#i might have to.. redo.. this whole process..

my inspiration was the intro cutscene where Sif eats the star, so my main goal was to adhere to the style of ISAT as closely as possible while transfering it to 3D space. And I knew i also wanted to try making the cloak for stopmotion purposes, so my process was tailored towards having control over the fabric with wire inlaid within the cloak (more on that later).

I ended up not sticking eyebrows on top of siffrin's bangs lol but anyways, first order of business is Gather Reference! v important. pureref is free and an awesome program. I also do some sketches to visualize the pose and important details i wanted to include in the sculpt.

behold the isat wiki gallery page! tawnysoup wrote an awesome ISAT style guide that absolutely rings true in 3d space too!! adrienne made a sif hair guide here!! (sorry i couldnt find the original link, but it's on the wiki). It says ref komaeda hair so that's what i looked at, along with other adjacent hairstyles! I also like doing drawovers on in progress photos to previs shapes n stuff to get a better idea of the end result.

Also if you're like me and struggle with translating stuff into 3D space, take a look at how people make 3d models and figurines! sketchfab is also a great resource! I looked at the link botw model by Christoph Schoch here for hair ref. (I used Maya, but there's a blender version too ! you can pose characters too if your model has been rigged!)

Face:

Started off blocking out the main shapes of eyelids and iris, and then filling in the colour details in the iris and the star highlights before moving onto adding thin black outlines and eyelashes. I didn't take many in-progress photos cause i kept ripping stuff out to redo them many many times, sorry!! This eye took about 3 hrs bc i just wasn't happy with it!! Sometimes it do be the vibe to give up, go to bed and see how it looks in the morning (more often than naught, it looks fine and it was the "dont trust yourself after 9pm" speaking)

The Mouth:

Couldn't decide if i even wanted to add a mouth as per usual with all my humanoid sculptures.. but i did some drawover tests first to see what expression i liked and to try to visualize it from multiple angles. (I was also testing the placement of stars on the hat brim here)

And then I redid the mouth like 3 times cause the angle just wasn't right (this went on for about the course of a week yay!)

Hair: woe baldfrin be upon ye

I made the hair strands individually first, and then since Sif has some of the hair at the back dyed black, i covered some of the tips with black wool (manually) (I think it would go much faster if i just took a marker to it, but hahaha i love pain and detailing!! )

And then the rest of it was positioning strands with sewing pins layer by layer, always looking at it from different multiple angles- sometimes tailoring the angle or swoop of individual hair flippies. At one point I thought the back looked too cluttered, but the hat covers a lot of it anyways!! yay for hiding mistakes! (imo this is a similar process to how cosplayers style wigs, but on a smaller scale and the same level of time consuming)

As always, look to your reference for guides, and I always do a whole bunch of drawovers over in progress photos to ascertain what was working and what wasn't.

Hat:

A trick to get a super pointy tip, make another tip seperately while keeping the connection point unfelted, and then combine the two to make super pointy hat!! (this also helps if you made the hat too short and need it to be taller. ask me how i know)

The embroidery on the hat brim was done in a hoop and then invisible stitched to the felted top portion. Technically you don't need a hoop but it helps keep the fabric tension, so you avoid puckers in your embroidery. You can also use iron-on stabilizer if your fabric is loose weave or particularly thin. this is the tutorial i used for the stars embroidery! particularly the fly stitch one, french knots, and the criss-cross stitches. highly recommend needlenthread for embroidery stitches and techniques! i learned all my embroidery from this single site alone.

For fabric, I think I used a polycotton i had in my stash,, unsure of the actual fiber content bc i bought it a long time ago. I used DMC Satin floss which was nice and subtle shiny but frayed a lot so it was kind of a pain to stitch with... but keep a short thread length and perservere through it!! After the embroidery was done, I folded up the raw edges and invisible sewed it to the top portion of the hat.

General shape:

Ok general structure of the body is this: wire armature body covered with black wool -> cloak lining & wire cage -> edge of lining is invisibly sewn to the main cloak at the hem -> head

Don't be afraid to mess around with the pattern, it's essentially a pizza with a slice taken out of it to form a steep cone shape!! Use draft paper before cutting into felt to save material! (i think i made like 3 cloaks before i was happy with the shape lol).

You can also hide the seam of the cloak and collars by gently messing up the fibers of the felt with your fingers or a felting needle btw! you can also sandpaper the seams according to Sarah Spaceman in this vid (highly recommend them for their in depth cosplay/crafting builds holy smokes), though since sif cloak is at such a smol scale, I just blended the seam with my felting needle.

For the lining wire cage section, I sewed in wire around the cloak, so the main rotation point is at the top neck area under the collar. These paddles are used to keep whatever pose I need the cloak to be in for stopmotion purposes. Then after the wire is done, I invisibly sewed the lining to the cloak at the hem (same technique as the hat brim to the lining there).

In hindsight, I should've used a thinner fabric for the lining, but i only had sheer white in my stash so had to go with double felt, thus resulting in a really bulky lining but oh well!

Heels:

started with the general boot shape, then tacking on the diamond shape heel stack and also diamond shape sole bc we're committed to the bit here. I skewer the boot onto the armature which also conveniently hides the connection point into the base to keep the whole thing upright and also I can rotate the boot to tweak the angle if needed.

Pins:

I kinda just trial and error'd jewellery wire with pliers into the pin shapes. They're itty bitty!! had a whole bunch of fails before i got two nice ones. A hot tip is to use needle nose pliers and wrap the wire around the tip to get a smooth circle shape!

Base:

I smoothed out the edge of a circular wood base with a dremel, and then used wood stainer to get the black colour. It ended up kinda looking like I took a sharpie to it, but whatever.... now i have a whole ass can of black wood stainer........ I then made a rough mountain of black wool and stuck the feet armature in. And now he's standing!!

Normally at this point when I'm done felting everything, to get a smooth finish, I'd take a small pair of scissors and carefully snip away any flyaway fibers, but this time, I just left them fluffy cause i think that's what sif would do :3c

Photoshoot:

Normally I do shoots using daylight but it was winter so the sun was nonexistent. So I broke out the home lighting setup aka dollarstore posterboard for a nice smooth background, and then hit it with the overhead Fill, side Fill 2, and Rim light, and use white paper/posterboard for bounce light if one side feels too dark. But if things are overexposed, you can move the light sources away until the harshness dims down. I'm using a Olympus mirrorless camera (handed down to me by my sibling so i dont remember the model exactly), which can connect to my phone as a remote so I can avoid shaking the camera when i take photos. Pretty nifty for stopmotion purposes! (yes my camera stand is a stack of notebooks, a tissuebox and some eva foam under the lens, don't judge me)

Stopmotion animation:

I'm still figuring stopmo out on my part, but my process was straight ahead animation ... move the cloak a cm, take a pic.... move another cm, click.... and repeat until i get a version I was happy with. My ref was the cloak animation from Gris (beautiful game btw). The 2d star animation was also done straight ahead using procreate, exported in png with a transparent background, and finally stitched together with the stopmotion footage in photoshop.

My turnarounds are also stopmotion! also secret hack, the turntable is a fidget spinner sticky tacked to a cake platter.

And i think that's all! i mainly wanted to share how I go about thinking about taking a 2d concept and moving it to 3D. I also didn't go in depth into how to actually do the needle felting bc I don't think I''d be very helpful I'm a very good teacher by telling yall to just keep stabbing until it looks right (i'm self taught for this hobby),,, if anyone wants it though, i can share a bunch of tutorials and other felters' process that helped me learn more needle felting!

Hopefully this was helpful to someone! Feel free to send asks if ya got any questions or if anything needs clarification! Or show me your works! I love seeing other people's crafts :3

From the passenger seat beside him, Robert hums quietly in agreement.

“Did you at least manage to tell her we’re on our way?” Robert asks, watching Flambae while the driver adjusts his glasses and fixes his hair, checking himself in the rearview mirror.

After about five seconds of silence — Flambae still stares at his own reflection — Robert clears his throat.

“Kind of.” Flambae finally says. He straightens the mirror properly and turns the key in the ignition. “She might’ve understood that we’re fucking.”

Robert frowns and crosses his arms over his chest, watching Flambae’s profile as the car pulls away from the small convenience store and heads toward Prism’s house.

“What exactly would give her that impression?” Robert asks, genuinely curious.

“You know…” Flambae clicks his tongue thoughtfully. “I was trying to send ‘we’re fucking getting drinks’, but only ‘we’re fucking’ went through before I lost signal.”

Robert takes a few seconds to process that. Once it clicks, he lets out a quiet laugh. The sound makes Flambae instinctively glance away from the road for half a second, just long enough to catch a glimpse of his dispatcher’s smile.

“Why are you laughing, Bob Bob? Did I fucking tell a joke or something?” Flambae teases, trying to sound stern.

Robert simply shrugs, not even bothering to check if Flambae noticed the small movement.

“The whole team probably knows about it by now.” Flambae continues, mostly to keep the conversation going.

“Probably.”

Robert’s indifferent, one-word answer itches at the back of Flambae’s brain.

“So you don’t care that they think we’re fucking?” Flambae asks, sneaking another glance at the dispatcher.

“Not really.” Robert shrugs again. “We could be…”

Flambae’s eyes widen instantly, and he has to react quickly to stop himself from slamming the brakes out of pure reflex.

“What the fuck are you saying, bitch?” Flambae almost growls at him.

Robert laughs again, this time much more openly.

“Relax. I’m not saying we should… I’m saying we could.” Robert clarifies, a confident smile lighting up his tired face.

“Who said I want to fuck you, Robbo-bitch?” Flambae keeps grumbling, though now he avoids looking at Robert altogether, forcing his attention back to the road.

“Yeah, sure you don’t, Chad…” Robert replies sarcastically as he checks his phone. “Hm. I’ve got a signal now. I’ll let them know we're on your way.”

While Robert scrolls and taps on his phone, now almost completely distracted from the existence of the driver, Flambae tries to keep his eyes on the road ahead instead of on Robert.

And not think about what it would be like to actually have Robert like that, just for himself.

   Love wasn’t an ideal emotion to feel — you knew this firsthand — and frankly, you were better off without it because, men nowadays? They were certified dicks. Now of course, you knew that maybe, out of the entire population, there might be a man worthy of giving your heart to, but as things stood now? Yeah, that was a long shot. 

   And you weren’t actively looking for it either. 

   So when all was said and done, your studies and interests were at the forefront of your mind and your love life was taking the longest backseat drive known to man. It wasn’t like it bothered you, after all, you had learned the hard way that settling for love-crumbs wasn’t exactly what you wanted for the vacant cemetery that was your love life. 

   And speaking of crumbs, there were some on the floor that still needed to be swept up, it seemed.

It was nearing the end of your shift thankfully, all you needed to do now was sweep the floor and lock up. As you were occupied in expelling the crumbs from the shining brown tiled floors, there was a knock which came from the rustic door that led into the café. Only about ten minutes were left until your shift ended and you considered acting like you didn’t hear the persistent knocking —which technically wouldn’t have been a lie since you had your earphones in— but your good nature did not let you leave the poor stranger outside and ignored. 

   You resolved to make a note about flipping the sign to say ‘closed’ when there weren’t any customers coming in. A sigh only audible to yourself escaped your lips and you laid the broom against the cream-colored wall to saunter over to the door. 

   “I’m so sorry for coming in so late- um, it’s still open right?” The stranger was a man —an attractive one, you had to admit— with glasses that inched down his nose and striking blue eyes. You’d think they were diamonds if they weren’t frantically looking at you right now. 

   “Yeah, it’s still open. Is there something I can get you?” You walked over behind the black and white marble counter to take his order and slipped the wire of your left earbud over the back of your ear. He was clicking a pen as he met you there and bit his bottom lip as if deep in thought. 

   “Yes, I’d like a Large Caramel Frappe with extra caramel and sugar, thanks.” 

   “Is that all?” 

   “I’d like a cinnamon roll too,” He added with a nervously playful lilt to his voice. You wondered how it was that someone could eat so much sugar and not have a sugar-crash. Granted, you had a sweet tooth as well, but this was just next level. 

   “That is a diabolical amount of sugar,” you commented —mostly to yourself— as you put in the order and told him the price to continue with the payment. 

   The snow-haired young man only shrugged, “What can I say? I have a raging sweet tooth.” 

   After giving you the name for his order, you made your way over to the coffee machine. It had been left perfectly clean by your coworker before she left; Unfortunately for her, her efforts would go to waste. “You’re going to cause yourself to crash with this midnight meal, Satoru.” 

   “I highly doubt that. This is nothing compared to what I usually get,” He leaned on the other side of the counter, where his drink would be placed when it was finished. 

   “I don’t even want to know.” You chuckled and blended his drink. “Extra caramel right?” 

   “Yup,” he confirmed. You gave the bottle of caramel a slight shake and drizzled it on the inside of the plastic cup. 

   “What’re you listening to? Sound’s loud.” 

   “It’s that loud? Shit, sorry-” Your hand moved to the back pocket of your jeans, but he interjected before you could lower the volume.

   “No, no it’s fine. I’m just curious.” he clicked his pen anxiously, something you often did as well. You wondered if he was nervous about something. 

   “Oh.” you smiled awkwardly and handed him his overly-sweet coffee, “It’s just a game openi- uh, song.” You corrected yourself, realizing he might not be familiar with the terminology. It was hard to dance around your interests with people you didn’t know. Especially when nine-times-out-of-ten, their curiosity was just a means to an end without any real interest. It often led to unwarranted judgment which you didn’t appreciate much.

   Then came the question you dreaded, “What game?” 

   “Uh.. Silent Hill.” Your back was to him as you waited for his cinnamon roll to warm up, to avoid facing yet another scrutinizing glare from a customer — A stranger, no less— and you weren't keen on handling that at this hour either.

   “Really? I’ve heard about it but I haven’t gotten around to playing it. Is the soundtrack that good?” It was only then that the bright gleam returned to your eyes. It seems that he, too, was fond of gaming. 

   “I haven’t played much either —just watched play-through’s on youtube— but I really like the soundtrack, it’s haunting but there are some really good ones in there that I listen to a lot.” The mini-oven made a ‘ding!’ sound which prompted you to open it and safely place Satoru’s soft and fluffy cinnamon roll into a mini white to-go box which was embellished with the cafè’s logo on the top of it. 

   “Which one’s your favorite to listen to? I might put it on my studying playlist.” He half-joked. His clammy hands hidden away into his sleeves. How cute.

   “You’re a student?” 

   “Yeah, You’re in my English class actually.” 

   At this, your eyes widened. You two went to the same college, had the same class in common and you never once noticed him? Your stand-offish habits really were the death of your social life. “I am?” You didn't mean to sound so surprised. Listening to music in class was a bad habit because of the fact that it probably made you miss out on a lot of interactions — but it wasn’t really missing out if you didn’t even want it, right? Still, it was a little out of character that you hadn’t noticed him, given how observant you were normally. 

   Nevertheless, it only made you feel incredibly stupid right now. Like you had your head in the clouds full of synth the entire time you were in English. 

   He took the small box that held his cinnamon roll off of the counter and pocketed his pen to take his drink all while chuckling at your lack of awareness. “Yup. You’re kind of hard to miss, ‘specially when you’re so talkative.” 

   “Talkative? I don’t really talk to anyone in class.” The confused look on your face seemed to have amused him with the way he was grinning at your admission. 

   “By talkative, I mean that you answer literally every question the professor asks. I’ve been able to get really good notes because of you so thanks for that, actually.” Blood rushed to your face upon hearing him explain. Honestly, you’d never noticed it because of the fact that you get tunnel vision when it comes to your studies —or anything concerning yourself actually— but now that you were thinking about it, you did offer answers more than the other students; More questions too. 

   You laughed a little, “Well I’m glad I'm of some use to you.” 

   “To me and everyone else in the class, I'm sure. You’re her favorite.” 

   You picked up the broom again and continued the task you were occupied with antecedent to Satoru coming into the quaint café. “Nonsense, I don’t think she likes me all that much. She’s strict as hell.” 

   “Well she clearly likes you more than the rest of us the way she glazes your responses and essays.” Satoru sipped from his coffee, sighing contentedly afterwards. It didn't seem like he was planning on leaving any time soon, not that you wanted him to. It was just.. weird; Being this friendly with someone you've never had prior interactions with was weird.

But you never did have an apprehension towards weird things, in fact, you quite loved them.

   You rolled your eyes, “S’not my fault I’m a good writer.” It was said sarcastically but it made Satoru laugh anyway. The feeling of meeting and interacting with a stranger in a positive manner was an overwhelmingly good one. Most of the time, you opted to not draw attention to yourself but it seemed that attention came whether you wanted it to or not.

    “What are you doing after?” 

   “Studying. I have a Psych Stats assignment I've been putting off for a while,” You glanced at the coffee you’d made yourself earlier that sat behind the counter and headed to the storage room to put the broom along with the dustpan inside. “Why?” 

   “No reason, just asking. You like Yu-Gi-Oh?” 

   “Huh?” you asked confusedly until your eyes travelled to your shirt which had a design of the aforementioned card game splayed out on the front. “Oh, yeah. Why? Are you into it?” You slipped on your red leather satchel, took your half-empty coffee off of the counter and led the both of you out of the café to lock it up. 

   “Hell no,” he said with a laugh that made you give him a side eye. 

   “Don’t tell me you’re one of those ‘Pokemon is better than anything’ people. It’ll ruin my entire perception of you.” 

   Satoru smiled, “Nope, both of them suck. I’m sincerely sorry to inform you that Digimon is better than both of those.” 

   “Digimon isn’t even in the conversation,” you scoffed as the both of you walked to the bus stop. You were wondering if he was taking the same bus or just following you because the conversation was that good. Either way, you doubted that he liked talking about old card games this much. 

   “You’re just mad your card game is too difficult to play for literally anyone. The rules change all the time and you can barely even get past one round in an entire game. It's a waste of time if you ask me.” 

   “What’s that I’m hearing?” you cupped your ear as if you couldn’t hear him loud and clear. “Yeah that’s just um,” you coughed, “A skill issue.” In his defense, Yu-Gi-Oh was one of the most complicated games to play because of the fact that it had changed so much over the years, but you weren’t about to let him slander your favorite card game of all time. 

   “A skill issue? Yeah right. Maybe I just don’t want to spend like thirty minutes in one round.” 

   “Like I said: skill issue.” you pressed, a contented smirk on your lips. “Are you taking the bus too?” You asked when the both of you made it to the bus stop which wasn’t placed too far from your workplace. Despite how much you wanted nothing more than for your head to hit the pillow back home, you felt it all too quickly, how Satoru’s presence was enjoyable to experience. Talking to people you didn’t know wasn’t always easy, especially when interactions felt more like going to trial to be judged instead of the friendly exchange they were meant to be. 

    But in this instance, it wasn’t too bad. 

    You had forgotten what it felt like to meet someone new.

   He fixed his black-framed glasses and glanced up at the bus sign, “Me? Oh, no I drove here. Are you going to the dorms? I could probably give you a ride if you want?” 

   “No, I’m not dorming. I’m taking the bus back to my mom’s, but thanks for the offer.” You smiled up at him, “You should probably get back to the dorms though, it's pretty late.” It was nine thirty, to be exact. 

   “Yeah, you’re right.. Um.. It was nice meeting you.” Satoru could feel the light blush settling on his cheeks, he was thankful that the lack of sun wouldn’t make it easy to see. At least, that’s what he thought. You, on the other hand, could see the way the tip of his ears blushed red and how his words were more spoken with more caution than a second ago when he was confident in convincing you that Yu-Gi-Oh was too complicated to even be considered a good trading card game. 

   “It was nice meeting you too, Satoru.” Your lips curved into a genuine smile, not fading when the both of you parted ways shortly after. You watched him walk to his car while you waited by the bus stop for the bus to arrive. In that small moment, you noticed how his tall figure seemed to get smaller and smaller the farther he got. The way his walk was confident, how his hair swayed with the wind at night. You wondered then if maybe this was just a one-off experience or if he would become more of a constant in your life. 

Either way, you wouldn't mind; The memory of him was enough to keep you satisfied.

   Admiring people from afar was a tendency you had become familiar with and you think you’d like to keep the fluttering in your heart to yourself; Like a secret that never saw the light of day. You slipped your earphones on again and as the slow and melancholic sounds poured into your ears like a fine wine, you think then, that maybe you wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

   For love was nothing if not complex. 

   And there was nothing more complex than meeting someone new and feeling the way you did afterwards; It was almost embarrassing how fast you found yourself smiling at the memory of Satoru’s childish judgment of your favorite card game. A calm sigh left your lips and as the bus came into view, you tucked the memory of him away and out of sight. You had important things that needed to get done —like the psychology statistics homework that waited for you at home— and you certainly wouldn't be getting it done if your thoughts kept drifting to the snow-haired stranger that you met today. 

   You tapped your card on the card-reader after stepping onto the bus and found a seat next to the window, waiting for the bus to drive off. The one-hour bus ride home would mean that you wouldn’t get home until ten, so you were very thankful for the coffee you’d made yourself back at work since it was keeping you up. The long night ahead of you was sure to leave you tired the next morning but that was to expected. 

Between work, school, and home — the bus rides to and fro would always be the only solace that was allowed to you.

You wake up at seven-thirty in the morning, like you always do.

By now, the apartment was silent. No nagging from your mother, no sounds of food sizzling on the pan and no early-morning attitude from your younger sister. This —you think— is what you've worked so hard to achieve. After an uneventful last year in high school, you think that this is what you most wanted afterwards.

Peace.

Because when a child grows up within an unstable environment, they learn to adapt to it in order to survive. Adrenaline will become their best friend and recognizing a person not because of the sound of their voice but because of the weight of their footsteps will be second nature to them. They will learn to be a parent —to their parent— to minimize stress on them in order to be less of a burden; They will learn to keep their lips sealed and pretend to be a robot without needs or wants so as to not be an inconvenience.

When a child grows up within an unstable environment, they learn to never depend on others and opt to be dependable instead. They learn to carry a million problems on their back and have the solution to everyone else's problems except their own. However, most undoubtedly, they learn that to have been forced to survive for ninety-percent of their entire life means that they never once got a taste of what peace felt like.

Because when you grow up in a house that never feels like home, and proceed to get a sliver of what true peace feels like, you end up chasing that same high any chance you get.

Unfortunately for you, that child was you.

And now? Now, all you wanted was peace, and you were living it every day since starting college. Your mother's unwanted comments about your dressing style or non-conservative beliefs became few and far between the more you occupied yourself with school — and you couldn't be more grateful.

The eight-am sunlight felt refreshing when you walked to the bus stop on the beat-up sidewalk. The smell of smoke was prominent in the air and the pieces of a broken styrofoam cup could be seen scattered along the crease where the asphalt met concrete. While you waited for the bus to come, you indulged in your favorite pass time: listening to music.

You flipped through the albums you had saved and settled on the one you got distracted with yesterday when it had defaulted to shuffle-mode. Sure, you lost like fifteen minutes of study-time just listening to the album but at least now you'd found something new to listen to. One of your favorite things to do was to hear all the different sounds put together into a song and then analyze their lyrics for fun.

At first, music was a sort of escape from the chaotic home-life you were granted. It was like a breath of fresh air to have your ears drown out the unbearable sound of yelling and unwanted criticisms. It became like a sort of drug that you depended on frequently; You were an addict to it. And now, years later, there was not a moment that you weren't listening to something; Whether it be the slow baritones of Bauhaus or the variance of vocal highs that came from Siouxsie herself, you could always be found with your prized year-old earphones on.

After about an hour or so, you'd finally made it to the Social and Behavioral Sciences Building, where your English class was located. As per usual, you walked into the lecture hall with one earphone in and the other hanging off the top of your ear; The necklaces you wore clinked against one another, maybe that's what brought Satoru's attention to you. Unfortunately for him, you were too focused on maintaining this dull routine of yours that you failed to notice his curious blue eyes trailing your figure across the front row.

When the brain subconsciously dismisses other external stimuli due to the fact that its attention is drawn to something deemed more important — Selective attention, he thinks that's what it's called. And you had a bad habit of doing this because you would only ever pay attention to the professor in class — never once would you notice how soft he gazed at you aisles away. Nonetheless, he sat up from his usual spot at the back of the hall and made his way over to you.

Or at least, he tried to until another student cut in front of him to reach you first.

Filled with embarrassment only known to himself, Satoru resigned to stay at his usual spot in the back where he could still hear your knowledgeable answers to the professor's questions —the lecture hall wasn't as big as the movies made it seem which made it easier— but he would be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little bit disappointed at the missed opportunity to sit next to you. It was childish sure, but he hadn't stopped thinking about how cool you were the last time the two of you spoke — correction, the only time the two of you spoke.

For the rest of the hour spent in class, Satoru could barely pay attention to the ramblings of the enthusiastic English teacher, Mrs. Saikou, because of the fact that you seemed to be messing around with the person next to you. From what he gathered, via observation, was that you knew the guy next to you. His hair was long and wavy; He also wore a faded band shirt which had 'Death' stylized to make the T into a sort of scythe and donned studded bracelets much like the ones you wore. The guy's entire aura intimidated Satoru, not because he seemed tough or anything, but because of the sole fact that he seemed more.. socially compatible with you than he ever could.

Hell, the two of you couldn't be more different.

Where you liked to wear dark makeup and clothes that were more suited for a funeral, his lips were a glossy pinkish hue and his wardrobe consisted of bright whites and warm toned knitted vests. Where he was unafraid to answer questions to the point where Professors often chose to ignore his raised hand to let someone answer, you only handed out elaborate and detailed responses when you were asked to. Sure, the both of you had clearly been into some of the same things, but that alone wouldn't be enough to even make you consider him a friend, would it?

"Alright everyone, the instructions for the assignment has been posted, let me know who your partners are on the discussion post before tonight." And with that, the class was over. Hell, Satoru hadn't even been paying attention to what the assignment was —he'd definitely have to go through it later— but right now, all he could focus on was the way you seemed to be having more than a good time with the guy beside you. As students got up from their seats and began to leave class, he packed his things, trying to wait until you left.

Unfortunately for him, this was the moment you were choosing to acknowledge him.

"Satoru?" you called his name out in the softest tone known to man. He could drown in the sound of it if you let him — but he was no Romeo, which is why this interaction was already doomed before it even happened. He wasn't shy, but under your attention, he felt like an unfamiliar spotlight was on him at all times, illuminating every single one of his nervous ticks despite how much he cursed himself for his habits.

He began clicking his pen in and out. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," you told your friend to go on without you and took your spot next to him as the both of you walked out of class. "Did you get today's lesson?" You peered up at him while you asked this. So cute, he thought to himself.

"Um.. not really, no. I couldn't pay much attention today for some reason." A nervous laugh escaped his throat, hoping you wouldn't see right through him and his flimsy excuse.

"Oh, well, I can explain if you want? I don't have any classes after so I wouldn't mind."

"Are you sure?"

You shot him a confused look. As if the thought of not helping him understand the topic was outrageous in and of itself. To be honest, he knew you weren't as daunting as you seemed — he had seen you help out countless classmates when they needed help— however, seeing this kindness extended to him? It made him feel all fuzzy and warm inside.

See, growing up as someone incredibly skilled in the art of retaining knowledge doesn't always lead you to the right places. It puts a target on your back by those who would rather cheat than learn a subject honestly. It gets you called names, gets you glares when you say that you won't help them cheat, but most of all: it isolates you. When your knowledge is put on display — whether it be in the form of answering questions or presenting in front of a class with confidence in what you put together on a slideshow— it makes others perceive you as a 'know-it-all'.

An egotistical, arrogant, Know-It-All.

Satoru, for the majority of his academic career found himself with that title all the way through high school, where he learned that his tendency to know things was only looked down upon by weak-minded students for shallow reasons. It wasn't until he met Suguru, Shoko and the others, that he learned to embrace the skills he possessed and refine them until obtaining new information was as easy as breathing to him.

He knew you were similar to him in the sense that you were genuinely excited to learn — it was noted in the way you happily jotted down notes and nodded along to what the professor was explaining— and it made him so embarrassingly weak.

Because being labled a Know-It-All doesn't exactly help in the social area of life and when you're born into a wealthy family? Well, you can pretty much kiss any sliver of normal social interactions goodbye. Satoru knew that his extraordinary intellect didn't bode well with other students, the fact that his name was tied to money only exploited that even more.

Satoru wouldn't have minded being looked down on, his spirit was harder to break than most; But being sought after because of his money — his family's money — was something he always hated. It came with performative smiles and shallow conversation; It came with classmates pretending to be into his interests just to get to the goldmine his name alone offered. So when you talked to him with genuine interest — unafraid to question his own dedication to his hobbies — it made this warm feeling settle in his stomach. You were different in all the right ways, so much so that he felt like he was on cloud nine by merely being caught in your gaze.

"Am I sure? Of course I am. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to help you."

His heart swelled with admiration. You were so casual when you interacted with him, it made talking easy with you. "Well, since you're already helping me out, d'you wanna be partners for the assignment? It's an essay, right?" He hoped you didn't have a partner yet. Really hoped.

"I don't mind being partners for it, but I'm not exactly sure how we're supposed to write an essay with a partner, I usually work alone so.. " you admitted with a bashful tone.

"We can figure it out together, then." Satoru offered a warm smile. "Also, you never told me which song was your favorite."

"Which.. Oh! From Silent Hill?" He nodded and you continued, "That's right.. I never gave it to you huh? Well, there's a lot of different ones I like and I'm not sure what kind of music you listen to so it might sound weird," you scrolled through a playlist titled 'game osts' and found the ones corresponding to the game. He didn't fail to notice the beaded charm with a Minecraft spider hanging off of the side of your phone. Did you like playing Minecraft?He'll ask you later. "..Four, it's mostly ambient and my favorite would have to be 'Wounded Warsong' despite the eerie tone it has. But you can make your own opinion, I'm just giving suggestions."

Fuck. He wasn't listening.

"So.. Wounded Warsong..?" Satoru's caution was subtle, hoping you didn't notice he hadn't been stupidly enamored with the sound of your voice the entire time.

"Yeah, from Silent Hill four. but the first one I really liked was from Silent Hill two, it's 'You're Not Here'. I don't know if you like rock, so I was suggesting the fourth soundtrack if you're more into ambient stuff." Satoru was mentally thanking you for not noticing his lack of attention since he was too distracted gazing at the enthusiastic expression you wore. Seriously, it was like he had heard everything you were saying without actually paying attention.

"I'll check them both out and tell you what I think about 'em." He held the door to the library open for you, "Study here?"

"Mm.. Are you sure we can talk in here? I know the higher levels have strict rules on talking."

"Yeah, I come here all the time with my friends, there's a spot near the back where no one really cares so anything that isn't straight yelling should be fine."

"Alright, then yeah." A contented grin settled on your mauve-colored lips, he couldn't help but admire the artistry that went into your simplistic and dark look. It must've been strange seeing the two of you studying together like you'd known each other for longer than two days — Sans the time Satoru spent crushing on you without your knowledge, or course.

The spot the two of you occupied was tucked away from the other tables meant for studying. It had comfortable sunset-colored sofa-chairs with large mahogany tables, perfect for books and notebooks to be sprawled out on as well as a window that let in the afternoon sunlight. After about two hours, the two of you were completely absorbed in a conversation about Joy Division — aka: not the topic the two of you were supposed to be studying.

"Wait. So you're telling me Joy Division turned into New Order basically? Aren't they two different genres though?"

"Yeah, that's what makes it so interesting! See," you gestured with your hands while you spoke, as if words weren't enough to convey what you were feeling. "Joy Division was a staple in the post-punk scene and so, for New Order to emerge from the ashes of that was kind of crazy, especially given the fact that New Order is New Wave and not Post Punk."

His brows knitted together, "Wait hold on, so neither of them are goth?"

You smiled at his question, eager to explain it all to him. "Honestly, it depends on who you ask. Goth has a whole lot of music genres in it —like New Wave and Post Punk— but in Joy Division's case, it's kind of goth but not quite? Joy Division inspired goth music by a lot but some people say they're not, some day they are — At the end of the day it's all just very subjective, I guess." Your eyes drifted back to the papers in front of the both of you. "I kind of rambled didn't I? Sorry, we should probably get back to the assignment."

"No, no it's fine. I lo- like listening to you talk about it, its honestly really cool ..how you found something like that to express yourself with. Goth seems like a welcoming scene to be in." Satoru clicked his pen, his hands were clammy while he spoke but it was true, what he said. He liked hearing you go on and on about the scene you were in; So much so, that he hoped it wouldn't come to an end.

"Honestly.. It is." There was a poignant look in your eye when you said it, but the smile was still present — only slightly. You weren't looking at him but rather down at your hands; Your nails, despite having chipped black polish on them, still looked beautiful. He wondered if you'd let him hold your hand if he asked.

"I can see why you like it so much."

"Yeah?" you asked him, finally meeting his gaze with your own.

The eyes are windows to the soul; Shakespeare hit the nail on the head with that one — your eyes couldn't be more proof of it. Placidity was no stranger to your features but there was something more to the way you were looking at him now. He noticed rather quickly that despite your obvious interest in card games, music and your very real passion for your personal beliefs — you never onces offered a reason as to why. Of course, maybe it was just the fact that the blooming friendship between the two of you was new — which he could understand — but the twinge of hesitation in your eyes spoke more than you words did.

"Yeah." Satoru confirmed with a smile of his own. You cleared your throat, looking away from him, and leaned forward to resume the forgotten work on the large table in front of you. "..So, anyway uh, we're doing 'The Awakening' for our essay right? Or did you want to do 'Frankenstein' instead?"

Frankly, he wanted to ask you more about the words you left stranded behind those pretty lips of yours, but he couldn't do that. Not yet. "Frankenstein. Tortured man-made monsters with parent issues speak to me on a deeper level."

You nose scrunched up as you laughed at his remark. You had one of those painfully contagious laughs, the type that makes others laugh just by hearing yours because it was so distinct.

"Mary Shelley sure knows how to air out her daddy's dirty laundry, that's for sure."

"Seriously," he agreed. "It was like one huge 'fuck you' to him, huh?"

"Pretty much. Can't say a book about regretting the creation of a monster is a compliment." The screen of your phone lit up, it was the timer you'd set up earlier, before the two of you had begun studying so you wouldn't end up late for work.

Satoru noticed your reluctance to turn it off. "Work?"

You nodded, pursing your lips and gathering your things after clicking the button to shut it off. "Yep.. Sorry we didn't much work done, I shouldn't have spent the entire time talking about Ian Curtis and his love letters," soft chuckles fell from your lips.

I could listen to you all day. "It's really no problem, I like listening to you, remember?"

"Still finding that hard to believe." You stuffed your notebooks into your red leather bag; The one with a Jack Skellington charm which had begun to rust from the back of it. It had various pins on it too, one of them he recognized as Unknown Pleasures from the band you were talking about earlier. You seemed to really like trinkets like those.

"Well, I'll keep reminding you 'till you believe it." He said it in passing, with an almost joking tone of voice, but he meant every word of it.

"Didn't know you were so sappy, Satoru." a teasing smirk its way onto your visage as he laughed off your remark.

If only you knew.

After handing you your pencil, he pushed in both of your chairs and walked with you out of the library. "Are you taking the bus to the café?"

"Mhm, It's like a fifteen-minute commute."

"Do you want to keep brain-storming over there? I mean, y'know, just because we didn't get to do much of it at the library. Not that it was any of your fault, I mean, I was the one who asked about your music taste. But.. um.. yeah, just so we can get it done." He rambled, his palm finding the nape of his neck. It was after four but he felt hot speaking to you — Correction: he always felt hotter when speaking to you.

Nonetheless, you brought your knuckle to your lip and gazed up at him with an affectionate expression. Your eyes were surrounded by dark makeup but they were as bright as ever in his view. "Are you sure? I won't be free until like, eight, at the earliest. It's a slow day today so I could squeeze in some time for it but I can't guarantee that we'll get much done."

"I don't mind that," he said, sounding a little too enthusiastic for his liking. As the two of you continued on your way to the bus stop, he couldn't help but hope that his crush on you wasn't as obvious as he felt it was. Even if you didn't like him back, he wouldn't mind just being friends with you; It was better than nothing at all and he would rather hear you rant about your love for Victor from Corpse Bride than never hear you rant about anything again.

Yes, he was definitely a fool for you.

But a little love never hurt anyone right?

There were two types of people in society: Those who are made to thrive in the public eye, and those who are not. You were the latter. When the spotlight shone on you, you tried your hardest to run from it without a care in the world for the praise and the perks that came with it. In high school, you were never a fan of big friend groups. You adamantly avoided any and all drama that even thought about popping the bubble of peace you tried so hard to maintain.

When college came around, the spotlight that followed you around in high school for being 'different', gradually faded. No longer were you a spectacle in the public eye; Now, you were just another college student — Save for a few immature individuals who peaked in high school and thought it was funny to whisper about you — but aside from that, you felt comfortable, for once.

And the albino currently looking at you like you had damn near painted the skies with its clouds and shining stars yourself, was making it extremely hard for you to feel the peace you so desperately sought after. As an expert in gothic romance, you could knew the tells of what blooming love looked like. Except in those novels, the love interest was always a tortured villain made to romance the reader instead.

And Satoru was no tortured villain. So how was it that he was able to charm you without the allure of mystery surrounding him?

Satoru Gojo was the top of his class and to say that his family was loaded was an understatement. The Gojo Family was well known for investing in the academic affairs of your college; They're the reason the Science and Math Department had their entire building renovated. Being raised the way you were: With a single mother with a not-so-wealthy background — It was no surprise that you ended up feeling some sort of way about rich people. You knew there wasn't a way to avoid them, they were everywhere. Especially in college.

But you didn't exactly know how to feel about Satoru.

When you talked to him, it felt easy at first. Conversation flowed like honey from the lips of the boy with white hair, despite how he stuttered sometimes or rambled on about his favorite pastimes. Even if you weren't really in the mood for talking, Satoru found out very quickly that you didn't mind just listening to him either. You were friends after all, right? Listening is what friends do. And by God, he treated you like the best friend he ever had. During the two and a half months the two of you had been hanging out, you witnessed firsthand the selflessness of the smartest (and richest) guy on campus.

He would offer you rides to your workplace and deny you every time you wanted to hand him gas money. He often invited you out to lunch, paying for it all despite your pleas to let him let you pay half. Hell, he once got you a whole pack of your favorite pens because you told him your last one was drying out. He was generous and of course it charmed the hell out of you- why wouldn't it? It was like he didn't even care about having more money than the entire student body combined.

Even so, it was beginning to feel overwhelming.

The spotlight that you tried so desperately to avoid was on you once again and it was because of the boy with fluffy white hair. People noticed him, not because of his intellect but because of his money, and you were noticed too by association. Walking around campus with him became 'Mission: Avoid The Public' instead of the easygoing, refreshing experience that it was at the beginning. It wasn't his fault that people looked at the both of you — some with envy, others with jealousy — but it was beginning to get harder and harder to bear it.

The spotlight had always been on him, you just hadn't noticed it because he was so easy to talk to.

So you guess that maybe that was your mistake.

Because not only were you overwhelmed by it — you were unaccustomed to it. You could deal with being gawked at for your dark sense of style or your blunt manner of speaking, what you couldn't deal with was the green-eyed glares from girls and guys alike when you passed by with Satoru beside you. The pressure of hanging out with the boy so many people sought to be friends with was beginning to get to you.

You only hoped Satoru didn't notice.

"Damn! Tickets sold out that quick??"

"Well, yeah, It's The Cure. It's not like they're some underground alt band anymore, unfortunately…" Your friend's palm sat on your shoulder to comfort you. You groaned and laid your head on his shoulder, his long wavy hair immediately tickling your cheek.

"I know, I know, I just really wanted to go, y'know? Before my beloved Robert Smith goes to goth heaven or something." A scoff emerged from Karesu as he resolved to continue working on his homework.

"As if, the man's a legend, he's not going to die. Be for real."

"God already took Ozzy from us and we thought he was gonna live forever, I am not taking any chances with Robert. I'm gonna have those tickets even if I have to sell an arm and a leg…. maybe…."

"Why are we selling arms and legs?" Satoru's voice could be heard from behind you, effectively startling you into sitting up straight. Admittedly, you had been minimizing your interactions with Satoru for the past two weeks. So him appearing out of nowhere caught you extremely off guard.

"_____ didn't tickets to see The Cure and now they're freaking out over Robert possibly dying soon. Ridiculous right?"

Satoru nodded, "Yeah that sounds like them."

"Um, I can hear you, you know." you deadpanned, messing with your nails under the table. You were trying to act like all was well — it wasn't — but you weren't doing a good job at it. Satoru caught you in the midst of you trying to continue this avoidance streak you had going on and you weren't exactly a natural liar. He knew that very well.

"Yeah, that's kinda the point, Sweets."

"Shut up, Satoru." you rolled your eyes with an anxious laugh.

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. He definitely wanted to talk to you about the fact that you were avoiding him.

"Make me," he teased.

Before you could respond, Karesu closed his laptop. "Eugh. You guys disgust me," he half-joked, sliding his laptop into his messenger bag filled with pins and patches sewn onto the front of it. "I'll be studying elsewhere, far away from you two lovebirds."

"We're anything but that, thank you very much." you deadpanned as your friend slid out of the booth.

"Yeah, I don't think so, hun." Karesu smirked, "Have fun!" It was like he knew that what was coming next wasn't pleasant. If there was something you'd known about him since childhood, it's that he always managed to get out of trouble before trouble even hit. You were kind of wishing you could've weaseled your way out of what was bound to happen next just like he did.

"So.. What's up?"

Satoru crossed his arms and leaned back, the charming smile he wore when Karesu was there was now gone. "Dunno, You tell me."

He didn't mean for it to come out as condescending as it sounded, but he was worried. You had been avoiding him for almost two weeks straight and at first, he understood. Maybe you had stuff going on at home. Maybe you were just busy with work. But after last Friday when you told him you would be too busy with work to hang out with him, only for him to find you at a college event in the afternoon — I mean, he was beginning to feel like something was amiss.

Severely amiss.

Your eyes remained focused on the violet polish covering your nails which you were currently chipping away at, your hands no longer under the table. "I don't know what you mean." He knew you did. There had to be a reason as to why you were so adamant on being distant with him when, for the past three months, you'd been inseparable from him. You made time for him on work days when you were clearly tired from your shift just to listen to him talk about Digimon while you served customers. You went with him to turn in assignments after-hours even if you had nothing to do with his classes- Hell, you even made friends with Suguru and Shoko with how much you were hanging around him!

For months it was going so well that now, it just felt so wrong to be without you. Without noticing, you made yourself a constant in his life and he had hoped he made himself the same in yours — but this new distance between the two of you proved him incorrect. Satoru was good at overthinking things, but he was never good at keeping his mouth shut when he would do so.

"Do you still want to be friends with me?" He blurted out.

He sounded so hurt, so vulnerable and so.. not him. You hated the sound of him even questioning your friendship. But friends..

Friends don't feel the way you feel about him.

And the last thing you wanted to do was ruin it by admitting it to him. The pressure that came with being his friend now coupled with the dizzying feeling of being in love with a friend made you want to bury yourself six feet underground. At least then, the only friends you would have, would be insects you couldn't fall in love with.

"Of course I do." Conviction laced your words. "I'm just busy, Satoru, that's it. I promise." You hoped he wouldn't be able to see right through your empty promise.

But he wasn't blind no matter what the crooked glasses that sat on his nose said. "I saw you at the event last week, the one on the front lawn on campus. Why'd you tell me you were working instead then? It didn't seem like you were busy at the time.." Yes, he was being petty by bringing your lie to the light, but he couldn't help it! His friend-slash-crush was lying to him about harmless things and it made him wonder. Wonder if you knew about his feelings and were just deflecting in order to not break his heart.

And in the case that he was right about that, he would have preferred for you to rip off the band-aid and hit him with a hard rejection than to lie to him about it. He'd take anything except you not being genuine with him like you always have been in the months he's gotten to know you.

Nevertheless, your gaze was downcast. You were ashamed, that much he could tell. "That.. I don't know, okay? I don't want to talk about it. I have to go." You grabbed your phone off of the table and slid out of the booth. Warm fingers slithered their way around your wrist where the tiny spikes of your studded bracelet poked at his palm. His gentle touch lit a fire in its wake, much to your dismay.

"If you're trying to push me away, it isn't going to work. You're my friend and I care about you. Whatever it is that's making you act like this, you can talk to me about it- you know that, right?" His voice was quiet.

"That's not it, Satoru, I just.." You shut your eyes and let him hold your wrist; you hated that his mere touch revived the deceased butterflies in your stomach. "It's not about you, alright? You don't have to worry about-"

"I do when you avoid me like I'm the damn plague, ______.. I've shown you that you can trust me, haven't I? Or.. Do I just think we're closer than we actually are? Is that it?" He was looking at you now. You could feel his cerulean gaze on the planes of your back.

You tore your wrist away from him, careful not to cut his soft skin on your spikes. "..You don't know me, Satoru. You might think you do, but you don't."

"Then let me get to know you! I want to understand why you're distancing yourself like this." He was beginning to get desperate. The last thing he wanted was to lose you. Not when you'd made him feel accepted in the way no one else had; Not when you had seen him for him instead of his deep pockets and good looks. Not when you clearly didn't want to leave him at all.

"You'll never understand, Gojo." Ouch.

"But I can try, can't I?"

That's what I'm afraid of. "No. You can't."

Satoru was at a loss once those three words left your lips. He could do nothing but sit and listen to the sounds of your boots slapping against the tiles of the floor, his heart cracking with each footstep. In that moment, he was harshly reminded why exactly crushes were given their title.

Yet even then, the admiration of you he held so dearly didn't shatter the slightest bit.

A bar rag occupied your hand as you wiped down the counters at Cethosia Café. When you applied here, you remember being nervous about it. It was your first job and it so graciously offered a glimpse into what being an adult felt like. It also offered a much needed break from home, which you appreciated. Now, two years and a raise later, it was still the sanctuary you had considered it to be.

The café had been in the area for years, it was no surprise that it had been able to keep itself afloat, especially with the college campus only being a couple minutes away. It was convenient to work there since you could get there right after class due to the short distance. Currently, Karesu sat at one of the cozy couches with worn brown leather; You were ranting to him about what had transpired after your friend so traitorously left you to talk to Satoru alone.

He wasn't being sympathetic to say the least.

"I seriously can't believe you just left me there. It was awkward as hell."

"Aren't you the one who said that 'if you pretend the awkwardness isn't there, it won't be as awkward'? Or was it someone else?" Karesu was mercilessly feeding you your own words and you weren't going to lie, it pissed you off; Only a little.

"Idiot, that doesn't apply when the awkwardness is actively brought up in a not-so-subtle way. He literally asked me, to my face, why I was avoiding him! I wanted to die right then and there." You whined hiding your face in your hands, with your elbows propped up on the marbled counter as Karesu watched from his seat on the couch. Your shift was nearing its end so there weren't any customers around, just the two of you, which allowed you to vent to him about the experience.

Karesu sighed and drank from the lukewarm black coffee you offered him for free. "Honestly, why are you avoiding him? I mean, I know he's filthy rich and probably a nepo-baby, but from what I've seen — he's a pretty decent guy."

"Satoru being a 'decent guy', isn't the issue here. It's me."

"What, you don't like him?"

"No-! ..Yes? I don't know!" You cried out, rounding the corner and sitting on the couch next to your best friend.

Karesu's laugh only irritated you more. "So do you like him or not? 'Cause I don't think you hate him either."

"You bonehead, of course I don't hate him- it's just…" you sigh defeatedly, "I don't know how I'm supposed to .. navigate a relationship like that if it were to happen. You know?"

Your friend's hand once again found its place on your shoulder but this time, a sincere gleam was present in his black eyes. The look on his face alone told you that you were really in for it; Karesu was about to drop a bomb you weren't ready for.

And you were painfully right.

"I think — and you can correct me if I'm wrong but, I think that you just can't accept the fact that a guy like him likes you back. You don't want to accept the fact that something so good could happen to you because of your experiences- I mean, lets be honest, your 'Ex'—" Karesu gestured quotations with his hands, "—Was a complete dick, and your home life isn't all that great either, I would know."

"Resu, I can assure you that he doesn't like me. I'm just being delusional aga-"

"You really are stupid, aren't you?" He deadpanned, earning him an offended slap on his arm. "He looks at you like you're the only thing that matters to him— you can't tell me you haven't noticed that." Blood rushed to your face as he continued. "He went out of his way to buy you the Silent Hill 2 Remake just because you mentioned wanting to play it once."

"That doesn't mean he likes me though!" you argued.

"So, when he compliments you, calls you pet names, hugs you — frequently might I add — and buys you stuff you could never afford, that's just him being 'friendly'?"

"C'mon Karesu, like you haven't gotten me gifts every once and a while too." you scoffed.

"Hun, I would never in a million years, drop three thousand dollars on a Yu-Gi-Oh necklace made with real gold."

"…"

Karesu narrowed his eyes at you with a pointed look on his face, "Are you starting to see the picture here?"

You groan and slump against the leather couch, "Okay, let's say he does like me. What the hell do I do then? What if he leaves once he sees I'm too much to handle? What if .. he ends up being a completely different person once he gets what he wants..?" you asked quietly, looking up at Karesu with hopeful eyes.

"You won't know if you don't try." He suggested, "And if he tries anything, I can fight."

You laughed at the thought of your best friend fighting Satoru. As if.

"What, you think I can't?"

"Oh, you definitely can't. He's like, way taller than you, buddy."

"Okay now you're just glazing him."

"Am not!"

"Uh-huh." He rolled his eyes.

Karesu would stay with you until you decided to finally close up the café. He took the bus with you and then parted ways at the corner of the block where your apartment was at. It was sometime around ten at night when you finally made it home. Your footsteps were subtle, making sure to stay as featherlight as possible despite the boots you wore. The last thing you wanted was to wake everyone up but that effort of yours proved to be in futility since the lights were still on at the hour you arrived.

"Hey, how was school?" your sister asked from her place on the couch.

"Like it always is," you sighed, hanging your bag up on the hanger behind the front door. "You?"

"I got a ninety on my vocabulary test!" she beamed happily.

"Really? Nice! You're getting better at it huh?" You shed the black trench coat you wore, hanging it back in your closet before continuing to undo the laces of your boots.

"Yup! All that reading finally paid off." She smiled.

You nodded, stretching before facing her again. "Where's mom?"

"Dunno, she went out."

"Again?"

She nodded.

"Have you gotten anything to eat yet?"

"No." She chuckled. Her eyes glued to her tablet, probably playing a random game.

You groaned, "You didn't make yourself anything?"

"No, I was waiting for you to get home, hehe."

Your sister didn't mean anything by it, you know she didn't. How could she? She was just a child after all. But it didn't stop that heavy weight from settling on your chest because — you thought it was over. You thought, that the older you got, the more you could enjoy your own freedom from being a second parent in the house you lived in. You thought, that with your newfound freedom, you would only need to look after yourself.

It was selfish, yes.

But when you spent your entire childhood and adolescence sacrificing yourself and your needs for your family, maybe you earned that right to be selfish even if it was a little, don't you? You deserved to care about yourself even if it was as simple as shedding responsibilities that were never meant to be yours in the first place, didn't you? So why was it that despite how much you've grown up — you still feel like the child holding their tongue so your mother wouldn't get angry?

Why didn't anyone ever place any importance on how you felt?

Did you truly matter that little?

"Oh." you forced your lips into a smile and swallowed the feelings threatening to spill out of you. "I'll go make us something, but afterwards you have to go to sleep, okay? You shouldn't even be up right now, you have school tomorrow."

She groaned, "Do I have to?"

"Yes." Your words were firm as you disappeared into the kitchen, biting on your lower lip like you'd cry if you stopped.

About an hour and a meal later, your younger sister was finally in her bed, sleeping as soundly as ever. Closing the door to your shared room, you headed to the kitchen table after turning off all of the lights. To say that your body was beginning to tire from the cycle would be an understatement. The only thing that was keeping you up at this point was the big cup of coffee you were in the process of consuming while you worked your way through countless assignments, finishing them one by one.

Procrastination was a habit you were trying your hardest to get rid of and thankfully, you completed everything before its due date of next week. Glancing at the clock on your phone, you realized it was about two in the morning now. You'd been studying and completing homework for three hours straight and it was beginning to take its toll on you in the form of droopy eyelids and a foggy mind. Your hands moved to rub your eyes only to realize that you hadn't taken your makeup off; Yet another inconvenience that you sighed at.

While you were in the bathroom taking care of the makeup situation, you heard the front door open. Curiously, your feet carried you back to the small living room only to see that your mother had finally come home. She was dressed up all pretty, as if she'd gone on a date, and your heart only clenched inside your ribcage. You were angry, disappointed and upset.. but none of that stopped you from taking the heels off of her feet while she slept soundly on the couch with her cheek smooshed on a throw pillow.

It didn't stop you from taking off her jewlery for her and tucking it away in her jewelry box and it didn't stop the tears from falling as you covered her in a blanket to make sure she wasn't cold.

Fuck, you didn't mean to cry.

It's just.. It was all so daunting. To be the only one awake in your home, always taking care of everyone, always considering everyone — it made the heaviness in your heart drop down to your stomach. It wasn't like they had ever thanked you once, it wasn't you were doing it for praise — you genuinely cared and wanted nothing but their respect in exchange.

Because no matter how much you showed that you cared, the only thing you ever wanted in return was to be seen; To be respected.

Even if your mother hated the way you dressed, or your the hollow-sounding music you listened to, or your progressive beliefs about the system — all you ever wanted was a sliver of her respect. And as you sat yourself down in front of your computer at the kitchen table with tear-stained cheeks, you found yourself alone. Completely and indisputably, alone. With your earphones on and newly dried cheeks, your finger hovered over the phone icon on your phone. After what you said, Satoru wouldn't come — You were sure of that.. But you pressed on the option to call him anyway.

Without waking up your family, you made your way out of the apartment and sat on the curb in front of your building. The line rung for a few moments before it stopped; He picked up.

"_______?"

"…" Your breath shook as you tried to find the words. Nothing came out.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Still nothing came out. A choked sob filled the silence he was met with and in an instant, his heart began to beat faster and his mind was running miles thinking about the image of you crying. It wasn't one he wanted to keep imagining.

"Hey, It's okay. You're gonna be okay, alright? Where.. Do you want me to.." He struggled to find the words, "Are you home?"

You nodded despite the fact that he couldn't see and gave him a shaky, "Yeah, I'm home.. I'm outside." You clarified as you looked up at the lamp posts. The night was always beautiful and so .. not suffocating.

"Do you want me to come over?" He asked steadily.

"It's two in the morning, Satoru, I don't think-"

"I'm coming over." He interrupted, "Stay on the line."

"Okay." You resigned, placing your head on your arms which were propped up on your knees, close to your chest. You could hear the sounds of clothes rustling and keys jingling — it was strange, knowing he was coming to you at this hour, as if it wasn't a problem for him at all. He began humming a tune, one you recognized almost immediately.

You chuckled, he heard it through the phone. "What?"

"Is that Shadow's theme song?"

"Mayhaps," he indulged, you could almost hear his smile.

"Nerd." you joked quietly.

"Hey, I'm not the one with the three-thousand-dollar Yu-Gi-Oh necklace."

"You're the one that got it for me so, technically, you lose bullying rights."

"Well, technically, you're the one to blame for the fact that I have Shadow's theme stuck in my head so you lose bullying rights too." He snickered.

You only scoffed, "How is that my fault?"

"You kept singing 'I am all I am all I am' nonstop for three days straight. That, and you'd binge watch old music videos from Sonic X. So it is your fault."

"I.." you pouted, "Okay you got me there."

"Exactly."

"What can I say? Shadow's peak character design."

"Sonic's better."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm not falling for the Sonic propaganda."

"Denial at its finest," Satoru said theatrically, "Sonic is canonically the best soooo, you're just delusional. Emo hedgehog's don't stand a chance against the blue blur."

"You're just mad that Shadow's canonically stronger than sonic," You rolled your eyes, enjoying the banter that was so easy to fall into despite how distant you've been with him. It was almost like you'd never stopped talking to him at all. It was a little uncanny, how just talking to him seemed to make your lethargy dissipate.

By the time he arrived it was about two-forty.

You hung up once he got out of the car but what you didn't expect was for the tears to start falling once you saw him walking towards you. They didn't deter you though, you kept walking towards him, your phone in your back pocket as you did so. Upon seeing your tears, Satoru's smirk disappeared and was replaced by a frown. He didn't know what was wrong, you hadn't told him yet. Then again, even you didn't know what was wrong.

"I'm sorry," a wobbly laugh escaped you as he engulfed you in the safety of his arms around your neck; His arms fit so perfectly around you like two pieces of a puzzle. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"It's okay." He soothed, "You can cry, I don't mind."

His words only made you cry harder. Your face was buried in his shirt and your arms trembled when you enclosed them around his waist. The touch was something so foreign to you — it was strange, but it was oddly comforting. You had never hugged Satoru for more than a few seconds, so this was new.

You also had never cried in front of him so you think maybe everything about this experience is new.

"C'mon," He held you close to him and led you to the back seat of his car where he joined you, "It's cold out there, I don't know how you're not freezing."

"I like the cold." you chuckled nervously, the back of your head was resting on his thighs as he sat upwards. His hand held yours as he looked down at you with a soft smile. "I'm sorry, by the way, for before.."

His brows knitted together before realization washed over him. "Oh," He smiled again, "It's fine, I like you even when you're stubborn."

"You need to stop," You laughed softly. Satoru caught the ghost of a smile on your face before you turned and hid your face in his shirt again, clearly flustered.

"Why? It's true!" His hands found yours, playing with your fingers like it was natural.

"You can't say things like that," You turned your head back to its previous position. The butterflies in your stomach going crazy over the way he so tenderly caressed your hands.

"Things like what?"

"Like.. I dunno, things you'd say to someone you love."

"…" He smiled knowingly, as if he knew something you didn't. "Well.."

You found yourself breathless at his silent admission. "What, It's not like.. you like me, right?"

"..Wrong." He laughed a little, his fingers intertwining with yours. "I think you know the answer to that, Sweets."

"Wait!" You sat up and turned to look at him. "You're being for real? You mean to tell me, Karesu was right?!"

He shook with laughter at the implication of what you'd just said. "Did you guys bet on this or something?"

"No, but he told me you liked me- I didn't .." You found yourself dizzy with heat and your heart was ever so full upon the realization that the two of you shared the same feelings. "I didn't believe him."

"Why?"

"Well, I dunno.. You're just.." you struggled to explain and turned your head away from him to look out of the window in front of you. "You're too good to me and you kinda.. deserve better than me, don't you think? I mean hell, I called you just to vent to you about all my problems- You don't deserve that burden."

"That's a hell of a lot to unpack," Satoru sighed, leaning back in the seat. "But I wouldn't have it any other way. I like you as you are, flaws and all — Though, to be honest, you're without flaws in my eyes."

"Satoru, I have a lot of baggage." you finally turned and sat criss-cross on the seat beside him. "And I'm a lot to handle."

"Are you trying to scare me off? 'Cause I already told you it wont work, Sweets." Satoru fixed his glasses and met your eyes with a deep azure gaze of his own. "There's nothing you could do to make me not like you."

"Not even when I dodged you and practically told you to 'fuck off'..?" you sounded as if you were waiting for him to all out reject you and tell you that it could never happen — because at least you were used to that. You weren't used to being looked at with overwhelming admiration, as if it was a blessing you were alive. It felt invasive, like a sliver of light in an abandoned home.

"Not even then." he affirmed. "You don't have to like me back, I'm not expecting you to. I just wanted to get that off my chest." He chuckled, a smile on his face. His bright toothy grin broke something deep within you open. The tears that spilled weren't in your control but Satoru didn't mark it an inconvenience. Instead, he scooped you into his side with his gentle arms and held you close while you cried for the second time tonight.

"It's just.." you heaved, "All my life I've.. I've given so much of myself- I just don't want to lose you. I don't want to admit that I like you too just for you to turn around and leave with my heart- Satoru," You leaned back and looked at him through teary eyes, "I don't have much of myself left to give.." Your bottom lip quivered as you explained your fears to him through unsteady words. He only caressed your back, letting you know he was there for you.

"I don't need you to give me anything," His words felt softer than clouds. Warm fingers cupped your jaw, beckoning you to look at him. "Just let me love you."

"But.."

"I'm not going to leave you, Sweets. I promise you that."

"You don't know that." You let your forehead rest on his sternum, your eyes closing as his arms continued to hold you.

"I do." he proved, "If you don't believe me, I'll just have to show you instead." You felt the vibrations from his soft laughing and at that moment, you found yourself smiling at his words. "Are you gonna let me?" He asked, his thumb softly caressing the skin on your cheek back and forth.

Allowing him into your heart would mean taking down the walls you've put around it. He was asking you to commit self demolition on the barriers that protected you for so long and it terrified you. It terrified you because letting him inside would mean allowing yourself to care. Allowing yourself to open up to him. Allowing him to see the darkest and ugliest parts of yourself.

That scared you.

And despite the very real dangers of falling in love with the wrong person, you did it anyway, trusting that Satoru would take care of your heart better than the men before him ever did. So you nodded, ever so slightly, and parted from him slightly to look up at him.

He smiles, its a sight akin to a secret only the two of you know. "Thank you."

You laugh, wiping the tears off your cheeks. "For what?"

"For being you." He mused, his lips placing a chaste kiss on your forehead. It was a promise to you to take care of your battered heart. A reminder that he would always see you for you, no matter what you tried to say to distance him from you. He'd be the gum under your shoe for as long as you let him be.

There, in the comfort of his arms, you'd be safe.

He'd make sure that you knew it too.

This isn’t some special ‘motivation’ or ‘focus’ that only I can achieve! I’ve definitely got cookie brainrot which helps, but it’s a combination of things I’ve done to make it so I can do big projects!

The biggest thing by far is making my artstyle something very quick and very fun to draw. Even if you like the look of it less- if you don’t enjoy the process, it’s hard to stick with it. It’s one reason why I play fast and loose with character designs, or change details.

I don’t like drawing Shadow Milk’s ruffled cuff around his hands? Gone! I like drawing PV’s hair a certain way at one angle? His hairstyle magically flips when he faces the other way! Don’t like drawing hands? Merge the fingers and make em weird blobs that imply the hand! Take a torch to every part of drawing that you just don’t like. It’s why I lay out comic pages like I do. I HATE coming up with comic panels, so I just… don’t. Viola, problem solved!

Lineart, rendering, pretty much anything can be avoided if you get creative. My current style is actually, in my mind, still a sketch! I hated clean lineart so I just sketched everything. And doing this so much with the sketch mindset, my sketches eventually became clean enough to be lineart! You’ll notice imperfections and mistakes all the time if you zoom in on my stuff, gaps in the lineart, proportion issues, facial features that should be nudged over, but that’s fine. It’s just a sketch, who cares? The idea is clear!

I used to have some fancy style with lots of rendering, more realistic, the whole deal. I honestly like the look of it more than my old stuff, but I HATED the process. It took days or weeks to paint a single character, I was always in and out of artblock, world’s slowest artist. Them I just said, nah screw this, I want to actually enjoy drawing.

Took inspo from watching ActuallyRea’s art journey and sketchbook tours too! HIGHLY RECOMMEND!! Messy sketchbook doodles, focusing on shorthand and experimenting and making mistakes, and being self indulgent to the max! MAKE ART FUN

The funny thing is, when you draw so much in “shorthand” or doodling, you get so much practice just out of finishing things that it can very much become its own refined style, and your skills improve too. This old stuff I’m uploading is about a year old, but I hope you’ll see the improvement between that and the Jampire comics I’m uploading soon <3

AND THEN MOST IMPORTANT, keep stuff small before you know you can finish it! The jambound comics started out as a 5-page uncolored doodle where I told myself I wasn’t allowed to redo anything cuz I wanted it done. They exist because I wanted to show my dyslexic friend my favorite jambound scenes. They’re not to make pretty art, or get big on social media, they’re meant to just show the scene so I can read it out loud. Achievable goal, and it was only later I was like hey, maybe other people might enjoy reading this too?

Each part was only a few pages max, and it only got bigger when I saw I could do it. I proved to myself I could, and finishing projects and getting to read them over is kinda really fun. I’m most motivated by Jampires because I want to hold this thing in my hands at the end! I proved I can stick with comics in the 100-page range with Jambound, so ONLY THEN did I attempt one big project in that range.

Also having friends who work on projects with you is always a bonus :)

My cowriters are lovely, and I have friends who I’ve yapped about this project to so much, and they work on it with me! Sharing ideas, or even helping line and color pages. I’ll stream or share progress with them, so working on it never feels isolating- more like hanging out with friends! It’s practically a nightly routine to watch shows with my roommates or do drawing calls on discord while working on Jampires. Then, a few months to a year later, boom! You got a big ol project you get to share with everyone!