#hidadei

Artwork done for the @akatsuki-gift-exchange event - I was tasked to create a gift for @spoop-geist! For him I drew this Hidan and Deidara piece based on the powers and ability swap prompt given.

Some discussion on the thought process behind this under the cut:

Hidan: “Called a meeting” my ass, blondie. You got us out here by screaming that the house was on fire!

Deidara: Anyways, I think it’s more than time we address the question that’s on everyone’s minds: which one of you gets to date me?

Itachi: … Pardon?

Deidara: It’s obvious that you’re all in love with me a little, hm. But I can’t just pick one of you, so I thought we should decide it as a group.

Sasori: Brat, I have to say, as far as delusions go, this may be your biggest one yet.

Deidara: I know you’re angry about this, Danna, because we’re partners and you think your claim should be stronger than anyone else’s. But we gotta be fair to the others, hm.

Hidan: Fuck that, you can keep him, puppet-dick. I’m definitely not interested in his dumb ass! I mean if he wants to bang a few times, sure, but —

Itachi: Deidara, why am I here? You don’t even like me!

Kakuzu: I cannot see how “dating” you would do anything other than cost me time and money. Pass.

Kisame: I would eat you alive. And I don’t mean that figuratively.

Konan: No offense, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have, er, the right “parts” to interest you.

Tobi: I’d love to date Senpai … *switches to Obito voice* You and I would make beautiful music together ~

Deidara, blushing: Well, I —

Sasori: Wait a second … Deidara, are your standards so low that you would actually date this masked idiot?

Tobi, still in Obito voice: I could take care of him better than you ever could, you wooden asshole. You, or anyone else in this room.

Itachi, sarcastically: Indeed. Because if Deidara just suddenly decided to stop hating Uchiha’s, he’d pick the least talented one of the group to date.

Konan: … Who’s an Uchiha, now?

Hidan: Holy Jashin, blondie … maybe we should be dating after all. I’d feel fucking guilty leaving you with this pool of losers. 

Kakuzu: Oi, if this is going to distract you all from your missions and hinder your bringing in money, then I will date the brat after all. I’m the only one with the self-control necessary to not let personal ties interfere with business.

Kisame: Pardon me, but you’re not the only one with exceptional self control, Kakuzu-san. I believe I’m talented in that area as well.

*everyone in the group begins loudly arguing with each other*

Konan, to Deidara: So was there anyone in particular you had your mind on?

Deidara: No, hm. I was just bored.

Konan:

Deidara: Good, hm. Getting used to some things, but otherwise I think we’re both happy.

Konan: That’s great! I admit I was a bit worried when you told me you were together, considering the age difference, and the fact that he would … well, be your first for … you know, but it seems to —

Deidara: Oh, Sasori wasn’t my first for that, hm. It was Hidan.

Konan: … Hidan?!

Deidara: Yeah, hm. We both got really drunk one night after a mission, we checked into an inn, and things went from there.

Konan: I —

*Hidan walks into the room*

Hidan: Fuckin’ shocking that he didn’t want me even after having my fantastic dick.

Deidara: I barely had your dick, asshole. You were so excited you “shot off” before I even got your pants down!

Hidan: Oi, you still got it, didn’t you? Shit, you even cried!

Deidara: I cried because you puked up beer and wine all over my hair!

Hidan: You kept screaming how big it was!

Deidara: No, I kept screaming how big YOU were! You outweighed me by twenty pounds and you were crushing me, jackass!

Hidan: Really, fucker?! You —

Sasori, coming in, to Konan: Just so you know, our relationship is a lot healthier than whatever unholy abomination that would have been.