#himerukin

having multiple kins that are incredibly similar is so interesting. yes i am idia shroud, kanata yaotonokami, and himeru ensemble stars. if you know anything about all three of these characters, that is an almost amusingly similar trio of tragedies. i am also ai mikaze, a similar but slightly off center version of this same kin trope.

(for 7/7 please mpc!)

canon disabilities: autism, depersonalization disorder, bpd, alexithymia, and an eating disorder. don't make your entire personality the fact that you aren't a person, kids.

heehoo bee

himeru has more in common with oukawa-san than he anticipated. the situation between kohaku oukawa and his sister... himeru sees kaname and himself reflected in it. there's no doubt, with all of their similarities, that the perceptive kohaku oukawa understood himeru's position. although crazy:b worked as a team, double face, as well as oukawa-san's solo career, could have benefitted from that kind of leverage against himeru. he wonders, then, if the reason for oukawa-san's kindness in keeping his secret had anything to do with his own experiences. he won't forget this generosity. thank you, oukawa-san, for allowing himeru to fight for his brother a while longer.

(MPC, please post on or around july 7th, if possible! sorry for sending this so late!)

himeru sometimes worries that he's gone backwards in terms of recovery. first, reverting to referring to himself like this... as if he were shrinking back into the shell that is "himeru", hiding in the safety of that false identity. despite once having found a sense of self outside of the role he was set to fill, himeru is afraid, once again, to imagine what might be beyond those boundaries. then, more recently, himeru began to notice that he feels more uncomfortable with tatsumi kazehaya than before... not just that he's not able to understand or come to terms with things, but that he's now unable to look at images of tatsumi kazehaya without having a significant negative emotional response. it's even beyond what he felt in his timeline. it may just be that, having to work with tatsumi kazehaya, himeru was unable to address those feelings... and so, now, being able to express them openly, that built up distress is flooding back. but, himeru doesn't want to feel these things... he was making progress towards recovering. himeru wants to be forgiving, and to be able to grow and move on with confidence... i feel like i've let kaname down.

reading the recent "ariadne" event... the prologue scared himeru a lot, even though he knew it would be only a nightmare. the concept of himeru's true identity being revealed so suddenly was... almost a bigger fear, he wants to say, than the concept of kaname not surviving. since the moment he heard about the accident, the possibility of kaname dying due to his injuries was always in the back of himeru's mind. however, kaname's single wish was for himeru to continue the career he had left behind... if himeru had failed, that would have been devastating. as such, even the slightest chance of himeru being found out was horrifying... reading the story, those fears of his were prodded at again, even though that time period is long gone.