#hypersexuality

I don’t know it for sure but im beginning to suspect I may be hypersexual. Not like. Extremely so(bad use of wording im aware) but lately ive been noticing things an realized— through my research in sexual behaviors + sexuality because its a notable interest of mine— that the way I feel about sex snd sexual actions and things like rape and being groomed are abnormal and tend to be….eh…pushed to a higher standard.

[ oh i forgot to put it in the beginning cw but also incest cw! ]

I think about sex often, which generally is normal, im a teenager. But I think about it to the point I project sexual fantasies and ‘desires’ onto people and things I dont want to project them on. Ive found myself multiple times thinking of what my own brother does to sexually pleasure himself or what my father does and its disgusting and i hate it. I also at some point in the school year developed a crush on this boy in my band class, it was a hallway crush (he was cute and I liked to look at him kind of thing) but my friends told me to not associate with him because he was convicted of rape (I forgot if he was just charged/accused or actually went to jail? Idk) and instead of trying to stay away the only thing my brain could think of was being in a relationship with him so he could rape *me*.

I don’t know why Im like this and have my suspicions (being….maybe groomed during quarantine and beginning to do discord “sw” to adults in pro-c servers) but ugh. It sucks. And at some point I thought these thoughts were happening cus I consumed kink content involving fauxcest and non-con but I was having urges like that before I really got involved in those things.