#grumpy universe

mummy pickups were rare. only really reserved for off days or off season. they were special ones.

so on a random tuesday, the clouds grey and unpleasant as you lined up with other kids in your class, all wrapped up in warm coats and your backpack hanging off your shoulder shuffling towards the playground.

you were already lined up with the other kids, a slower step in your walk as the day had tired you out. you were already half-turned ready to spot familiar faces or a familiar laugh.

but then you saw.

saw the familiar blonde hair. your mummy. sunglasses on, hoddie pulled up and trying very hard to blend in and failing completely.

you stopped dead as your teacher called your name to help you spot who was collecting you. "MUMMY?" you spiralled, voice going an octave higher than usual.

alessia barely had time to open her arms before you launched yourself forward, backpack bouncing wildly as you ran. the teacher looking up with a warm smile as you ran towards your mummy.

"mummy! you're here!"

"i'm here, baby," alessia laughed, dropping into a crouch just in time to catch you, "i said i'd try, didn't i?"

you wrapped yourself around her like an octopus, legs squeezing tight as your face buried in your mummy's neck. to anyone else they'd think she'd been gone on a week long trip when in reality she kissed you goodbye as your nonna picked you up to take you to school this morning.

"i thought nonna was pickin' me up. she said dat this mornin'" you said, muffled. "i was gonna tell her about my book that we are learnin' bout!"

"well, you can still tell me," alessia said softly, lifting you properly as you settled on her hip like it was the most natural thing in the world and it was. "i'd love to hear all about it!"

you pulled back, eyes shining, "it bout a this big monster..." you began trailing off in big amounts of detail. your arms flying around as you spoke. alessia listening with a smile.

"wow, that sounds like quite the story" alessia smiled, her heart warm in her chest.

you waved some of your friends and your teacher goodbye as you still clung to your mummy like she might disappear if you let go.

once the two of you were through the gate and heading down the pavement, alessia set you down gently but you kept hold of her hand with both of yours.

"are you really taking me home?” you asked, suspiciously as sometimes your mummy would pick you up but then have to rush off somewhere else and do boring ‘adult things’ as she would tell you.

"i really am." alessia smiled as you looked up at your mummy your brow relaxing slightly but still not fully convinced

"all the way?" you asked just making sure as you both walked down the street and closer to your home.

"all the way." alessia echoed as that seemed to do it as you let out a content hum, you swinging your hand back and forth with your mummy’s

"what about your football?” you asked, cause the usual reason mummy couldn’t pick you up everyday from school was because her training finished at the same time you would finish school.

"we finished early today” alessia smiled, knowing it was the first thing that sprung to mind when wondering what to do with her early finish.

you gasped dramatically. "so this is a surprise pick-up."

"it sure is, lovie”

you beamed, wide. you liked when your mummy picked you up. "the best kind."

you skipped alongside alessia, excitement spilling out of her in bursts. "nonna picks me up slow," you explained, hopping over a crack in the pavement. "cause she talks to everyone. and nonno always brings me snacks and uncle gio lets me sit on his shoulders cause he walks too fast."

“uncle gio does walk like a giant doesn’t he?” alessia said drawing a string of laugher from you before asking “and me?"

you thought carefully. "you are the best, duh." alessia laughed, shaking her head. "high praise that is lovie!”

you walked past the small park which wasn’t far from your house and a one you often spent time in with your uncles after school. you tugged at your mummy’s sleeve. "we go later? cause i wanna show you where i scored against uncle luca the other day!”

"we can," alessia smiled, moving a bit of your hair out of your face, as your walking was starting to slow. "if you've got the energy."

"i do," you said confidently even though the two of you were definitely walking slower than when you came out the school gates. but then, quieter, "but i like just walking with you."

that did something to alessia. she squeezed your hand, thumb brushing over your small knuckles. "me too, lovie."

as they turned onto their street, you leaned into your mummy’s side, excitement finally settling into something softer, calmer.

"mummy?" you asked.

"yeah?"

"can you pick me up again tomorrow?"

not unusual clingy. not the kind where you needed help finding your shoes or wanted leah to fix your wonky ponytail. this was different.

every time leah moved, you seemed to appear beside her. when leah wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast, you climbed onto a stool at the island and watched her crack eggs into a bowl.

when leah crossed the room to grab something from the fridge, you hopped down and followed. by the time breakfast was ready, you were practically leaning against leah's leg.

leah glanced down as she stirred the eggs. "morning, shadow."

you wrapped both arms around her knee without hesitation. "mornin'."

"what're you doing down there?" leah asked with a small laugh.

"huggin'."

"clearly."

"'cause i wanted to." you said quietly, the answer was simple enough, but it made leah smile.

normally you would have been chatting non-stop by now, telling your mama about a dream you'd had or asking a hundred random questions before nine in the morning.

instead you seemed perfectly content just being close.

the pattern continued throughout the morning. leah disappeared upstairs to get dressed and heard little footsteps following her a few seconds later.

by the time she'd reached her bedroom, you were standing in the doorway watching her pull clothes from her wardrobe.

"you okay, angel?" leah asked, tugging a jumper over her head.

"yep." you answered in the same quiet tone as you leant against the doorway.

"you're staring at me."

"no i'm not."

"you definitely are."

a tiny smile tugged at your lips before disappearing almost as quickly as it arrived. leah noticed it. she also noticed how quickly the smile faded.

usually once you started giggling it snowballed into full-blown chaos. today, though, you simply stayed where you were, lingering quietly in the doorway.

even when leah brushed her teeth, she caught sight of your little blonde head in the mirror. you sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor, chin resting on her knees as you swung esme the elephant around in circles.

leah pulled the toothbrush from her mouth. "you know this is weird, right?"

"a little bit." you said quietly, continuing throwing your esme the elephant in the air.

"a little bit?" leah echoed as you hummed.

"maybe a lot." that earned a proper laugh from both of you, but once again the moment passed quickly. the giggle faded and you settled back into silence, still hovering nearby as though you couldn't quite bear being in another room.

the thing was, you had seemed absolutely fine all weekend. alessia had left on friday morning just before you were going to school, for ella's hen.

after many hugs, kisses, many promises to facetime, one dramatic declaration from you that's you'd miss your mummy forever and not to forgot alessia's ramble of do's and don'ts for the weekend - alessia finally made it on her way for her weekend away.

since then there had been movie nights, pancakes, facetime's before bed and enough sweets to make alessia question leah's parenting choices when she got home.

but despite all of that, something felt different today.

but by the time they were getting ready to leave for sunday dinner at leah's parents' house, you had managed to remain within arm's reach for almost the entire morning.

leah was sitting on the sofa pulling on her trainers when she felt a familiar weight press against her side. looking down, she found you once again attached to her arm.

"what am i going to do with you?" leah asked fondly, pressing a kiss to your hair which had spent her too long doing

you just shrugged. "keep me."

"oh, is that the plan?" leah laughed lightly at your innocent response.

"yep."

"just keep you?"

"yep, forever."

leah laughed and crouched down in front of her, brushing a stray loose strand of blonde hair back into place. "sounds expensive."

that finally earned a proper grin.

"you excited for your sunday dinner?" leah asked, knowing you quite like the odd sunday when football games didn't fall on those days where you'd just be surrounded by family, a trait which you definitely got from your mummy.

you nodded immediately. "yeah!"

"see grandma and grandad?"

another nod.

"the cousins?"

"yep."

leah smiled. "going to see henry."

the reaction was tiny. so small most people would have missed it entirely. the smile faltered for a split second, you shoulders drooping before you quickly straightened again. "yeah."

leah frowned slightly. "everything okay, angel?"

you nodded so quickly it was almost suspicious. "yep."

"you sure? you can tell mama if somethings wrong"

"i sure."

this time you wouldn't meet leah's eyes, focusing instead on the zip of your jacket. leah had the distinct feeling she was missing something important, but before she could ask again, you reached out and grabbed her hand.

"we go now?"

leah looked down at the little fingers wrapped tightly around hers and squeezed gently.

"come on then angel"

you immediately brightened and followed her out to the car, still holding onto leah's hand. neither of you realised that by the end of the day, leah would finally understand why her little shadow hadn't wanted to let her out of sight all morning.

—

sunday dinners with the williamson's were rarely quiet.

the house was already buzzing by the time leah pulled onto the driveway. even from outside she could see movement through the windows and hear the faint sound of voices carrying out every time the front door opened.

it was the same every sunday; loud, chaotic and completely impossible to escape a conversation for more than five minutes.

the moment leah opened the front door, the familiar warmth hit her. the smell of roast potatoes, gravy and freshly baked yorkshire puddings drifted from the kitchen, mixing with the sounds of laughter coming from what seemed like every room in the house.

her dad was carrying a stack of plates towards the dining room while attempting to have a conversation over his shoulder. amanda was standing in the kitchen doorway directing people around despite nobody actually listening to her instructions.

leah's grandmother was settled comfortably in her favourite armchair, issuing orders from afar with the confidence of somebody who knew everyone would eventually do what she wanted anyway.

you stepped inside beside leah, your hand still tucked securely in leah's. usually you'd already be halfway through the house by now with alessia calling ahead for you to slow down as you would race off to find someone to play with or investigating whatever snacks were sitting unattended on the kitchen counter.

today you lingered close, letting leah hang her coat up before slowly following her further inside.

"there's my girls!" amanda appeared almost instantly, pulling leah into a quick hug before crouching down to greet you properly.

"hello, sweetheart."

"hi, nana." you said quietly as you hugged her, the smell of home cooking surrounding you.

amanda smiled immediately but even she seemed to notice the quieter-than-usual greeting, but before she could comment, a familiar voice echoed from somewhere deeper in the house.

"leah!"

the next thing leah knew, her five-year-old cousin henry came hurtling around the corner at alarming speed.

"woah buddy!" leah barely had time to brace herself before he crashed into her legs. she laughed, steadying him with both hands before he sent himself sprawling onto the floor. "there he is."

henry grinned up at her proudly. "guess what le!"

"should i be worried?" leah asked as you sat quietly on the floor taking your shoes off, pulling lightly at the laces.

"no!" the answer came far too quickly.

leah narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "that wasn't convincing." as an excited giggle came from henry.

but then, finally, he spotted you sat not far from leah. his face lit up immediately. "y/n!"

usually that was all it took. usually the two children would disappear before any adult could stop the two of you. you'd both spend the afternoon building dens, making up games or getting yourselves into enough mischief that somebody inevitably ended up apologising for the two of you later.

today, though, you didn't run forward. didn't throw your arms around him. didn't immediately start asking questions.

instead you offered a small smile. "hi, henry" henry just blinked. the greeting wasn't rude. just... quiet. different an even leah noticed it.

for a second henry seemed unsure what to do with that response then his excitement took over again. "come see my lego!"

before leah could answer, henry had already grabbed her hand. "made loads of new stuff."

"oh yeah?" leah laughed lightly as henry rambled on about his lego creations, you hanging by leah quietly.

henry simply laughed and started tugging her towards the living room. "come on!"

and because leah hadn't seen him properly in weeks, leah allowed herself to be dragged along. family gatherings were one of the few places she got to see some of her younger cousins and extended family regularly, and henry had always had a habit of making sure she saw every single one of his latest creations.

"alright, alright," leah laughed. "show me then." henry took off immediately and leah followed behind him and a few steps behind leah came you, quiet. silent almost as if you wouldn't know you were there unless you seen her.

your small trainers padded softly against the floorboards as you trailed after them while henry excitedly chattered away about dinosaurs and spaceships you simple listened.

watching henry cling to leah's arm. watching leah laugh at whatever story he was telling. watching him pull her attention away over and over again.

at first nobody noticed: not henry, not leah, not any of the adults who were busy preparing dinner.

but you noticed and you followed them into the living room, something uncomfortable settled quietly in her chest. a feeling you didn't quite understand yet.

only that every time henry made leah smile, you seemed to feel it a little bit more. at first nobody noticed, not really.

there were too many people in the house and too much noise for anyone to pay attention to the fact that one little girl wasn't quite herself.

the living room was full of overlapping conversations, the kitchen even louder as people drifted in and out stealing roast potatoes before dinner was ready.

every surface seemed occupied by a family member, and somewhere in the middle of it all henry was enthusiastically showing leah every single lego creation he'd built since she'd last visited.

to everyone else, it probably looked completely normal. henry was excited, leah was catching up with family.

the house was loud, busy and full of people who all wanted a piece of her attention. so nobody thought twice about it. you tried not to either.

you followed them into the living room and sat quietly while henry launched into an explanation about a complicated lego spaceship. leah listened with a smile, asking questions and making the appropriate impressed noises whenever he pointed out a feature he was particularly proud of.

you sat nearby on the sofa, eyes drifting between leah and henry and the programme on the tv which you couldn't really understand as it wasn't your usual cartoon watch.

every now and then you'd think about joining the conversation, opening you mouth only to close it again when henry immediately started talking over the top of whatever leah had been about to say.

it happened once, then twice and then again. eventually you stopped trying.

when henry proudly placed the spaceship in leah's hands, leah gasped dramatically. "that's actually brilliant."

"i know." he smiled proudly as leah inspected the small lego creation.

"you built all this yourself?" henry nodded so enthusiastically leah thought his head might fall off. you watched the exchange from your seat on the sofa.

normally you'd be climbing all over leah by now. normally you'd be sitting pressed against her side, helping examine the lego or proudly showing off whatever you’d built too.

instead you remained where you were. quiet and almost invisible as you held your esme the elephant just that little bit tighter.

as the afternoon continued, the feeling sitting inside your chest started growing. not enough to make you cry. not enough to make a fuss.

just enough to make everything feel a little bit wrong.

when henry climbed onto the sofa beside leah, you settled herself on the other side of the sofa, still close enough to be near her. not close enough to compete

you pulled at the sleeve of your jumper while listening to henry chatter away beside you. every few minutes he'd grab leah's arm to show her something else, and every single time leah's attention immediately shifted back to him.

not because she was doing anything wrong. not because she was ignoring you.

but because henry was four years old and excited and desperate to show somebody all the things he'd been waiting weeks to share.

still, you noticed. you noticed every time.

when henry made leah laugh, you found yourself staring at the carpet. when henry leaned against her shoulder, you shuffled slightly further away. when henry demanded her attention again, you looked down at her hands.

nobody noticed; not henry, not leah. not even you fully understood why you felt the way you did. you just knew there was a strange ache sitting beneath her ribs.

but because it wasn't really about henry. not entirely anyways. henry was your friend, your cousin. most days you adored him and most times you saw him the two of you were inseparable.

this ache feeling had started before you left your house with your mama. it had started when you'd woken up that morning and realised your mummy still wasn't home two days ago.

to most people that wasn't very long but to a five year old it was enormous. the house had felt different without alessia there. bedtime was different, breakfast had felt different.

even facetiming your mummy hadn't quite fixed the problem because every call ended the same way, with alessia saying goodbye and promising she'd be home soon as you sat with a pout and sad eyes.

soon felt like forever when you were five. you'd tried to be brave about it, you smiled during the facetime calls. you'd tell mummy about your day, you'd laugh when your mummy showed the ridiculous costumes she'd convinced ella to wear.

but every time the call ended, you felt that little empty space all over again. the place where your mummy should have been. and now, sitting in a crowded living room full of people, that feeling seemed even bigger.

because usually when you missed your mummy, your mama was there. leah would be the person you curled up beside, the person you followed around the house, the person who always seemed to know when something was wrong.

but only leah was busy, not on purpose and definitely not because she didn't care. just because henry wanted her attention too.

and for the first time all weekend, you found yourself wondering whether there was enough of leah to go around and that thought made your stomach twist.

so instead of saying anything, you simply sat quietly now with a colouring book and some pencils glancing over every time henry made leah laugh again. the ache in your chest growing just a little heavier each time.

by lunchtime, leah's mum, amanda had started to notice something was off. not enough to say anything at first. just the little things.

the way you weren't running around causing chaos with henry like you usually would be, the way you sat quietly colouring in longer than you usually would be. the way you seemed to be watching leah more than participating in whatever was going on around her.

amanda had spent enough years raising children to know when one was carrying around feelings they didn't quite know how to explain. still, she kept an eye on things and waited.

by dinner, leah's grandma had noticed too. the entire family was squeezed around the dining table, conversations overlapping from one end to the other.

plates were being passed around, somebody was arguing about football, and amanda was trying unsuccessfully to stop people stealing roast potatoes before everyone had been served.

through all of it, leah's granmda sat quietly observing. she'd always been good at that. while everyone else got caught up in the noise, she noticed the things people missed.

and right now, she was watching two children sitting at opposite ends of the table or more specifically, she was watching one child and one very distracted adult.

henry was halfway through explaining something incredibly important about dinosaurs. at least, incredibly important according to him. "and then the t-rex bites him," he announced dramatically.

leah nodded with complete seriousness. "seems a bit rude."

"it wasn't rude." henry said as he pushed more food onto his fork.

"no?" leah asked as henry shook his head finished what was in his mouth before speaking.

"he was hungry."

"fair enough."

henry grinned triumphantly before immediately launching into another explanation. leah listened patiently, occasionally asking questions or pretending to be shocked by whatever twist the story took next.

the entire exchange was harmless. sweet, even but sitting three seats away was you and leah's grandma could see exactly what nobody else could.

every time henry spoke, you looked towards your mama. every time leah laughed, your eyes followed. every time henry tugged on leah's sleeve to get her attention, you seemed to sink a little further into her chair.

you weren’t throwing a tantrum, wasn't sulking. wasn't demanding attention. that was what made it so obvious. you were trying very hard not to let anyone know you were upset.

leah's grandma's heart immediately softened. she glanced across the table towards amanda. "you seeing what i'm seeing?"

amanda followed her gaze and at first she looked confused. but then her eyes landed on you and suddenly she saw it too. "oh."

"exactly." for a moment neither woman spoke, they simply watched.

watched as you pushed a pea around your plate without eating it. watched you force polite little smiles whenever someone spoke to you. watched you glance towards leah every few seconds without even seeming to realise she was doing it.

most importantly, they watched what happened whenever henry got leah's attention. because every single time, your shoulders seemed to droop, just a little. just enough.

enough for two mothers to spot it immediately. "bless her," amanda murmured quietly as leah's grandma hummed in agreement.

thea older woman took a sip of tea before speaking again. "she's jealous."

amanda considered it for a second and normally she would've laughed at the idea. you adored henry. the two children spent most family gatherings joined at the hip.

but looking at you now...

watching the way you kept staring towards leah...

watching the way you looked so much smaller than usual...

amanda slowly nodded. "yeah maybe." leah's grandma continued watching. "not really of henry"

"no."

"just what he has." amanda's expression softened. because she understood exactly what the other women meant.

henry had leah's attention, not all of it. as leah had continuously tried to involve you but you just seemed so sullen.

but henry had enough of leah's attention and today, that mattered. especially for a little girl who'd spent the entire weekend missing her mummy.

amanda glanced towards the empty chair alessia usually occupied whenever they came for dinner then back towards you. the pieces clicked together almost instantly. "and she's missing her mum."

that made leah's grandma sigh because of course she was.

alessia had only been gone a couple of days, but to a five-year-old those couple of days probably felt enormous. the facetime calls helped, the reassurances helped.

but they weren't the same as having your mum there to cuddle into at bedtime. they weren't the same as hearing her laugh from the next room.

amanda looked back at you again. you were now staring down at her yorkshire pudding, absentmindedly poking at it with your fork. not eating. not joining the conversation. not asking your usual questions. not being herself.

the contrast was impossible to miss once you saw it.

"both," amanda agreed quietly and for a few moments they simply watching you. neither of them liking the sadness they saw there.

because underneath the jealousy and the clinginess and the quietness was something much simpler. you weren't angry. you weren't being difficult. you were just a little girl who missed her mummy.

and who, for the first time all day, was starting to wonder if you might be losing some of leah's attention too.

amanda's gaze shifted towards her daughter. completely oblivious. still listening to henry explain dinosaurs as though it was the most fascinating conversation she'd ever had.

amanda shook her head affectionately. "that girl hasn't got a clue, has she?"

leah's grandma snorted into her tea. "not a single clue."

"think we should mention it?"

leah's grandma looked back towards you. the little girl chose that exact moment to glance towards leah again. a tiny, hopeful look crossing your face before henry immediately demanded her attention once more.the hope disappeared just as quickly.

leah's grandma expression softened. "oh i think we'd better."

—

leah was helping clear plates when amanda finally decided enough was enough.

dinner had mostly finished, people beginning to drift back towards the living room with cups of tea and half-finished conversations. you were back colouring in, concentrating on staying perfectly in the line.

leah was standing at the kitchen counter stacking plates when she felt her mum appear beside her. amanda didn't say anything at first. just nodded towards the doorway. "you need to go talk to tiny."

leah blinked. "what?"

amanda simply gave her a look and tilted her head towards the living room again. leah followed her gaze automatically and immediately her stomach dropped.

you lying by yourself in the far corner, colouring but not talking, not following henry around, not doing much of anything really. instead just a shell of yourself sitting there small and quiet

the sight hit leah harder than she expected. "what's wrong?"

amanda folded her arms. "you tell me."

leah frowned and looked again. really looked this time and suddenly she saw everything she'd somehow managed to miss all day.

the way your shoulders seemed permanently slumped. the way you'd barely spoken throughout dinner. the way your eyes kept drifting towards leah every few minutes before quickly looking away again. the way you'd spent the entire afternoon hovering nearby without ever actually joining in.

waiting and watching.

leah groaned softly and scrubbed a hand across her face. "oh no." amanda just nodded knowingly.

"i've been an idiot." leah whispered a wave of guilt spreading across her immediately.

amanda's expression softened immediately. "no, you've been distracted."

leah still looked guilty. "same thing."

amanda squeezed her arm. "then fix it." and leah she didn't need telling twice.

she found you exactly where she'd been left. lying in the corner with your colouring but you were colouring slow as if your mind was not really in it.

the television was on in the background, everyone was talking around you moving in and out to go and get dessert but somehow you seemed completely separate from all of it.

lost in your own little world, leah's chest tightened. "hey angel"

you looked up immediately. the sad expression disappeared so quickly leah almost thought she'd imagined it.

"hi." you said quietly dropping the blue pencil that was previously in your hand on the page and sitting up.

leah sat beside you. close enough that her shoulders touched yours. neither of you spoke for a moment. leah simply sat there quietly, letting you settle into her presence.

eventually she nudged you gently with her shoulder. "you alright?" you just shrugged, the kind of shrug that wasn't actually an answer.

leah smiled softly. "wanna tell me what's going on?"

for a few moments you simply stared at the carpet and leah waited patiently. she'd learned a long time ago that rushing children rarely got you anywhere.

eventually, in a voice so quiet leah almost missed it;

"when's mummy coming home?"

the question caught her completely off guard but for a second all the pieces clicked together. the clinginess that morning. the quietness all afternoon. the sadness. the jealousy.

it wasn't just henry. it had never just been henry.

leah's expression immediately softened. "oh, angel." you kept your eyes fixed firmly on the floor as though you were embarrassed you'd even asked.

"tonight."

the reaction was instant, your head snapped up. "as in tonight, tonight?"

leah couldn't help smiling. "yeah."

"what time?"

"i'm not actually sure."

you frowned immediately. "that's not a time."

leah laughed, as she held you just that little bit tighter,  "no, i suppose it isn't."

you considered leah's answer carefully, "will it be dark?"

"probably."

"really dark?"

"probably really dark."

you let out the most dramatic sigh leah had ever heard. the kind of sigh only a five-year-old could manage. leah reached over and smoothed a hand through your blonde hair. "you miss her?"

a tiny nod.

"i just wanted mummy."

the words shattered leah's heart. not because they were dramatic. not because you were crying but because of how simple they were. honest and raw. the kind of truth children delivered without even trying.

leah immediately opened her arms. "c'mere angel." you practically climbed into her lap as though you'd been waiting for permission all day.

leah wrapped both arms around you and immediately felt the little girl melt against her chest. there it was. the thing you'd been looking for all afternoon.

comfort and safety.

the place you always ended up whenever something felt too big. leah rested her cheek against soft blonde hair. "you know she misses you too, right?"

"yeah."

"she probably talked about you every five minutes." leah said as she rubbed a hand against your back a tiny smile appeared on your face, "really?"

"oh definitely."

"even with auntie ella?"

leah laughed quietly. "especially with auntie ella."

that finally earned a proper giggle. small but real. the first one leah heard in hours. for a moment she thought that might be the end of it.

then she looked down and noticed something still lingering behind your eyes. a hesitation, a worry. something you hadn't quite said out loud yet and suddenly leah understood.

"angel." you looked up. "did you think i was spending more time with henry than you today?"

the silence answered before you did. you immediately looked away chewing slightly on your bottom lip.

"oh angel." leah cooed, she felt awful, absolutely awful. because now she could see it from your perspective.

missing your mum all weekend. coming somewhere familiar looking for comfort then watching henry monopolise leah's attention for most of the day. of course you'd felt pushed aside.

"you know i love henry, don't you?" leah spoke quietly but with a sense of rawness. you gave a small nod. "he's family."

you nodded again and leah gently lifted your chin until those familiar blue eyes met hers. "but so are you."

you blinked and leah smiled softly. "actually." she brushed a piece of blonde hair behind your ear. "you're my girl, my angel."

instantly your lip wobbled and leah felt her own chest ache because somehow those five words always seemed to mean everything.

a tear threatened to spill from the corner of your eye. leah your her forehead immediately. "you don't have to compete with henry." another kiss. "you don't have to compete with anybody."

and another. "i've got enough love for all of you."

that was all it took. you buried your face in leah's shoulder and wrapped both arms tightly around her waist. leah held you just as tightly back.

holding you close. holding you safely. holding you exactly where you should have been all day.

—

the difference afterwards was immediate. the heaviness seemed to disappear from you almost entirely.

you smiled more. talked more.even joined in when henry came over to show everyone another dinosaur fact he'd apparently learned.

most importantly, you stopped watching leah from across the room because now she was right beside you. where she wanted to be.

when the family migrated back into the living room, you followed. when leah sat down, you immediately tucked herself against her side.

when henry wandered over carrying another toy dinosaur, you simply leaned into leah's shoulder and listened rather than retreating into yourself.

much happier, much lighter.

to his credit, even henry eventually noticed. "tiny tired."

leah looked down at the young practically draped across her side. "aren't we all buddy?"

by eight o'clock, you were barely functioning. your eyes kept drifting shut mid-conversation. every few minutes your head would slowly droop onto leah's shoulder before jerking awake again.

the entire family found it endlessly entertaining. "she's fighting for her life over there," holly, leah's cousin whispered.

leah laughed quietly, you glared at them all then yawned so hard your eyes watered but five minutes later you'd lost the battle completely.

curled underneath a blanket against leah's side. one tiny hand wrapped firmly around the sleeve of leah's jumper as though you needed physical proof that leah wasn't going anywhere.

leah glanced down, you were already asleep. long eyelashes resting against flushed cheeks. mouth slightly open, breathing slow and steady. completely out cold.

across the room amanda smiled knowingly. "there she is."

leah looked up. "what?" amanda nodded towards the sleeping child. "our tiny."

leah followed her gaze back down. at you who trusted her enough to fall asleep wrapped around her side. you who had spent the entire weekend missing your mum. you who had worried there wasn't enough room for you in leah’s heart.

and you who had finally fallen asleep feeling safe again. something warm settled in leah's chest.

leah leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. "always has been."

almost as if you'd heard her, you made a sleepy little noise and immediately snuggled even closer. the entire room laughed softly, leah just smiled then settled deeper into the sofa.

because there was absolutely no chance she was moving now, she'd think about how to get you in the car later on. but she wasn't moving, not right now. not when a sleepy little girl had chosen her as the safest place in the room.

sarina was talking tactics, but her mind kept drifting to you, your whirlwind energy currently under the dubious supervision of niamh charles and aggie beever-jones.

alessia had left you and the two chelsea players in the lounge fully equipped with snacks, crayons, and what alessia had thought were simple instructions: no sugar, no chaos, and please no teaching you any new chants that would be used to wake her up on her days off.

leah caught alessia fidgeting from across the table, giving her that soft, knowing smile. "she'll be fine, less. it's aggie and niamh, their both sensible not the bloody joker and harley quinn."

alessia raised an eyebrow going her girlfriend a pointed look. "you've clearly never seen them together for longer than ten minutes."

leah chuckled quietly, reaching over to squeeze alessia's hand beneath the table. "they adore her. what is the worst that could happen?"

the answer to leah's question arrived an hour later.

as soon as alessia stepped out of the meeting room, the sound of your little laughter was echoing down the hallway. the sharp, melodic giggle that made everyone nearby grin instinctively. relief started to flood alessia for a second.. until she saw you.

you were running to your mummy, arms open, your little curls bouncing as your cheeks were flushed with delight and now dressed head to toe in blue and not the light pink tracksuit alessia had dressed you in this morning.

"mummy, look!" you squealed, sliding slightly to stop yourself as you twirled in the slightly oversized shirt. "aggie and niamh got me a new blue football kit!"

alessia blinked. once, then again, twice. then her eyes dropped to the small crest on the chest of the shirt.

the unmistakable lion and badge. it wasn't just any blue. it was chelsea blue.

"oh my god-" her voice came out as a whisper. "you didn't" alessia turned slowly, eyes wide to where niamh and aggie both stood clearly trying and failing not to burst out laughing.

"we was playing dress up, she wanted to be the blue team" niamh said quickly, hands up in mock surrender.

as aggie chimed in, "we've been in need for a little mascot, and niamh's had this kit for ages, so we just.."

"you just what, took advantage of the fact the she can't read properly?" alessia said, eyes wide. "you've actually put my child in chelsea gear?"

your grin only grew wider. "mummy, aggie say it's local team! i blue team now!"

that did it. the words blue team felt like a dagger to the heart of every arsenal fan within earshot even if you had been told a white lie of the team it was, as if you'd known you would have down right refused.

but before alessia could even process the absurdity of it, another voice sharp, clipped, and unmistakably protective cut through the corridor like a dagger

"take that off her. now."

leah.

her water bottle clinked as it hit against her phone like thunder as she marched toward them, expression unreadable except for the dangerous flicker in her eyes that said someone (probably two someones) were about to be in serious trouble.

"le," alessia began gently, trying to sound calm, "it's fine, it's just harmless—"

but leah was already crouched in front of you, her jaw tightening as she stared down the badge on your chest.

"angel," leah said, voice low but stern, "where did you get this?"

you pointed helpfully. "ags! niamh! they say blue team is good!"

"that blue team is chelsea," leah said, eyes flicking upward to the guilty duo. "and chelsea is not good, cause we arsenal"

aggie snorted under her breath. "depends who you ask."

leah's glare could've frozen lava. your little face scrunched in confusion. "not good? blue pretty!”

leah exhaled, softening instantly at your innocent tone. leah brushed a curl from your forehead, her hand gentling. "blue is pretty, darling. but not that blue. that blue means chelsea. and because we're arsenal, we don't wear chelsea.”

you gasped dramatically, clapping your hands over your mouth as it started to click, your eyes glancing at the familiar badge now. "oh no. mummy, i wear bad blue?"

alessia bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to laugh. "it's okay, baby. you didn't know, a certain duo have been telling you fibs."

"but—now mama angry?" you whispered, glancing at leah nervously.

leah sighed, her expression cracking into a reluctant smile. "no, i’m not angry with you, angel. angry with them." she nodded toward aggie and niamh.

"hey! we were just having a laugh!" niamh protested. "didn't think she'd—"

"didn’t think she'd what?" leah snapped lightly. "parade through camp in chelsea colours?"

"she looked happy!" aggie offered. "less said to make sure she’s happy!"

"happy is arsenal red," leah shot back without missing a beat.

that finally broke alessia, who let out a snort of laughter she couldn't contain. leah’s eyes narrowed at her. "don’t you start, less. you of all people..”

"le," alessia managed between giggles, "you're acting like she joined the club."

"she might as well have!" leah said indignantly, still clutching the offending shirt like it was evidence of treason.

—

later that night, after everyone had bantered leah over the millions of photos aggie and niamh had took of you in the chelsea shirt. it was now just the three of them in their room, own little bubble.

alessia was brushing your hair while leah sat cross-legged on the bed, still muttering under her breath about "corrupting influences" and "bad colour choices."

"mama?" you said sleepily, peering up at her. "you forgive me for blue?"

leah’s features softened completely. she reached out and pulled you into her lap, pressing a kiss into your hair. "there’s nothing to forgive, angel. you didn't know. it was just... a silly joke."

you nodded, cuddling in. "i love red best. i arsenal girl foreva’”

alessia smiled from across the room, watching leah melt under the weight of those sleepy curls and earnest words.

when you finally drifted off, tucked in with your esme and little gunnersaurus teddy, alessia climbed into bed beside leah, who was still staring at the discarded chelsea shirt lying in the corner thinking of a way to get rid of it.

"you know," alessia teased quietly, "you might be the only person in camp who took this personally."

leah shot her a sideways glance. "she’s our little gunner, lessi. she wears red. end of."

alessia laughed softly, leaning her head on leah’s shoulder. "god help us when you see her baby photos of her in manchester red then..”

alessia was leaning against the railing, sunglasses perched on her nose, hair damp from the salty breeze as the sun shone on her toned legs. behind her, leah was stretching out on a sunbed, one arm casually thrown over her face, the other scrolling lazily on her phone.

but the real energy came from the smallest member of the family.

"mummy! mama! look at the splashes!" you squealed, your curls lightened from the sun as you bounced as you looked over the side of the boat.

safely secured in your bright pink life jacket covered in cartoon turtles that you had chosen from the small shop around the corner from the villa you were staying in.

you slapped your tiny hands against the railing with excitement as the boat slowed, bobbing gently now that they'd reached a swim spot.

alessia smiled, heart full. after the chaos of the euros; the training, the tension, the time apart, the matches that felt like they lasted a lifetime.

this was what she'd craved after a busy summer filled with winning: now was time for sun, sea, and her girls.

"careful, lovie," alessia said, coming to kneel beside her daughter and smoothing a curl out of your face. "don't lean too far, yeah? you'll give mummy a heart attack."

"i not leaning," you replied in that cheeky voice that always makes leah snort slightly. "i just lookin'! it's sooo blue!" your eyes were wide, almost hypnotized by the way the sun sparkled on the water.

leah sat up then, tossing her phone aside and padding over barefoot. she crouched next to them, resting a steady hand on your life jacket strap as if to silently assure both herself and alessia. "pretty cool, isn't it, angel?" leah said softly. "wait till you're in it then it's even better."

well that was the plan, after all. the skipper had told them it was one of the clearest swimming spots around, perfect for a little dip. alessia was already picturing herself floating on her back, tension draining out of her muscles.

"ready to swim?" alessia asked, voice all lightness and hope as she tugged gently at the zip of your jacket.

but the excitement dimmed in your eyes. you glanced at the open water, then back at your mums. "it...big," you whispered, chewing your lip as if contemplating your options. "too big."

alessia exchanged a glance with leah, the kind that carried entire conversations in a second. the two crouch lower, so they were eye-level with you

"it is big," leah said first, voice calm and low like she always gets when she is coaxing you through something. "but that's why we've got this," she tapped the front of your life jacket with two fingers, "and why you've got us. we’re not going anywhere."

"you think i’d let you go for a swim without me?" your mummy teased, bumping her shoulder gently against yours. "not a chance, cheeky monkey."

you still looked doubtful, your tiny fingers gripping your mummy’s bikini strap like an anchor. "but what if i sink?"

"you won't," alessia promised, pulling you a little closer and kissing the top of your head. "not with this magic jacket on. and guess what? me and mama will hold you the whole time, okay?"

leah smiled then, brushing her knuckles against your cheek. "you trust us, yeah?"

after a long pause, you gave the smallest nod, curls bouncing. "atta girl," leah murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple.

they all moved slow, like a little ritual. alessia slid into the water first, letting out a satisfied sigh at the warmth the sun blaring at clear water.

leah followed and then they both reached up for you, who came down carefully, legs clamped around leah’s waist like a koala.

"you’re in!" alessia cheered softly, smoothing your wet curls back as you clung to leah. "look at you, brave girl."

you peeked one eye open, then the other, and finally, finally you let out a giggle as the water lapped around your toes.

"it warm!" you said, wonder blooming across your face, it not feeling like the usual inflatable pool in the back garden or like the hotel pool you’d been in.

"told you," leah whispered into your ear, squeezing you tight.

the rest was easy. you went from clinging like a limpet to splashing between them, squealing as your mummy held your hands and floated you on your back.

leah spotting from behind. the sound of your laughter bounced off the waves, carrying across the water like the happiest kind of echo.

and alessia? she stole a glance at leah in the sunlight, hair slicked back, freckles out, eyes soft as they watched the little girl between them. for a moment, it felt like something holy. the three of them, suspended in blue, hearts lighter than they'd been in months.

suddenly, you stilled, eyes widening as something brushed softly against your leg. "mummy!" you gasped, looking down at the water. "something touched me!"

alessia tensed for half a second before leah leaned close, her voice calm and coaxing. "it’s just a little fishy, lovie. they’re just saying hello."

as if on cue, a tiny silver shimmer darted past, catching the sunlight like a living jewel. then another. and another.

your jaw dropped. "there sparkly," you whispered, the awe in your voice enough to make alessia laugh quietly as you watched the school of fish beneath your feet.

"they think you're sparkly too," alessia said, smiling as she shifted her hold so you could dip her fingers beneath the surface. "feel that?"

you squealed when one brushed against your feet again, the sensation so quick and strange it made you giggle uncontrollably. "it tickled! do it again!"

"they’re fast, baby," your mummy said, grinning as more silver shapes flitted beneath them. "but they like you. told you, you were a mermaid."

you beamed, cheeks flushed with excitement, and alessia felt something warm swell in her chest. a happiness so simple and pure it almost hurt.

leah caught her eye over your curls, and in that shared look was everything: love, safety, and the quiet understanding that these were the moments they'd both live for.

you were swarmed by teammates. sweaty hugs, high-fives, chants of your name echoing from the stands. your mum and mama were up on their feet, beaming from the side of the pitch.

a few of the arsenal women's past players were clapping, laughing in celebration. even your grandparents had made the trip, wrapped in red and white scarves.

you had never felt so full. you stood just off the pitch, still buzzing, breathing hard, eyes scanning the crowd like you always did. and then-

"y/n!"

you turned. that voice. that voice. your chest skipped.

your dad. harrison.

for a second, maybe just a second, your heart lifted. he was here. for you. and maybe this time, he meant it.

but then you saw them.

a few steps behind him, hand-in-hand, were louis and lily. dressed in arsenal hoodies, like this was their day out too. and next to them their mum and his girlfriend, zoey.

the smile that had barely started to form on your face dropped, instantly. you froze.

he was smiling like nothing was wrong, like he hadn't missed three matches in a row. like he hadn't cancelled two weeks ago without texting back. like this wasn't the first time he'd shown up in months.

and he brought them. it wasn't fair.

you turned sharply, not saying a word, and walked the other way and straight off the side of the field, through the gate, into the quieter back path by the training building. your breaths were quick, hands shaking. your chest was tight and hot with anger, confusion, betrayal.

and tears hot, furious ones.

you didn't want to cry, not now, not in your kit with your name just being chanted five minutes ago but you couldn't stop yourself as you walked.

your mum, alessia stood on the side of the pitch with your mama, leah her arms folded but grinning so wide her face hurt.

"she was unreal," leah grinned, nudging alessia's side. "she's got your finish, babe."

alessia laughed. "she's got more than mine. i'd never have pulled that off at her age."

and then they both saw you out the corner of their eyes.

you just seconds ago full of light and pride, suddenly frozen still in the middle of the path, eyes locked on something in the crowd.

alessia's grin slipped instantly. "what's she looking at?"

leah squinted. "she okay?"

before they could get closer, you turned sharply on your heel and stormed off boots crunching against the gravel as you shoved past the metal barrier and headed toward the back of the training building.

"lovie!" alessia called, already jogging a few steps after you. "lovie, what happened?!"

no response, not even a glance. you just kept walking, just the telltale shaking of your shoulders as you walked faster. alessia's chest tightened. you were crying. "something is wrong," alessia turned to leah. "she was fine one second ago, then—"

leah grabbed alessia's wrist, stopping her. leah's eyes locked onto something, someone, just off to the side of the crowd.

"hang on."

alessia turned to follow her gaze. and sure enough there he was. harrison.

grinning from ear to ear, holding a coffee that probably wasn't just coffee. behind him stood louis and lily, the little ones giggling and completely unaware of the tension crackling in the air. zoey, his current girlfriend, stood with them, chatting quietly with them as she held both their hands.

leah's face fell instantly. "oh," leah muttered under her breath, voice low and sharp. "i think i know why she ran.

alessia's head snapped toward her. "what?" leah just nodded toward harrison.

alessia turned, heart plummeting the second she saw that stupid smug look plastered across his face.

he lifted his cup lazily toward them in some kind of cheers gesture. "she scored, didn't she? my girls’ got a hell of a left foot on her!" he shouted.

"is he-?" leah started.

"yep," alessia said through clenched teeth. "he's been drinking." alessia blinked, fury slowly building behind her eyes. "where does he get the fucking nerve-?"

harrison took a few steps toward them, walking like the pitch belonged to him, voice still way too loud. "told ya she got it from me. that turn, the hit- proper striker instincts. she's got my blood in her!"

alessia's fists clenched at her sides. "you didn't play foot-.. soccer in college harrison. you played football, you were quarterback. there totally different. and anyways you think showing up once every few months gives you a right to say that?"

harrison scoffed. "oh come on, lessi. you know i had the chance to go pro- didn't wanna though, had other opportunities. but can't i just be proud of my daughter without getting chewed at?"

"it's alessia to you." alessia spat, a sarcastic chuckle coming from her at his words of his 'chance' of going pro when in reality it was far from it.

leah stepped forward now, her tone cutting. "you don't get to call her your daughter when you only turn up when it's convenient. she thought you came for her today. but you brought your little fan club, just to show off."

"nah it's not like that," he slurred slightly, waving his cup. "lils and lou were excited. they love her, they know she's their big sister. thought it'd be a nice surprise."

alessia's eyes narrowed. "you thought springing them on her in front of a crowd, after she just gave everything on that pitch, would be what? cute?"

"i am trying!" he snapped, voice rising. "you lot are always on my case. at least i'm here."

leah laughed bitterly. "no, mate. you're physically here. that's not the same as showing up."

"she walked off crying, harrison," alessia finally said, voice low with pain. "you had one job today. let her have this. let her have one moment where it wasn't about you."

his face twitched slightly like he didn't understand the words coming from alessia. "she's overreacting. she needs to grow up. life's not always about her."

and that? that was the final straw.

leah took a step toward him, voice suddenly cold and lethal. "you don't get to gaslight her into thinking your failure is her selfishness."

harrison rolled his eyes. "the girl is nearly seventeen. it's not like i haven't tried."

"you've tried just enough to keep the guilt off your back," alessia said, taking a shaky breath. "and every time you do, she hopes it's different. and every time, she ends up in tears. like she is right now."

from a few feet away, zoey stepped forward finally, her voice soft but firm. "haz," zoey said taking a step forward as her hand rested on his forearm, the sound of the all too familiar nickname making the hairs on alessia's arm rise, "maybe this wasn't the right call."

harrison stared at his girlfriend, zoey. "i thought you said they should meet-“

"i did, but i said not like this," zoey said gently. "not like a performance." he scoffed again, muttering something under his breath neither of them caught.

alessia stood her ground, fists clenched, fire in her eyes. she was shaking, but it wasn't from fear or doubt. it was pure, raw, unfiltered rage. the years of frustration, disappointment, and heartbreak all coming to a head.

"you don't even see what you've done, do you?" alessia shouted at him, her voice piercing through the crowd's whispers. "you've shattered her again, harrison. all that little girl has ever wanted was one thing from you. to show up and be proud of her. and you've just shown again that you couldn't even do that."

harrison didn't flinch. instead, he laughed. too loudly, too dismissively, as if the moment didn't matter. "oh come on, alessia. give me a break. i'm here, aren't i? that's more than i ever was, right? you can't expect me to drop everything every time you call me out for her problems."

alessia's jaw tightened. "her problems? she's your daughter, harrison. you don't get to just walk in and out of her life whenever it suits you. that's not how it works. she's not some accessory to your life. she's not a mistake that you can just ignore when it's convenient for you."

"i ain't ignoring her!" he snapped, face reddening, taking a step forward. "i've tried, alright? i've tried to be there, but it's always you getting in the way."

"me?" alessia's voice rose, sharp and biting. "i've spent years protecting her from you! every time you failed her, i picked up the pieces. every single fucking time. so no, don't stand there and tell me that i'm the problem, when you can't even show up for her once in a while without making it about you."

"you're always playing the martyr, alessia!" harrison shot back, his voice full of venom now. "you act like you're the only one who's been through this! i never asked for this, you know? i didn't ask to be a dad. i didn't ask you to keep her. i didn't ask for you to show up pregnant, i wasn't ready, i was kid!

"yeah well takes two to make a baby doesn't it-" alessia's breath hitched her face twisting. "you think it was easy for me, harrison? do you honestly think i wanted to raise her on my own? you think i didn't need you? i did. but i never had you… not really."

he crossed his arms, smirking now. "well, maybe that's the way it was meant to be. maybe you didn't need me. maybe y/n's better off without me in her life. it easier for you to pretend you're the only one who's ever been there.”

alessia's face twisted with disbelief once again, not being able to believe the words which were actually leaving his lips. "i never pretended. but she has to watch you show up whenever it's convenient for you, and now you have your little family, and you think she's just going to be okay with that?"

"you don't get to turn up with your new kids and expect her to just smile and forget how you've abandoned her for years."

"you think this is my fault?" he sneered, voice dripping with sarcasm. "she's the one who's pushing me away. she doesn't even try to make it work. so, maybe she's not as perfect as you think she is, huh? maybe you've been coddling her too much."

"you have no idea what you're talking about," alessia spat, her fists trembling. "you think she doesn't try? she's been waiting for you, hoping you'd show up for years. and now you have the nerve to show up with your perfect little family, parading your new kids around like you're some big hero father of the fucking year. it's pathetic."

harrison scoffed, shaking his head as if she was the one being unreasonable. "i have my own family now. my own life. i can't keep bending over backward for a daughter who can't meet me in the middle. she has to learn how to deal with things on her own. you've got this whole little world you've built for her, and now i'm just supposed to fit in now? i never have, you've never wanted me to, less."

alessia's entire body went rigid, her eyes flashing with fury. "she's still your daughter, harrison! your flesh and blood and you don't just get to decide when it's convenient to be a dad. y/n doesn't need you for perfect moments or showing off for your new kids. she needs you to be there when it's hard. when it's real."

"yeah? well, i'm here now," he sneered, throwing his hands up, slurring the words more. "and what do you want me to do about it? you always making me the bad guy. always acting like you're the one with the answer to everything. i'm not the villain in this. i'm just trying to live my life. you're the one who keeps holding her back."

alessia stepped forward, her eyes blazing with an intensity that made even harrison step back slightly.

"no, you are the villain, harrison," she said, her voice low, the words cutting through the tension like a knife. "because every time you walk away, every time you make it about yourself, you hurt her. and you've been doing it for years. you think she'll just forget? you think she'll just smile and pretend you didn't leave her to wait for you while you moved on with your perfect little life?"

harrison, for once, didn't know how to respond, didn't have a smarmy comment to make. he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. for once, he looked... defeated.

alessia took a deep breath. "you've had so many chances over the years, and every single time you mess it up. that girl, your daughter deserves better than this. better than you."

before harrison could respond, leah stepped in, her tone final and cutting. "no you've messed it up enough, mate. leave her be."

alessia's chest heaved, her words still echoing in her mind. "i'm done," she said, quieter now, but firm. "and so is y/n."

the anger that had simmered for so long between them was now fully unleashed, and it felt like everything had come crashing down all at once. harrison was left standing there speechless, but knowing in his gut that for once, he was the one who was wrong.

and now, it was too little, too late to make it right. alessia didn’t give him the chance to respond, instead just letting out a breath she hadn’t even realised she was holding and spinning on her heel, leah making sure to get one last glare in at him before following alessia who was in doubt of mind searching to comfort you.

the sun was low now, casting long shadows over the far end of the training ground. the crowd had mostly filtered out, leaving only a few stragglers and the distant buzz of conversations.

alessia stormed around the back of the building, cheeks flushed and jaw tight, leah close behind her. the confrontation with harrison still ringing in her ears.

the shouting, the disbelief, the absolute nerve of him showing up like that. with his perfect little picture zoey, louis, and lily as if this was some feel-good family day out.

"i’m sure she ran this way," alessia said breathlessly, eyes scanning the benches. "i saw her. she was crying—"

"there," leah said, nodding toward the corner to where you were sat curled up on a bench, facing the fence. your shoulders were hunched, arms wrapped tightly around your knees, head tucked in.

"lovie," alessia called softly as they approached. "baby, it's me."

"no go away," you muttered. your voice hoarse clear that you had been crying as you stayed still, not lifting her head.

leah crouched beside you, keeping her voice even. "angel, we aren’t going anywhere."

"i said go away." you snapped, turning slightly. your eyes were red, cheeks streaked with tears. "you’ve already done your bit, yelled at him, told him off. gold star for parenting for both of you."

alessia flinched but didn't back off, she knew your words were just out of pure anger towards your dad, not them. "hey, that’s not why we're here."

"then why are you here?" you said, standing abruptly. "to make me feel better? you can't. he ruined it. again. and i’m tired of everyone acting like that's surprising."

leah stood beside alessia now, her expression still soft but firm. "no, y/n you don't get to stand here pretending you're not hurting when we know you are."

you barked a humorless laugh. "what gave it away? the tears or the part where i ran off in front of everyone like some little kid?"

"no one's judging you," alessia said gently, trying to take a step closer to you but you took one back.

"well, maybe i am." your voice cracked. "maybe i’m just sick of being disappointed. every time he shows up, i let myself believe it'll be different. i let myself care and i hate that. i hate that i smiled a little when i heard his voice cause then he does this-“

your voice dropped as fresh tears filled your eyes. "he brings them. like i’m supposed to just smile and play big sister. like i haven't spent half my life waiting for him to care."

alessia took a slow breath, trying again and taking a step closer. "you don't have to smile. you don't have to be okay. and you don't owe him a thing."

"but why now?" you whispered, your voice threatening to crack. "why today?"

you sat back down on the bench with a thud, voice barely holding together. "i scored the winner. it was my game. for once, people were actually here for me. and then i look over, and he's got his arm around them like they're everything he ever wanted."

"you are everything," alessia said fiercely, kneeling in front of you. "to me. to us. you hear me? you always have been."

"but clearly not to him!" you burst out, fists clenched. "and it's not fair. it’s never been fair."

your voice cracked entirely as you finally let go, the sobs hitting all at once.

"i waited. every birthday. every school play. every time i scored. and he just... didn't come. not unless it suited him. and now he gets to play stupid happy families while i sit here wondering why i wasn't enough."

alessia pulled you into her arms before the last word had even left your lips. you collapsed into your mum’s chest, the weight of years breaking loose all at once.

leah wrapped her arms around both of them, her voice quiet but steady. "you were always enough, angel. he just didn't know how to show up for someone like you."

"he promised," you choked out. "he promised he'd try. i remember. i was little, but i remember."

“i remember too.” alessia’s eyes welled as she held her daughter tighter. "and lovie if i could go back.. to the moment when he first came back knowing what i know now, he would have never got through the front door.”

you hummed, mumbling. “it’s not your fault that he’s stupid, mum.” the three of you sat like that, three hearts pressed close, one breaking, two trying to hold it together. while the cheers from the game faded, and only the truth remained:

this was your moment. and he'd taken it. but you still had them. you still had home.

…

that evening, the light poured softly through the kitchen windows of your family home, casting a golden hue over the wooden counters and the half-eaten celebratory cake still sitting on the table.

the air was quieter now, but the emotions still hummed beneath the surface raw, unspoken, but thick in the space.

you sat at the kitchen table, curled up in one of the chairs, arms folded tightly across her chest, the sleeves of your hoodie pulled over your hands.

your eyes were tired. dried tear marks still clung to your cheeks, now faded from your shower but still there. even though you wouldn't let yourself cry again. not now.

you barely registered the sound of the front door opening until a familiar voice called out.

"where is our superstar?" mario’s deep, warm voice carried into the kitchen, followed by the soft click of carol’s heels.

"we brought flowers," carol said as they walked in, holding out a bouquet that looked far too elegant to have come from a petrol station so clearly mario had been sent into a proper florist.

you gave them a small smile. "hey, nonna. nonno. mum is just in the shower and mama and just nipped to the shop.”

mario leaned down to kiss her head, then ruffled your curls. "oh we can catch them later. we really came to spend time with our superstar. heard you scored the winner. you made us proud, darling."

"course she did," carol said, smoothing your shoulder before pulling up a chair beside her. "you’re a russo through and through. got the goal-scoring in your blood."

you shrugged. "didn’t really feel like it today."

carol’s smile faded gently. "we heard what happened. from your mum."

you didn't answer.

mario sat across from you, setting the flowers on the table. "you don't have to talk about it. but you can if you want to."

you stayed silent for a beat, eyes fixed on the table. then, quietly:

"he brought them. his new family. to my match."

carol reached over, gently covering your hand with her own.

"i didn't even know they were coming. he didn't warn me. just... turned up with them. and i-i felt so stupid for being glad he came at first."

mario sighed heavily, rubbing his jaw. "tiny, tesoro... that man's made more mistakes than you ever deserved to live through. but feeling hope when you see your dad… that doesn't make you stupid. it makes you human."

you blinked rapidly, throat tightening. "i don't even want to care anymore. i wish i didn't. but i do. and it hurts."

"of course it does," carol said softly. "it’s okay to say that. it’s okay to be angry. you’ve earned the right to feel every single bit of this."

you swallowed hard. "he always said he was trying. that he'd do better. that it just took time."

mario leaned forward. "when you were four, and he turned up at the door again after leaving your mum to do it all on her own. i looked that boy in the eye and told him: 'don’t come back if you're only going to break her heart.' he said he'd changed. said he'd show up. you know how many times i believed that?"

you looked up at your grandfather, eyes glassy. "how many?"

"none," mario said simply. "because showing up once doesn't matter if you don't keep showing up."

carol nodded. "but we showed up. your mum, your mama, us. every time. we watched you grow into this smart, fierce, unstoppable young woman. and nothing he does or doesn't do can ever take that away."

you looked between them, the familiar ache in your chest beginning to ease just slightly.

"i just didn't want to feel invisible today," you whispered. mario stood and walked around the table, crouching beside your chair and cupping your cheek in his hand.

"you are never invisible. not today, not ever. we saw you. everyone saw you. and your mum — well god help anyone who tries to steal her daughter's spotlight again."

that drew a faint laugh from you. carol leaned in too, kissing your forehead. "you don't need him to shine, my love. you already do, all on your own”

the stadium was loud like properly loud, usual for an such a small venue. the kind of noise that usually settled in alessia’s chest and made her feel electric. but today she wasn’t in her boots. she wasn’t in the tunnel either and wasn’t lining up beside the girls.

today alessia was in the stands. her ankle was strapped tight under her jeans. nothing serious, just a precaution after a small muscle strain but enough to keep her out of the match day squad.

she hated it. it was a rare feeling that she wasn’t used to. hated just watching. hated not being able to help her team.

but when a small, sticky hand slipped into hers, clutching jelly sweets like treasure, the frustration softened slightly. you climbed onto the seat beside your mummy, swallowed whole by an oversized england shirt with of course the usual number on the back.

“mummy,” you asked loudly over the crowd, “why aren’t you down there?”

alessia smiled, brushing a curl from her daughter’s forehead.“my ankle’s a bit sore, remember? so i’m resting it.”

you narrowed your eyes suspiciously, your sweets falling from your side slightly. “did you forget to stretch?”

alessia laughed under her breath. “cheeky.”

down on the pitch, the girls were finishing their warm-up. you waved enthusiastically toward the field.

“there is auntie ella?”

alessia followed your finger that was pointing towards ella, who was doing exaggerated high knees and very clearly playing to the crowd and as always singing along to the stadium music.

“yep, that’s tooney.”

“why does she run funny?”

“she doesn’t run funny.”

“but she does mummy.”

alessia bit her lip to stop from laughing. “you can tell her that after the match.”

they’d whistle blew for kickoff and you shuffled closer without asking, climbing straight into alessia’s lap. alessia wrapped both arms around her instinctively, chin resting on top of her daughter’s head.

the calm surprised her.

usually on match day her body buzzed. today, holding you steady while the game unfolded in front of them, everything felt quieter and softer. like this was how she was supposed to watch every game, watching it through your eyes.

“mummy,” you whispered after a few minutes, eyes glued to the pitch, “why do they pass backwards? the goal is that way?”

alessia smiled into your hair. “sometimes you have to go back to go forward.”

you gasped like this was groundbreaking news. “that’s a bit silly.”

a tackle happened near the halfway line, georgia and a the opposing midfielder and you stiffened immediately. “is she okay?!” you panicked.

“she’s okay,” alessia soothed. “see? georgia’s getting up.

you watched intensely until the georgia was back on her feet.

“you should kiss it better.”

alessia blinked, her brows furrowing. “on the pitch?”

“yes.”

“i don’t think the ref would like that.” you frowned at the injustice.

midway through the first half, england won a corner. the crowd rose and you followed, wobbling on the seat before gripping alessia’s shoulders for balance.

“MUMMY LOOK! THEY’RE ALL SQUISHED!”

alessia laughed softly. “that’s called marking, lovie.”

“look like pushing to me.”

“well… yeah sometimes.”

the ball swung in. england scored. the stadium erupted.

you screamed purely because everyone else screamed, arms flailing wildly before you buried your face in alessia’s neck from the noise.

alessia held you tight, one hand cupping the back of her head. “it’s okay, lovie. that’s just cheering.”

you peeked out slowly. “we did it?”

“we did.”

even though alessia hadn’t touched the ball. even though she’d spent the week frustrated at her body for letting her down.

up here, with you asking a hundred questions and clinging to her like she was the safest place in the world, it felt different.

it felt important, more special.

the second half rolled on and you began narrating her own version of the match.

“she’s running too fast.”

“why the lady in yellow angry?”

“does the grass get tired?”

alessia answered every single question seriously.

by the seventy-minute mark, your little voice had gone quiet. your small body felt heavier against alessia’s chest.

“you getting tired, lovie?” alessia whispered.

“no,” you muttered stubbornly, eyes already blinking slowly. “i’m watchin’.”

by full time, you were fast asleep. your cheek squished against alessia’s hoodie. one tiny fist still gripping the fabric. the final whistle blew and the stadium stood again, applauding.

alessia stayed seated just a moment longer, looking down at the pitch at her team celebrating together.

then she adjusted you carefully on her hip and stood “come on then,” she murmured softly. “let’s go see the aunties.”

staff waved her down without hesitation, smiling as she stepped onto the pitch with a sleeping toddler curled against her shoulder.

the girls were forming the usual post-match circle when they spotted alessia.

“oi!” someone called. grins spread instantly around the circle.

alessia stepped into the middle carefully. the noise softened automatically, as if the entire team understood there was a tiny human asleep in their space.

beth leaned forward first, peering dramatically at you.

“blimey,” beth whispered. “we played that good we tired the kiddo out.” a ripple of quiet laughter passed around them.

from the other side, lucy shook her head, hands on her hips “best compliment we’ve had all night,” lucy said softly. “straight to sleep.”

alessia smiled, adjusting your legs gently. “she said you were all ‘too squished’ at corners,” alessia murmured.

lucy grinned. “tatical squish.” beth reached out carefully, brushing one finger against your tiny trainer.

“she was cheering before kickoff, by the way. had her mini manager moment but proper little lioness.”

the circle tightened then: arms over shoulders, careful not to jostle alessia too much. leah started speaking then sarina, voice steady and proud, talking about the clean sheet, the work rate, the fight.

alessia listened, breathing in the mix of grass and cold evening air. this was where she belonged. and somehow… so did you even if all you brung was sticky fingers and random questions. you still brought the calmness in a strange way.

when the team chant started, it was softer than usual. less roar, more rumble. protective without anyone saying it out loud.

at the final shout, you stirred slightly. alessia swayed instinctively like she’d done a million times before “it’s okay, baby.”

you blinked just enough to mumble against your mummy’s shoulder. “did we win?”

lucy crouched down to your level, smiling. “we did, kiddo.”you gave a satisfied little nod and fell straight back asleep.

beth looked at alessia and grinned. “yep,” she said quietly. “definitely player of the match.”

alessia scrolled aimlessly on her phone, ignoring the way her fingers shook against the screen. notifications from the team group chat popped up: training updates, memes, the usual chaos. but she didn't open them.

she couldn't. now when her stomach churned with something heavier than nerves before a huge final.

"alessia russo?"

alessia's head snapped up at the sound of her name. the nurse gave her a kind smile, clipboard tucked against her side like this was any other thursday. alessia swallowed hard, pushed herself up, and followed.

the hallway felt too long, like each step dragged her further into a life she wasn't ready for but couldn't turn away from either.

inside, the room was small and sterile. a monitor sat in the corner, screen black and waiting. the paper on the exam bed crinkled as alessia climbed up, her heart hammering against her ribs.

"and you're here for your first ultrasound?" the tech asked, glancing at the chart in her hands as she smiled warmly. "how exciting."

alessia nodded because words stuck in her throat. exciting wasn't exactly the word she'd pick. terrifying, maybe. overwhelmed, definitely. but instead alessia just mumbled a small, "yeah," and forced a small smile.

"first baby?" the woman continued, snapping on a pair of gloves as she moved the machine closer to the bed where alessia was lying.

"uh... yeah." alessia shifted on the bed, her fingers twisting in the edge of the paper sheet.

"you nervous?" the question was gentle, teasing almost, like the woman had seen this a thousand times before.

alessia let out a breathy laugh that sounded nothing like a laugh. "a little, yeah" alessia admitted, voice quiet.

"that's normal," the tech assured her. "everyone feels that way the first time no matter what they say. you're doing great."

only alessia didn't feel great. she felt like her chest was too tight and the walls were too white and she might cry before anything even started.

the woman reached for the gel, giving alessia another friendly smile. "is dad joining us today? or just you?"

alessia froze for half a second, the words slamming into her chest like a punch. dad. the word burned. said dad didn’t even know she was here today, hadn’t asked about his baby. that alone was enough to make her stomach clench in a way that had nothing to do with the probe about to touch her.

instead harrison's voice rang in her head, sharp and final: 'i'm not ready for this, less. i can't do this.'

he had said it like it was that simple. like walking away was easy and the best option. like leaving alessia to pick up the pieces wasn't going to crush her.

her jaw tightened. alessia swallowed the lump rising in her throat and forced her voice to sound steady when she said, "just me."

the tech nodded like it was no big deal, completely unfazed. like she’d seen it a million times and probably had "no problem. plenty of mums come alone."

alessia nodded, but her chest still felt raw, scraped hollow. she hated how much that question hurt, hated how it made her feel like she'd failed her baby before she even started. like she was already doing this wrong.

"the gel might feel a little cold," the woman said gently, squeezing it onto alessia stomach.

alessia flinched as the chill hit her skin. "oh-yeah, that's... cold," she muttered, because what else was she supposed to say?

"sorry about that." the tech grinned as she adjusted the probe. "ready to see your baby?"

alessia hesitated, her gaze flicking to the blank monitor. ready? was she ever going to be ready? but she gave the smallest nod.

and then the probe pressed gently against her stomach, and she stared at the ceiling because she wasn't sure she was ready to see-

"there we are," the woman said softly.

alessia's eyes flicked to the monitor. a tiny flicker of movement. a blur. and then...

"do you hear that?" the room filled with a steady, rapid thump-thump-thump.

alessia's breath hitched.

"that's your baby," the tech said, her voice warm now, like she understood what this moment meant even if alessia couldn't quite put it into words. "it looks like everything's measuring right on track. i would say your around 8 weeks"

that sound. god. that was hers. her baby.

alessia's vision blurred, and she bit the inside of her cheek hard, like pain could hold her together. the woman glanced at her, soft smile still in place. "you okay?"

alessia nodded quickly, even though her throat was tight. "yeah. i... yeah."

she thought of harrison for the briefest second. how he'd sat on her bed two weeks ago, hands twisted in his lap, saying, 'im not ready to be a dad, it's too soon.' like the choice was his to make. like walking away wasn't going to leave her here, alone.

except...alessia wasn't really alone. not anymore. because that sound, that tiny heartbeat, was louder than the fear clawing at her ribs.

the tech printed out a few images and handed them over along with a few other info sheets with another warm smile. "here you go. take good care of yourself, okay?"

alessia took them carefully, like they might break. "thank you," she whispered, because it was the only word she could find.

...

alessia's dorm was quiet when she got back. she dropped her bag by the door and sank onto the couch, the ultrasound pictures still clutched in her hand. she stared at them until her eyes blurred again. a laugh, half a sob, slipped out.

the tiny little figure is mine. it's real.

alessia's phone buzzed on the cushion beside her.

lotte: 'we're coming over. no arguing!'

em: 'we have snacks. and ice cream. don't even try to say no.'

alessia huffed out a breath, somewhere between exasperation and relief. they always knew when to show up.

half an hour later, the door burst open without warning, and lotte's brunette head appeared first followed by emily balancing two grocery bags.

"less!" emily called out, kicking the door shut. "you're supposed to be resting, not ghosting us."

"i wasn't ghosting," alessia muttered, tugging her hoodie sleeves over her hands.

"you were," lotte said simply, dropping onto the couch beside her. she glanced at alessia, then frowned. "what's that?"

alessia froze, totally forgetting about the little pictures. the pictures which were half hidden under her leg. but it was too late, emily leaned over and plucked them up before alessia could stop her.

“less..” emily’s voice softened instantly as she looked between the photos and alessia, “you went today?”

alessia nodded, staring at the floor. "why didn’t you tell us," lotte said quietly. not angry. just...hurt, and slightly worried she didn’t want her friend to be taking on such a heavy load alone.

"i didn't want to make a big deal," alessia whispered. "you both have classes, training and your own problems"

"less." emily crouched down in front of her so she had no choice but to meet her eyes. "your literally growing a human being. it the biggest deal and plus this is our little niece or nephew"

alessia laughed weakly, but it cracked in the middle. "i just— i didn't want to be a problem."

lotte wrapped an arm around her shoulders without hesitation, pulling her in. "hey, your never a problem. ever. but you don't have to do this by yourself."

emily held up the picture, smiling through a wobble in her voice. "look at your little baby. that...that's insane."

alessia blinked hard, because if she started crying now, she wouldn't stop. “next time," lotte said firmly, squeezing alessia tighter, "we're coming with you. no arguments."

"go on, tiny girl!" beth hollered, cupping her hands around her mouth as they cheered for you as you ran down the pitch.

"she's got more control than you, less," katie teased, nudging alessia slightly as they rested against the barrier.

"hey, i taught her everything she knows," alessia shot back smugly, a few of the girls humming.

leah laughed. "you mean how to do a step-over and immediately trip?"

"still counts as some sort of flair."

lotte stood behind them, filming on her phone. "this better go viral. i can see it, 'tiny sends opposition to the shops.'"

you, who was clearly fueled by all the attention, zoomed toward goal and toe-poked it into the bottom corner. as the final whistle blew, you threw her arms in the air like you'd just won the world cup.

all eyes were on her, but one pair of eyes watched from a distance harrison, standing behind a few rows back, out of direct sight his arms crossed with a small smile of pride on his face. he hadn't made his presence known yet.

the kids scattered after the whistle, some toward their parents, others toward the post-match oranges. but you?

your eyes locked on your mama like a magnet. "MMAAMMA!" you shrieked, sprinting at full speed.

leah crouched instinctively, arms open. "c'mere, lil superstar!"

you launched yourself at your mama and leah caught you, lifting you high and spinning you. you screamed with laughter, clinging to her neck.

"i saw your goal! that finish, oh it was lovely!" leah said, grinning her entire body filled with pride.

"you think it was good?"

"better than mummy's at the euros."

"yes! but not the back heel though-" you beamed, soaking up the praise.

leah slung you over one shoulder piggyback-style, and you giggled, playing with the ends of leah's ponytail. "you're my horsey now."

"you got it, angel. princess pony service."

beth leaned in. "oi, tiny, what about the rest of us? don't we get post-match hugs? we helped with the cheering too!"

you peeked out from leah's shoulder. "maaaaybe. if you bring me ice cream." you grinned pointing at the ice cream van that was in the car park, people already queuing in the warm afternoon sun.

"blackmail," katie muttered, impressed.

meanwhile, harrison approached, the laughter and affection around leah and you making his chest tighten.

he cleared his throat as he reached alessia. "hey."

alessia turned, eyebrows lifting, slightly startled by his presence. she hadn't seen or heard from him in a solid two weeks. "didn't know you were coming."

"i wanted to see her play." he said, hands still placed in his pockets as he looked at alessia, he could tell she was surprised by him being there. her brain ticking on how to react.

"you could've told me."

"she's my daughter, les-alessia," he said sharply. "i shouldn't need permission."

"hey, no i didn't mean that. but a heads up would have been nice-" alessia quipped back quickly, not liking his sharp tone especially when you were in ears length from hearing the conversation.

that tone. it was so familiar, so condescending and it grated on alessia.

but harrison's eyes drifted to the pitch, to the child, his daughter who hadn't even noticed him. still wrapped around leah's back, giggling and smiling as leah jogged lightly with you on her back.

his fists clenched slightly. "this—this isn't right. she should be running to me, not leah. i should be the one carrying her, not..." he trailed off, shaking his head. his eyes still looking at the scene of you and leah.

"y/n's not a prize you get for showing up late," alessia replied, her voice tight, her focus on gathering your little boot bag, not really having the effort to listen to harrison and his antics as frankly to her, now, they were boring.

"i'm her dad."

"and what is leah?" alessia fired back, quickly as she stood up now facing him. "cause to lovie, le is the one who helps her tie her shoe laces before school, reads to her at night, and gets up when she has nightmares."

harrison scoffed. "you let her play parent. that's on you."

alessia stepped closer, patience running a little thin with his excuses and ignorance. "leah didn't ask for any of this. she chose it. when we got to together, she showed up, over and over again. i never asked her to, once. and y/n loves her for that. that isn't something 'i let happen'. it happened by itself and cause you weren't there."

behind them, katie and beth had fallen quiet, exchanging glances at each other as they watched with unreadable expressions.

harrison shook his head. "it's not fair."

"no," alessia snapped back , "it's not. it’s not fair that, that little girl has to navigate your ego every time she's happy."

at that moment, you turned from your perch on leah's back, having heard the change in tone and recognising who your mummy was talking to. "mummy?" you said, voice small. "why's daddy shouting at you?"

the group went still. your eyes found harrison and the joy drained from your face, the smile that was once there had dropped quicker than your goal had hit the back of the net.

"hey, my little girl," harrison said gently, forcing a smile. "come here, daddy has missed you."

instead, you slid off leah's back and stepped behind her legs, peeking around only slightly, you little head confused at how he could shout at your mummy then want you in his arms.

"c'mon, y/n. don't be shy."

"no," you whispered, hugging leah's leg. "i don't want you to be mean to mummy." leah's heart broke a little, as she glared at harrison.

"she's scared," beth said quietly, stepping forward now, arms folded. "you might want to think about that."

"y/n," harrison tried again, his voice now slightly cracking. "i'm not trying to be mean, i just.. i miss you, kiddo."

still, you didn't budge.

"she doesn't owe you affection on demand," katie said, bluntly as alessia exhaled, rubbing a hand down her face.

lotte stepped closer and offered leah a soft look who was trying coax you from behind her legs. "you okay?"

leah nodded, then crouched beside you. "hey angel, want to go sit with auntie beth and katie for a bit while mummy and i clean up?"

you shook your head, firmly. "wan stay with you."

harrison opened his mouth but closed it again. there was nothing left to say. harrison took a shaky breath admitting defeat, but alessia stopped him with a look.

"maybe you should go," she said quietly. "we can talk later. but not now."

he looked like he wanted to argue, but something in the way you clung to leah made him finally understand. he wasn't the one she ran to. he wasn't never going to be. and until he earned it, he wouldn't be.

he nodded stiffly, turned, and reluctantly walked away. and harrison, watching from the shadows of the car park, realised for the first time...

he wasn't just competing with leah. he was competing with consistency. with love. with presence. with time.

and right now, he was losing.

as soon as he was gone, beth knelt down and offered you her hand. "alright, superstar. i've got jelly worms and a capri sun with your name on it."

you perked up. "do i get both?"

"mhmm, i'm sure mummy won't mind since you played your socks off in that match."

you cheered as you ran over to the snack bench with beth, katie and lotte in tow, your little socked feet rushing across the grass which alessia was definitely going to regret letting you do when she had to find a way to get the grass stains out of them..

leah stood slowly, brushing the dirt from her knees. alessia stepped beside her, watching their daughter dance around with the girls.

"she's lucky," leah said softly as she wrapped an arm around alessia pulling the blonde close into her chest.

"she is, she has the best people around her" alessia's voice cracked on the last word, and leah reached out to intertwine their fingers, grounding them both as they rested against alessia's shoulder.

in front of them, your laughter and giggles bubbled up again. you had launched herself onto katie's back, demanding another piggyback.

"i'm switching sides!" you yelled. "katie my horse now!"

"hey!" leah called, pretending to be offended. "i'm retiring from horse duty, am i?"

"no, never!" you yelled turning your head around to face leah as you yelled from katie's back. "you're my unicorn!"

leah and alessia looked at each other, hearts full.