The Lord of the Rings movies but this time Bilbo’s “It’s a dangerous business going out your door,” speech runs the rest of Fellowship and both sequels as Bilbo exhaustively narrates every possible thing that might go wrong, moving into long and digressive anecdotes about excessively minor inconveniences disproportionately weighted given the subject matter and at one point literally just recites pages of The New Kuduk Dictionary of Aches and Pains: A Work Of Hobbitish Scholastic Labour wherein Strong Principles of Language and Research are duly employed to furnish the modern Hobbit with a Full and Proper Vocabulary to describe With Accuracy journeys both Near and Far by A Hobbit Gentleman . The movies play as normally, just with the Bilbo’s narration talking over the music and the foley and the dialogue. The “Well I Guess I’m Back” scene with Sam plays at it does normally, but the final scene in the movie cuts back in time to a young Frodo in a large chair in Bag End, his eyes glazed over, staring fixedly at nothing, while Bilbo, pouring fresh tea, launches into hour ten of his wise saying, which - natch - continues over the credits and the studio logos and the weirdly noisy logo movie of the DVD manufacturer.
