much of my work consists of complex psychological concepts and at times, dark topics which include ( but are not limited to ) : depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, sexual assault, poverty, traumatic experiences, etc. i write about these topics, not to make light of them, but to bring comfort inclusivity to those who have gone through similar experiences. this is not a space to judge others for their mental/relational struggles, so please be mindful in the comments. thank you.
˗ˏˋ⋆˚꩜｡ ⁞ . . . blog status ⤑ active, slow updates
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I’m usually so secure — he didn’t mean to curse the waiter out in his Tamsy way, he just really hates that he doesn’t understand you!
Tamsy who hates not being able to tell what you're saying. It upsets him to no end! Why can’t you just say it so he understands? What are you hiding from him?
Tamsy who watches as you laugh happily with the waiter in front of Tamsy’s face as the two of you chitter about in your shared language. I mean, the waiter may as well spit in his face at this point with the way he’s eyeing you.
He can’t help when his brows furrow as the waiter smiles a bit too wide, just how funny were you being? Are you funnier in your mother tongue? He wants to know and frankly he wants to hear every joke.
Tamsy who bites his tongue whenever you mutter to yourself angrily when you're upset with him, not because he has nothing to say but because he couldn’t even retaliate because what you're saying is in a completely foreign language.
“Just what are you mumbling about?” Tamsy questions from his desk, brushing his hair. You lay on his bed, now silent, ignoring him are you?
He didn’t mean to upset you, why did you have to have such a gentle heart?
“Nothing.” You sharply say, voice low. Tamsy pouts. How could you be so cold with him?
“Look, I apologized the best I could, I have no idea what you could want from me.” Tamsy sighs, setting his brush down on the nearest surface before dragging his feet towards the bed and sitting next to you.
You lay with your back to him, wearing his shirt, laying in his bed, using his stuff and still having the audacity to have a sour attitude. Just because he was a little dismissive towards the waiter today..
Okay that’s a lie he was quite rude, but he couldn’t help it, jealousy had swelled up in his heart and he hadn’t had the patience to calm himself.
Tamsy leans down to plant a sweet kiss to your cheek, backing up enough to remove his lips from your cheek afterwards but close enough to still watch your face. Can’t you just forgive him?
When you continue to be silent he knows he has to be honest with you, it’s hard to make you budge. He’s tried plenty of times to manipulate you whether it be with extra affection or taking it away but you just don’t crack. You see through him.
“I was just.. a bit frustrated.” Tamsy sees you perk up at that and it only makes him want to shut his mouth, afraid to give you the satisfaction of admitting his negative feelings. “I want to be able to talk to you, like that, but I can’t. It makes me—“ he hesitates before throwing his pride aside. “—jealous when others are given the privilege."
You're silent for a long moment before he sees your lips quirk up, not in a cocky manner, but in a way of accepting flattery.
“You want to be able to talk to me, and like that?” You happily chitter, facing him, he nods, sighing when your smile only grows wider. You bump your nose into his playfully before fully sitting up and Tamsy follows suit, watching your reaction carefully.
“Why didn’t you just say that?” You continue, raising a brow. Tamsy tries to copy you in an attempt to tease but both his eyebrows go up instead of one, he’s never been able to just raise one but god, he thought it’d work at the moment.
“I feared I’d sound childish,” he admits, hands shimmying across the bed to hold yours. You squeeze his palms affectionately, nodding along to his thoughts.
“Ah, yes, cause you're always so mature.” You sarcastically remark, rolling your eyes. It’s silent for one moment before you lean onto your knees, shuffling over to Tamsy’s space. “I’ll teach you some words, okay?”
“And what is it you’ll be saying?” He asks, suspicious of what you're going to try to get him to say. You scoff at that, how could he think so little of you? You weren’t a child, still the idea does sound tempting..
“Just trust me.” You simply respond, cupping your hands around his ear, as if playing the telephone game. There’s no need for whispers and secrets for you two are alone in his room, yet you behave like a spy, as if you're carrying top secret information.
You begin to sound out syllables in his ear, a few ahhs and oohs, and unfamiliar syllables greet him, just like before but this time directed at him. He listens closely, repeating each one after you.
Ticklish breaths graze his ear, your hair rubbing his chin and his own getting caught between your fingers. The moment is intimate without being said, personal in a way others wouldn’t understand.
“Do you get it? repeat it for me!” You excitedly ask, leaning back from him. Tamsy hesitates for a moment, not wanting to embarrass himself by messing up the pronunciation.
Tamsy mutters the words slowly, trying his absolute best and his spirits are lifted when you smile wider, hand coming to cup over your mouth.
“What does it mean?” He asks after, genuinely curious. The words flowed well, they sounded nice and he hoped they were since he knew you to be quite the prankster.
“It means— hehe!” You can’t stop yourself from laughing, covering your mouth with both hands now and lowering your head. Tamsy’s smile falls along with that. “It means.. um, something along the lines of, I’m a sexy man..”
“And that's funny, why?”
“Well it’s such a grandpa saying that when you said it I thought ‘wow that’s so out of character’.” You sigh happily, still giggling every now and then.
“Ah, ha, aren’t you just a comedic genius?” Tamsy sarcastically mutters, he turns his head away, still eyeing you out of the corner of his eye before speaking up once again. “You find me sexy?”
You stare back at him before quipping a small smirk, wiggling your brows.
“Very much so.” You respond, making playful suggestive faces.
“Oh that is a shame.” Tamsy feigns shock. You gasp, making a questioning expression.
“Now what does that mean?” You chitter, leaning forward. Tamsy leans away, caught up in his own little secret language of playing coy.
“Oh I don’t know..” he sighs to himself, looking away.
You whine, leaning into his arm, muttering questions under your breath. Tamsy smiles to himself as you cling onto him, your gaze, your voice and your words all for him.
He must really be the sexiest man alive.
Just a cute little thing that deserves some decoration because I said so.. also I got the tamsy not being able to raise one eyebrow thing from someone who posted that headcanon, it was just so funny to me lol creds to @/glitchy-vibe
I’ve noticed you have yet to update your capitano fic… since march of last year..👀 gulp…
im ngl i've been slacking on those projects because of a certain brainworm (tamsy) that wont leave my mind .... i promise it'll get done at some point <//3
that and my kokushibo fic that i promised a sequel for <//3
i've been really busy trying to get employed because capitalism unfortunately likes to fuck me every day with no breaks in between, so i havent had a lot of time to write </3
tamsy who's absolutely gobsmacked when you wrap your arms around him, pick him up and twirl around like he weighs nothing..
tamsy who questions whether or not he likes it the first time you grab his tie to pull him down into a sloppy kiss when he's getting ready in the afternoon after a high-risk mission..
tamsy who decides he's right where he wants to be when you defeat him during a sparring session, finding that he very much does like the view of you on top of him..
tamsy who's absolutely whipped for you when you drag him any and everywhere by the hand because you know he wont argue against it ..
tamsy who only smiles up at you when your fingers curl around the back of his neck to make your presence known as you enter the conversation while he's in the dining room with everyone (he likes how shameless you are.)..
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
this shigaraki would spoil you to no end. none of your requests are "absurd" or "useless" to him - if you want it, he makes damn sure you get it. in fact, if you don't start telling him what you want, best believe he's going to dig through his memories for the past requests you made that he couldn't afford to fulfill back then.
of course, you'll have to pay him back somehow.
..what? no, not just with sex, dumbass! sure he likes it, but that's not the only thing he's after, you know? actually, he loves it when you do things for him - like ironing his clothes and brushing his hair just so he looks a bit more presentable. it shows that you care for him and he doesn't want you to stop doing that. he cares for you too, but god forbid he tries to do the same things that you do for him. it always ends with failure and an angry tomura grumbling under his breath while you fix things up. that's why he resorts to simple gift-giving - or as he calls it, just providing.
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ . . . tenko used to brush you off all the time.
"quit worrying, i'm here aren't i?"
"its one in the damn morning... cant you shut your brain off for a second?"
"we don't have to think about that right now."
he'd always brush you off like your worries were futile, like he was invincible, like his goal didn't mean death or a life without you if it failed.
of course, he knew he wasn't.
he wasn't stupid; trying to change a society for the damage done to the outcasts that fall between the cracks was never going to be easy. his goals weren't harmless and as such, he wouldn't be spared from harm either.
it was his reality, his life's work — and you admired him for it.
you simply hated that the man you loved so dearly had gotten caught in the middle of an evil old man's plans that left him without both a body and a life.
without a grave to lie in, without a plot of land you could visit and grieve in.
sometimes those conversations flash in your mind and you hate to think about what his life could have been like had he never met that horrible man that used him for his own ends.
would he have grown up the same? chosen the same path?
your hands grow warm with the coffee cup that sits in between your hands. the coffee was no longer hot but its warmth still lingered in your hands. every day it gets harder to live a life without him.
you wanted him to achieve his goals, to free the society so chained to performative justice. and in a way, he did.
he just wasn't here to see it.
you think maybe that's what hurts you the most, because he of all people deserved a better life. he and every other outcast dubbed a 'villain' by those would could never understand them; they all deserved a better life.
you weren't a fighter by any means, your role in their group was as a healer. you believed in their cause and aided them because of it, even if it meant becoming a fugitive after everything was said and done.
dabi had been arrested, toga was gone along with jin and every other person you called a friend.
tomura was gone too.
a tear slips from your eye and slides down your cheek.
a part of you went with him, you think.
you wipe your eyes and sit up, grabbing the lukewarm cup of coffee and heading out of the quaint coffee shop.
the blue of the sky reminds you of his hair; the clouds remind you of it too, the way his hair was soft when you touched it; when you threaded your fingers through it on the nights you'd warm his bed up.
the sweetness of the coffee reminds you tenfold of his love for sweet things; he'd munch on those mini store bought brownies while gaming. the thought makes you smile but the tears dont stop no matter how much you wipe them.
"even if something happens to me.. i don't want you to suffer for it. so stay out of it."
"dumbass.." you curse affectionately as you walk through an empty alleyway.
even if he was gone now, he lived on in your memory; in the memories of those who knew him, in the caution everyone else bow had upon seeing the result of their ignorance of suffering, in the kindness that was now extended towards those hurt by a society meant to uplift them.
even if he was gone now, he was still your hero.
and no matter how many years passed, he always would be.
.
.
.
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ . . . m.list
note: can you tell i miss him yet? this is what listening to mojo pin does to me
can we stop trying to describe reader. like in general, it makes me so mad when people talk about reader wearing a skirt or having long or straight hair, at least put in in the a/n or warnings
Your chibi story was so cute!!! Especially for Tamsy who’s just a little menace (literally lol), I was wondering what if it was reverse how would the Gachiakuta characters react with a chibi? Or the Chibi getting their own Chibi reader?
Gachiakuta [x Reader]
In which they have a chibi version of you to take care of, on top of their own chibi self.
Reader is ── Gender Neutral | Cleaner/Raider respectively
Story is ── Romantic | Headcanons
Warnings ── Hints of manga spoilers in Tamsy's part
August
✦ ── Oh, he is SO excited about having a little version of his partner. He loves you so much, and now he has another outlet for all that loving!
✦ ── Anytime he makes you an outfit he makes a mini version for chibi s/o! They're just as much of a doll as you are, and sometimes he uses chibi s/o as a model to try ideas he'll later make for you.
✦ ── Built the chibis a little 'apartment' of sorts on his desk where they can hang out, and he can keep an eye on them. They've gotten lost in his mess of a workshop too many times, so this is the safest and cutest bet.
✦ ── Little August overwhelms chibi s/o with attention. They're almost always being bombarded with affection until they're a dizzy, blushing mess.
✦ ── Sometimes chibi August gives August too much inspiration on how to fluster you, and you become the target of his affection as well. Chibi and actual s/o defeated!
"Give them a break, August!" You giggled, pulling chibi August away from chibi s/o. He had put his glasses on them, along with a new outfit, and covered them in kisses.
Now he was just grinning up at you with pink eyes you rarely saw.
"Don't worry little me! I'll distract them !" August chimed in right as you let chibi August go.
"Auggie, no!" You were too late to raise your hands and were tackled to the floor of the workshop. Chibi August used this opportunity to go right back to chibi s/o.
Eishia
✦ ── Oh my goodness, her heart can't take having a little you! They're just so adorable and sweet. Has probably teared up a few times just looking at chibi s/o.
✦ ── Medical equipment is dangerous and sometimes scary, so Eishia prefers chibi s/o and chibi Eishia to stay with you or in her room whenever she's working. Unless you can supervise them in the medical ward.
✦ ── Chibi s/o is spoiled with small kisses to the top of their head and snacks she keeps hidden in her desk drawer just for them.
✦ ── When the two chibis are left alone together, they can usually be found playing small games or working together to tidy up a space.
✦ ── Chibi Eishia scares easily, so chibi s/o is always there to comfort her and try to prove something isn't scary. Eishia is always asking if she's really that anxious, and you comfort her the same way chibi s/o does.
"What do you think they're doing?" Eishia and you were watching the two struggling with a blanket that could easily cover them several times over.
"Folding it?" You shrugged, though Eishia was already moving to take the blanket from them.
She folded it up nicely before putting it back on the desk, lifting both the chibis onto it. They both fell into the cloth immediately, evidently tired from their attempt at helping.
"...I suppose so?"
Enjin
✦ ── He's kind of used to the whole adoptive uncle thing for several kids, but he's never had to care for anything so small and fragile and that he loves so damn dearly.
✦ ── Honestly, he overcompensates in gentleness towards his chibi s/o out of fear of hurting them. Always moving slowly when carrying them, keeping his voice gentle, and talking to them constantly.
✦ ── Smoked near chibi s/o once, and they started choking, so now he literally refuses to smoke in the same building as them. He felt so guilty, still does.
✦ ── Chibi Enjin is still rough with chibi s/o in the same way actual Enjin is with you. It's just tough love, but he can still be caught carrying chibi s/o and holding their hand.
✦ ── Very possessive of chibi s/o. Enjin wants to carry them whenever he can, and chibi Enjin is attached to their damn hip. This forced you to stay with the three of them, too.
"Gotcha!" You proclaimed, camera clicking as you snapped a photo of the chibis holding hands.
Immediately, tiny Enjin let go, giving his best attempt at flipping the camera off.
"Hey, be nice." Enjin poked the little guy, resulting in him falling on his ass. Chibi s/o quickly ran over to help him up, but it was clear his ego had already been deeply bruised.
Follo
✦ ── Don't do this to him, please. He can barely handle how much he loves you, and now he has another? And they're so small and so nice to him, too! No, he isn't crying!!! There's just something in his eye!
✦ ── Literally cradling them in his cupped hands, treating them as if they might fall apart if he so much as breathes too hard on them. This is so much responsibility, and he's freaking out!
✦ ── Other than holding them, the only place he's comfortable keeping them is between his neck and shirt collar, where they can't fall.
✦ ── Chibi Follo is high-key super clingy with chibi s/o. They're always together, holding hands and adventuring together. He is very protective, though, and refuses to get into any trouble.
✦ ── Very common to find the chibis asleep on top of eachother. Chibi Follo is very sleepy and can't rest without his partner, so sometimes it's just him asleep while chibi s/o is awake but clinging to him.
"Awh..." You couldn't help but pout at the sight, while Follo's face was blushing a whole new shade of red.
Chibi s/o stared up at the two of you, half smothered in chibi Follo's arms. He was fast asleep, with no sign of waking up anytime soon.
"I don't do that, do I?" Follo looked at you anxiously, instantly betrayed by the smile on your face.
"Yeah, but I didn't want you to stop, so I never told you."
Gris
✦ ── Chibi s/o is spoiled for care by this man. He knows exactly how to keep them happy, entertained, and all without spoiling them too much.
✦ ── Not even batting an eye, it's as if he knows exactly what they want just by how they look at him. If you pay enough attention, you'll realize he does the same with you.
✦ ── Since he gets along with his mini self, it means the chibis spend a lot of time together with him. In fact, Gris really loves watching them interact when he can't be with you.
✦ ── Chibi Gris likes to act all mature and keep you safe from any hazards. He points at sharp or dangerous things and shakes his head to try and teach chibi s/o what to avoid.
✦ ── The chibis hug a lot. Chibi Gris always has his arm around chibi s/o in some way, keeping them close so Gris doesn't worry about where either of them may have wandered off to.
"Good job keeping them safe, bud." Gris offered a thumbs up to his chibi, who gave one right back.
The chibis were huddled together under a blanket, with chibi s/o comfortably asleep on chibi Gris' lap.
"I'm starting to think you baby me too much. In fact, I'm doing a lot of self-reflection over this." You sighed, to which Gris chuckled.
"Really? And here I thought I wasn't doing enough."
Jabber
✦ ── Are you sure he can be trusted with something so small? No. But Jabber refuses to let you take his little s/o away from him! They're his, and so are you, so hands off!
✦ ── Surprisingly careful with them. Lil Jab may be able to scratch you and get away with it, but one scrape on chibi s/o and they might just die. This means absolutely no Mankira around chibi s/o.
✦ ── Dangled them by their shirt a lot. If they freak out too much out of fear of being dropped, he mockingly babies them with a bunch of kisses and teasing jokes.
✦ ── Lil Jab still refuses to use Mankira on chibi s/o, in the same way he refuses to use it on you. It's cute, considering actual Jabber has poked you before and probably will again.
✦ ── Finding chibi s/o clutching onto chibi Jabber while he's under the effects of his own poison is a common sight. The first few times they panic, but they get used to caring for him after a while.
"I'm pretty sure he's doing it to get doted on, and not just for the high." You were looking over the chibis, yours patting the head of the half-lucid little Jab on your lap.
"Well, duh! I do it for attention too."
Rudo
✦ ── This sweet little thing is more precious than him to 3R, seriously. I mean, so are you, but the cuteness factor of chibi s/o is so high it should be illegal.
✦ ── And Rudo doesn't know how to handle that!!! It took him so long to adjust to chibi s/o because he kept running away a blushing mess.
✦ ── Very delicate with them. They can climb wherever they want on him or in his room. Except maybe the trash pile, because he's worried they may get hurt.
✦ ── Chibi Rudo also cannot cope with chibi s/o and faints the first few times they interact. Chibi s/o takes good care of him, and when he can handle their company, they are inseparable.
✦ ── The chibis usually sit together doing their own thing. Little Rudo is always showing off the things he can do with 3R in hopes of impressing chibi s/o.
"Oh my gosh, Rudo, look!" The two of you were chatting away when you spotted something on his desk.
Chibi Rudo was offering chibi s/o some flowers made out of metal scraps.
"I—uh, yeah, that's super cute." The tips of his ears were turning pink, still hiding a similar bouquet he had made for you behind his back.
Seeing chibi s/o graciously accept the gift with a kiss to chibi Rudo's cheek gave him all the confirmation he needed to know you'd like his gift, too.
Tamsy
✦ ── Having a portable s/o is such a delight. He finds them simply adorable, and makes every attempt to tease the two of you when he can. Especially on habits you and chibi you share.
✦ ── Tamsy doesn't feel the need to carry them with him, because he's often on missions in dangerous places. That being said, when he does carry them it's usually in his hand hidden under his sleeves.
✦ ── Really, though, he prefers when chibi s/o and chibi Tamsy are together. It's pretty much just him anyhow, and he has actual you to take care of as is.
✦ ── Chibi Tamsy is damn possessive and a tad mean about it. To the point where he sometimes ties one of his wrists to theirs with his thread so they can't wander away.
✦ ── They're still cute, though. Chibi Tamsy nods off a lot when chibi s/o plays with his hair, which they can do a lot more than you since chibi Tamsy always has his hair down.
"He's doing it again..." You and Tamsy had just returned to his room from the HQ library, catching chibi Tamsy right in the act.
Chibi s/o was trapped in a web of blue thread, wiggling in an attempt to free themselves.
Little Tamsy was standing in front of them, patting their head and shaking his head to get them to give up on escape.
"They're only playing." Tamsy dismissed it, earning a scoff.
"You wouldn't do that to me!"
"Wouldn't I?"
Zanka
✦ ── He keeps chibi s/o with him whenever possible. Partially to protect and partially for his own comfort (though he would NEVER admit to that, not even to himself).
✦ ── Melts pretty quickly when it comes to chibi s/o. If they ask for anything or tug on his sleeve, they have whatever it is they want and his attention a few moments later.
✦ ── Gets really proud whenever chibi s/o show shim affection or completes a task they were struggling to do. Hell yeah, you and mini you are both strong, capable, and his loving partner.
✦ ── Chibi Zanka likes training in front of chibi s/o to show off his moves. When they spar and s/o gets upset over not winning too many times in a row, he fakes a loss.
✦ ── Uses his mini Assistaff to trap chibi s/o when they try to get away from him or when Zanka tries to take them away. Fights with his whole soul to stay with them.
"Oh my, don't be rough Zanka." You scolded the small verison of your partner, who was patting the head of a trapped chibi s/o.
Begrudgingly he released them, hugging them to show he was behaving well. Chibi s/o seemed to forgive him immediately with a hug.
"Huh. Maybe I should start doing that to you." Zanka spun his Assistaff, casting you a cocky look.
"Do not!"
Zodyl
✦ ── Is it worrying giving the man who eats anything a bite-sized version of you? Yes, of course. But the good thing is chibi Zodyl is in more danger of being eaten than chibi s/o...
✦ ── He wouldn't, but he might pretend to if either of them acts up. It's probably one of the few jokes he'll actually chuckle at, even if it's his own.
✦ ── Observing is one of his favourite things to do. That's why he seems to enjoy watching chibi s/o do their little tasks or rest on him. Chibi Zodyl does the same thing, just watches.
✦ ── Chibi Zodyl is still a gentleman, though. He comforts chibi s/o if they ever get hurt or scared and walks with them whenever they start to wander too far.
✦ ── Sometimes you can catch them holding hands, which usually ends in Zodyl intertwining his fingers with yours. He wants to prove he can be affectionate, too.
You were watching longingly as the chibis, yours tugging chibi Zodyl along by the hand to explore more of the room full of things left behind by previous owners.
"What troubles you?" Your partner spoke up from next to you, also watching the chibis. They were rather entertaining.
Your lips pressed together, contemplating what to say.
You didn't need to explain yourself; he'd gotten an inkling after observing you for long enough. A moment later, your hand was pulled into his.
"Better?"
"Better."
Author's Note ── I love writing for the chibi stuff, hells yeah! You only specified Tamsy so I just,,, did the same ten characters as last time!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Hiii hiii this is riechiexx again, I'm sorry but I just need to ask everyone a favor to please report this c ai bot for it to be taken down :') as you can tell this zanka fic of mine, titled: When did you get so hot? Got plagiarized—copy pasted and used as a chat introduction for a character ai bot.
It would be very helpful if you'd report the creator as well ! As I believe that they also do this to other authors, that's all, thank you so much !!! :D
After a quick shower in the bathroom adjacent to his room, he tightens his tie around the collar of his work shirt, his hair already done and his jacket waiting in the confines of his closet waiting for him to fill it. It's all so painfully mundane and it makes him feel like he's missing something.
The images of you in his head become more annoying by the second.
He thinks of you getting ready by his mirror where he could — no, would — steal glances of your unguarded self. He would plant chaste kisses against the side of your neck while his hands slither around your upper abdomen, squeezing you tightly against his body. He'd inhale the scent of his detergent on your clothes, letting you invade the confines of his heart like a grandfather clock you enjoy taking apart just to put it back together again.
Would your delicate hands tie his tie for him if you stuck around beyond the dark hours of the night?
He laughs.
Of course you wouldn't. You're not a damsel waiting for him to save you.
You're a bird in a cage of your own making.
The only reason it nags at him so relentlessly is because he'd be yours if you'd just let him.
.
.
.
note: it was supposed to be a drabble but im almost 1k words deep so perhaps not </3
tags *ೃ༄ some angst, reader has commitment issues, reader n' tamsy are friends with benefits, casual sex implied nothing is explicit, tamsy being tamsy, he's lowk sweet in this one, reader is implied to be shorter than him
summary *ೃ༄ trusting someone has never really been easy for you.
note *ೃ༄ this fic was borne out of my experience with being chronically single, enjoy the result of my suffering <3 !
masterlist *ೃ༄
Slim rays of light shone through the window of Tamsy's room, signaling the day was moments from starting. He thought he would have found you by his side, tucked into his arm and sleeping soundly after how much he clearly had tired you out the night before. Unfortunately, you were committed to being a nuisance. The spot beside him was cold with nothing but his blanket that had been shoved aside leaving evidence that you had been in his room at all. Your clothes had disappeared and your scent along with it.
Funnily enough, it irritated him. How easy you found it to leave him by his lonesome in the same bed he loved you last night in.
A forlorn sigh leaves his mouth at the thought of it. He gets up, his loose hair forming a sort of veil around his face as he walks over to the radio. Death metal blasts through the speakers as he continues on getting ready for the day, his head bobbing back and forth in tandem with the music.
After a quick shower in the bathroom adjacent to his room, he tightens his tie around the collar of his work shirt, his hair already done and his jacket waiting in the confines of his closet waiting for him to fill it. It's all so painfully mundane and it makes him feel like he's missing something.
The images of you in his head become more annoying by the second.
He thinks of you getting ready by his mirror where he could — no, would — steal glances of your unguarded self. He would plant chaste kisses against the side of your neck while his hands slither around your upper abdomen, squeezing you tightly against his body. He'd inhale the scent of his detergent on your clothes, letting you invade the confines of his heart like a grandfather clock you enjoy taking apart just to put it back together again.
Would your delicate hands tie his tie for him if you stuck around beyond the dark hours of the night?
He laughs. Of course you wouldn't. You're not a damsel waiting for him to save you.
You're a bird in a cage of your own making.
The only reason it nags at him so relentlessly is because he'd be yours if you'd just let him.
He turns the dial on the radio to shut it off once he's done getting dressed for the day. Fortunately for him, today was going to be a fairly easy one. Team Eager was dispatched for a routine cleanup at the outskirts of a town where trash beasts were apparently popping up more frequently. It wasn't too hard of a job, he could probably be done with it in an hour if luck was on his side today.
He walked down the hall and into the kitchen hoping to grab a quick bite or maybe have himself some coffee. To his partial dismay, the chime of your laughter beckoned his sight once he had entered the dining area. There was a smile plastered up on your face and with it, an inkling of jealousy made a home in his gut once more.
Tamsy saunters over to the kitchen area to make himself a cup of coffee. It wasn't as good as what he was used to on the Sphere, but it would do. Out of his peripheral vision, he noticed you walking up to the fridge beside him as he scooped up a spoonful of coffee grains. You grabbed a chilled brownie from the fridge — Did the Vianders bring in a fresh supply of sweet treats?
"Good morning," he greets, seeing as you weren't going to acknowledge him unless he spoke up.
"Morning Tamsy," You bite off the corner piece of the brownie in your hand while you lean against the counter. "Gris was just telling me about how last week, Enjin got shitfaced while bar hopping and almost got into a fight with the bouncer at one of them-" You giggle at the memory, covering your smile with the back of your hand. "-I swear I was this close to dying from laughter, he was so embarrassed."
"Was he?"
You scoff and bite into the brownie again, "Prolly not, you know him."
"Indeed, that does sound like him." He lifts up his sleeves to wash the spoon he used, "Do you mind handing me the cream?"
You hum and open the fridge once more, taking the coffee cream out of the fridge and opening it to pour it. He smiles, drying his hands and content that you knew just how much cream he liked in his coffee. You didn't do this for anyone else, it made him feel a little special and perhaps a little bit disgusted that this simple act of yours had him feeling so mushy inside.
You put it back into the fridge shortly after, resuming your prior position at the counter beside him. "You have work today?"
"Just a routine clean up at a nearby city, I should be back before sundown. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," you say as you finish your brownie, "I was wondering if I could see you tonight?"
He smirks, "My, do you miss me that much already?"
You shift uncomfortably and an awkward smile finds your lips. Seeing your uneasiness made him feel a little nervous. "Ah.. Something like that."
"Mm. Is it important?"
"Not really, I just want to talk."
"Alright then."
You make yourself scarce from the kitchen quicker than he would have liked, but he doesn't make an effort to make you stay. He watches as you rejoin Gris and Enjin and as much as he would have liked to stake his claim at your side, he simply finishes his coffee and makes his way to the garage to wait for Delmon.
If he looks at you any longer he's sure to abandon his principles for you — the thought alone is dangerous.
You glance at him as he leaves and you can feel that familiar tug at your heart upon watching him disappear behind the doors of the lounge. It was the same feeling that lingered whenever you left his room in the early hours of the morning, the same one that was present whenever he kissed your lips during your moments of intimacy in his bedroom.
The same one you needed to get rid of.
"_______, you okay? You got that sad look on your face again."
You flick a card at Enjin, "It's my resting face you idiot."
"Uh-huh," He snickers, "Whatever you say, sweets."
You roll your eyes and continue playing with them for a while until the lounge gets busy. You weren't a big fan of crowds so once it started getting loud and filled with people, you made your departure into your room.
Before you knew it, night had arrived and you found yourself at the rooftop of the headquarters. Somehow, you'd slept the afternoon away and when you woke up, there was yet another celebration going down in the lounge. With nothing but a few cans of beer at your side, you dangled your legs off of the edge of the building without much care as you drank the night away.
When you heard the door to the rooftop open, you knew who it was.
"So this is where you are."
A smile finds your lips and you raise your can of beer, signifying that you had heard him before raising it to your mouth and finishing your fourth one tonight. The liquid was bitter but it was what you needed for a night like this.
"Thought you said you were gonna be back by sundown." You place the empty can beside you and reach for another. You weren't drunk, but you were buzzed and loose for sure.
He sits beside you with a small gap in between you. "Mission took longer than I thought it would."
You hum in acknowledgement and open another can of beer.
"Haven't you had enough of that tonight?" he glances at you, watching you drink like its second nature.
"Mm.. not nearly enough if you ask me," You snicker.
He stays silent for a while simply looking at you, until he eventually stopped beating around the bush and broke the silence. "Why did you ask to see me tonight?"
Your hand holding your beer stops midway and drops into your lap. "I was thinking about, y'know, what to say to you, but I still haven't come up with anything — so I guess I'll just come out n' say it."
He feels his skin become warm, and shivers run amok all over him as he waits for your next words.
"We have to stop."
His slight smile drops. "..Stop what?"
"This," you gesture towards yourself and him. "Whatever we have going on.. it has to stop."
".. Is that so?" He rips his gaze away from you and looks out towards the vast landscape. This isn't at all what he had expected from you. Well, it was a possibility — he just didn't think you would actually go this far.
"Yeah," You chug the rest of the beer and lean against his shoulder. "I can't really afford all that love stuff, n' I don't wanna lead you on or nothin'.."
"My, how careful of you."
"..I like you too much," you mumble against the fabric of his sleeve, "Can't have that. No sir-ee.." You laugh to yourself but it doesn't sound as joyous as it normally does.
"And why would that be? Do tell, I'm quite curious."
"'Cause it never turns out well, like.. ever," you huff, "That, and caring about someone else is just.. tiring."
His allows himself to lay his head atop yours. Objectively, you were right, it was a hassle to care about others. He experienced such a feat firsthand with you and he's sure that you knew it by now. Yet, still he asks:"Is it?"
"Mhm," you play with his fingers while you speak; it's probably the alcohol that's got you feeling all mushy and vulnerable. He can't say he hates it though. "I hate caring about where you're at, or what you're doing when you're not with me.. hate getting jealous too — it's all so irritatingly stupid."
He smirks, "You get jealous?"
"Of course I do, I'm human." You deadpan.
He smiles a places a kiss atop your forehead before leaning back to look at you. "..And what if I said I didn't want to stop this, hm?"
"…" You look ahead, "..We agreed no strings, so me liking you kind of violates that, doesn't it?"
"It's nobody's business but our own, so what's stopping us from changing that?"
"Me."
Your eyes meet his own for the first time this night. He swears he can see the uncertainty bubbling within you. You're trying so hard not to give into your inner desires and unfortunately for you, he's willing to push you to the edge to force you to confront them.
"You're making it much more difficult than it has to be, Dear."
"I don't want a relationship — I wasn't looking for that when we started this."
"And yet your heart still yearns for me, does it not?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I want a relationship with you," you look away from him with a disheartened expression, "I'm just not built for that. You know this."
He reaches out to lace his fingers against your own, causing you to look back at him. "I'm offering myself to you," he tells you, "All you've got to do is accept."
Your hand squeezes his lightly and before you know it, your vision is blurry and your fingers tremble. "Doing that means trusting you with everything I am, I don't- I don't know if that's the right thing for me."
"Baby steps," his voice is soft and inviting, it makes you want to cry. "We can move at your own pace."
He reaches out to wipe your tears, but it simply makes you cry more.
"Tamsy.. I.."
"Shh.." He coos, bringing you into a hug.
His embrace has always made you feel so safe; As if everything else in the world didn't matter when he would wrap his arms around you. His body was warm against yours and his scent just as comforting as always. It was strange — despite how much more intimately you'd known him — this was different.
Trusting him with your heart was different.
"Confide in me, that's all you have to do."
"You make it sound so easy.."
"Because it is," He whispers, "You don't need to worry about what could go wrong when you're with me. I've shown you that, haven't I?"
And he has.
He's always been reliable and has never once done anything you didn't like him to. He respected your boundaries and held himself to the highest standard. He could be the perfect partner, if you'd just let him.
A soft sigh escapes you and you nod meekly, unable to find the words to express just how terrified you are of giving your heart away to someone else — of freeing yourself from the cage you've known for as long as you could remember. It had been your home for so long that you forgot just how refreshing the environment outside of it felt — you forgot just how much you craved to be held.
How much you craved to be weak in the arms of someone capable of handling that side of you.
And in your moment of vulnerability, you let your heart fly into the arms of the man you've chosen to trust, not realizing that it was another cage — it was simply more spacious than your previous one.
Because once he had you, there was no way he was going to let you leave.
After a quick shower in the bathroom adjacent to his room, he tightens his tie around the collar of his work shirt, his hair already done and his jacket waiting in the confines of his closet waiting for him to fill it. It's all so painfully mundane and it makes him feel like he's missing something.
The images of you in his head become more annoying by the second.
He thinks of you getting ready by his mirror where he could — no, would — steal glances of your unguarded self. He would plant chaste kisses against the side of your neck while his hands slither around your upper abdomen, squeezing you tightly against his body. He'd inhale the scent of his detergent on your clothes, letting you invade the confines of his heart like a grandfather clock you enjoy taking apart just to put it back together again.
Would your delicate hands tie his tie for him if you stuck around beyond the dark hours of the night?
He laughs.
Of course you wouldn't. You're not a damsel waiting for him to save you.
You're a bird in a cage of your own making.
The only reason it nags at him so relentlessly is because he'd be yours if you'd just let him.
.
.
.
note: it was supposed to be a drabble but im almost 1k words deep so perhaps not </3
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
⤷ Tamsy x gn!reader, toxic relationship, tamsy being toxic, not proof read
❤︎ Tamsy wasn't the most warm lover. Not by a long shot.
In public or around other cleaners he treats you with a polite, clinical distance. The physical affection was non existent, with the exception of the few times his delicate hands would cusp your lower back and guide you to through the doorway or maybe he'll take your hand through a particularly suffocating crowd. But again, those were few and far in-between.
And sure you knew what you were getting into with Tamsy but, you couldn't lie and say it didn't claw at you a little. So when Riyo showed you a trend that seemed like a sure fire-way to get his attention….well.
"You're such an asshole! you don't care about me, you never did! I could go get killed by a trash beast right now, right in front of you and you wouldn't bat an eye would you?!"
you spat, all the vitriol that you could muster spilling out into that one little line.
okay. starting an argument with your boyfriend for the sake of a prank? Not the best, healthiest thing to do. However, you and Tamsy were far from healthy so you couldn't quite say it didn't suit you both.
You stood over him, arms crossed with your all face screwed up. riled up over an argument that neither of you could remember. However what was Even more frustrating was tamsy's stupid face as he sat there on the couch. His head cocked to the side, making his icy blonde strands falling over his bemused expression as you tried (and seemingly failed) to get a rise out of him.
"Don't be like that angel." Tamsy cooed. His voice disarmingly soft, landing on your ears like soft silk.
Your mouth thinned out and stretched into a frown. "Like what?"
"Melodramatic." Tamsy hummed, devoid concern. "You know how I feel-"
You sharply interrupted. "I don't know how you feel! ever! that's the problem!" the blonde's eyebrows to shot up at your voice, the anger that had risen from your depths and as a by product, the corner of his mouth twitched in mild amusement.
Your eyebrows furrowed in the way the always did whenever you got pissy with him, You turn on your heel, facing away from him. Your eyes quickly dart around the small, sterile room. zipping around for a few seconds before landing on your keys, discarded and forgotten about on the coffee table. You trot over and snatch them up so fast their metallic bodies echo off the walls. and just as quickly start towards the door.
You look over to tamsy, who is as ever composed and unbothered with your little game, just sitting there, eyeing you while sipping on a cup of earl grey.
"we're done! And if I ever come crawling back, put me down because I must not be right in the head!"
Yeah…after that scene you really do have to commit. Hard.
𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩
Tamsy for the first two-three days is normal. Annoyingly so.
The morning after you catch him in the mess hall, slumped on a little wood stool, legs crossed. When you pass by he smiles and nods like everything's fine. Not the smallest hint of distress in his porcillen features. As if it would all blow over and you'd be all on him again. Even when you speed past him without a word his face doesn't falter!
The most you get out of him is soft sigh before he goes back to satisfying his stomach. Which, naturally, pisses you off more.
after those initial days though? His demeanor switches.
Not drastically. Maybe he'll stand a little closer to you than normal, Never touching you but getting close enough. Never standing next to you but always a few feet behind you. His eyes trained on the back of your skull when you weren't looking and when you spoke his eye's would linger on you a little longer than necessary.
And if you ever caught him (which you did, more than you'd like. It's stupid the way something so simple could make your stomach flip with delight) he'd soften his gaze into something kinder as a thin lipped smile stretched across the lower plane of his face.
Hell towards the latter half His usual morning nods and smiles would become verbal 'good morning's.
But when you still don't come around? that's when thing's get a little more intense. Or maybe strange is more accurate.
Tamsy goes from eyeing you ever so often to practically looming over your shoulder. Even if you can't visibly see him you can feel his natural dull stare locked onto you. Which somehow only gets creepier when you can see him.
'You just need a push' he tells himself. One little push and you'd be right back where you belonged.
When you're lagging behind in a crowd he takes the opportunity to slither behind you, Letting his slender finger tips guide to junction between the base of your neck and your shoulder and then pulling you back against his chest.
"Angel," he began, practiced sweetness dripping from his voice like honey into the shell of your ear. "You've been avoiding me. Why is that?"
You shiver at the rough, pointed edges of his words, The undercurrent of irration Tamsy was unable to hide.
Your lips purse together, ignoring the flutter in your chest.
"You know why." You hissed, tearing yourself away from him.
Tamsy blinked a few times as he tilted his head dumbly. "Hm? is that right?"
"yeah. And you're not sorry one bit are you?" You gritted out.
"Sorry? What do I have to be sorry about? you're the one who got all worked up over nothing." He hummed.
God did he know how to press every little button.
Your mouth twitched and tugged into a scowl. "Of course you would think that….Y'know I deserve better than this. I deserve someone who actually gives a shit."
"Really? and who would that be?"
"Clearly not you. You haven't done anything for me despite be a complete and utter asshole!"
Tamsy takes a few steps forward, rounding around till your face to face. "And just when I thought you couldn't get more embarrassing." he sighed.
"All you do is whine and complain about me, have you forgotten that I'm the one who saved you. Have you even considered where'd you be without me?"
Your eyes widened at his words. A sense of dread filling you the more he spoke.
"You're real lucky, considering everything." He continued. "If I was a much cruler man, I'd probably left you by now."
A sadistic smile crossed his features as you stood there stunned. "But…If you really think I'm that awful. Go ahead. Find someone else."
When he leaves you with those few words, your game is practically over. After a day, maybe two, you're right back in his doorway. Your eyes heavy and dark with irritation.
Tamsy's waiting for you on his bed. Brushing through his dual toned locks, in the mirror.
You stumble froward a couple feet before collapsing onto his lap. Your arms slide to his waist, pulling him in to your body heat and burying your face into his stomach.
Another snide remark rests at the tip of his tongue, eager to be let out and dig deeper into an open wound; but it comes to a halt at the sudden wetness on his skin. Your tears.
"I'm…I'm sorry." You choked out weakly, Your voice nearly a whimper.
Slowly, a hint of a smile took the place of Tamsy's harsh words.
"Sorry? Sorry for what angel?"
"sniff– I'm sorry for—"
Tamsy quickly interrupts you with the chastising click of your tongue. "ah— c'mon darling, a good angel knows how to repent properly. Look at me. You're a good angel aren't you?" he cooed mockingly.
His index and his thumb slipped to your chin, forcing your attention up to his eyes of pale gold.
His smile widened as he saw your bleary, wet eyes, staring up at him.
"I'm sorry for messing with you..I was just joking. Didn't mean 'nothing by it…." You muttered pathetically.
His hand reached up to the back of your head, scratching your scalp as you spoke.
"Mm…I suppose you're forgiven. But you understand now right? I didn't mean to get so blunt with you but it really is the truth, I mean look at you now."
Tamsy flipped the mirror in his hand, shoving it right in your face so you can admire your burning tear streaked face.
"Who else could deal with this? No one."
the mirror drops to the ground with a light thud. With Tamsy's now freed hands, he grabs you by the waist and tugs you onto his lap. Your back pressed flush against his chest, as his other hand tilts your head towards himself, leaving you stunned.
Tamsy leans in, and for the first time in what feels like forever, presses his lips to yours. It lingers for a bid. Letting his venom infect you, dragging you back into web.
Tamsy, per usual, is the first to pull away. Moving downwards to place a peck onto your throbbing pulse before finally resting on your shoulder.
"That's why I was so upset when you tried out your prank. If I didn't care then why would I put up with you?"
"I dunno…I was being stupid I guess." You murmured.
Tamsy chuckled. Carefully, he lifted his finger and jammed his index to your temple.
"uh-huh. Silly little angel. What would you do without me?"
gender-neutral reader. no use of y/n. subtle tamsy warning, he's weird but it's not too crazy. morning cuddles. established relationship/situationship. wc1k
[here on ao3]
Tamsy’s room is sparse. He doesn’t over decorate. He has his shelf, his bedside table and jinki, and a painting on the wall that came with the room, along with the standard issue dresser. His bed is comfortable though, that’s the part that you’re most familiar with. It’s one of the safest places you know.
You press your nose to the space between Tamsy’s shoulder blades. He had turned away from you at some point in the night. It’s a little unusual for him, he often holds you close during the night, so close that it feels like you’re being suffocated.
Now that you are awake, you want that closeness back in a smaller dose. It is too early for talking, however. Tamsy has not stirred yet, and you aren’t inclined to start the day if it means getting out of bed. He isn’t quite a morning person unless he has to be. You share the same sentiment.
Tamsy’s shirt is warm where it brushes against your nose. You inhale slowly, breathing him all the way in. He smells like fresh laundry and something you can’t place. Smoke? You don’t think he smokes, you haven’t seen him smoking anyway, but he spends enough time with Enjin that the constant smell that clings to the other man might have jumped ship onto Tamsy.
His hair is loose and pools next to him on the pillow. If you’re not careful, you’ll get the long strands in your mouth. It happens more often than you would like to admit.
You close your heavy eyelids again, having only stirred to locate Tamsy. Now that you have him, you don’t want to continue to stay awake. You listen to the sound of his slow breathing and try and match your own to his. You like to feel synced up with him.
Just as you’re beginning to drift back off into the hazy half-asleep state that you crave, Tamsy stirs. You hear him exhale fondly, and then he’s turning over to face you. You make a disgruntled noise at the movement. You were comfortable.
Tamsy ignores you. He doesn’t even open his eyes as he shifts to slot you tight against his chest, his arm coming up to wrap around your waist. He pulls you impossibly close to him. Like this, you can hear his heart beating as evenly as his breath. His hair tickles your chin and cheeks.
“Tamsy…” you mumble, voice heavy with sleep, “your hair.”
“Hm?” Tamsy doesn’t budge. He does this all the time. He acts like he’s acknowledging you, and you know he’s only half listening. Humoring you, in a way. He knows you know, and knows you know that he knows. Really, it’s a pointless cycle and complaining doesn’t get you very far with him. That doesn’t mean you’ll stop.
You shake your head slightly, dislodging the pale strands from where they lay over your face. You only half succeed. Your hands are trapped against Tamsy where he all but has you pinned to him. Pulling on them proves futile.
You huff quietly and turn your face into the pillow. You can feel the last strands finally slide away from you.
“Do quit moving,” Tamsy says. His voice floats through the room with the musical lilt he has.
“Your hair is in my face,” you tell him. You’re still mumbling. If you speak any louder, you’re afraid you will break the cozy atmosphere and the day will have to start. The curtains keep some of the light out, but you can feel the bright warm streaks that slip through the window as they stream over your arms. The golden light bleeds out over the blankets.
“Is it?” Tamsy asks. He sounds sleepy himself, voice light and aimless. You know he isn’t going to move to help you get his hair off of you because that would mean he has to let go of you. For some reason, he can’t bear the idea of not practically holding you like a teddy bear while he sleeps.
You wish he would sleep with his hair up. A braid or two would be wonderful! He would look cute and you could sleep in peace. The one time you brought the idea up to Tamsy before bed, you woke up suffocating in his hair.
You had woken up in a panic, hair in your mouth and covering your nose, the strands wrapping around you like a dozen snakes. Tamsy had woken up to your distress, caught in his arms and unable to help yourself. He had helped you untangle yourself from him, but you couldn't shake the feeling that he was enjoying watching you as he patiently stroked your hair to put you back to sleep.
You hadn’t suggested tying his hair up again. You don’t think he did that on purpose, why would Tamsy intentionally upset you, but you don’t want to jinx it by trying again.
Right now, Tamsy hums when you nod to confirm that yes, his hair is in your face yet again. He doesn’t say anything more as he lifts his arm off of you. Your brows raise in surprise. You hadn’t expected him to let go of you even for a moment.
Tamsy’s fingers brush over your jaw, pulling his hair off of you. He lifts his head to tuck the strands behind him before he goes right back to holding you close. His arm curls around your waist, hand splaying possessively against you. His palm is hot through your shirt.
He tucks his head down to press your faces closer together. You feel his nose press to your cheek. You keep your eyes closed. Tamsy doesn’t seem inclined to start the day either, so you’re perfectly happy to continue to waste the morning in bed with him.
In this position, you can hear the way his heart beats close to your ear. The steady rhythm is your lullaby. You curl your fingers against his shirt, some of the only movement you have room to do, and start to drift back to sleep.
You can feel the ghost of Tamsy’s smile where he presses against your cheek.
