#idec yo

The past semester for Zac Hummel was anything from normal, from his hectic school schedule to his important trip to visit his mother, he sat on his bed visualizing the events that began molding him into the man that he would become. "What is this?" He murmured to himself as he saw a black book sitting under his bed, something he hadn't touched for months at this point. Opening it curiously, Zac gasped for breath grabbing onto his necklace not realizing that it was the diary he kept from the beginning of the year until October, when he thought he lost it. It was perfect for the nostalgic mood he was in so he dove in, looking at the first page reminiscing about once was and how different everything to be now. A complex intertwined network system with people tied together in ways not even imaginable.

Tucking his legs into his chest, Zac sat on his chair with a blanket wrapped around him reading his thoughts instead of packing to leave for home. Something he did often, procrastinate his way until the very last moment until it hardly even mattered. The first page, Oliver Abrams, little musings about the boy splattered its way though the first few pages, at one point Zac was pretty good friends with him. Not sure what happened to the two of them, life placed people accordingly to who and what they needed to do. Zac also skipped the first few pages as he saw names of people he slept with in the first three weeks, not needing the reminder of how much of a slut he could be.

Dillon Evans, he filled the boy's journal for a rather long section as well. How could Zac even describe their relationship? Nonexistent would be a great word. The few weeks that they did date, Zac felt whole? It was his second real boyfriend and it felt amazing, he was caring, thoughtful but lazy. The true lesson he learned from Dill was that Zac couldn't have everything. His way wouldn't always be the right way and he needed to learn was to compromise. Deciding to write that down, Zac hastily grabbed a pen from the desk and wrote the world compromise on the bottom of the page he tore his break-up letter to the boy with.

"You guys would be good friend, you guys have a similar taste in music." The words shot out at him like a cannon as he read that distinct phrase and already knew what he had written about. Scotty, flipping the page, he didn't want to relive that just yet. Clutching onto his necklace, Zac exhaled sharply feeling his life crumble and disintegrating into pieces that he could no longer pick up. It really felt like he was on the steady decline of things that once felt great, his only question could be where did all of it go so wrong?

Names and connections filled the next pages as Alex, Kieron, Will, Nolan, Isaac, Brad, Callum, Brody & Benji. It was amazing at how many things he had forgotten, tracing his fingers over the scars on his shoulder, he read Alex's name and knew how selfish he was and how great Alex was as a friend. Kieron, something else he didn't want to talk about, was praised and mentioned as his best friend who he could take the world on with. That felt like total crap now, everything felt that way. Will's name was so synonymous with Nolan as they were something Zac had wanted, they seemed so happy and in love. But again, that was something that was before. Isaac / Brad / Callum, just little musings with them along with Brody and Benji's name with hears around it, one of his biggest regrets.

And finally, the last page had Scotty Motta written as the title with the date they got back together. Underneath, all it said was:I feel complete.Instantaneously, Zac started to bawl, hating when he did to Scotty and regretting ever breaking up with him. It was what he wanted though, he needed space. It was in tact, his only relationship that was and with how everything was going, Zac could feel himself starting to hate Scotty and that's not what he wanted, he could only hope that Scotty would be there when he wanted them together and he hadn't moved on. An actual risk he took for doing that, but Zac felt like it was the right thing to do. Zac felt like writing about the time in Pakistan but instead, grabbed a picture of his biological family and placed it in the journal before writing.

December 23rd, 2012.