and I start to wonder about how people perceive me from time to time.

Unfortunately, the way I perceive gender is that Nonbinary people build their own path, not following many stereotypes, pipelines, and such. Which, unfortunately, feels rather isolating when you have half a dozen transfem friends who all have very similar experiences and who can all connect, bond, and support one another thanks to their similarities.

I'd like to have that too. Maybe an enby friend or two with whom I can connect. "Oh, look at these things we have in common, isn't that cute?". Hearing something like that from time to time would be nice. Being affirmed and validated on being nonbinary rather than being a transfem would be cool.

A YouTuber I like a lot recently went from they/them to they/she, (which to be clear, is ABSOLUTELY valid and I'm really happy for her!!), but it also made me start feeling anxious about the idea that all nonbinary people are just confused transfem/masc people. I know that's very obvious not the case, but that's just how fragile my perception of my own gender is.

I'm so extremely thankful for everything I have, all my friends, queer or not, and my marvelous gf. Sometimes it can really just feel bad to be sitting on the backstage, and unable to connect with others through my gender while all of my closest friends easily share their experiences and build bonds that are so extremely strong and amazing. Making me a bit envious, as embarrassing as this is. Feels like I'm...

Yeah, The One Left Behind. That feels fitting

and then some cis people have a nerve to hate on anything trans like what do you mean oh I didn't like it because the character was nonbinary or trans