#woso request

but when you had spent twenty years at one club. when you joined the academy at eight years old with a shirt two sizes too big and oversized socks with a dream bigger than yourself, spent years building yourself up, building a life, a relationship and meeting friends for life it really felt impossible to imagine wearing another badge.

so in january when you walked yourself into what you had expected to be a routine meeting and contract update considering it was ending in the summer.

but the room felt too formal, too quiet in comparison to other contract meetings you'd had in the past.

across from the big board room table sat renee, another member of the club hierarchy and your agent where non of them looked particularly comfortable.

your stomach dropped. the vibe currently setting around the room was never a good sign.

renee said her normal greeting as you responded before moving uncomfortable in her seat,  "y/n," renee began carefully. "firstly, i would like to say this has nothing to do with your performances."

and with those words, you knew. because nobody started a conversation like that unless they were about to break your heart.

"i mean there's no easy way of putting this nicely but i'm afraid we won't be offering a renewal for the next season."

the words landed like a punch as you just stared and for a second you genuinely thought you'd misheard.

"sorry, what?"

the other woman higher up in arsenals recruitment shifted awkwardly, "we feel this is the right time to move in different directions, both you and club deserve a new challenge"

different direction. new challenge.

so twenty years and apparently that was all it amounted to: different direction and a new challenge for both.

you laughed once, a short, humourless sound. "so.. i don't get a say in this. that it then, final decision yeah?"

renee visibly winced, as her expression softened as she exchanged a glance with the other women before looking back at you, "i know this is difficult to process y/n, i do. but we wanted to let you know now to give you enough time to speak and explore other clubs"

you nodded, biting your lip as you whispered, "you make it sound so easy"

you clung to the word clubs. plural. as if arsenal wasn't the only club you'd ever wanted as if you'd spent your whole life preparing for this moment even if this sort of scenario only happened in her nightmares.

you nodded slowly, you didn't cry. not there. not in front of them.

instead you exchanged a look with your agent who told you he would be in touch as you thanked renee and the other women for their honesty and time as you stood up and walked out professionally before either of them could say anything else.

then you sat in your car for forty-five minutes and cried until your eyes hurt.

—

the rumours seemingly started almost immediately about contract talks and by february they were everywhere.

you linked with clubs in america, manchester, a photo-shop photo of you in a chelsea shirt as you were linked with another club in europe and apparently you had already been given a new contract to sign. you wish.

half the reports were nonsense but the other half weren't because while nobody knew arsenal had already made their decision, you did.

and now you were spending every spare moment speaking to your agent, trying to find the best outcome from a shitty situation. you were exploring options and trying desperately to imagine a future you never wanted.

and if losing arsenal had felt like losing part of yourself, the thought of telling alessia felt almost as impossible.

the two of you had met because of arsenal and looking back, neither of you could pinpoint the exact moment you both fell in love.

but alessia had always joked that she'd signed for arsenal and accidentally fallen in love with you in the same breath.

you had already spent years in the first team when alessia walked through the doors after signing for the club. she'd been one of the first to welcome her, showing her around, introducing her to everyone, making sure she settled into the place you had proudly called home since you were eight years old.

and somewhere between shared training sessions, long recovery days, coffees after practice and the quiet moments away from football, you'd both fallen in love.

so arsenal hadn't just given you a career. it had given you alessia and now, there was every chance the club that had brought the two of you together was about to send the two of you in different directions.

so yeah, the worst part was keeping it from alessia cause every time she asked, you felt sick.

it didn't matter whether they were driving home from training, cooking dinner together or lying in bed before they went to sleep. somehow, the conversation always found its way back there.

"so... have arsenal said anything yet?" alessia would ask so casually, usually after another conversation ended and the was a pause of silence

you would force a shrug, hoping it looked more convincing than it felt, the response would follow one of three.

"still talking.."

"nothing exciting."

"we'll see"

every answer was half true with a small white lie following it. arsenal had said something, just they hadn't said what alessia had thought they had.

every lie sat heavily in your chest, making your stomach twist the second the words left your mouth. you hated lying to alessia.

in the years the two of you been together, you'd never kept something this big from her. but every time you opened your mouth to tell her the truth, the words caught in your throat.

because saying them out loud would make them real, then you'd immediately change the subject; ask about training, ask about what to have for dinner, the film the two of you should watch, ask how alessia day had been if you’d spent it apart.

ask about literally anything else but you and arsenal.

at first, alessia accepted it. contract negotiations did take time. players didn't always know where they stood until the final weeks of the season and you had to never been the one to talk about business until there was actually something to say.

but as the weeks rolled into months, something didn't feel right cause other players in the team had their season outcome.

but your answers never changed, you never elaborated.

every mention of contracts seemed to make your shoulders tense, your smile falter, your eyes dart somewhere to anywhere but towards alessia.

alessia stopped reading into articles and journalists whenever you walked into the room. she quietly started ignoring the transfer rumours altogether, not wanting to upset you.

but she couldn't ignore the knot in her own stomach. she knew you, too well maybe. knew every tiny tell.

the way you'd pick at the skin around your thumbnail when you were anxious. the way you'd rub the back of your neck whenever something was bothering her.

the way you'd become unusually chatty whenever you were trying to distract someone from asking the question you didn't want to answer.

you weren't just avoiding the conversation, you were hiding from it cause every time arsenal contracts or the next season talk came up you looked like you wanted to disappear.

by the time mid-march rolled around, the questions had become impossible to avoid.

the rumours had picked up pace and every other day there seemed to be another article or transfer page linking you with a different club.

this time it was america. but then the next it was france. then it was another WSL side. nobody seemed to know anything for certain, yet everyone seemed to have an opinion, to know the answer even if nothing was official.

eventually, the questions started creeping into the dressing room.

leah had been the first. "so... any news?" you had barely looked up from untying your boots. "no.. not yet."

a few days later it was kim over lunch, harmlessly slipping it in, "they keeping you waiting, then?"

you had smiled politely, fork pushing food around the plate, "there still working bits out"

then lotte, steph and even vic had asked in a passing after training one afternoon. and every single time, you gave the same vague, carefully rehearsed answers.

"we'll see."

"nothing to report."

"nope, still waiting."

never enough to sound suspicious. never enough to invite another question and eventually, the girls stopped asking.

they all assumed there simply wasn't any news to tell. everyone except alessia.

she kept asking because she cared because she knew how much arsenal meant to you and she couldn't understand why the club were taking so long to tie down someone who had spent their whole life wearing the badge.

every time she brought it up, you would smile a little too quickly before changing the subject.

it didn't take long for alessia to realise the conversation was becoming something you were actively avoiding. she just didn't know why, couldn’t understand why?

—

the breaking point came a couple of weeks later. you had another meeting scheduled during a training day.

the calendar invitation simply read 'club meeting', but when alessia had asked about it over breakfast, you hadn't hesitated.

"its just about a brand appearance." you smiled shoving a slice of toast in your mouth.

alessia had nodded, "oh, nice. another sponsor thing?"

"yeah." you forced a smile nodding and going along with what ever alessia was saying as she hummed before standing up heading to her own leadership meeting not before kissing you on the cheek.

"i'm sure there probably just be sorting out a photoshoot or something."

something harmless. something ordinary. nothing worth worrying about.

in reality, you spent the next hour sitting in a meeting room with your agent on speakerphone and members of the club discussing interest from three separate clubs.

clubs you'd never imagined yourself playing for. conversations about contract lengths, relocation, wages, housing. the possibility of moving abroad.

the logistics of packing up the only home you'd ever really known. every sentence felt like another reminder that arsenal's decision wasn't changing.

it wasn't hypothetical anymore. this was your future and you needed to tell alessia somehow.

but by the time the meeting finally ended, you felt exhausted. not physically but emotionally. you weren't ready to leave but the club had already decided for you.

as you walked down the corridor towards the changing room, you could feel the frustration bubbling under your skin with each step.

stupid meeting, stupid hour talking about a stupid future you didn't want.

you pushed the door open harder than you had intended, it slammed against the stopped with a loud bang, your phone and bottle hitting the bench a second later.

and for a moment, you thought you were alone.

then..  "jesus, y/n."

you looked up, leah was sat a few lockers down. she was halfway through changing from her boots to her trainers. one sock was already on, the other still bunched in her hands.

she watched the tension in your face, in your shoulders as she raised an eyebrow. "i see someone's in a good mood?"

you scrubbed both hands over your face, letting out a shaky breath. "don't."

leah's expression immediately softened, "that bad?" she'd spent a lot of your years at arsenal with you, heck most of them. she knew when something was up and this was one of those moments.

you didn't answer. you couldn't. because the second you opened your mouth you knew it was fall and the months of sadness would finally spill over and once you started with the tears you weren't convinced you'd ever stop.

the silence stretched between them. leah quietly pulled on her second sock, tied the laces on one trainer, then looked back over.

"y/n."

nothing.

"you've barely said two words all week."

still nothing.

"you know i'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on."

you laughed. it wasn't a laugh. just a broken, humourless breath. then, before you could stop herself— "they aren't renewing me... this will be my last season for arsenal."

the words hung in the air. heavy. unbelievable.

leah stopped moving altogether, she'd expected maybe you had a lot going on but she expected it to be family or maybe something with alessia. not this. "you what?"

you kept staring at the floor. your trainers suddenly seemed fascinating. "they told me in january, just after we came back from the winter break"

silence. then—

"what do you mean... january?" leah asked, her voice now unsteady. part of her wishing she hadn't asked and maybe this wouldn't have been the outcome.

you let out another hollow laugh. "exactly that."

leah just blinked. "they told you in january..." leah glanced to her phone, the date on her phone, 23rd march. you nodded. "...that they weren't renewing your contract?"

another nod from you as leah just stared. the disbelief on her face was immediate and maybe dispute the situation award winning.

but it wasn't the kind of shock someone had over a transfer rumour or the surprise of a tactical decision. actual, genuine disbelief.

"they're letting you go?" she asked, as if it wasn't sinking in what you had said

your throat tightened, "yeah"

"but..." leah frowned, "...you're y/n."

that almost made you laugh again as though that changed anything. "they've made their decision, le"

leah leaned back against the lockers, shaking her head. "that's insane."

"so i've been told." you said sadly, your hands now in your lap as you glanced at leah, not being able to look at her properly knowing the look on her face would kill you.

"no, seriously." leah looked genuinely angry now, as she sat a bit straighter now "you've been here your whole life."

"i know." you nodded sadly.

"you've given everything to this club." leah argued as if her words were going to change anything that wasn't already happening and in motion.

"i know."

"you practically grew up here."

"i know, le." your voice cracked on the last word. "i know."

the room fell quiet again. leah moved across the bench until she was sitting beside you instead of opposite you. for a long moment, neither of them spoke.

eventually leah asked the question you'd been dreading. "...i take it alessia knows?"

you froze, your eyes immediately dripping back to the floor, your trainers looking interesting again.

leah didn't need an answer, as she sighed, "oh, y/n.."

"i know." you mumbled, guilt filling you. but it killing you slightly inside to tell leah it was going to be ten times worse and more to tell alessia, even if keeping it from her was probably even worse.

"you haven't told her?" leah asked, a sudden look of shock flashing across her, she could understand why you hadn't told the team but alessia? that was wrong and you knew that.

a tiny shake of the head as leah exhaled slowly, rubbing a hand over her face. "she's going to be absolutely devastated."

"i know."

"and you've been carrying this around by yourself since january?"

another nod. "i know."

leah looked at her for a long moment. not with judgement, just concern.

you finally whispered what your been too scared to admit to anyone. "i don't know how to tell her." your voice was barely audible.

"i've tried." you swallowed hard. "so many times." you paused before continuing, "i get home and i think, 'tonight. tonight i'll tell her.'" a shaky breath, as leah hummed, "and then she smiles at me... or asks how my day was... or starts talking about next season..."

you eyes filled despite your best efforts to stop them. "and i just can't and i feel so guilty for not telling her but i just can't get the words out"

because how did you tell the woman you loved that the club you'd dedicated twenty years to no longer wanted you?

how did you tell alessia there was a very real chance the two of you wouldn't be walking into training centre together next season?

that there was a possibility the two of you might not even be living in the same country?

leah reached over, squeezing your shoulder. "you need to have the conversation otherwise your gonna lose arsenal and her."

you nodded automatically, "i know, i will"

leah held her gaze. "no." her voice was gentle, but firm. "you need to actually do it."

you closed her eyes because deep down, you knew leah was right. you just weren't sure your heart could survive saying the words out loud but you needed to you couldn't loose two of the most important thing in your life especially when one is totally avoidable.

—

after your conversation with leah, you didn't tell alessia. not that week. not the week after that or the week after that even.

every time you decided today would be the day, the words got stuck somewhere between your heart and your mouth. you'd rehearse it in the mornings when brushing your teeth before training.

you'd stand outside your front door, promising yourself you wouldn't lie anymore. you'd even catch yourself looking at alessia across the dinner table and think, 'just tell her.'

then alessia would smile, or laugh at something stupid on her phone or reach across the table to steal food from your plate and suddenly you couldn't bear the thought of being the reason that smile disappeared.

so you would  swallow the truth all over again. just one more day. tomorrow. you'd tell her tomorrow. except tomorrow never came.

and so the rumours only got worse. there wasn't a day that went by without another article appearing online.

"lifelong gunner set for shock exit."

"wsl defender attracting interest abroad."

"three clubs leading the race for arsenal star."

some journalists were practically announcing transfers that hadn't even happened. others claimed you'd already signed pre-contracts.

you stopped reading them after a while, the stress of it all was starting to become overwhelming and it hurt just that little bit less by pretending they didn't exist.

alessia, on the other hand, couldn't avoid them. every time she opened social media there was another headline. another rumour.

another fan or media individual asking why arsenal hadn't announced your renewal yet. at first she'd laughed them off.

"they don't know anything."

you had simply hummed in agreement. then you'd change the subject, again.

alessia wasn't frustrated with you, she was becoming frustrated because nothing made sense.

you were quieter than usual. the woman who normally filled every silence with terrible jokes now barely spoke during the drive home.

you were distracted, constantly checking your phone. stepping away to answer calls from your agent. disappearing into meetings that seemed to become more frequent with every passing week.

and every single time alessia asked about them...

"it's nothing."

"it's just admin."

"they're sorting sponsorship stuff."

always an explanation but never the full truth.

leah noticed it too. one afternoon, after training, she caught you lingering in the corridor outside the changing room.

"you still haven't told her, have you?" leah asked but it wasn't a question, she knew you hadn't.

you let out a tired sigh. "no."

leah folded her arms as she leant against the wall, letting out a disappointed sigh "y/n.."

"i know." you mumbled as you looked down at the ground fidgeting with the rings on your fingers.

"no, i don't think you do." leah quipped back, leah wasn't trying to get at you but she knew the longer you hid this from alessia the worse it was going to get.

you glanced back up at leah, tired eyed. "i've tried-“

"when?" leah shot back quickly.

"every day."

leah's expression softened. "then why haven't you?"

"because every time i look at her..." you shook your head. "...i can't be the person who breaks her heart."

leah sighed. "she's going to be hurt whether you tell her today or three weeks from now." you nodded, you knew this but there was something stopping you, "and every day you wait, it gets bigger."

"i know."

"so stop carrying it on your own."

you leaned back against the wall, the same wall leah was leaning against. "i just need a little more time."

"y/n, you've had three months."

silence.

"y/n..."

leah's voice became gentler, knowing this was hard for you "she deserves to hear it from you."

but before you could answer, footsteps echoed down the corridor. both of you looked up. blonde hair, alessia. she slowed as she reached them, her eyes immediately flicking between the two. neither of you spoke.

leah stood with her arms folded across her chest, one shoulder pressed against the wall beside the changing room door. her expression wasn't angry. if anything, it was worse. concerned.

you were leaning back against the opposite wall, jaw tight, while alessia stood between the two of you feeling as though she'd walked into the middle of a conversation that had already been going on for a while.

the air felt heavy and whatever she'd interrupted, it clearly wasn't a joke about training or another argument over coffee orders. "...everything okay?" alessia asked carefully.

you answered far too quickly. "yeah." the word came out sharp, automatic.

leah's eyes flicked to you immediately then to alessia and then back to you again. it was the kind of look that said i'm not buying that for a second.

after a long moment, leah pushed herself away from the wall with a quiet sigh. "i've got to go and find kim anyway."

as she passed, she squeezed your shoulder gently, her voice dropping just enough that it should have been private. "don't leave it too long."

quiet enough that alessia almost missed it, almost. your shoulders stiffened beneath leah's hand. then leah was gone, disappearing around the corner without another word.

the silence she left behind settled heavily between the two of you. alessia stepped closer. "what was that about?"

you blinked as though you'd been pulled back from somewhere far away. "what?"

"you two looked..." alessia searched for the right word. "...serious.

for a second, something flickered across your face. guilt. fear. but then it was gone. you let out a forced laugh that sounded wrong in the empty corridor.

"oh." you rubbed the back of your neck, eyes dropping to the floor. "leah was just being leah."

alessia frowned. "what does that mean?"

"you know..." you shrugged, trying for a smile that never quite reached your eyes. "...mothering everyone."

alessia didn't look convinced. she knew you too well.

knew the way her girlfriend's fingers twitched when you were anxious. knew the way you avoided eye contact when you were hiding something. knew that the laugh you'd just given wasn't real.

"love..."

"its nothing."

there it was again. nothing. the same answer you'd been giving for weeks.

nothing when you stayed behind after training.

nothing when you looked exhausted.

nothing when you kept disappearing to take phone calls.

nothing when transfer rumours with your name attached started appearing online.

alessia felt her chest tighten. "you keep saying that."

you looked up then, and for a moment alessia saw the strain you'd been trying so hard to hide. dark circles beneath your eyes. the tension around your mouth. the way you seemed to be holding yourself together by sheer force of will.

before alessia could say anything else, you reached out. your fingers brushed gently against alessia's temple as you tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

the touch was familiar. careful. almost apologetic. then you leaned in and kissed her. soft and lingering.

long enough that alessia's questions blurred at the edges.

long enough that you could hide behind the affection.

when you pulled away, you stayed close, your foreheads nearly touching.

"i've got to get to analysis."your voice was quieter now. you rested your forehead against alessia's for a brief second, eyes closed.

"i love you, lessi" the words should have felt reassuring. instead they landed with a strange weight in alessia stomach.

you stepped back before she could respond then you turned and started walking down the corridor. "y/n—"

but you didn't stop. didn't look back. just kept walking until the sound of her footsteps faded around the corner.

alessia stood there staring after you, the kiss should have made her feel better. the i love you should have eased the knot in her chest.

but instead, a cold unease settled there. because you hadn't looked relieved after saying it. you looked like someone saying something important before it was too late.

and as alessia watched the empty corridor where her girlfriend had disappeared, one thought lodged itself stubbornly in her mind.

it hadn't felt like a normal goodbye. it had felt like a goodbye she didn't yet understand. and somehow, that frightened her more than any transfer rumour ever could.

—

the rumours got worse. not the usual transfer-window whispers that came and went every few days. these were constant. relentless even as the season was coming to its final weeks.

every morning there seemed to be a new article. every afternoon another update. every evening another journalist claiming to have "sources close to the situation."

possible destinations. likely destinations. clubs which were "monitoring the situation."

one report had you in spain. another had you on the south east coast of america. a third insisted you were staying in england but moving north.

some of them spoke with such confidence that it sounded as though a contract had already been signed. you never commented, you just got quieter.

at first alessia had tolf herself it was normal. transfer speculation happened every season. players ignored it all the time. plus you were her girlfriend, you'd tell her if there was a move on the cards for you.

but this felt different and the conversation that happen with leah and you in the hallway had been playing on alessia's mind for weeks.

so evening you were both at home, curled up on opposite ends of the sofa with takeaway containers balanced on the coffee table.

the television was on but neither of you were watching it. you had picked at a few chips and then abandoned the box entirely. alessia noticed, she noticed everything these days.

for several minutes she watched her girlfriend pretend to scroll through your phone while not actually reading anything. then alessia finally set her own container down. "okay."

you looked up immediately, too quickly. "what?"

alessia turned sideways on the sofa, her hand resting on your knee. "what is going on?"

"nothing." the answer came automatically. instant that it was practically a reflex at this point.

and that, more than anything, made alessia's chest tighten. "y/n."

"i'm fine."

"you're not."

your jaw tightened as you looked away toward the darkened window. alessia moved closer, you legs now resting on her lap. "every time i ask about next season, you shut down."

"less—“

"no."her voice wasn't sharp. ot wasn't angry. it was tired, tired of being shut out. tired of watching the person she loved carry something alone.

"worst case scenario," alessia said quietly, "tell me."

you swallowed, still not having the guts to look at your girlfriend or say the words aloud. "nothing."

"best case scenario?" alessia asked, rephrasing the question for you.

"babe."

"y/n."

the use of your full name landed between them like a weight. your eyes closed briefly. alessia reached across and took your hand, it was cold. "talk to me, please."

for a second you looked as though you might pull away but instead your fingers curled weakly around alessia's. and

suddenly you couldn't do it anymore. couldn't lie. couldn't pretend. couldn't keep carrying the secret that had been crushing you for months from the person you loved.

your breathing hitched. once. twice. then a third time, sharp enough that alessia sat up straighter, she could tell that from whatever it was you were holding onto it wasn't good.

but before you could stop them, tears spilled down your cheeks. alessia's entire expression changed and concern replaced frustration instantly. "oh, hey."

you moved your hand from alessia's as you covered your face with both hands. "they don't want me." the words came out broken and raw.

alessia frowned, not understanding. who was 'they'?  "what do you mean?"

your shoulders shook as alessia's words weren't processing in your head as everything you'd been holding onto just came spilling out, "i've known since january"

a beat of silence ran around the room before alessia whispered, "what?"

you dragged a shaky breath in. "they aren't renewing me."

and for a moment alessia just stared at you as if her brain had refused to process the sentence. "they what?"

you nodded miserably. "i didn't know how to tell you."

"january?" alessia repeated, disbelief creeping into her voice.

"you’ve known since january?"

another nod, you screwed your eyes shut. in your mind you could imagine alessia’s face, annoyed, upset and rightly so.

so when alessia moved without thinking and pulled you towards her until you were pressed against her. wrapping both of her arms around you and holding on tightly. in your mind you were only dreaming.

but as alessia’s cooed and rubbed your back you knew she was there, she may be upset but she was here for you, always. you made a small strangled sound before burying yourself in alessia’s neck.

and then, that was the moment you finally fell apart. not the controlled tears she'd been fighting, real sobs. the kind that shook through your whole body.

twenty years. academy at eight. every age group. every injury. every setback. every dream. your entire life had been built around one badge.

"i don't know what i’m doing," you cried. "i don’t know where i’m going."

alessia tightened her arms around you. "you don't have to know right now."

"but—" you sniffled your words not making much sense.

"we’ll figure it out." alessia said softly kissing the top of your head, trying her best to comfort you.

you shook your head against her shoulder. "you don't understand."

"i do."

"no." your voice cracked again, "my whole life has been arsenal." the words shattered into another sob.

alessia closed her eyes because she did understand. maybe not completely maybe no one could unless they’d spent the same amount of time you had at the same club. but alessia understood enough.

enough to know that this wasn't just about a contract. it was about identity. about belonging and about walking into a place that had felt like home since childhood and realising it no longer wanted you to stay.

alessia pressed a kiss into your hair. "baby, listen to me." you didn't move. "we’ll work it out together, i promise”

another kiss. "whatever happens." another. "whatever club, country” another as you finally lifted your head, your eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, completely heartbroken.

alessia brushed away the tears still clinging to your cheeks.

"you are not doing this alone."

your mouth trembled. "i’m so scared," you admitted.

"of what?"

"cause saying it aloud makes it real.."

alessia chest ached for you. "it’s real," she said softly, nothing she could say was going to sugarcoat that. "but that doesn't mean you've lost everything."

you looked unconvinced, “it feels like i have."

"you haven't." alessia tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "yes you’ve lost a club. not your career. not your talent. not the loving person you are."

you let out a shaky breath. "i don't even know who o am without arsenal."

"then we'll find out." alessia smiled, wiping your cheeks. “but either way i’ll love you all the more”

as you mumbled ‘i love you’ back as the tears started again but this time, when you cried, you weren’t curled up alone in a bathroom after another meeting with your agent.

you weren’t staring at headlines in the middle of the night. you weren’t carrying the weight of twenty years by herself.

alessia was holding you through every shaking breath, one hand rubbing slow circles across your back and for the first time since january, you felt something other than panic.

it wasn't certainty. it wasn't hope, not fully.

but wrapped in the arms of the person you loved, with the truth finally out in the open, the pressure in your chest eased just enough for you to breathe again.

mario and carol were sat opposite deep in conversation with luca’s wife, lauren as luca was arguing with gio about something football related while rosa was soundly asleep as alessia was trying to convince you to eat something that wasn’t just chips.

“two more bites of your sandwich,” alessia negotiated picking up the triangle shaped sandwich and handing it closer to you

you narrowed her eyes, dropping the colouring crayon out of your hand. “three chips and a bite.” alessia sighed before nodding knowing it was either that or you wouldn’t eat it.

“you drive a hard bargain.” gio snorted from beside them, scrolling through his phone while he waited for the food to arrive. that was when you spotted the screen.

“who’s that?” you asked, leaning dramatically across the table.

gio glanced down. “just one of my friends, that i went to school with when i was as big as you.”

swipe.

“and who’s that?”

“that’s someone i did a shoot with.”

swipe.

“and—” gio stopped. a photo of alexia putellas in a london city lionesses shirt filled the screen.

your eyes widened instantly. “ALEXIA!” you gasped, nearly spilling your juice carton all down yourself.

alessia smiled despite herself. “good spotting, lovie.”

“she’s moving to london city,” gio explained, still looking at the post. “looks like the announcement’s official now.”

that was all the information you needed. your little forehead scrunched in concentration as she stared at the phone, then looked around the table.

alexia. london city. your auntie mary. london. alexia. your auntie mary.

alessia watched the exact moment her daughter connected the dots.

“i’m going to live with auntie mary.” you said so sure of yourself as the table fell silent as luca blinked slowly only hearing the last part of the conversation.

carol lowered her fork, a small smile hidden behind her mouth as gio looked like he might choke from laughing.

alessia turned slowly to her daughter. “you’re going to what?”

“live with auntie mary,” you repeated confidently, arms folding this time to seem more serious.

“right,” alessia said carefully, placing her glass down on the table. “and why exactly are you moving out?”

gio held up his phone. “i think she’s figured out that mary plays for london city now too.”

you nodded enthusiastically. “if i live with mary, then i can go to training with her and see alexia every day.”

luca burst out laughing.“that’s actually a pretty good plan for a five year old,” he admitted.

“thank you,” you said proudly, as you climbed over to sit with your mummy on her seat.

alessia pressed her lips together to stop herself laughing too hard. “lovie, that’s not really how it works.”

you frowned as you looked up at her. “why not?”

“because,” alessia said gently, brushing a curl away from your face, “auntie mary has her own house and her own training schedule, and alexia has hers. you can’t just move in with someone so you can see your football idol every day.”

you considered this very seriously, even though it didn’t make much sense to you. to you it was an excellent plan. “even if i help tidy up?” you asked, knowing adults liked when things were tidy.

gio snorted into his drink. “still a no, kiddo” alessia said, laughing now. you sighed dramatically, the kind only children could manage. the world was ending in your eyes.

alessia nudged your knee. “also, everyone at arsenal would miss you far too much.”

you looked up immediately. “really?”

“really.” alessia echoed as you nodded slightly.

“all of them?”

“all of them.”

“even lotte?”

“especially lotte.”

that seemed to satisfy you.“that’s true,” you admitted.

“oh?” alessia asked, wonding where this sense of sudden confidence had come from. “and how do you know that?”

you sat up straighter, suddenly very pleased with yourself. “cause rara told me i bring the vibes.”

there was a beat of silence before the entire table erupted into laughter. “she said what?” alessia asked through a laugh.

“that i bring the vibes,” you repeated importantly. “and training is way more fun when i’m there.”

“that sounds exactly like something kyra would say,” luca said, shaking his head. mario chuckled. “i think tiny might be right.”

alessia wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “well, arsenal would definitely struggle without their official vibes manager.”

you beamed. “so i should stay?”

“i think so.” alessia nodded as if she’d even considered letting your elusive plan go through.

“but can i still meet alexia sometimes?”

“of course you can, i’ll try and make it happen” alessia promised as you gave an excited smile.

you relaxed against her side, apparently satisfied with the arrangement. “okay,” you decided. “i’ll stay with you.”

alessia kissed the top of her head. “thanks, lovie. i was worried i was about to lose my daughter to the transfer window rumours.”

“i was only considering it,” you informed your mummy very matter of the factly.

“how very kind of you but can you now finished your lunch please?” alessia asked nicely bringing your place of half eaten sandwiches and chips back in front of you.

“i guess so, but can i still wear my barcelona shirt when i see alexia?” alessia groaned while the rest of the family laughed again. you only grinned wider.

the photographer was still setting up for the next round of content, giving everyone a forty-five minute break. most of the squad had scattered, majority were making coffees while others were just chilling in the players' lounge.

you however… you were hunched over a laptop at one of tables, your phone wedged between your shoulder and ear. three colour coded notebooks open around you, tabs multiplying across your screen faster than you could close them.

"...no, i understand that's your policy..." you pinched the bridge of your nose, a huff coming from your lips. "...i'm just asking if moving the seating plan by two tables really requires an entirely new floor plan."

silence followed by another pause. you closed your eyes in frustration, "...right"

click. the call ended.

you let your forehead fall against the laptop with a soft thunk, for exactly three seconds before sitting back up.

- email.

- venue.

- spreadsheet

- guest list

- budget

- accommodation

- transport

you clicked between documents so quickly even you couldn't exactly be sure what you'd been trying to do anymore. "why isn't this saving?" you groaned, hitting the save button repeatedly.

nothing.

"...you've got to be jokin'!" you huffed the screen loading and that annoying little buffer sign spinning annoyingly, taunting you and again nothing.

"oh, come on." you whispered, the laptop had now frozen that stupid little buffer sign now sitting still in the middle of your screen.

you stared blankly at it in disbelief, "no, surely not-"

click. nothing"

"no, no don't you dare."

click. but still nothing.

your jaw clenched, your patience running thinner "you've actually got to kidding me-"

across the room, beth looked up from where she'd been arguing with alessia over a game of monopoly deal. "...is she talking to herself?"

katie glanced over, putting her cup of coffee down on the table nearby, "she's been sat there for half an hour"

leah frowned, looking over with a furrowed brow "i thought she was just editing media stuff"

"no," beth laughed, loudly. "she's deep in the wedding planning."

"still?" leah questioned as beth nodded, it being a common theme for you at the minute.

katie just looked over her shoulder, "didn't she spend four hours doing that yesterday?"

"no, five," alessia corrected absentmindedly before looking back at the card game they were playing. alessia had stopped keeping track as you insisted you were fine and had everything happily under control and that you were really enjoying the planning process

and alessia had believed her, mostly. until now as you let out another frustrated groan from across the room.

"that makes absolutely no sense." you swore, thinking aloud as your head sunk into your hands, your mind spinning in circles.

katie wandered over first, placing a hand on your shoulder as she sat beside you, "you al'right?"

you took your head out your hands quickly but you barely looked up from the screen as you hummed a little in response to katie's question.

"your a terrible liar"

"'m fine."

katie looked at the screen, eyes widening wonder how on earth you were able to make any sense of what was on the screen, it just being filled with words and charts. "...what are you supposed to be lookin' at?"

"it's not matching." you pointed to the screen, katie nodding her head as if she understood but really she was still just as clueless if not even more so.

"what isn't?" she asked as you turned your head to look at her, seeing the confused look on her face.

"the seating software." you said as if it was the most obvious answer katie could able come up with.

katie blinked, "sorry.. the what?"

you sighed, "the seating software." you repeated a little louder this time.

katie looked genuinely horrified but still confused before asking. "there's software for stuff like that?"

"there are seventeen different seating software programmes." you pointed out, only knowing that because you had tried each and every single one out before deciding on the one you were using, deeming it the best on however you were now having doubts.

"...why?"

"i don't know!" your voice cracked with frustration the stupid software starting to buffer again, "i just need it to work!"

katie slowly stood back up, lingering for a minute watching as you stared intently at the screen she was slightly worried your eyes may turn square. "i'll be back in a minute"

within minutes beth, leah and caitlin had all wandered over, crowding around the table alongside katie.

beth pointed at the screen sitting in the seat katie previously had been, "so..." you nodded distractedly, humming to acknowledge their presence. "...what's wrong?"

you gestured helplessly at the screen which hadn't been making sense to you for the last hour, "everything,"

leah leaned in over the top looking at your laptop, "you've got spreadsheets linked to spreadsheets.." you nodded as leah continued to analyse your work, "and colour coding... and formulas?... what do you need them for?"

"and...is that a seating simulation?" leah continued as you dropped your head back into your hands mumbling a 'yes'

there was a brief silence before beth eventually spoke, ".. you are aware people usually use pegs and plates for that type of thing..."

you lifted your head and turned to look at beth like she'd just suggested setting the venue on fire. "it's our wedding."

"yeah?"

"it has to be perfect."

leah softened, a concerned look flashing across her face at your words, "y/n..."

"what if someone can't see because they're behind a flower arrangement?"

"...could always move the flowers?" beth pointed out as you dismissed it straight away.

"and what if cousins who don't like each other get put too close together?"

"...move the cousins?" caitlin suggested but again you dismissed it straight away.

"what if—"

"y/n." leah said sternly over the top of your voice as you stopped talking. leah exchanging a glance with beth who nodded understanding the signal as she quietly slipped away.

"so..." katie whispered, trying to bring the sound back to another conversation that wasn't colour schemes and seating arrangements.

"where are you going?" caitlin asking spinning a little as she watched beth back away a little

"i'm getting her fiancée." beth called out walking straight in the direction of your blonde wife to be.

alessia was halfway through having photos taken when when appeared beside the backdrop.

"less." beth called over a worried look on her face as alessia looked up and around for the sound of the voice before landing on beth sending her a smile.

"i think your future wife might be having a breakdown."

alessia immediately lowered the football she'd been holding, brows furrowing immediately. "what?"

beth nodded towards the lounge, alessia following the movement and seeing you sat once again with that laptop.  "she's been wrestling with seating plans for about forty minutes now." beth said as alessia looked between beth and you.

"and?" alessia waited knowing there was something else as this was the 'norm' for you at the minute.

"and i think she's genuinely considering fighting the laptop." beth continued, as alessia hummed she knew there was going to be something else.

alessia's smiled faintly. "that bad?"

"less..." beth's grin and usual joker expression disappeared, "i don't think she's okay."

the smile slipped from alessia's face as she thanked the photographer before quietly making her way across the room. spotting you immediately still exactly where she'd left you after the first round of media attention.

your shoulders still tense and jaw tight with hair messier than usual from repeatedly running your hands through it. your eyes glued to the screen with an intensity normally reserved for major finals.

you didn't even notice alessia walking up behind you. alessia looked at the screen: seven different tabs, an inbox overflowing with unread replies, a spreadsheet she'd never be able to understand, notes, timelines, colour codes, checklists half written.

you had done all this... for one day. a day just for the two of you. the thought made alessia's chest squeeze.

without saying a word, alessia stepped behind your chair and wrapped both arms gently around your shoulders. you startled slightly at the sudden contact, but you knew exactly who it would be. "..hi"

alessia rested her chin against the top of your head. "hi"

you immediately reached for the keyboard again. "i've nearly fixed it." a sense of achievement in your tone slightly, however it came across more tiredly than you expected.

"you've said that for the last hour babe" alessia said sweetly, knowing you and your stubbornness that you wouldn't leave it be until there was a sense of accomplishment.

"but.. but i actually have this time." you said quietly, tapping away at the keyboard.

"y/n."

"i'm serious." you quipped back, your brow creasing with concentration as you carried on tapping away furiously at the keyboard.

"i know." alessia kissed your hair. "so serious you've forgotten you've not eaten lunch."

you paused. "...have i?" you asked looking around the room for signs of lunch but there wasn't any, everyone else was back to doing their media duties so you had in fact missed lunch,

"you've also ignored three messages from me." alessia listed her arms tightening around you.

"...did i?" you reached for your phone and along with messages to do with the wedding also sat alessia's messages which you hadn't even remember popping up on the screen.

"and you've been frowning so hard i'm worried your face is going to stay like that." alessia pointed out as she poked at your cheek with her nail.

you couldn't help the tiny smile. "it might."

alessia gently slid the laptop a few inches away and immediately you reached for it. "no."

alessia reached first, closing it with a soft click as you gasped dramatically as if she had just personally offended you. "babe-"

"no." alessia deadpanned looking at you dead in the eyes.

"but my work, our wedding"

"it'll still be there tomorrow."

"it won't if i don't—"

"it will, i promise baby" alessia said constantly as she held you hand in hers before kissing the top of your head again.

you sighed, leaning slightly back into her feeling somewhat of comfort for the first time since you arrived at training.

"it has to be perfect" your voice was quieter now, smaller and more vulnerable "its just.." you swallowed, the words on the tip of your tongue, "i only get to marry you once"

alessia felt her heart ache that little bit more cause you weren't stressed because you cared about centrepieces or the seating charts or the colour of the table linen.

you were stressed because every decision carried the same thought. this is the day i marry the love of my life.

alessia loosened one arm before gently taking your hand. "y/n." alessias blue eyes finally meeting yours, "i don't care if someone sits three chairs further away."

you opened your mouth to try and interrupt but alessia shut you down, "i don't care if the flowers aren't exactly the right shade."

"they're not—"

"i don't care if it rains." alessia carried on, before shrugging slightly "it probably will"

that drew a weak laughter from you as you agreed "it probably will."

"and do you know why?" alessia asked as you shook your head, "because i'm marrying you"

alessia brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear."i could marry you in a registry office with two plastic chairs and a tesco meal deal afterwards."

you just laughed, as alessia continued, “i'm serious!"

"i know."

"the only thing i've ever cared about..." alessia leaned forward until your foreheads rested together. "...is that, at the end of the aisle, it's you waiting for me."

your eyes shimmered as you nodded lightly, alessia carrying on with her loving words, "so stop trying to build the perfect wedding."

a thumb brushed gently across your cheek. "because the moment you asked me to marry you..." alessia smiled, impossibly soft pressing a quick kiss to your lips, "...it was already perfect."

you breath caught. every spreadsheet, sleepless night, colour comparison, frantic email, backup plan, every moment you’d spent worrying...

all because you wanted alessia to have the best day of her life. and alessia... alessia had never needed any of it. she just needed you.

you let out a shaky laugh. "i hate how easily you fix me."

"i don't."

"no?"

"i quite enjoy reminding my future wife she's allowed to breathe." alessia smiled, kissing the side of your head as you finally stood, turning in alessia's arms until you could wrap both of hers tightly around her waist.

you buried her face into alessia's neck. "i love you."

"i love you too." alessia whispered into the side of your ear.

"i just wanted it to be worthy of you." you whispered, while it was quiet alessia still heard and felt every word as she held you a little tighter.

"you are."

you frowned, "the wedding"

"no." alessia shook her head lightly before pulling back just enough to look you in the eyes. "you." your eyes filled despite yourself.

across the room, beth nudged katie. a proud smile spreading across beth's lips. "told you she'd sort it"

katie watched you melt completely against alessia. "its actually disgustingly cute"

leah smiled over the rim of her water bottle, standing like a proud mum, "no." she watched as alessia pressed a gentle kiss against your forehead before leading you away from the abandoned laptop and towards the lunch room.

alessia was sitting beside you on a blanket which was spread across the sand, her legs tucked under neath her as she leans comfortably against your shoulder.

somewhere behind the two of you, a couple of people are laughing. a dog runs across the beach chasing a tennis ball. the scent of salt hangs in the evening air.

it's perfect.

you swallow hard. "you're quiet," alessia says, nudging your shoulder.

you glance down to find her bright blue eyes already looking at you. "i'm always quiet."

"not this quiet." alessia smiles before turning her attention back to the horizon.

the two of you had been together for nearly four years now.

four years of busy schedules. four years of late-night phone calls. four years of celebrating victories and surviving disappointments. four years of finding home in each other.

"i've been thinking lately," alessia says softly, as the a crisp breeze blows across you both as your stomach immediately twists. dangerous words.

"oh yeah?" you hum, your arm which was wrapped around her moving slightly closer to her. your mind going a hundred to one as you were unsure as to what she was going to come out with. 

"yeah." alessia begins to draws patterns into the sand with her fingertip. "about life."

you nearly let a laugh slip. of course. of all days. of all conversations alessia chooses this one.

"what about it?"

alessia just shrugs as the wind catches a few strands of her hair, "do you ever think about where you'll be in ten years time, like where we'll be?"

you feel the question settle in your chest. because you had thought about it. more than you'd ever admitted out loud.

⸻

three months earlier.

you had known before you admitted it to yourself. it wasn't some huge revelation or dramatic moment or lightning bolt. it was just a hundred tiny moments piling up until the answer became obvious.

moments like watching alessia fall asleep on the sofa after a match. like hearing her talk excitedly about absolutely nothing. like listening to her complain about some joke her teammates pulled on her that day whilst deep down secretly loving every second of it or like every single time you caught yourself thinking about the future and realising alessia was in all of it.

every version, plan and dream. alessia was there, at the forefront of it.

the realisation hit you properly at ella's wedding. not during the ceremony or the speeches. it happened later, when most people had moved onto the dance floor.

alessia had kicked off her heels and was laughing so hard she could barely stand upright. the fairy lights hanging above them reflected in her eyes and you had looked at her and thought- ‘there she is, my person.’

the thought had arrived with such certainty that it startled you. no 'i think'. no 'maybe someday'. no 'what if'. just certainty.

you wanted were going to marry her.

but planning a proposal had turned out to be significantly less romantic than you had imagined. mostly because you'd never realised how many decisions actually went into asking someone to marry you.

the ring, location, date, weather, photographer, travel, excuses. backup plans and then backup plans for the backup plans.

every time you thought you'd finally figured everything out, another detail appeared and there was something else to organise and something else which could potentially go wrong.

at one point you'd spent nearly forty-five minutes researching average sunset times before realising you'd completely forgotten to book the restaurant you'd already decided they were going to afterwards.

then the ring alone had nearly driven you insane.

you'd spent weeks researching. looking at hundreds of different styles, saving photos, deleting them again, second-guessing every decision you made.

some were too flashy, other too trendy or too complicated and some just weren't alessia. nothing felt quite right until the moment you seen it. a ring which was simple but so elegant in its own timeless sort of way and exactly like her.

the day you picked it up, you had sat alone in your car for almost twenty minutes with the tiny velvet box resting in her palm.

staring at it and turning it over while trying not to panic. because suddenly it wasn't some distant idea you'd been carrying around since ella's wedding. it wasn't a maybe anymore, it was real.

you were actually going to ask alessia russo to marry you and hopefully, hopefully, alessia russo was going to say yes.

but before you could even think about proposal locations or photographers, though, there was one thing you knew you wanted to do first; ask for her parents' blessing.

it wasn't something you felt obligated to do. alessia wasn't anyone's possession, the decision belonged entirely to her.

but you loved her family almost as much as you loved alessia, and you wanted them to know how serious this was before anyone else did.

the nerves you'd felt that day as you sat in the car rehearsing over and over on the drive over of what to say just to forget it the moment you got to the doorstep.

maybe worse. the house is quieter than you had expected. a kettle clicks somewhere in the kitchen. a tv murmurs low in the background. it's normal. ordinary. safe. which somehow makes you more nervous.

alessia's dad, mario was in the living room. he looks up from his seat, then straightens when he sees you properly.

"you're making me think you've done something you shouldn't have?" mario had laughed when you appeared at their front door looking unusually serious.

"i haven't but i need to ask you both something."

"should we be worried?" carol had asked.

you had swallowed hard, then harder. then somehow managed to force the words out. "no. well. hopefully not."

both of them were looking at you now. waiting, nervous to what you were going to say. you suddenly felt about sixteen years old. you opened your mouth to say the words but then paused.

a very long pause. then finally— "i want to marry your daughter."

the silence that followed lasted approximately three seconds but it felt like three years. then carol hand flew straight to her mouth. mario just blinked, twice before breaking into the biggest smile you had ever seen.

"oh thank god," mario said a big sigh coming from him.

you frowned, unsure if their reaction was good or not, "what?"

"we thought somebody was dying." he joked, carol immediately smacked his arm.

"what he means," carol said, already tearing up slightly, "is yes. of course yes."

you laughed despite yourself. relief flooding through you so quickly you thought your knees might actually give out.

"you make her happy," mario continued, his voice softer now as he moved to take a sip of his tea. "and that's all we've ever wanted for her."

"and you've loved her from day one, it was obvious and alessia, well she's head over heels for you," carol added, as she sent you a loving smile.

"you're already family, y/n."

and that, that line nearly finished you off. by the time you left their house that afternoon, your cheeks hurt from smiling.

the blessing wasn't permission. it wasn't an approval you needed but hearing the people who knew alessia best tell you you belonged in their family made something settle inside you chest. made everything feel even more real.

but once that was over then came keeping secrets. which turned out to be almost impossible especially around alessia russo.

because alessia seemed to noticed everything. everything.

the first near-disaster happened when you accidentally left a jewellery website open on your laptop. you'd practically launched herself across the room to close it.

alessia had looked suspicious for approximately three days afterwards.

the second happened when you received a phone call from the photographer whilst standing right next to alessia. you'd somehow managed to convince her it was a work call.

a terrible lie, if you'd ever heard one and one alessia definitely hadn't believed but somehow she'd let it go.

the third near-disaster involved ella which was honestly inevitable and you were surprised at how far down the line you had planned before ella sussed anything.

"you look stressed." ella looked right through your eyes as you were out for coffee with her and alessia, alessia up at the counter ordering for the three of you.

"maybe because i am stressed." you quipped back fast, not meaning for the tone of your voice to come across the way it did.

"proposal stressed?"

you had nearly choked on your words and ella's grin had been infuriating. "you are terrible at hiding things."

after that the weeks passed painfully slowly.

you checked the ring approximately twelve times a day. changed the proposal locations three times. panicked over the weather forecasts. then panicked because you were panicking.

the closer it got, the more nervous you became. not because you thought alessia would say no. you knew she wouldn't at least you hoped she wouldn't. ninety-nine point nine percent sure.

the nerves came from wanting it to be perfect because alessia deserved perfect. deserved every good thing in the world and you wanted this moment to feel like the two of you.

not grand. not over-the-top.

just real, honestly and just pure love.

⸻

you hum, thinking about alessia's question, "yeah i do think about the future definitely"

alessia nods her head in response, the conversation clearly not going any further as you both look out at the beach in front of you. maybe not talking but enjoying each others company,

the holiday you both were on had been nice, a time to really appreciate one another. alessia enjoying herself after a busy season, fully relaxing and letting her hair down while you knew in the back of your head this would be a holiday alessia wouldn't want to forget any time soon.

the beach however, was quieter than before. the sun beginning to disappear beneath the horizon, reflecting all sorts of orange tones onto the water.

your pulse is so loud your convinced alessia can hear it. as she beside you is resting her head against your shoulder. comfortable and completely unaware.

you take a shaky breath, soon, this is it. no more planning, waiting or rehearsing speeches while looking at the ceiling tiles while trying to fall asleep.

"i don't know," alessia says quietly. "i just think about it sometimes."

you smiles softly, knowing she's going back to what you were just talking about, "yeah?"

"yeah." alessia shrugs. "when we're old."

you lets out a laugh, your fingers playing the the end of her ponytail, "we're only twenty six, less-"

"i know."

"but you're already planning retirement?"

alessia nudges you shoulder, you still laughing. "babe, i'm being serious."

you raise your hands in surrender, "sorry, love" and then for a moment, neither of you speak. the sea fills the silence, the waves crashes against one another.

then alessia smiles. "i think you'll be one of those people who refuses to admit they're old."

you scoff. "excuse me?"

"you will."

"will not."

"you absolutely will."

you rolls her eyes as alessia laughs the vision seemingly playing out in her imagination. "you'll be complaining about your knees."

"i do not complain about my knees." you whine, wondering when this conversation became just taking the mick out of you.

"you literally complained about your knee yesterday." alessia deadpanned, turning slightly to look at you.

"that's because i hit it off the side of the bed." you frowned, a small pout lining your lips.

"oh my poor baby" alessia cooed, her hand reaching out to your cheek as you tried to keep your deep frown however the smile on alessia's face was enough to make you melt and you let out a laugh as did she.

the sound gets carried away by the wind. beside you, alessia smiles. the kind of smile you could spend a lifetime looking at. the kind that still makes you stomach flip, even now.

especially now.

"i think we'll still be like this."

you glance across. "like what?"

alessia looks down at your intertwined hands, shrugging like it was nothing, "us."

the simple answer makes your chest ache, good ache. the kind that only comes from loving someone this much.

"i think we'll still annoy each other."

you snorts, agreeing knowing that sometimes all you both did was wind the other one up, "oh definitely."

"and you'll still steal all the blankets." alessia continued her ramble as your brows furrowed slightly.

"i do not."

"you absolutely do."

you decide not to argue, mostly because alessia is right. she taking your silence as that she won that case, laughing slightly as her expression softens.

"i don't really care where we are." alessia admits, the confession is quiet but honest. your breath catching slightly as alessia squeezes your hand, "i just want you there"

the words hit harder than they should because alessia has no idea. no idea what's about to happen or that you've spend months planning this. no idea that the future she's talking about is sitting in your back pocket.

you stare at her, at the women you've built a life with and the women you want beside you forever.

you stand suddenly, a small gasp coming from alessia at the sudden movement before a frown appears on her life, "what are you doing?"

you hold out a hand, a small smile on your lips "come for a walk with me,"

alessia smiles immediately, smoothing out her skirt as she stands, "okay," as she takes your hand without hesitation, like she always does.

the sand shifts beneath your feet as you both wander slowly along the shoreline. the water occasionally brushes your ankles before retreating again. neither of you lets go.

you both don't need to fill the silence. you never have. eventually you stop and the beach stretches around them.

the sea sparkles beneath the fading sunlight. everything feels still and peaceful.

alessia turns towards you wind catches her blonde hair as her cheeks are pink from the cool evening air and for a moment she looks exactly like every future you have ever imagined.

every birthday. every holiday. every ordinary tuesday. every version. just her.

alessia smiles, looking into your eyes, "what?" you shake your head, you were just admiring her.

it was nothing but everything. how were you supposed to explain that your looking at the love of your life? that your looking at home?

so instead you steps closer, pressing a kiss against alessia's forehead which alessia immediately melts into it. a content sigh escaping her.

when you pulls back, alessia's eyes are shining. "i love you, you know."

you smiles, "i know and i love you,, so much"

alessia rises onto her toes and kisses you. slow, warm and familiar. the kind of kiss that feels like every day you've both already shared and every day still to come. when you finally part, neither moves far away.

forehead touching as your hands are interlinked and the world narrowing until it's just them.

and that's when you suddenly know you can't wait any longer. not when the future you've been dreaming about is standing right in front of you. not when every single thing you want is already here.

you looks at her, really look at her. the women who has become your home, the women you want beside you for every version of the future.

and then you reach into your pocket.

alessia frowns, not unhappy by confused like it’s not. clicked in her head what’s happening yet, "y/n?"

your hands are shaking and the small velvet box feels impossibly heavy.

alessia's eyes drop to it almost immediately, then widen and somehow widen again. "oh my god."

you laugh nervously, all the words you wanted to tell her suddenly disappearing, "yeah" is all you manage to squeak out before your voice cracks. a brilliant start.

alessia's hand flies to her mouth, "no, baby”

you laugh again, "unfortunately, yes."

tears are already gathering in alessia's eyes as you take a shaky breath before slowly lowers yourself onto one knee in the sand and the world seems to stop. alessia stares at you, lovingly but completely frozen in place. "oh my god."

you open the box and the ring catches the last golden light of the sunset and suddenly every speech you'd prepared disappears. every carefully rehearsed sentence, every plan.

gone meaning it only left the truth.

"alessia, my lessi." you start with as your own eyes are burning now. "i could stand here and tell you every reason i love you."

a wet laugh escapes alessia, a cute pout appearing on her lips, "y/n..."

"but we'd be here all night."

alessia laughs through her tears as you smile before continues.

"you make every ordinary day better and you make every difficult day easier." your voice trembles as you spoke with nothing but pure love for her. "and every good day unforgettable."

alessia is crying openly now and so are you, "

"i don't know what the future looks like." you take a breath, wiping your face, "and i don't know where football will take us"

"i don't know where we'll be in ten years." you slip in as alessia's face crumples remember the conversation you both just had. the question, the future.

"but i do know one thing." your grip tightens slightly around the ring box. "i know i want every part of it with you."

a sob escapes alessia, the kind that nearly makes you cry harder as you smile through it. then finally asks the question you'd carried around for months. "so alessia russo will you marry me?"

for a moment alessia just stares, letting the whole moment sink in. she's crying, laughing, in pure disbelief. feeling every emotion as it hits her. thinking for a moment that she can't belief this is happening.

then suddenly she drops to her knees in the sand. "y/n."

you start laughing through her tears, you whisper nervously, "you're taking a really long time to answer."

that earns a watery laugh as alessia grabs your face with both hands. your foreheads touching as your tears mix.

"you idiot."

you grin, "that's not a yes."

alessia laughs again the. whispers the easiest answer she's ever given. "yes."

your breath catches and every nerve you felt disappeared as alessia smiles bright and beautiful and completely overwhelmed, "of course it's a yes"

the relief hit you all at once, powerful enough to steal the air from your lungs. alessia laughs as you pull her into a hug. the two of you nearly topple into the sand but neither of you cares.

"yes?" you asks again, just to make sure.

alessia cups your face. "yes."

a kiss. "yes"

another kiss. "yes, yes yes!"

you laugh helplessly as the ring is still sitting forgotten in the box between the two of you, "should probably put this on you then"

alessia looks down, "oh”

you both laugh as you carefully slide the ring into her finger. perfect as alessia stares at it then back at you and suddenly she's crying again. "oh no"

you kiss her anyway. the moment your lips meet, everything falls away. the sound of a slight cheer in the distance from passer-by's, the wind brushing past, the tears still clinging to her lashes. it all disappears.

alessia kisses you back with the same overwhelming certainty she'd said yes with, one hand sliding up to cradle your jaw while the other curls tightly into the front of your shirt as though she's afraid that, if she lets go, she'll wake up and discover this was all a dream.

the kiss is slow, unhurried, filled with soft smiles that brush against each other's lips every few seconds, both of you unable to stop grinning.

you deepen it only slightly, your thumb stroking gently along her cheek, catching the dampness left behind by happy tears. she melts into you with a quiet, contented sigh, her forehead bumping yours for the briefest moment before she closes the distance again, stealing another kiss, then another.

every touch is tender, every movement full of years of love finally leading to this single moment. when you eventually part, it's only by a fraction, your noses still touching, your breaths mingling, both of you smiling so widely it almost makes kissing impossible.

yet neither of you can stop leaning back in, as if one kiss could never be enough now that you know you'll have forever.

when you both finally pull apart, the sun has almost disappeared completely. alessia rests her head against your shoulder and for a while they simply stand there.

listening to the waves and holding each other. watching as the sky fade from gold to pink. then alessia lifts your joined hands and the ring catches the last of the light. "ten years."

you smile "hm?"

"you never answered me."

"what?"

alessia looks at her, a small smile in between her lips, "where do you think we'll be in ten years?"

you stare at her. at the woman you loves, at your fiancée and then you smile. slow and certain. "i don't know"

alessia laughs. "great answer babe"

you squeeze her hand, "but i do know you'll be there" the smile that spreads across alessia's face could rival the sunset. "yeah?"

"yeah."

alessia steps closer. close enough that there isn't any space left between them. good."

you wrap your arms around her, holding her tightly. holding her like you plan to for the rest of your life and as the final sliver of sunlight disappears beyond the horizon, you both stand together on the beach.

no longer wondering about the future. no longer dreaming about it. instead living it, together.

mummy pickups were rare. only really reserved for off days or off season. they were special ones.

so on a random tuesday, the clouds grey and unpleasant as you lined up with other kids in your class, all wrapped up in warm coats and your backpack hanging off your shoulder shuffling towards the playground.

you were already lined up with the other kids, a slower step in your walk as the day had tired you out. you were already half-turned ready to spot familiar faces or a familiar laugh.

but then you saw.

saw the familiar blonde hair. your mummy. sunglasses on, hoddie pulled up and trying very hard to blend in and failing completely.

you stopped dead as your teacher called your name to help you spot who was collecting you. "MUMMY?" you spiralled, voice going an octave higher than usual.

alessia barely had time to open her arms before you launched yourself forward, backpack bouncing wildly as you ran. the teacher looking up with a warm smile as you ran towards your mummy.

"mummy! you're here!"

"i'm here, baby," alessia laughed, dropping into a crouch just in time to catch you, "i said i'd try, didn't i?"

you wrapped yourself around her like an octopus, legs squeezing tight as your face buried in your mummy's neck. to anyone else they'd think she'd been gone on a week long trip when in reality she kissed you goodbye as your nonna picked you up to take you to school this morning.

"i thought nonna was pickin' me up. she said dat this mornin'" you said, muffled. "i was gonna tell her about my book that we are learnin' bout!"

"well, you can still tell me," alessia said softly, lifting you properly as you settled on her hip like it was the most natural thing in the world and it was. "i'd love to hear all about it!"

you pulled back, eyes shining, "it bout a this big monster..." you began trailing off in big amounts of detail. your arms flying around as you spoke. alessia listening with a smile.

"wow, that sounds like quite the story" alessia smiled, her heart warm in her chest.

you waved some of your friends and your teacher goodbye as you still clung to your mummy like she might disappear if you let go.

once the two of you were through the gate and heading down the pavement, alessia set you down gently but you kept hold of her hand with both of yours.

"are you really taking me home?” you asked, suspiciously as sometimes your mummy would pick you up but then have to rush off somewhere else and do boring ‘adult things’ as she would tell you.

"i really am." alessia smiled as you looked up at your mummy your brow relaxing slightly but still not fully convinced

"all the way?" you asked just making sure as you both walked down the street and closer to your home.

"all the way." alessia echoed as that seemed to do it as you let out a content hum, you swinging your hand back and forth with your mummy’s

"what about your football?” you asked, cause the usual reason mummy couldn’t pick you up everyday from school was because her training finished at the same time you would finish school.

"we finished early today” alessia smiled, knowing it was the first thing that sprung to mind when wondering what to do with her early finish.

you gasped dramatically. "so this is a surprise pick-up."

"it sure is, lovie”

you beamed, wide. you liked when your mummy picked you up. "the best kind."

you skipped alongside alessia, excitement spilling out of her in bursts. "nonna picks me up slow," you explained, hopping over a crack in the pavement. "cause she talks to everyone. and nonno always brings me snacks and uncle gio lets me sit on his shoulders cause he walks too fast."

“uncle gio does walk like a giant doesn’t he?” alessia said drawing a string of laugher from you before asking “and me?"

you thought carefully. "you are the best, duh." alessia laughed, shaking her head. "high praise that is lovie!”

you walked past the small park which wasn’t far from your house and a one you often spent time in with your uncles after school. you tugged at your mummy’s sleeve. "we go later? cause i wanna show you where i scored against uncle luca the other day!”

"we can," alessia smiled, moving a bit of your hair out of your face, as your walking was starting to slow. "if you've got the energy."

"i do," you said confidently even though the two of you were definitely walking slower than when you came out the school gates. but then, quieter, "but i like just walking with you."

that did something to alessia. she squeezed your hand, thumb brushing over your small knuckles. "me too, lovie."

as they turned onto their street, you leaned into your mummy’s side, excitement finally settling into something softer, calmer.

"mummy?" you asked.

"yeah?"

"can you pick me up again tomorrow?"

as maid of honour, alessia had thrown herself into the role with typical determination, spending most of the day darting between responsibilities, fixing last-minute problems, and making sure everything ran perfectly for her best friend.

so while you were technically there together, you’d spent most of the wedding catching glimpses of your blonde girlfriend across the venue rather than having her by your side.

but you’d made your own entertainment, speaking to ella’s extended family and some of alessia’s teammates and now you had survived exactly four hours of ella's wedding before realising two things.

one: weddings were far more emotional than you'd expected.

and two: alessia russo in a tailored bridesmaid dress should probably be illegal.

you were stood near the edge of the reception venue, drink forgotten in your hand, completely distracted as alessia laughed across the room with some of the other bridesmaids.

she looked ridiculous. never in a bad way but in a devastatingly good way.

her hair curled perfectly and softly away from her face, gold jewellery catching under the lights, cheeks pink from laughing too much all day.

you genuinely couldn't stop staring. next to you, one of ella's cousins who you had been in conversation with before you got distracted had noticed immediately. "you're gone for her, aren't you?"

you blinked, not hearing exactly what they had said. "hm?"

the woman grinned knowingly. "you haven't looked at anything else in twenty minutes."

you glanced back toward alessia just in time to catch alessia already looking at you too. immediate eye contact, an immediate loving smile like it was instinct now.

you felt your chest tighten helplessly. "yeah," you admitted softly, with a knowing smile. "just a bit."

the whole day had felt warm. not just because of the summer weather, the endless champagne or the fairy lights wrapped around the outdoor reception.

just... emotionally warm.

ella had teared up during the ceremony. alessia had cried during ella's vows. half the team had cried because of they were watching their good friend take the next step in life.

not that you would ever admit it aloud but you had spent most of the ceremony watching alessia instead of the actual bride. but hey, who could blame you.. that was your girl.

because every time alessia smiled at ella from beside her at the altar, you caught this tiny glimpse of what alessia would look like on her own wedding day.

and honestly? that thought alone nearly finished you off.

then came the speeches. joe's best man's was chaotic. her mum's was emotional. and alessia's...

you thought she might actually combust halfway through it. you watched her spent nights writing it and rewriting. asking her if she'd give you a sneak peek of what she had written but her claiming it was strictly off limits until the big day.

so watching alessia stand there clutching cue cards with shaky fingers trying so hard to keep composure while talking all things ella and their friendship was so refreshing.

about growing up together. about football. about friendship.

and then she got emotional halfway through. voice wobbling slightly. you watched her laugh through tears while ella cried across the room, and suddenly everyone else disappeared for a second.

but you couldn't stop thinking: "god, i want this forever."

not even with the whole fuss of a wedding necessarily. just alessia. always.

when the time came around for the reception starting and winding down properly, most people had migrated back inside to dance.

you had found yourself at the bar mostly by accident.

the dancefloor had become chaos about twenty minutes earlier after somebody convinced half the guests to attempt some awful coordinated dance routine, and you had escaped before you got dragged into it.

the venue glowed warm around her fairy lights overhead, music humming through the room, people laughing loud enough to echo off the walls.

it was nice. really nice.

"oi."

you turned just in time to see ella appearing beside you, bridal heels already abandoned, veil missing, expression completely smug but glowing like a bride should on their big day.

"the big bride," you greeted solemnly with a smile as you milled over drink options for the night.

"the exhausted bride," ella corrected. "buy me a drink, y/n!"

you snorted at her dramatics as she lay slightly on the bar. "you literally have an open bar." you pointed to the bar you both were stood at.

"exactly. open for you to buy me one."

"that's not how open bars work, els."

ella leaned more dramatically (if possible) against the counter, grinning persuasively. "i'm the bride, y/n. have a heart or i'm telling less you upset the bride"

you sighed heavily knowing ella always used alessia to your expense, as you turned like it physically pained you, "your lucky i like you. one drink then i'm bankrupt."

"that's so generous of you."

a minute later they were both leaning against the bar with drinks in hand while the reception buzzed around them.

ella looked happy. not just wedding-day happy but settled happy. the kind that sat softly in someone. you noticed it immediately.

"you alright there?" ella asked suddenly, changing the topic from her favourite songs.

you blinked. "hm?"

ella grinned into her drink. "you've looked across the room at alessia at least twelve times since we've been stood here."

you glanced over instinctively again and there she was.

alessia stood near the dancefloor with a couple of teammates, laughing at something leah was saying. her hair had started falling loose from dancing, cheeks flushed pink beneath the warm lights.

she looked beautiful. painfully beautiful.

you didn't even realise you were smiling until ella nudged her shoulder. "oh, you are down horrendous."

you laughed softly, taking a sip of your drink. "shut up."

"no seriously," ella continued, delighted. "i've known less for years and i don't think i've ever seen her look at someone the way she looks at you."

you expression softened automatically. because you knew that look. that look across crowded rooms. the instinctive searching for each other. the little unconscious smiles whenever you both caught eye contact. it still got you every time.

"she's had a long season," you said quietly after a second. "i just like seeing her happy."

ella hummed knowingly placing her drink back down on the bar. "and she's happiest with you."

you looked back toward alessia again. almost like she felt it too, alessia glanced over at that exact moment. immediate smile. immediate softening. like the entire room shifted into focus the second she spotted you. you felt your chest tighten stupidly hard.

"oh my god," ella laughed beside her, asking the bar tender for another round of drinks. "that's actually disgusting."

you rolled your eyes but couldn't stop smiling. "she's staring now too," ella informed you, passing another drink with a dainty straw placed down the side of it.

"she's always staring."

"because she's obsessed with you."

you took another sip of your original drink, trying and failing to look unaffected. "i'm aware."

ella leaned closer conspiratorially. "wanna know something funny?"

you looked at her suspiciously, brow raising slightly. unsure with what was about to come out of her mouth. “always concerning when you start a sentence like that."

"before the ceremony less was panicking because she thought you might think she looked weird." ella admitted as she had a slightly smile on face as she waited for your reaction.

you looked genuinely offended. "weird? she looks unreal."

"exactly what i said." ella grinned. "she changed earrings three times."

you burst out laughing, your head immediately imagining the scene taking place this morning having encounter it a few times yourself whenever waiting for alessia to get ready. "no she didn't"

"she absolutely did. then she asked me if the dress made her shoulders look 'too broad.'"

you nearly choked on your drink. "the woman plays professional football for a living and still worries about that?"

ella shrugged dramatically. "love makes people stupid."

you smiled helplessly at that because maybe it did. maybe love was staring across crowded rooms all night like somebody hung the stars specifically for them.

maybe it was knowing exactly where alessia was even without looking. maybe it was how your entire body relaxed whenever alessia touched her.

across the room alessia laughed again at something, head tipping back slightly. you genuinely couldn't take her eyes off her.

ella noticed immediately. "soooo.." she said smugly, dragging the word out, "when are you proposing?"

you this time nearly inhaled her drink, placing the glass down abruptly "jesus christ, tooney."

ella cackled loudly. before you could defend herself, alessia finally made her way over through the crowd, immediately stepping between your knees while she stood against the bar like second nature.

her hands settled automatically on your waist. "you two talking about me?" alessia asked suspiciously, looking more so at ella then you as you placed a quick kiss to the side of her head.

ella took one look at your completely soft expression and lost it laughing again. "oh, absolutely."

alessia shook her head, before slipping back into a conversation with the two of you as she ordered herself another drink from the bar.

—

after sitting and talking with ella and alessia for a bit, they both bolted back to the dance floor when once of their songs came on, alessia pulling you over with a small pout telling you that you hadn't danced enough with her tonight.

even though you hated dancing, you let her drag you through the crowd as she swayed you around for a few songs. but once the dance floor began to die down again you managed to slip outside for some air.

the gardens behind the venue were quieter now. soft music drifted outside through the open doors while fairy lights glowed overhead

ella words of 'when are you proposing' circling your head. now because the words scared you but because it was what you wanted it and maybe this was the first realisation of what reality could be.

not that you hadn't thought about it, cause you had. maybe more than you'd like to admit but you knew alessia was the one for you.

but as you stated of into the distance, letting the cool air drift over you, sound of footsteps behind you. then alessia's arms wrapping around your waist from behind automatically making you jump a little before melting into them when you realised who it was.

"found you." she whispered as she kissed the top of your head.

you smiled immediately, leaning back into her. "you survived maid of honour duties then?"

"barely." alessia groaned dramatically against your shoulder. "i'm exhausted."

"so is this you escaping already?" you teased as you wrapped your arm around her.

"needed five minutes." she mumbled, playing with one of the bracelets on your wrist.

"five minutes away from the wedding?" you questioned as your mind replayed alessia's day just being surrounded with people having the best day ever.

alessia let out a laugh, as a breeze of air drifted past the two of you. "just minutes away from tooney and her walking on broken glass song."

"fair."

for a moment the two of you sat in comfortable silence, the muffled sound of music and laughter drifting through the venue doors behind you.

the evening air was cool against your skin. inside, the dance floor was packed. outside, it felt like the entire world had slowed down.

you glanced sideways at her, she was quiet but you could tell her mind was busy "you okay?"

"yeah." her answer came easily, but there was something softer underneath it.

she looked back towards the venue, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "its weird, isn't it?"

"what is?" you asked, looking down at her a smile still on her lips.

"ella being married." she answered, still looking ahead as if her mind was replaying all the memories from her childhood of the two growing up together.

you nodded, agreeing, "feels like five minutes ago we were all kids."

"exactly."

alessia laughed quietly. "i spent half the ceremony trying not to think about that."

"you did cry though." you pointed out, the moment replaying in your head as you tried to take your eyes off how gorgeous alessia looked in the moment.

"i was not the only one."

"you were one of the worst."

she nudged your shoulder. "i'll remember that." but you grinned. the venue doors opened briefly as someone slipped outside before disappearing again, letting a burst of music spill into the night.

alessia watched them go before looking back out across the gardens. "its nice, though."

"what is?"

"this."

you raised an eyebrow, not following. "sitting on a cold stone step?"

she rolled her eyes at your sarcasm, "no." you waited for her response to follow as alessia's smile softened. "watching your best friend marry the person she loves."

there was something thoughtful in her voice now. something almost distant. you followed her gaze back towards the glowing lights of the reception.

ella and joe were probably somewhere inside being dragged into another round of photographs or speeches or dances. the whole day had felt like one giant celebration of love.

"i know what you mean," you admitted as alessia hummed.

another few seconds passed then you smiled to yourself before turning pulling alessia in just that little bit closer and for a second neither of you spoke

you both just sat there quietly beneath the lights. alessia looked beautiful still, despite the slightly smudged makeup and tired eyes.

maybe even more beautiful now, more real.

you reached up, brushing a loose curl back behind her ear gently. "you've had a nice day?" alessia asked quietly.

you smiled. "yeah," then softer: "i think it might be one of my favourite days actually."

alessia's expression melted a little at that as she could hear the genuineness in your tone. "yeah?"

"mhm."

inside the venue someone started loudly singing terribly to the music and both of you laughed. then you glanced back toward the reception room where ella and joe were dancing surrounded by everyone they loved.

"you know," you said so casually, just saying what your brain had been thinking all day, "you'll be next."

alessia blinked, thinking she had misheard you. "...what?"

you shrugged lightly like you hadn't just changed the entire atmosphere. "you. us. wedding. eventually."

alessia stared at you for a second. actually stared like you had grown horns on top of your head for a moment.

you then suddenly realised what you'd said and laughed nervously. "okay wow that sounded way smoother in my head..."

"you want to marry me?"

you stopped talking because alessia wasn't teasing. she looked genuinely stunned. soft and hopeful. your expression gentled instantly. "well... yeah." the answer came so naturally it almost surprised you. but it was true, completely true.

alessia looked at you like you'd just handed her the entire world. "you do?"

you laughed quietly. "less, i followed you to three different countries this season and sat through approximately nine hundred ice baths. obviously i want to marry you."

alessia's eyes crinkled at the corners, all emotional again in that way she got. "you're serious?"

you cupped her face carefully. "one hundred percent serious."

for a moment alessia just looked overwhelmed then she leaned forward and kissed you. slow. certain and full of feeling. you felt alessia smiling against her mouth halfway through.

when you both finally pulled apart, alessia rested your foreheads together, laughing softly under her breath. "you can't just casually say things like that."

you grinned. "why? scared?"