#iamtheproblem

***This isn’t my normal post and maybe I shouldn’t deviate like this but honestly I think it needs to be put out there. Yes, I know I’m a hypocrite and you’ll understand why I say that if you read this but I want to warn everyone that this is just my personal thoughts on the world right now and my role in it. Some people may feel called out, and honestly they probably should. I wrote this to call myself out.*** I fully expect to lose followers over this and that's okay. This also isn’t going to become a normal occurrence. I just need to get this out where other people can see it. As messed up as it sounds I need people to understand this and I need to know people hold me accountable.

Morning Thoughts

So everyday I wake up to some new catastrophe or idiocy from those in power and it’s gotten to the point that you wonder if any of this is salvageable anymore. I live in the US so my tolerance for corruption and stupidity was pretty high before all this started but even those of us that were born into this society, this culture of division, hate, and apathy are starting to lose tolerance. The fact that so many of us can look at everything going on and feel so detached from everything and everyone around us is… honestly it’s frightening.

I know that shit sucks. I know that the world is screwed up. I know that people are in pain, dying of hunger, being murdered, being raped, fighting mental illness, fighting a world that’s set up to make us fail. And I still do nothing. Why? Everyone blames everyone else for the problems in the world, for the problems in their own life. Now yes, there are a lot of things out of our control but in truth laying blame even for those things gives us a victim mentality and allows us to give up responsibility for our own problems. That mentality is what has reduced us to the state we’re in now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as bad or worse than most people in the fact that rather than try to fix things or even understand the world around me anymore, I choose to isolate myself. I choose to do nothing. I choose to let the world implode around me knowing full well eventually I’ll be dragged back into it and come out just as bad as everyone else. Why?

I can sit here and blame the education system that failed me and everyone else (and yes the US education system is designed to teach us to follow orders and not think for ourselves), I can blame the government that’s corrupt and the politicians who are only looking out for their own interests. I can blame the large corporations that would happily let us all burn if it meant bigger profit margins. I can blame the generations before us that let things get this bad in the first place. I can sit here and research and point out every decision and mistake that got us here, but to what end?

Blaming others and letting others control what happens to us is how we ended up where we are in the first place. Allowing those in power to manipulate us and use our fears and hatreds to divide us while they take advantage of our weakness got us here. Look at the culture online. All those people who feel perfectly fine spouting vindictive, hateful, and downright dangerous vitriol because they can. Right or wrong has become secondary to what we can get away with. Common courtesy has completely given way to ‘I want’ or ‘I deserve’. This is the culture I grew up in. I know it’s screwed up. I know it’s wrong. But it’s normal and our willingness to accept what is normal, no matter how terrible it is, is frightening. Our complacency to let the world burn around us is terrifying.

I write this knowing full well that it will take something monumental to force me to any real action. Yes, I’ll vote this November to try and make things slightly less bad. But I am lazy. I am indolent. Even when things affect me directly, I. DO. NOTHING. I am the norm. I am why the world is quickly devolving into chaos. I know this. And still I DO NOTHING. Maybe it’s because I do feel so disconnected. Maybe it’s because I grew up believing that nothing I did mattered and that I could never be one of those people that change the world around me. Maybe it’s because I have no right to complain because compared to a lot of people, I have a good life. My problems are insignificant. I have no right to complain because so many people have it worse than I do. All I know is that I’m not an instrument of change. I am not a driving force to be reckoned with. I AM NOTHING because I DO NOTHING. And the world is filled with people like me.

I am the root problem. People like me are the root problem. It’s not those that hate others indiscriminately. It’s not the people in power who take advantage of my laziness. It’s our willingness to accept the world around us. Our willingness to shrug and say we can’t do anything about it. Our willingness to stand aside and watch things happen, knowing they are wrong. Our willingness to just let things be because we are afraid of change. We are afraid of standing out. We are afraid of bringing attention to ourselves. And at the bottom of it all, we believe we deserve what we get. Good or bad. Right or wrong.

I am the majority. And that is the problem.

Yeah, your tumblr is one of the few I look at often. I relate to you a lot.

Lol I actually like Marcus. I mean I can understand their connection and it makes sense to me. They have a history from Xena's past and he is someone who understands her because he was living the same kind of life as she was and now he wants to make amends just like she does.