#identitydisorders

My partners little has gone ‘missing’. My partner, Bruce, describes like Flash has locked himself in his castle and doesn’t want to come out and has big sound proof headphones on. Flash is his everyday headmate. Flash is always around. He pops in and out though out the day and I didn’t realize how much I had noticed and grown to like him. Now he’s quiet and the rest of his head mates are isolated too. I wish I could understand more what was going on in there. What causes them to all go quiet, how to interact with them. I don’t want to pry because I respect the individuality of each headmate. This is all so new to me. They have become my friends... slowly. I would call and check or text a friend to check on them. I just don’t know them well. My interactions with most of them are through B. I don’t know how to communicate with them without stepping on Bruce’s toes. Flash is the only one I have regular interactions with. I am worried about him.

I struggle with knowing how to support the system. I struggle with knowing what questions to ask because it’s hard for me to empathize with a whole person just being absent from my own head.

There is no guidebook for dating with mental health differences. My ADHD/RSD/OCD/GAD/SAD/Aspie self struggles with understanding our own brain.

I started this blog because I feel alone trying to understand. I started this to process the differences that dating someone with DID brings about.

I want to do something for little Flash. I love him. He’s my little buddy. I am trying not to feel heartbroken that he feels so sad he has to lock himself away.

Yesterday was the twins birthday.

Hulk is so hard to understand. He has been struggling hard with quitting smoking. I got him a wood carving kit. Cracked some bad jokes about his wood. And probably confused him more. I am 100% into him. He’s great. Misunderstood as fuck, but an amazing human.

Hulk and I had a really nice moment after I gave him his present. We were both clearly a bit awkward. I am still trying to understand how Bruce and Hulk... look differnt even though it’s the same body. It’s so crazy how much how we hold ourselves impacts the way people perceive. He holds me tighter than Bruce, clearly not knowing his own size in the body. It’s going to be really interesting going forward to navigate the dating world with multiple head mates.

I have always identified as polyamorous, mind you previously it was with people with differnt body’s. I have talked a bunch with them about my ability to date and be with multiple people and how it wasn’t a strange thought for me to think about dating Bruce’s headmates.

For WW I got her a fashion design drawing kit. It talked about how to the art behind the fashion stuff. The system is pretty in to fashion and modeling and what not so highly relevant to not just WW.

I baked them a chocolate cake.

I got the flash some stickers which apparently has happened every year for forever. He gave me a huge wet slobbery kiss on the cheek. His pretty damn cute.