#hell seeker

(@lythecreatorart for the Hell seeks thing)

It was just an odd thing. To be in an actual home after all that time. At least that was what Zes thought that place was. She was only ten years old, but she didn't expect to be here still. The fire at the orphanage was where she figured that was it.

There wasn't any regret about what she did. Honestly, she suspected Seeker was the solution a lot of the kids were saving their money for. It said a lot that kids needed to save money just to kill the priest at the orphanage.

She just moved up the plans by doing it herself. Not like the guy left her any choice.

Even then, she was pulled from the fire to something new. He even made her clothes that were not burned or covered in blood.

The demon thing just takes some getting used to. Doubt they realize I can tell.

"Hey, you ready to talk more yet? I made breakfast." Seeker did knock first, at least. This was just a spare room after all. She had to remember that.

Zes sighed. "Still don't know why you bother."

All she got was a pat on the head and the warmest smile she's seen. This is the same unhinged man who's tied to a demon and kills people for money.

"It's not like I could have left you, kid. Even though you stole my kill." She didn't understand if he was upset about that or not.

She's really never known anyone who's that warm, actual. Not since her brother. "So what are we doing today?"

"Well, first breakfast. Then I gotta see if we can get you something else to wear." She could almost tell the shadow that's always with him was doing things.

Was he actually going to spend money on me? I don't get it. I cost him money.

He reached out his hand. For that moment, she actually thought this might be where things could be ok. "You look like you're overthinking. Just take my hand. Nothing is gonna hurt you when you're with me, kid."

I actually want to believe that.

She sighed as she grabbed it. "Ok, but I have one question?"

"What is it, kid?" Seeker asked.

"Is the demon with you just gonna stay with you, or should I just take them later?"

That question almost made Seeker topple over, wheezing. She could tell the demon was always around him. It just formed almost like a shadow. Suppose that was a skill that would have been useful if a church wanted her.

Not like she would trust the church or the system ever again.

(5 years later.)

Zes wakes from the dream with almost a sad nostalgia. The empty pit in her stomach was still there. At least it was a dream about better times. The fox was asleep at the foot of her bed.

Her own demon that she made a deal with. He was great at helping her still keep this place since what happened with her dad.

I still don't know if I should be mad or just sad. I said I was gonna find a way to see him again. Even if it meant going to hell early. Knelt has already made things a little harder since I have to live a full life with our deal. Not like I would be in heaven anyway.

"I miss you every day, Dad." She whispered to the photo she had on her dresser. She wanted to be mad that he died when he promised things would be ok. Just...she would like him back more than anything else.

(We return to the Helluvaverse au. look I'm back in form so @lythecreatorart. This ones on you too.)

Zes had told the fox to give her some privacy. She's heard it before. Always pick your words. If she was going to continue on this path, then that kind of anger would hurt someone. She knew that all too well.

Right there was a private memorial. Well, she did have a place at home for that. This was just something she set up so there would be something in this world. Something that proved her dad lived and died.

"Kinda weird to be talking to you now, Dad. Especially since I know I'm going to see you again." This is what most people would do when visiting graves. Not like there was a body left to be here.

The small shrine only had a few words. Seeker. Where he left his keeper will be in his shadow.

I'm still pissed about that demon. That anger is justified, dammit.

She sighed and sat down next to the headstone. Already, she saw some of the flowers were beginning to grow in the area. The secret spot she found with her brother just kept on giving even now.

“It's not like anyone told me you died. Was always kinda different. The fox probably knows the real answer. Just one day, it was freezing. Then there was this deep bit, like I couldn't breathe. Like I lost something important again." She sets her guitar down.

Sometimes I would like a real answer as to how it happened. Yet I also don't want to know. Either way, it's still the universe's biggest joke on me.

She gave a pathetic chuckle. "Finally, I have a place to call my own. I got comfortable, and this happens. Fuck me, I guess. I know, it's no one's fault. Just shit happens. I got a demon too, you know."

This turned into a conversation she would actually have with her dad. "Probably would make you laugh to hear the story. I was trying to summon keeper. It's not like I was planning to ask much. I just wanted to know the real facts. Even if I did get his summon correct, I highly doubt he would have come to talk to me."

I guess I can't blame Keeper if he was busy. Dad is in hell. He would need all the help he could get.

"I tried summoning Keeper, and then I got a fox demon. His name is Knelt. I mean, yeah, I did sell him my soul. It's just what he requires to live a full life. Not many can say they sold their soul, now they are cursed with a care demon." Well, the more she worked towards her goal, the more she saw the point. She still thinks this world is a fucking joke.

It would just hurt her dad if she died too soon.

Things felt like they were before in these little moments. Talking like this almost felt like that cold pit in her never happened. "He's interested in the human world, so I think that's his bonus. That and he can put on a decent human disguise. Keeps the government from finding out. Way better than Keeper staying as a shadow."

It’s almost feeling like the connection reforged. Maybe I just need more sleep.

"I don't know if you're ever gonna hear these words, Dad. If by some chance these words reach hell, or even if I still feel like talking to you when I find you again. There is still a part of me that's very angry. That's one of the signs of grief, right, anger."

She sighed. "I had every reason to doubt. No one wanted me in the orphanage. Yet you pulled me out of the fire, so I should come with you. Like it's the most natural thing ever. When you promised things would be ok. I believed you."

"But you promised! That's why I believed for those years we were a family. That was what it was like to not be alone." At this point, she won't hold back the tears

I have Knelt, but it's not the same. I don't get to wake up to pancakes or those stupid jokes that made me laugh. To a warm home that just felt like basking in a blazing sun. Why am I just thinking this and not saying it? I should say it here. That way, I won't say it and fuck things up when I do see dad again.

She sighs. "Knelt is with me, but he doesn't really get human stuff. Well, not like you are a shining example. I just miss those pancakes. The puns that made us laugh for hours. How warm each hug ended up being everything. Fuck, the fox actually brought me road kill once, and my first thought was if you knew how to cook it. It just makes me miss the simplest things that were in my life."

“So yeah, how fucking dare you for making me a home and leaving like that. How fucking dare you make me miss these things that are never coming back. How fucking dare you make me miss you so much that I go back to being cold with people."

At this point, the crying is in full force. Her personality was always more open. From what she read, every type of empath gets hurt like this easily. It's why she went back to being distant with people. The fox tries, but it's just not as effortless to trust that like it was with dad.

"I don't hate you. I don't blame you. I just want to see you again. Not some dumb photo. I want to talk to you more. Not like with this stupid memorial. I keep thinking that if I don't keep everything safe, then someday I'll forget what you looked like. I don't want to forget your words, Dad."

~You always told me I'd be okay. Well, I'll be ok, though I'm not ok today. But my tears won't fall upon your shoulders. I'll just get older, and you'll only know my name.