#grayzaweek2018

“I will beat the dicks out of your noob ass, Bitchbuster.”

“Do your worst, Slutlet.”

So Erza hit him with a hadouken and knocked him out. As Gray gripped his controller, fuming sourly, Erza put hers down gently and tossed her hair in victorious grace.

“You asked,” she said smugly as Gray tossed away the controller and leaned back into the sofa. Erza swung her legs onto the sofa, folded them one atop the other and placed her chin on Gray’s shoulder. “What was the score this time?” She bumped him with her shoulder. “I didn’t keep count.”

“31-19,” Gray replied with a sigh. Erza hummed.

“So maybe after two years of practice, you’ll finally be able to tie with me.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you too,” she replied cheerfully and kissed his cheek. Gray’s shoulders sagged as he embraced the pity kiss of defeat. They were still Erza’s lips, and that was something he wouldn’t say no to.

Playing games together wasn’t really something that happened often for them. Work got in the middle of everything, but Sundays existed for a reason. Sundays were their days and when they were too lazy to go out, Gray got the console out and much swearing ensued.

Games always brought out the worst of Erza’s competitive spirit. If she didn’t win (she mostly won, thankfully), she got all sullen and miserable and her determination levels skyrocketed. That always spelled massacre for Gray. Why he continued to subject himself to humiliation after humiliation, he didn’t know.

Oh, right. I have no dignity.

“I feel like we are always playing against each other,” Erza said. “Do you have no games where we are on the same side, Gray?”

“Hmm. Well, there are a few…”

“Is there a problem?”

“It’s a fantasy rpg, and I dunno if you-”

“I live for fantasy!” Erza declared passionately, thumping the sofa with her fist. Gray believed her. “Put it in and turn it on!”

“That’s what she said,” he commented quietly as he got up to fetch the game, grinning to himself. Erza threw a cushion at his butt.

“Your sense of humour is deteriorating.”

“Hey, it’s an evergreen joke, okay?”

“For twelve-year-olds.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“This is a two player game?” she asked as the game loaded up. Gray nodded.

“It’s designed to have two player co-op. If you play alone, you get to control both players.”

“There are two protagonists?”

“Mhmm.”

Erza rubbed her palms together, smiling. “I shall like this.”

And it was clear from the character creation menu that she did indeed like it. Erza spent about an hour customising her character. She chose to play a female knight with long, red hair, heavy armour and a two-handed sword.

“What?” she asked when Gray shook his head. “I was just aiming for accuracy.”

“I know, honey,” he replied and kissed her temple lightly. “Just amused by your pedantic attention to detail.”

Erza pouted, but looked impressed when Gray completed his character within ten minutes.

“Battlemage with a white coat,” she commented. “Not accurate at all.”

“What can I say? Your pedantry rubbed off on me.”

“You’ve played before, haven’t you?”

Gray nodded. “With Loke, yeah. Our characters ended up romancing each other and he wouldn’t stop calling me ‘husbando’ for weeks.”

“There is a romance option?!” Erza’s eyes practically glimmered. Gray couldn’t look at her directly. “It hasn’t even started and I love this game already!”

“Uh-huh. Shall we?”

“Let’s.”

Erza was in full attention from the opening cutscene itself. Gray didn’t blame her. He rather liked the game’s story, and it did a good job at hooking one’s attention from the get-go. When gameplay actually started, and Erza saw and moved around her character for the first time, she shook a deep breath and whispered softly under her breath: “It’s so pretty!”

Gray said nothing, though he prepared himself for being slain by her cuteness. I wish I could record all this.

After telling her which button did what, Erza spent a few seconds testing out the skills of the knight class. She had gone for a more tank-ish build while he would be able to provide ranged offense and support. The gameplay called for teamwork, and their respective roles would complement each other quite well.

Just like in real life, he thought as he glanced at her fondly. She looked so happy while slashing her way through rabid orcs and undead zombies. Gray wondered whether she could solo the whole campaign on her first go. He wouldn’t put it past her.

“Gray!” She slapped his thigh gleefully. “There are dialogue options! Our characters can talk to each other! Inside the game! And we get to choose what we say!”

“Yeah, they discuss what decisions to take pertaining to quests,” Gray replied, amused. “In case they can’t come to terms, they can play stone-paper-scissors for it.”

“You’re pulling my leg!”

“Nawp. Wait, I’ll show you.”

So he did. And won. Erza didn’t even seem to register the loss for she grinned widely and said, “I love this game.”

Dialogue choices and in-game decisions stacked up and helped determine the character’s personality. By the time they made it halfway through the game, Erza’s character had a distinctly romantic outlook while Gray’s was pragmatic.

Just like in real life.

After spending six hours on the campaign, Gray yawned and looked at Erza. She was completely absorbed. One of their allies had just betrayed them and she was muttering curses under her breath.

“What do we do for dinner?” he asked.

“I’ll think about it after I lay the smack down on this bitch.”

Gray snorted and reached for the phone. “I’m ordering pizza.”

“Fine.”

But the pizza had to wait, for within five minutes of its arrival, the final boss appeared. It was indeed a titanic battle of epic proportions, and health potions were consumed wholesale. Erza was indefatigable in her efforts, and Gray could not help but be impressed by her drive. He was most amused when after the Void Dragon was finally defeated and sealed away, Erza leapt up from her seat, thrust her hands skywards, exclaimed “Hallelujah!” and sank back into the sofa, spent.

As the ending cutscene started rolling, Gray put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek.

“We did it,” he said quietly as Erza snuggled into his side.

“Mhmm. Truly a test of our bond.” She wrapped her arms around his torso. “What happens to our characters?”

“There are multiple endings, but we’ll be getting an epilogue soon enough.”

When it came, Erza read it aloud, “Well, our saviours were fine companions, one slightly love-struck, the other a respectful friend. Many more adventures had they, side by side, slaying beasts and evil barons with ease. After battle, saviour the first would gaze affectionately at saviour the second, and in time… well, in time saviour the second began to gaze back.” She smiled. “Awww. That was sweet.”

“Mhmm. Just like in real life, eh?”

He’d meant it jokingly, but when Erza didn’t respond, he looked down, slightly worried. Erza had her head on his shoulder and had her eyes closed. She was smiling to herself.

“Whatchyu thinkin’?” he asked her.

“Just about what you said. The game did mirror our life slightly, didn’t it?”

“Only just.”

“Mmm.” She rubbed her cheek against his collarbone. “Thank you, Gray.”

“What for?”

“Giving me a chance to be with you. Letting me prove that I can do this.” She paused. “It couldn’t have been easy for you.”

Gray sucked in a breath and gathered his thoughts.

“No,” he said. “It wasn’t.” He rubbed her shoulder with his thumb and kissed the top of her head. “But it was worth it.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, for there is nobody better to watch my back than you.” Erza sat up and took his face in her hands, smiling warmly. “Whether in a game, or in real life. You’re my partner, my husband, and I love you very, very much.”

In an effort to hide his blush, Gray pressed his forehead against hers. He placed his arms around her waist and kissed her slowly.

“I love you too,” he replied. “Though I must confess I enjoy watching your front, too. That’s where all the good stuff’s at.”

“You are hopeless.”

“Hopelessly in love with you, yes.”

Erza snorted and pulled him into another kiss, probably just to shut him and his endless supply of bad jokes up. Gray didn’t complain as he gently pushed her down onto the sofa.

A/N: I’m sorry. You’ll know why.

Gray’s face lit up at the glorious vision in front of him. Erza was in a beautiful white wedding dress, smiling at him. The dress looked like freshly fallen snow that hugged her curves and flared out at the bottom. Her veil covered her face in a thin layer of lace, barely hiding the blushing bride expression of bliss and happiness that graced her. Her hands wrapped in milky silk clutched her bouquet of scarlet roses and sapphire irises tighter out of nervousness. A few strands of fiery hair slipped out of her braid framing her face. Her brown eyes flitted shyly around, completely out of character for the ‘Great Titania’. Never mind a bride, she looked like an angel. He expected snowy white wings to sprout from her back at any second and that she would fly away into the cloudy sky. He nearly blushed at the sight, he could’ve kissed her right there, but stopped himself, it wouldn't have been acceptable.

He settled for giving her a reassuring smile and a thumbs up, ignoring the small aching in his heart. She smiled back and mouthed a ‘thanks’ before turning her gaze to her husband to be.

He was sharply dressed in an indigo suit with a crimson tie to match the hair of his bride. His blue hair smartly slicked back, revealing shining eyes, one with a red mark over it.

Jellal smiled down at Erza, their eyes met then dashed away shyly, before settling on eachother once again. He took her hand in his, whispering a tender, “I love you.” Then they both looked to Makarov as a sign to start the service.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two mages in holy matrimony.”  Gray  stopped listening after that, it upset him too much to hear the words. He could only watch the proceedings, the exchange of vows, rings, etc. It took everything in him not to break down and cry from the hurt he experienced watching how happy Erza was with someone other than him. The fact, though, is that she was happy, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he ruined that happiness by doing anything stupid because of his emotions, so he tried to block them out.

Despite they persisted. He found himself settling into imagining a different reality where he was brave enough to stand up and object to the marriage. Where he took Erza’s hands in his and looked into her beautiful eyes and told her he loved her. That he had loved her from the beginning.

He imagined that in a miraculous world she would say those words back to him. He would take her into his arms and lean their heads close until…

“I’ve known both of you for a long time, and both of you are good kids. I wish only happiness and love for your journey together through life.” Makarov’s tearful words cut into Grays daydreams. He snapped back to the present where his face was stiff from the smile plastered on it, and his heart still ached from the love that would never be returned.

“There is only one thing left to do. I now pronounce you man and wife.” He finally broke, tears of joy streaming down his face. He barely managed to blubber out a “Youb bay khissd da bribe” before words were lost to him completely.

Jellal and Erza met eyes, wrapping their arms around each other, bringing their faces close, closer, closer.

Gray knew he should look away, but his body wouldn’t move, it’s like some part of him wanted his heart broken.

Their lips met fitting together like they’d belonged with each other from the beginning of time. Hands moved into hair as Erza was dipped back deepening the kiss. They were truly in love and happy, and that knowledge shattered the ice mage’s heart to pieces.

At that moment rain started to pour from the sky, breaking apart the kiss. Gray felt the wetness on his cheeks, but some of the drops were warm compared to others. He wiped away the wetness from his eyes, feeling the warm drops in his hands. It was at that moment he realized he was crying, tears mixing in with the rain. He kept staring at his hands, the world around him fading.

He barely even heard an exasperated Juvia shout, “This wasn’t Juvia, Juvia is happy for you two, and Juvia is also happy that a potential love interest close to Gray-Sama is out of the picture!”

Why was he crying, of course he was sad, but he should be happy. Right? Erza was happy. He’d promised himself to be happy for her. If she loved Jellal, and she did, that should be enough. He should be keeping the tears in, but they kept streaming down his face. He was glad the rain had came, or else Erza would’ve seen his tears.

He dropped his hands willing the tears to disappear as he linked arms with Lucy, who was the maid of honor to his best man, and walked down the aisle. The procession slowly walked out following the newlywed, glowing, Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez.

Gray looked away trying not to watch the happiness and pretend like his heart didn’t hurt terribly.

…

The hours passed by in a blur. The dinner, which Gray was sure was delicious, was put in his mouth emotionlessly. That was paired with dinner conversation, which he was sure was interesting, between the members of the wedding party including himself, Natsu, Lucy, Juvia, Wendy, Midnight, Laxus, Kagura, Millianna and others. That was followed by cutting the cake, strawberry of course, which he again was sure was delicious, but he didn’t taste anything except bitter shame as he chewed and swallowed.

Those events had finally brought him to the end of the night, the dancing. The tears had thankfully stopped flowing when they’d went under the tent for the reception, but the rain hadn’t. He could still hear it pattering on the tent roof, and if he squinted outside he could see the streaks against the darkness. He thought that it was almost like the rain could feel his emotions.

He mulled over these and other thoughts as music blasted around him. This part of the night had consisted of avoiding Juvia and turning down other woman who tried to dance with him. Now he was actively looking away from the dance floor since Jellal and Erza were dancing. Again. He just couldn’t look at the two of them together.

Lucy had noticed this a while ago, and instead of asking him what was wrong had gave him a knowing look and a hug. She was the only one that had known about his crush on Erza. Lucy was the only one he could trust that he knew wouldn’t make fun of him and be there for him as a friend. The celestial mage had made sure to try and cheer him up all night, and it had worked a little, but he had shooed her off a while ago telling her to go dance with Natsu.

He was ready for the night to be over so he could go and try to sort out his feelings, somehow, when a hand tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around to see the woman on his mind.

She was practically glowing as she stood in front of him, at some point her braid had come undone and was cupping her face gently making her look even more beautiful than before the wedding started. He couldn’t help the blush that creeped onto his face, turning away quickly to hide it.

“I’ve been looking for you,” she joked, “but it almost seems like you’ve been avoiding me.”

“Sorry about that, I was trying to hide from Juvia and my other various fangirls.”

“That’s okay, I found you now. Would you do me the honor of a dance? I’ve danced with everyone else, even Wendy and Laxus. It’s your turn now.”

Gray glanced around looking to see if Jellal was nearby, he wasn’t, so Gray made the choice he knew would hurt him even more. “Of course.” He smiled taking her hand and leading her to the dancefloor.

He placed his hands tentatively on her waist and she placed hers on his shoulders moving side to side while the song morphed into a slow one. They said nothing for a while until Erza spoke up, “Speaking of Juvia, are you ever going to confess to her?”

He nearly choked, sputtering stupidly, “Uh, um, I.” A blush coated his cheeks, he wanted to say that he loved her not Juvia, but he bit back the words. “I don’t love Juvia. There’s someone else I like, no I love, but there’s no way we could ever be together and she doesn’t love me back.”

“Who is it?” Erza went into matchmaker mode (learned from spending too much time around Mirajane of course) as they spun around amongst the other couples. “Lucy? Mirajane? Levy? Meredy? Kagura? Oh I know-”

He quickly cut her off before her guesses could get to far out, “It’s none of them, trust me, you would never guess who it is.”

“Secret crush aside aside shouldn’t you give Juvia a chance? She really does love and care about you. You said it yourself that you could never be with this other person, you should move on.”

He sighed as he spun her, “I wish it was that easy, I love her so much it hurts to see her happy with someone other than me at her side.”

Erza stopped the spinning and looked him straight in the eyes. “Listen Gray, you’ve always been there for me ever since you saw me crying by the river. You stood by me and protected me on countless missions before and after the formation of Team Natsu. In the Tower of Heaven I heard from Happy how you fought off that owl to get to me. After the Nirvana incident Natsu told me how you fought to stop Racer and I saw you prevent Lyon from maiming me, for which I am eternally grateful. We talked and laughed during the Grand Magic Games. You challenged me into doing the right thing and helping the villagers on Galuna Island. You carried me after I was injured. I love you. My first friend in Fairy Tail and the friend I will carry in my heart until the end. I want you to do what you believe will ensure you happiness. No matter who it is,” she cupped his cheek, “I want you to tell them you love them right now. You’ll feel much better, and if they reject you I’ll be here with a bucket of strawberry ice cream.”

Gray almost laughed at the situation. Here the girl he loved was telling him to express his feelings. If Erza knew it was her, she would be singing a different tune. He really didn’t want to confess, but it was better than living with this secret in his crumbling, fading, breaking, cruelly and twistedly in love heart.

He swung them back into the dance. “I did protect you all those times Erza, and I always thought it was because I cared about you as a friend. At the Tower of Heaven I remembered the feelings of loneliness when I first saw you by the river and my heart broke, I couldn’t let you ever be alone again. During the Nirvana incident I kept picturing you getting maimed or dying right before my eyes and there was nothing I feared more, I had to do everything so that you could live. I loved easing the pressure and expectations of winning while talking with during the games, and when I thought I was going to lose, I imagined how you’d probably already won and knew I couldn’t let you one-up me like that. On Galuna Island I knew your heart was crying out to help the people and that you just needed a push. I carried you because I couldn’t let you lie on the ground and I didn’t want anyone else to be close to you for all that time.” He could barely get the words out at this point, if he said them, everything would change. He couldn’t turn back now, but his mind urged him to. It urged him to abort.

He finally took a deep breath spinning Erza into a dip. “You asked me who I loved. It’s.. it’s. It’s you. I love you.” He watched her face turn shocked as he pulled her up out of the dip. “I loved you since the river bank, but I never felt I could tell you. Sorry that the time I worked up my courage had to be the worst time anyone could ever confess. All day I’ve been avoiding you because it hurts so much to see you happy with Jellal. I…”

He shifted to take her hands in his, a single tear falling down his face and onto them. “I’m sorry that I ruined your wedding with this. I guess I also ruined our friendship too, huh? Well I’m glad you at least get to know the truth. I’ll get out now, don’t worry about seeing me ever again. I know it would be too awkward, so I’ll stay out of your life.” He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, barely there, a ghost of a love that could’ve been. He dropped her hands giving her one last lopsided smile. “Goodbye Erza. Thanks for everything. I’m sorry that I ever knew you and that it came to this, but I would repeat it all again, because I really, truly, heartbreakingly love you.” With that he walked away, leaving behind the shocked bride.

“Wow, I am a jerk, aren’t I, “ he whispered to no one in particular. He started laughing maniacally, the laughs soon turning into sobs as he ran away. Away from his feelings, away from Lucy and his other friends who called out to him as he ran, away from Jellal, away from the wedding, and away from Erza. His legs kept carrying him along as he passed people on the street giving him weird looks.

Tears streamed down his face, mixing with those from the sky, his sobs adding to the thunderous roars of outrage from the clouds, the spiking of his hurting heart in time with the lightning.

He finally stopped running at a place that looked familiar to him. Wiping his eyes, he realized it was the river, where these cursed feelings had started. He knelt on the ground, screaming at the sky, the Gods, the Fates, whatever higher being had cursed him, his heart pounding painfully in his chest.

“Take this hurt away!” Over and over again this shout was heard. A cry of desperation, a shout of anger, a ballad of agony.

Gray shouted until he could no longer, and cried, until that too was taken away from him. He collapsed to the ground exhausted. His eyes drooped no matter how hard he fought.

Before he succumbed to unconsciousness, he managed one last agonizing sentence, “It hurts so much to love the girl with scarlet hair, please take it all away”.

…

It was sad for the boy, that he’d run out so soon, for if he’d stayed even a few moments longer he might’ve heard the words whispered by the girl of his dreams.

“I always loved you too, but I thought I was the only one.” This secret floated out into the air getting caught by the wind and rain, blown away like all the others of secret loves. “That’s why I married Jellal, I loved you more, but at least I knew he would return my love. If only you told me years ago. I gave up on you then, but now..” A gripping pain tugged at her heart causing her to fall to her knees, clutching her chest.

“Take this hurt away,” she whispered over and over again, too low for her friends that had rushed over to hear.

Gray looked out at the rainy sky, trying to think of the perfect way to celebrate his and Erza’s fifth anniversary.

Their first anniversary they didn’t really celebrate, since they were out on a mission that lasted longer than either of them expected. Their second year he took her golfing, which she excelled at. Their third year, they had been invited to a ball (much to Gray’s disappointment. He had hated dancing, especially after his battle with Cancer all those years ago. He was still thankful no one else saw or ever found out about that.)

Last year, they had a sword duel. Erza won, of course, but Gray liked to believe he put up a good fight.

He was struggling to figure out a good way to top all of that. He was just about to give up on coming up with something when he saw the bakery out of the corner of his eye.

He quickly started up, accidentally knocking over the chair he was sitting in and waking Erza. She had an angry look on her face that, before they were married, would have made him run for the trees. But now, he knew the perfect thing to do to help her.

“Sorry,” he whispered, placing one of his cool hands on her shoulder. “I didn’t mean to wake you this early. You can go back to sleep.”

Gray could never understand why his cooling touch helped her relax, but somehow, it did, and he enjoyed it. It was much better than seeing that scowl on her face.

While she was still sleeping, Gray decided to go shopping. With the two of them constantly being on missions, they didn’t keep much food around in the house. Besides, Mira always provided food in the guild hall, so there was no point in having food around. At least, not until now.

***

It took him about two hours to find all of the supplies he needed. He also made a different stop on the way home, just in case his original plan didn’t work.

Luckily for him, the fairy queen still was not awake when he returned. He quietly put everything away, and then tiptoed to his room. He kneeled by the edge of the bed and watched her breathing for a few moments before leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he whispered. “Time to get up.”

Erza slowly blinked her eyes open and looked around for a few minutes.

“No presents?” she inquired. Good, she did remember. He was a little worried she might have forgotten.

“No, there are presents. They’re just not in here,” he said. “Come on. I’ll lead you to them.”

Erza followed her husband out of the room and back into the kitchen, and her eyes widened as she saw all of the food that they had.

“W-What’s all this?” she asked.

“I wanted to try something fun for once, so I decided to have a cooking competition,” Gray explained.

“A competition, huh?” she asked. “What is the reward?”

“The reward,” Gray began, “is that the winner gets to do whatever they want with the other for the entire rest of the day.”

“Doesn’t sounds like much of a reward, but I won’t complain. Especially since I will totally win,” she said with a smug look on her face.

“Okay then. With that, let the cooking competition begin,” Gray exclaimed. He pulled out the first ingredients - chicken broth, cut carrots, peas, and chicken - and set them on the counter. They both took a decent amount of all of the ingredients and poured it into their pots, cooking it for about ten minutes before setting it to the side.

This cycle continued as they made bread, their choice of a meat entree, and some mashed potatoes.

Once all of the food was made, they dished it up onto plates and into bowls, only making it for the other to try their food, so that they weren’t being biased.

They are their food mostly in peace, trying all of the different foods, figuring out which ones were good, and which ones weren’t.

“You’re not bad,” Erza said as she took another bite of the chicken breast. “The meat is a bit undercooked, though. And the potatoes could have used a little more.” She didn’t finish her sentence, instead choosing to place a glob of it on Gray’s cheek.

“Well, I could say the same about your soup,” Gray said, splashing a spoonful on her chest. She hissed a little as the burning liquid traveled down her shirt, but she kept somewhat calm.

“I think you need to have a taste of your own medicine,” Erza said, dumping the soup over his head. Gray instinctively cooled the liquid so that it didn’t hurt as much, but he was far from being cool in the fight. He grabbed a handful of the mashed potatoes on his plate, walked up to Erza, and made sure to tangle it all in her hair.

Soon enough, they were throwing every food nearby at each other, not caring about the mess they were making, and caring even less about the competition.

By the end, Gray was drenched with all sorts of liquids. His clothes would probably be stained, too, if he was wearing any. His stripping habit had kicked in almost as soon as the fight started, and he had been in just his black boxers the entire time.

Erza, on the other hand, had food smeared everywhere. In her hair, on her face. Even on her pants (though Gray wasn’t entirely sure how that happened, considering most of his attacks were aimed higher.)

“Well, now that the food is everywhere except in our bellies, what do we do?” Erza asked.

“I say that you won that one,” Gray said. “So you can choose to do whatever you want, but not until after we have dessert.”

He opened the fridge and pulled out the slice of strawberry cake he had bought on his way home. He knew how much Erza loved it, and he knew she couldn’t say no to it.

“Gray, you really shouldn’t have,” Erza said.

“I know,” he said. “But I wanted to. Happy anniversary, Erza.”

“Happy anniversary,” she repeated, as she took the first bite of the second-most delicious thing in the world.

A/N: You asked for darkness. I had to cut a few things, but still, reader discretion is advised.

“The cult’s name is Avatar,” Erza began handing him her findings. Gray flipped through the pages. There were a lot of pages. He set them down to read through later. “Their leader, or Priest, goes by the name Arlock. No intel on what he looks like.”

“They’ve proclaimed themselves as the successors to the Balam Alliance,” Jellal added. “They worship Zeref, and go to every depth imaginable to do so.”

Gray didn’t even look at him, keeping his eyes fixed on Erza.

“Usually, we would apprehend one of the grunts, get to the big fish through the small fish,” she said with a grimace. “But Arlock and his lieutenants are too well insulated.”

Gray scanned her face, staying silent while turning the gears in his head. There was only one reason why Erza would ask him for help, and it wasn’t for firepower. She and Jellal could take most dark guilds by themselves.

“You need someone inside,” he said finally. “You want me to go under.”

“You’d be the perfect recruit-”

“Shut up,” Gray told Jellal quietly while keeping his gaze on Erza, who bit her lip in momentary uncertainty before stepping up.

“As Jellal said, you would be the perfect recruit,” she told him. “They are… an expanding business, and are on the lookout for potential recruits to help further their cause. You, a former Fairy Tail mage with Devil Slayer magic, would be too tempting to pass up.”

“Your history with Deliora might present some problems,” Jellal said and Gray finally turned his attention to him. “You have documented conflict with one of Zeref’s demons. They’ll be privy to it. As a Zeref cult, that’ll be a roadblock.”

Without a word, Gray turned back to Erza. Then he asked, “What would I hafta do, exactly?”

“You would have to get close enough to identify Arlock and get intel on the structure and reach of the organisation. And here’s the endgame.” She held out a folder to him, which he took and opened. “This is an arrest warrant for Arlock, signed by the King himself. It’s solid and was issued about a year ago. It was not executed because we can’t identify or find him.”

“But you can. If recruited, you might get close enough to signal us in. You see Arlock, you call us in and we’ll take him down.” Jellal paused. “We’ll set you up with all you need, don’t worry.”

There was urgency in his tone and Gray didn’t respond as he read the entire warrant.

“If Gray does get recruited, he could be taken anywhere,” Erza said finally. “I don’t like that.”

“Why don’t you just go in and take them down?” Gray asked Erza before Jellal could respond. “Would be simpler.”

“Because we want Arlock. The grunts are matter-of-course.” Jellal shrugged. “We need the head of the snake. That’s why we need someone inside to give us the signal to get Arlock.”

“We need to think about this,” Erza said decisively as Gray leaned back in his chair, now leafing through Erza’s notes. She’d been very thorough, putting a lot of effort into the report, though her handwriting had not improved much. She must have wanted to take down Avatar pretty badly. “I am not going to order him to do anything with a risk factor like you’re talking about here. So give us a day or two and we’ll get back to you with an answer.”

Jellal raised his hands, palms out. “Absolutely. I just called this meeting to make my pitch. The rest is up to you.”

He got up to leave the small inn room they’d been sitting in, but Gray stopped him with three words.

“I’ll do it.”

Jellal turned and looked at him. “Are you sure?”

Before he could answer, Erza jumped in. “Gray, we should take our time and gather our options. This is dangerous–”

“Gimme a coupla days to get ready,” Gray told her. “I’ll give it a shot.” He looked at Jellal for the first time that evening. “When do we start?”

“Friday,” he replied. “That’ll give us time to sort out logistics and see about a shadow team. Prep you.”

“I’ve gone UC before.” Gray held up Erza’s notes. “I’ve got all the prep right here.”

Erza shook her head before turning to Jellal. “I want full coverage on him. Whatever, whenever. If anything happens en route I want to be close enough to act. I don’t want him out there without backup.”

“He won’t be. We’ll have him covered at all times.”

“What about after he gets recruited?”

“He’ll be on his own until we can set up communications and establish location. After that, we’ll be close enough to act upon getting the signal.”

That ended the questions from Erza, but she still frowned. Jellal turned to Gray again.

“Friday?”

“Friday.”

After he left, Erza exhaled deeply and sat down on the corner of the bed. She ran her fingers through her hair and then fixed Gray with a glare.

“I still feel you should think about this. Any second thoughts and we pull out.”

Gray shook his head. “You called me here because you needed my help. So I’m helping.” Then he smiled. “And you should know me well enough by now that I’m too thick for even a single thought, let alone seconds.”

Erza was not amused. “Gray…”

“Erza, do you, or do you not want these assholes put away?”

“Yes, but-”

“And this is the most expedient way of doing that?”

She sighed. “Yes.”

“Then we’re doing it.”

Erza looked at him for a few seconds. He could tell she was turning things over in his head. Finally, she nodded.

“Okay, Gray. I’m behind you one hundred percent.”

1234567890

Gray moved down the aisle, looking at inflatable pillows. His partner, Reynard, was at the counter of the store, speaking in hushed tones with the proprietor. A week in and this was his daily routine. They went out, shook down shops, recruited homeless people to run drugs for them. It was grunt work, but one always had to climb ladders in these sorts of situations. Building trust was essential.

The store wasn’t deserted. There was a clerk mopping the floor while two other customers gathered things into baskets. Gray was considering buying an inflatable pillow when the door opened, causing a bell to chime, and another customer walked in. Gray glanced at the door, scanning the newest addition for threats, but glanced away when he saw that it was Erza.

She browsed the items on sale as Gray monitored both her and Reynard, who was still busy talking. Invariably, Erza went and stood beside him, taking a pillow in her hands and turning it over.

“How’re you doing, Gray?” she asked in a low voice without looking at him.

“I’m good. What’re you doing here?”

“Needed to check. We had no eyes on you for a week.”

Gray took a deep breath. “Are you fucking shitting me?” he hissed as quietly as he could. “He said there’d be a shadow team.”

“There was, but they lost you after they took you to the station. Jellal lost his head about that. Where were you taken?”

“Malba. They have a train, Erza. Use it to transport drug mules from city to city. We ride it every day, hitting most of the towns, escorting the mules.”

She nodded. “And you are okay?”

“I am, but I almost wasn’t. They had me strip naked and played ping-pong with my nuts to make sure I wasn’t some UC guy.”

Erza sighed and put the pillow back. “I’m sorry, Gray. Do you want out? I give the word and we’ll swarm this place and pull you out, make it look like a bust.”

“Nah. But I want you to do something else. Who’s out there with you?”

“Jellal and Sawyer. We were eating out fingernails all week but we have you now and won’t drop the ball.”

Gray looked at Reynard again. He was now pointing at the guy behind the counter. They seemed to be arguing.

“Okay. After we’re out of here, there’ll be another pair here tomorrow. Have someone swing by on random enforcement and bust them.”

“Okay. Why?”

“The more people they’re down, the more important I become. Maybe they’ll think twice about playing ping-pong with me again.”

“Okay, we’ll do that, but that’ll pull surveillance off you.”

“Didn’t have it for a week. One day won’t matter.”

“Don’t be absurd. I’ll make sure at least Jellal stays with you. And here, take this.”

She pulled out her purse as if counting money for the pillow and held up a small lacrima communication device between her index and middle finger. Gray took it and shoved it into his pocket.

“Be very careful to not get seen or heard when you call,” she told him. “I’ll be available anytime.”

“Right.”

“Now I have to go buy a pillow. Take care of yourself, Gray.”

“I’ll try.”

1234567890

“Hello.”

“Hey.”

“Gray, do you have something to report?”

“Yeah. They want to make me a full member.”

“…when?”

“I don’t know. But there’ll be a test and a ceremony.”

“Will Arlock be at this ceremony?”

“Probably. I’ll keep you posted. Later.”

“Gray-”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. I’m fine.”

“…okay.”

“Take care of yourself Erza.”

1234567890

“Gray, you’ve missed your last two check-ins, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“…yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Write this down.”

“Just a moment… okay, go on.”

“Remember the day we talked? You bought a pillow.”

“Yes.”

“The owner of the shop. His name is Vito Castagnoli. He’s been an associate of Avatar. Gets paid to look the other way. He sells prescription drugs wholesale. He has a wife and two sons, so cash is tight.”

“Okay.”

“His eldest son, Michael, is a good boy. Naive and dumb, but good. He straight up told the Avatar goons that their shop was not for sale. Father and son had a falling out. The father knows that he’s gonna pay for that, but the son refuses to betray his morals.”

“I see.”

“My test is to kill them. Both father and son. The hit’s been scheduled for this Friday.”

“Specifics?”

“I don’t know yet. But I’ll do it alone.”

“What do you want us to do?”

“I want you to get the whole family out of here. I want them gone without a trace. Outside Fiore if you can.”

“Understood.”

“That’s it. I’m out.”

“Okay. See you Friday.”

1234567890

Erza shot up from the rock she’d been sitting on as soon as Gray stepped through the brush. Without a word, she came up and enveloped him in a tight hug which knocked the air out of him. Gray put his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him and held her there as she rubbed his back.

It had been a week since the hit, but they’d spent all of ten seconds together during the hand-off before he’d had to go. This was the first time he’d had prolonged physical contact with her after going undercover.

At long last, Erza let go of him and held him at arm’s length to appraise him. She frowned as she looked him over.

“You look like a wreck.”

Gray smiled. He saw what she was looking at every day. He’d lost a lot of weight and it showed. The bags under his eyes would be going nowhere fast. She was right on the money. He was a wreck.

“Whatever gave me away?”

“Gray, don’t joke. Are you all right? What happened to you?”

He shrugged. “Don’t you want to know why I asked to meet first?”

“I want to know how you’re doing first. You look like you’ve been hit by a famine.”

Where do I begin, he thought as he sat down on the grass. Erza sat right across from him.

“I guess it’s a mix of the sleeplessness, starvation and the drugs.”

“Drugs?!”

He shrugged again. “In a crew where everyone uses them, I’ll blow my cover if I refuse. There’s no choice.”

“But there are-”

“Time-release additives by the manufacturer?” He shook his head. “The crush the pills and snort them. Renders the additives useless.”

Erza said nothing for a while. Then she licked her lips. “And what about the starvation and sleeplessness?”

“Those are related. I usually skip dinner so the hunger keeps me awake.”

“But why?”

“It’s a pit of snakes, Erza. I can’t close my eyes for five minutes at a stretch. Three assholes tried to shank me in the first week alone.”

“But now?”

“Now not so much, but I don’t trust them.”

Erza sighed. “Gray, do you want to-”

“No. I can’t. Not now. That’ll waste all this effort.”

“All right. So what do you have for me?”

“Locations of chapters and branches of Avatar.” He took out a folded piece of paper from the inside pocket of his coat and handed it to her. “Sadly, no Arlock yet.”

“This is good enough,” Erza told him as she pocketed the note after scanning it quickly. “We can target one chapter, arrest a grunt and bring down the whole branch.”

“That’d be a significant blow, yes. That might even net me another promotion. They’ll want strong people in their core squad.”

“Speaking of which, how went the ceremony?”

“Oh, that.” Gray took off his coat and his shirt and pointed at his right pectoral, which now sported the mark of Avatar where once the Fairy Tail emblem was.

Erza nodded to herself. “We’ll get that tattoo removed once you’re done.”

“It’s not a tattoo,” Gray said off-handedly as he put his shirt back on. “It’s a brand.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, they had a branding iron and all that. Real theatrical. Chanting and stuff.Sure felt like a cult ceremony.”

He chuckled, but Erza wasn’t amused. She sat chewing her lip and Gray didn’t have the words to comfort her. So he got up.

“I have to be getting back now,” he told her. “It’s been good seeing you, Erza.”

“Gray.”

“Hmm?”

“Please take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

1234567890

The old, rundown church in the middle of Mikage forest was probably the worst place Gray had ever been. Not because it was a shambles, neither because it was the main headquarters of Avatar. He’d seen places in worse states of disrepair.

He just didn’t like what the ruins contained.

There was a nude woman lying on a threadbare couch to the left side of the room he was in. Her face and body were turned in toward the rear cushions and she appeared to be asleep or unconscious. Gray couldn’t see her face, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on. They had most likely drugged her, raped her, and left her unclothed on the couch. Gray believed anyone who did that was capable of the same casualness when it came to murder. He leaned his head down for a moment as he filled with revulsion.

Gray had seen the worst of what humans could do to one another. But by the time he was a witness, the crime had been committed and the suffering was over. Every case left its psychological mark but it was balanced by the fulfilment of justice. He didn’t solve every case, but there was still accomplishment in giving every case his best work.

But when you went undercover, you moved from the safe confines of justice done and entered the world of the depraved. You saw how humans preyed on one another, and there was nothing you could do about it without blowing cover. You had to take it in and live with it to see the case through. Gray wanted to save that woman from another minute of abuse, but he couldn’t. Not now. There was a greater justice he was looking for.

Mary, the Avatar lieutenant who had been giving him the tour, now smiled at him.

“Fuck her,” she said cheerfully.

Gray gave her a long look. “Why?”

“I’m recommending you to Arlock. I have to be sure that you’re not a queer.”

He wanted to reach out and smash her face in, but he settled for tilting his head and smirking. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Do it and you’ll be told.”

Gray shook his head. “I don’t have to prove a goddamn thing to you.”

“Oh no, not to me. To Lord Zeref.”

“Well he ain’t here right now, is he?”

Her eyes hardened at that, though her smile didn’t falter. “You will not make light of him, Fullbuster.”

“I’ll do whatever I want. You asked me here. You need me in your ranks. I can refuse and walk right out.”

“Then you’ll never get the precious Book of E. N. D. you’ve been searching for.”

Gray remained silent. That was his objective for entering, as far as they knew. She had cornered him. Mary smiled sweetly.

“So now I’ll watch you fuck her and prove you’re no queer. Infidels have no place in the Inner Circle.”

He looked from her to the woman on the sofa and felt his stomach turn.

1234567890

“Hello.”

“…”

“Gray?”

“Yeah. Hey.”

“Report?”

“I got pushed up to lieutenant.”

“You met Arlock?”

“Yes.”

“Then your job is done. We’re pulling you out.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Bigger things going on. Meet me tomorrow and I’ll tell you.”

“Gray, I’m-”

“I gotta go.”

1234567890

As soon as Gray reached the rendezvous, he knew something was up.

“Were you followed?”

Gray answered with a question of his own. “Where’s Erza?”

“She’s currently in a meeting with the Rune Knights in Crocus, discussing plans of attack,” Jellal replied. “Did she not tell you I was coming in her stead?”

“No.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No.”

“Then tell me what you have.”

Gray hesitated just a moment before telling him what all he’d learnt of Project Purification, where the entire populace of Malba was to be massacred as a sacrifice to Zeref. Jellal sat on a rock and listened to it all and nodded.

“Any idea about time frame?”

“Not, but soon. Sometime within the next month.”

“I see. We’re pulling you out.”

“Why?” he asked, anger flashing through his system. “I need to stay here. I can misdirect and delay them. I’m in.”

Jellal shook his head. “Gray, you’ve been in deep cover for half a year. You need out. You need rest, rehabilitation and a psychological analysis.”

“Fuck you, Fernandes, I’m the one in there! This should be my call!”

“Erza wants you out.”

That stopped his tirade and Gray turned away, scowling.

“Is that not why you took the assignment? Because she asked for your help?”

“Shut up.”

“But am I wrong?” Gray didn’t answer. “The main reason why you’re doing this is because you love her.”

He turned very slowly and levelled an icy glare at the man seated calmly on the rock.

“Pick your next words very carefully,” Gray said through clenched teeth.

“I do too,” Jellal said, looking down at his lap. “That’s the truth. I do love her. But… I also killed one of my best friends with my own hands. I even tried to kill her.” He sat silently for a while. “Nothing I do will ever change that fact. Knowing that, knowing what I did, I can’t even bring myself to hold her. Not with these same hands. It’s too unclean. I can’t do it.”

Gray closed his eyes and turned away, shaking his head. He hated the fact that he knew what Jellal was talking about.

“So I try my best to stay out of her way, because I can’t do it. I just can’t.” A pause. “But you can. And I want to get you out before you do something that you can’t come back from. If she’s with someone who can keep her happy, I’d be the happiest man in the world.”

Gray took a deep, steadying breath. “You’re a bit too late for that.”

“What?”

“You have no idea… the things I’ve had to do,” he said slowly and quietly. “As for you, stop being so fucking selfish.”

“Excuse me?”

“Whether or not she wants to be with you is her choice,” Gray said, rounding upon him. “Not mine, not yours. Hers. If you want her to stop, tell her clearly. Stop with this tortured soul and selfless sacrifice bullshit. Your decision alleviates only your own guilt. It does fuck all to resolve the situation.”

“I don’t deserve her.”

“You’re goddamn right. But it’s her choice. And that won’t happen unless she has a reason to move forward. In this case, you making up your fucking mind.”

“What would you do were you in my place, Gray?” he asked, clenching his fists in frustration. “What would you do?”

Gray scoffed. “I wish I was. I wish she looked at me the way she looks at you.”

“If you say it’s too late, whatever you’ve done, aren’t you doing the same thing as me? Self sacrifice to alleviate your own guilt?”

With a shake of his head and a sigh, Gray trudged over to the rock and sat down tiredly beside Jellal.

“I can’t because she only has eyes for you,” he replied. “I love her, and I hate you for making her suffer, but I don’t wanna force myself into this mess until both she and I are sorted out.” He shook his head again, chuckling darkly. “And that ain’t gonna happen anytime soon.”

Never in his life did Gray ever think he’d be having this conversation, let alone any conversation, with Jellal Fernandes. For the longest time, the only regret he’d had was the fact that it hadn’t been him who got to punch the fuck outta the blue haired bastard at the Tower. The thought made him bristle.

“So what you’re saying is if Erza is willing to have you someday, you’d be willing too?”

“I dunno. I don’t write the future. I might be dead by the time that rolls around.”

“But?”

“But… that would be the best day of my life.”

Silence fell between them, and Gray let his thoughts wander. They invariably returned to the conversation that had just ended. Despite himself, he felt a strange sort of kinship with the man seated beside him, also deep in thought. They had common ground in that they both wanted the best for Erza, and that was at least something Gray could respect.

“I’m sorry, Gray,” Jellal said at length. “This mission messed you up badly. I didn’t think it’d mess you up the same way I am.”

“Nobody could’ve anticipated that. Not everything’s your fault, asshole. You’re not that important.” Gray looked down at his palm. “True, these hands are too unclean for her now, and we’re similar in thinking that. But there is a major difference between us.”

“What’s that?”

“I am not what I have done,” Gray said as he rose to his feet. “I am what I will do. And I will not let this hold me back. It’ll take me time to unfuck my head, but I’ll get there.”

Jellal said nothing. Gray looked back over his shoulder.

“I’m going back to work. I don’t ever want you here instead of her again.”

In the end, it didn’t matter what had happened in the past. The past existed to give one context, knowledge and anxiety. Nothing more, nothing less. Gray didn’t know what the future had in store for anyone. He wasn’t an optimist, but that didn’t stop him from hoping.

1234567890

The mission was over. Avatar would not rear its head again. His road to recovery had only just begun.

The first thing was to get him off the drugs, and Gray himself had had a brilliant suggestion on how to do that.

Put me in a room with a week’s worth of provisions and nail the door in. Don’t open before a week has passed.

They’d done exactly that. Gray had slept through the first day. He only started hitting the wall at night.

“Anyone out there?” he asked hoarsely as he pounded on the door, room spinning. “Anyone?”

“Gray? Gray, I’m here, what is it?”

Erza. It was her. She was outside. She was good. She’d help him.

“Let me out. Please, let me out.”

“I… I can’t.”

“The fuck d’you mean, you can’t?” He pounded on the door, suddenly seething. “Am I in jail again? You assholes gonna tie me up and break my fingers again, I ain’t tellin’ you shit!”

“No, Gray, you aren’t in jail.” A long pause. “But you can’t leave yet.”

“The fuck you talkin’ about? I needta go, man. I need to.”

“Gray…”

“You don’t understand.” He hugged himself. The shakes were coming. “What’re you doin’ to me?”

“I’m trying to help you, Gray. Remember Avatar? They’re all gone. You saved a lot of lives. But you’re still in the hole.”

Gray shook his head and beat the door with his forehead. “I needta go now, man.”

“Where? There’s nowhere to go, but we can help you here.”

“What do you have? I need it.”

“No, not like that. I mean, really help you. Get you off this addiction and out of this life.”

He shrieked with laughter, a short sharp burst.

“You think you can save me? You think you’re the only one who’s ever tried?” He sat down on the floor and put his back against the door. “Fuck you. I can’t be saved. I don’t wanna be saved.”

“I think you do. Deep down, everybody does.”

“No, please. Just…  just let me go.”

“I know it’s going to be rough. A week in this room, it will probably feel like a year. I’m not going to lie to you about anything.”

Gray pulled his knees up and rocked back and forth. The room was doing the jig. If he didn’t move, he’d lose his balance and fall. He didn’t like falling. It hurt.

There was a long pause before the voice came again. “I’ll be sitting outside this door all week. I’m here for you, Gray.”

“Please, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. But you’ve got to want it. Deep down. You have to know that you are in the abyss and that you want to climb out.”

A sudden spike of rage coursed through him and he thumped the ground with your fist.

“Take your preaching and stick it up your ass, okay? You don’t know what it’s like! You don’t know… you don’t know a fucking thing.” Gray buried his face between his knees and covered his head with his hands. “I bathed thrice a day, soap, shampoo, all that. Unclean. Unclean. Gods, what have I done, what have I done…”

“You’re right,” came the voice after a while. Soft. Pained. “I don’t know. But I trust you, and I know this: whatever you’ve done, you can carry that weight through the withdrawal. Then you can share it with me, okay? It’ll be easier to carry.”

“No,” he moaned as the tears came, shaking his body.

“I will help you. But you have to gut it out and you’ve got to want to.”

“I’m telling you, nothing works! I can’t be saved!”

“Look, I know you lost somebody. I know it can drive you down into a hole. But think of Ur. Is this the end she would want for you?”

Gray said nothing.

“Of course it’s not,” the voice said. “It’s not what she would want.”

“Please,” he said. “I want to go now.”

“Gray, just tell me you want this to end. Give me the nod and we’ll get through it.”

“I don’t even know you!” he screamed.

“You’re right,” the voice said, remaining calm. “But I know there is something better than this for you. Tell me you want it. For Ur. For me.”

“I want to go.”

“There’s nowhere to go. This is it.”

“Fuck.”

“Stay here, Gray. Say you want to try.”

Gray leaned his head back against the door and closed his eyes. He was tired, defeated.

“Come on,” Erza said. “For me. It’s time.”

It was Erza. Erza would be out there all week. He trusted Erza. Erza was good. She wouldn’t hurt him.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll try.”

1234567890

“Gray?” Her voice was gentle, but to him it still felt like nails on a chalkboard. “Gray, are you awake?”

He was, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. Most days he didn’t even feel like getting out of bed. Food turned to shit in his mouth and he just didn’t see the point anymore.

Withdrawal had caused him to chew through his nails, rip his hair out and scratch and pound on the door till his hands bled, but he’d come out clean. That had been the easy part. What came after was what almost killed him.

It wasn’t so much the memories of what he’d seen and done that smashed his will, but all the memories of instances where he could have done something, but didn’t. Rationalising it did no good. The voice inside his head refused reason.

You could’ve saved that woman, but you wanted to fuck her, didn’t you? You couldn’t have Erza, so was she a substitute? Were you just looking for a hole?

You could’ve helped all those boys and girls with their addiction had you called in the cavalry on day one. But you wanted to show Erza how good you were, right? Rub it in Jellal’s face? Didn’t matter how many lives you ruined in the process.

You will never have her. She despises you. She can’t even look at you. She knows what you did. They all do.

How do you live with yourself?

You deserve to die.

All day, every day, over and over. There was no way to tune it out, no way to tone down the volume. There was nothing. Nothing made sense. Nothing.

But he still got out of bed every day. Made himself eat. Shaved. Bathed. Went for a jog. Read books. Listened to a little music.

All because of her. All because he was tired of seeing her sad. But it was hard sometimes.

So when she repeated her question and added whether he wanted her to leave, he shook his head and tenderly put his hand over hers.

“Stay,” he said without opening his eyes. “I just need rest.”

Every day, she came without fail. Helped him should he need it. She came to keep him company. Cooked for him. Sometimes, she even read to him. Her voice was the one constant through it all he could lean on for support.

“Okay,” came her voice. “I’m right here.”

Jellal had been right. He had done it for her. There was no denying it. But…

Gray gave her hand a little squeeze. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“What do you mean? Done what?”

“I kept sane every week because I knew I had to call you and check-in. I focused on that. It centred me. Your voice… you have a really nice voice.”

“Gray, are you-”

“You gave me the strength to do everything I have ever done since I met you,” he told her flatly and opened his eyes. She was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking down at him. “Without you, I wouldn’t be half of what I am. You inspired me, had faith in me, trusted me, and all this gave me confidence. Told me I was worth something, you know? Still does.”

He reached up and stroked her cheek gently, caressing her hair.

“You’re one of those people I’ve always wanted to make proud,” he continued. “I can never repay all that you’ve done for me, Erza. Can’t even hope to begin. So let me just say that I love you. None of this is because of you. Don’t feel bad. This isn’t your fault.”

Hot tears fell on his nose and cheek, and he brushed them away from her face with his thumb.

“Please don’t be sad,” he whispered.

Erza responded by leaning down and pressing her lips to his forehead.

“You are a wonderful human being, Gray,” she whispered and kissed his cheek. “I hope you know that and understand how much you mean to me. I could not bear to lose you. For any reason. Least of all because of my own errors in judgement.”

As she sat up and dried her eyes with her sleeves, Gray sat himself up and swung his feet over the side of the bed.

I am not what I have done but what I will do.

That was what he had told Jellal. Now it was time to live up to it.

“Hey,” he said and she looked over. “I want to go out.”

“Really?” She looked both shocked and cautiously optimistic. “Where?”

“Anywhere. The walls are closing in on me. I just wanna go for a stroll. Maybe get some coffee.” He smiled. “Or cake. The sweetness might help me taste things again.”

Erza smiled back. “It might. I keep telling you to try cake, but you never listen.”

“Might as well,” Gray replied and stood up. He then held out his hand to her somewhat hesitantly and said, “Do you wanna come with me?”

“Of course,” she replied immediately and took his hand. “Like a date?”

“Yeah,” he replied after some thought. “Exactly like a date. Maybe just what I need.”

He would get through this. He knew that for a fact. And he wouldn’t let it stop him from at least taking the first step.

A/N: You’re about to read 11k words. Just a heads-up.

Sitting in a sunlit cafe and having cake was Erza’s favourite post-mission celebration routine. As a general rule, party members got to tag along – her treat. After a particularly gruesome quest involving a codpiece, a leprechaun, polka-dot bikinis and flying crabs, Gray and Erza were doing just that. He didn’t know whether the cake was helping Erza blot out this particular quest from memory but with the help of his trusted black coffee, Gray was halfway there already.

As he started on his twelfth cup, he could feel the details of the quest fade away with every sip and gulp. It was magical.

Gods bless black coffee.

It was a windy autumn’s evening and the weather was pleasant. People were out for strolls and walks, making the most of the breeze before winter ruined everything. Prominently featured in this crowd were couples. Hand holding, giddy smiling, face eating couples. Never had Gray seen so many couples out thronging the street. They were probably out on a protest march of some kind, and he looked over to Erza to ask her thoughts on the matter, but stopped himself.

She sat with her chin on her hand, watching the couples wistfully. Gray, partly amused and partly confused at his development, cleared his throat. “Couple-watching sure is a popular pastime nowadays, innit?”

Erza sighed. “Would you look at them?” she commented as another couple walked by their table, arms around each other. Erza sighed again and looked down at her cake. “I’ll never find a boyfriend. Die an old maid.”

Then she took an aggressive bite out of her cake and chewed mournfully.

“You won’t die an old maid,” Gray reassured her. Then he paused. “Maybe an old spinster-cook.”

She looked at him and smiled tightly. “Wow, thanks.”

“Besides,” he said and leaned in, placing his elbows on the table. “Worst comes to worst, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Gray meant it as a joke, of course, but when Erza burst out laughing, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit miffed.

“Yeah, right,” Erza replied as she took a sip of her tea.

Gray cleared his throat, though he was still smiling. “Why is that so funny?”

“You made a joke, right? So I laughed.”

“Yeah, a little too hard.” He repositioned himself on his chair and placed his forearms on the table. “What, am I not boyfriend material?”

“No,” replied Erza, still smiling and shaking her head. “You’re Gray.”

“So what, exactly?”

“You know.” She reached out and playfully punched his bicep. “Gray.”

“Okay, so we’ve established my name and hit me,” he replied with a chuckle but sobered up. “But theoretically, you know? What if we weren’t friends? What if it was a blind date and I showed up at your door?”

“Then I would tell you that I don’t date strangers.”

Gray had nothing to say to that. But the conversation was far from over.

1234567890

Gray found himself back to back with Erza as the goblins surrounded them. They’d stolen a shoe of a local noble’s daughter and they wanted it back. Apparently shoes were very important to these people.

“So I was wondering,” Gray said as he fashioned himself a spear made of ice.

“What?” Erza asked as the goblins slowly advanced.

“Why couldn’t I be your boyfriend?”

“Gods, Gray, are you still on this? It’s been a week!”

“You bet your butt I am! What, am I not good enough for you?”

“No, I’m just not that desperate.”

“…you know, even by ice mage standards, that was cold.”

1234567890

“So,” Gray began as he twirled a bottle of ale in his hand and poured Erza a drink. “Still don’t think I’m boyfriend material?”

“Huh?”

“Saw you checkin’ me out at the King’s game last night.”

“Gray, you were naked.”

“Lucky for you.”

She looked at him, amused and incredulous at the same time. “What?”

Gray flipped his palms and sat down beside her, sighing heavily. “I have literally no idea what I just said.”

“You poor baby. Do you need a hug?”

“Stop it.”

1234567890

Erza was slicing a tomato when Gray sat himself down on the counter and asked, “So I know I’ve asked you this before-”

“A hundred times before!” Erza slashed into the tomato with her knife, enunciating every word frustratedly before looking at him.

Gray calmly took the knife from her hand and put it away. “How am I not right for you?”

“I don’t know,” she replied, laughing in frustration. “I like guys like…” she sighed. “I guess I just gravitate to men who are more mature.”

“Oh, so I’m not mature enough for you?” he asked, imitating her childishly. “Erza needs someone more machoor!” Then he stopped and sat silent for a moment. “You know, I think you make a good point.”

“Thank you. Now can I have my knife back?”

1234567890

“All right,” Gray said as the train came to a halt at their destination. “Let’s say there’s a world ending apocalyptic event and I’m the only other human left beside you. Would you go out with me?”

“Ehh,” Erza replied as she got off the train.

“Oh, come on!” Gray followed suit. “I’d have canned goods!”

1234567890

Stakeouts were usually boring for the most part. Watching the same thing got tiresome after a few hours, so Gray had broken out the playing cards but even that did nothing to stimulate him.

“Gin,” said Erza triumphantly and placed her cards on the floor between them.

Gray looked at her. “We were playing gin?”

Erza merely chuckled and started gathering up her cards.

“You know, if we were a couple, we could play this game naked,” Gray said with a smile as he slid his cards over to her.

Erza shook her head. “Will you stop?”

Gray raised his hands. “Sure. All right.”

“Okay look,” she said, looking at him earnestly. “I think you’re great. I think you’re sweet and you’re smart.” She paused to smile at him. “And I love you.”

Gray did not know where this was suddenly coming from. “Uhh.”

“But you’ll always be the boy who threw his undies at my face and ran away after losing a fight.”

“Hey, we don’t talk about that!”

1234567890

“So.”

Gray looked up from his drink. “So…?”

Erza smiled at him. “It’s been two days since you last asked me if you could be my boyfriend. Are you cured now?”

Snorting, Gray finished up his glass and smiled back. “You know, it was nice while it lasted but we all have to move on some day.”

She punched his bicep as she sat down beside him. “What was all that about, anyway? I know you were just teasing, but you were really persistent.”

He laughed at that. “Yeah, just… I don’t know what to say.”

“Hmm?”

“What you said last time. That you loved me. I guess that’s all I really needed to hear, y’know?”

“How do you mean? Surely, you already knew that.”

“Big difference between knowing and hearing,” he replied with a shrug and lifted his glass to his lips, only to find that it was empty. “Erza, I’ve known you a long time. Longer than Mira or Natsu, and better than Cana or Laxus. I’m glad we met, and I’m glad we became friends. But for a long portion of that time, I’ve had feelings for you. Kept ‘em away and under. Didn’t wanna bring ‘em to light. As a consequence, I never really dealt with them properly as I should have.” He hummed and closed his eyes. “Now, I probably might regret saying all this in the morning, but up until very recently, those feelings were always there. On a leash, but ever present. After you said what you did, I thought to myself, ‘This ain’t so bad. I can live with that.’ You know what I mean?”

Gray sighed deeply, opened his eyes and grinned sheepishly at Erza, who looked stunned. “I guess what I wanna say is that thanks to you, I’m ready to put that behind me now.”

“I… wow. I really don’t know what to say, Gray.”

“You’ve already said everything I needed to hear,” he replied as he got up from his stool. It was time to go home. “G’night Erza. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

1234567890

“How you holdin’ up?”

Erza looked back and smiled when she saw him. Then she patted the grass beside her, inviting him to sit. When he had, she said, “I am all healed up, Gray.”

“Well, that’s good to know but I wasn’t talking about that.”

“I know.” She sighed and wrapped her arms around her knees. “I just don’t know what to think, honestly. My parents were never part of the picture, so I was never very curious about them growing up. Now, after all that, I just… I don’t know what to make of the fact that I came from her… that she suffered as she did because of me.”

“Don’t forget that she was ready and willing to kill you, Erza.”

“I know,” she repeated weakly and leant her head on his shoulder, surprising him. “I have no idea what to make of this.”

“We don’t choose our parents, Erza,” he said after a while. “I like to think that people aren’t born evil, that time twists them into what they eventually become, but after everything I’ve see, I dunno whether that’s wishful thinking.” He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. “You mother suffered for you at one time, and that means that she did love you, regardless of what happened. It doesn’t excuse what she did, but that’s neither here nor there. Point is, we’re not our parents. They were never around enough, for whatever reason, for us to be inspired to be like them. You’re you because of the choices you made. Nobody can take credit for that. You fed the right dog. She didn’t.”

She looked up at his face. “The right dog?”

“Ahh.” Gray kept his gaze focused before him. “When I was in Avatar, there was this guy, a grunt basically, called Reynard. He’d grown up in an orphanage, and various foster homes. He was… troubled. So we were talking one day, and he told me that there was a philosophy among the boys growing up in his orphanage, that every person had two dogs inside them: the right dog and the wrong dog. Whichever one you fed more dictated your actions.” Gray sighed. “He fed the wrong dog.”

“I see.”

“Yeah. Whatever your mother did and whoever she became was her choice and hers alone. You had no impact on her, and she had none on you. So don’t beat yourself up, okay? As far as I’m concerned, she was just another stranger whom you had things in common with.”

“It makes sense when you put it like that. I am just unused to meeting parents I’d assumed dead.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.”

Erza sat up straight. “Gray, I didn’t mean-”

“I know. Don’t sweat it.”

She sighed. “You are much too nice to me.”

“You haven’t given me a reason to throw my undies in your face and run away again.”

“I thought we didn’t talk about that.”

“Things change.”

“Yes,” Erza said quietly after a moment. “They sure do.”

Gray then felt an unexpected peck on his cheek, and turned to find her smiling at him.

“I hope you did not mind, Gray.”

“I, uh, I wouldn’t…” he scratched the back of his head, scrambling for words. “Not exactly the word I’d use, no.”

“Then I am glad.” Erza got up and started walking up the grassy slope back to camp. “Goodnight, Gray.”

“Yeah. You too.”

1234567890

Gray emptied his champagne glass in a fern. He signalled to one of the guys carrying drinks of trays and gave him the empty glass. He then went out onto the balcony, which was empty. Everyone was inside, either mingling or eating. Gray just needed some fresh air.

Lucy’s book release party was a big deal, he knew, but he and crowds of posh pricks never really got along. The only reason he’d lingered after giving her his present was because she wouldn’t want him to just duck out on an important event. But he really couldn’t take it anymore. He had nothing against crowds – he wouldn’t be in Fairy Tail if he did – but he preferred to sit down with a drink and not be bothered. That was hard to do with girls constantly making passes at him and asking him to strip.

He would stick around for a few more minutes. Then he’d jump the fence. Women in cocktail dresses asking him up to their rooms every three minutes got really tiring after a while.

The things I do for my friends, he thought as he leant his elbows against the balustrade and shook his head. No power of friendship bullshit works in these situations.

“I can’t believe you escaped before me.” Gray glanced back over his shoulder to find Erza coming up to him, smiling. “A fat editor insisted on talking to me about gerunds for fifteen minutes.”

Gray snorted. “Your most ruthless adversary, I’m sure.”

She hummed as she came and stood beside him, a wine glass held delicately between her fingers. “Are you thinking of running?”

“In a few minutes, yeah.”

“Women?”

“Yeah.”

“Shall I defend your honour?”

“I would like nothing better,” he replied, laughing. “But this is Lucy’s night. We shouldn’t steal the spotlight.”

“Mmm. Agreed.”

Gray smiled at her. She looked stunning in that red dress. “Still waiting?”

Erza said nothing. It had been a long time since Jellal and his mates had been pardoned by the princess. Erza had been hoping that he’d drop by and that finally they’d have something but, so far, nothing. Gray nodded to himself and looked up at the sky.

“You have to be stationary to wait, you know. You move, and you might leave them behind. In other words, you’re stagnant. You’re not moving, you’re not evolving, you’re not growing. All you’re doing is gathering moss.” He paused a moment. “I won’t tell you to not do it. I’m just asking you to consider how long you’re willing to sacrifice your own growth and development for something that may or may not happen, because standing around idly while life leaves you behind is the wrong way to live.”

“I know, Gray,” Erza said with a sigh. “I think about it a lot. I’ve waited a long time, and sometimes I wonder whether if I want it badly enough to sacrifice everything else, or whether I’m just in love with the idea. It’s all I’ve wanted for a long time.” She sipped from her glass. “I never had a normal life. I never had stuffed animals, and neither did I dream of being a princess. I never had that luxury. But now, when I see housewives and mothers, I wonder whether that’s so bad. Is it bad to want a simple life? I like cooking. I enjoy doing the chores around the house, making sure everything is tip-top.” She rolled her glass, smiling wistfully down at the spinning wine. “A house in the country doesn’t sound so bad. A pool for the summer, and a lawn in front with old trees…”

“And a small path in front of the house where the many mini-Erzas can learn how to ride their bicycles without fear of being run over.”

“Exactly,” she smiled at him. “Have you ever thought about having a family, Gray?”

He shook his head. “I’m not cut out for that sorta thing.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I have… issues, let’s say.”

“Care to elaborate?”

Gray sighed out of his nose. It’s only Erza. “I’ve just seen too much fucked up shit happen to people who don’t deserve it. You know what I mean? As long as I’m by myself, I don’t have to worry about any of that. I can take my risks without all that much thought. But a family? Suddenly you have everything to lose, and not all of it is in your control. You wanna do your best but you’re always wondering whether you fucked them up some way, you know? And kids, fuck. The responsibility for moulding another person’s life and personality and thoughts? Actually inspiring them?” He shook his head. “I dunno, Erza. I just don’t have enough balls for that. It frightens the fuck outta me, thinking I’ll ruin the lives of others.”

“I don’t know, I think you have the correct amount. Anatomically speaking.”

That surprised him into a laugh. Erza smiled and drank from her glass.

“You can trust us with your lives, but not your potential family?”

“No, I just wouldn’t trust them with me. There’s a difference.”

“Gray, that’s ridiculous. There is nobody I would rather have watching my back than you.” She placed her hand on his and squeezed it gently. “Give yourself more credit.”

“Yeah, well, you’re different. You don’t need anyone watching your back.”

“That’s not what this is about. Even if I were powerless, I would still trust my life to you.” She smiled at him. “I trust you, Gray. More than perhaps you trust yourself.”

“Perhaps,” he said quietly. All this focusing on his insecurities made him uneasy. “But I’d best get going now.”

“Oh.” She removed her hand, sounding a bit disappointed. “All right, then. Will you say goodbye to Lucy?”

“And wade into that stampede again? You wish.”

Erza smiled and finished her wine. “Then I wish you a good night, Gray.”

“Yeah.” He made to walk away, but Erza stayed rooted to the spot. “Not gonna return to the fold?”

“Oh. No, I just want to stay here a while.”

“Gerunds really scare you, huh?”

“Heh. Something like that.”

There was more going on under the surface, but Gray wasn’t one to pry. He just wished there was something he could do to make her feel better.

And he chanced upon the perfect thing, too.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hmm?”

Gray bent and the waist and held out his hand, smiling. “May I have this dance, Lady Erza?”

She stared at him, though the corners of her lips twitched in amusement. “Are you serious?”

“I mean, unless you’d rather deal with gerunds and infinitives and past participles.”

Laughing, she placed her hand in his and said, “You make a solid argument, Sir Gray.”

“I know,” he said and led her o the middle of the balcony before pulling her close and placing his other arm on her waist. “I am pretty great.”

“Yes.” Erza placed her hand on his shoulder and her cheek on his chest. “That you are, O Great Gray.”

He chuckled, but didn’t say anything. He just swayed with her to some imaginary tune, holding her close, her scent overpowering. Somehow, it didn’t feel wrong.

“Hey,” he whispered into her hair.

“What?” she responded, equally quiet.

“You’ll be all right.”

“I know. We’ll both be all right.”

I wish.

1234567890

When Gray heard the knock, he was changing into his pajamas. Though it irritated him, he went and opened it. A knocking door, like a ringing phone, only added to annoyance if left unattended. On this occasion, he found himself flabbergasted for Erza stood at his door, still wearing her dress.

“Cute PJs,” she commented, grinning widely. “Really living it up, huh?”

He chuckled. “I wasn’t exactly expecting company after,” he glanced at the clock, “nine-fifteen.”

Erza laughed as he moved aside and let her in. “Getting ready for bed, huh?”

“That’s… what normal people do,” he answered as he closed the door. “Listen, you’re still not upset over what the people said, are you?”

A gossip writer from Sorcerer Magazine had snapped a picture of them dancing together and had attempted to interview them about their newfound love. While it hadn’t ended well for him, it had drawn comments from other people about a variety of topics, most notably about Erza having moved on from Jellal after a few drinks. Erza had taken that to heart and had raided the wine cellar in retribution. He’d had to stop her and walk her to Fairy Hills before she went nuts.

And now she was back. At his words, she ducked her head.

“Wouldn’t you be?”

“Look,” he said carefully. “It’s been an emotional time. You’ve had a lot to drink. You just hafta let that go, okay?”

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

Gray shrugged. “It’s a cheap magazine, Erza. They thrive on this stuff. Forge their professional reputations from rumours. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. And besides,” he said with a smile, “if they do start rumours about us, at least I’ll be paired with the most beautiful woman in the room.”

She looked at him. “You really think that?”

Gray chuckled. “You kiddin’? You’re the most beautiful woman in most rooms-”

He had no idea what happened next but suddenly Erza had her arms around his neck and was giving him the hottest, hardest kiss he’d ever received in his life. Surprised as he was, his body responded before his mind caught up and he kissed her back on instinct.

But then his mind did catch up, and he pushed her away.

“Whoa, whoa , whoa, what’s going on?” he said, alarmed. He pointed at her and then at himself. “We just made out! We’re making out?”

“Not anymore,” Erza replied quickly, still catching her breath.

“But we don’t do that!”

“I know, I just thought it would be fun!”

Something occurred to Gray and he squinted, taking half a step forward. “How drunk are you?”

Erza’s answer was prompt and rapid. “Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.”

Gray spent two seconds adding the two sentences up. Ah, fuck it. “Well, that’s the perfect amount.”

He took her hands in his and ran to the bed. He sat her down on the edge of the bed and sat beside her before kissing her again. Erza wasn’t shy about holding back. She tangled her fingers in his hair and moaned against his mouth, sending tingles in places Gray knew not what to do with.

“Do you know what’s weird?” she asked with a grin when they separated for breath.

“What?”

“This doesn’t feel weird!” Erza laughed light-headedly.

“No.”

“You’re a really good kisser.”

“Well, I have kissed more than four women.” Her giddiness was contagious and Gray found himself grinning along. “Wanna get under the covers?”

“Okay!”

It felt less like sensual exploration and more like playing a game to Gray as they both tried to get under the sheets before the other. Gray went the extra distance and shed his pajamas while he was at it. In record time, and that too while under covers. When he was done, he found Erza looking at him, highly impressed.

“Wow, you are really fast.”

Gray snorted. “The wonders of practice, what can I say?”

“Well, shall we?”

“Let’s.”

Gray reached out and turned off the lights.

1234567890

“Well, I’ve never done that with you before.”

“Nope.”

Everything was awkward. Everything. It was as if the glitter of awkwardness had rained from the sky and drowned them in it. Gray wanted to die. But he also wanted to make sure she was okay.

“So how are ya? Are you, uh, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. You?”

“Oh yes. You?” He stopped and looked at her. “We did you.”

It was morning, and they both lay beside each other, trying to make sense of everything and adjusting to all that had happened the previous night.

“Well, I, uh, I better get going,” Erza said.

“Oh, yeah, sure.”

Erza made to get out of the covers, but stopped and looked at him. “Could you not look?”

Gray looked away. “I don’t wanna look.”

1234567890

Later that day, Gray sat down next to Erza at the guild’s bar with his drink and cleared his throat. She didn’t look at him.

“What we did last night was…”

“…was stupid.”

“Yeah, I mean, totally crazy stupid.”

“What were we thinking?”

They both drank simultaneously. Silence fell between them, but Gray felt he had to break it.

“You’re coming over tonight though, right?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

1234567890

Later that same day, after learning of the impending hundred year quest, Gray went to talk to Erza again.

“Listen,” he said as he sat down trepidatiously. “I know we had plans to meet later tonight, but I’m worried about what it might do to our friendship, you know?”

Erza nodded grimly. “I know what you mean. Especially with this quest… how could we have let it happen?”

“Seven times.”

“Mhm.” Erza sighed. “Maybe it was just because we were drunk.”

“Yeah. And it was a very emotional time.”

“Hundred year quests are pretty scary, too.”

“Fearful counts as emotional.”

“Who knows what might happen, you know?”

“And we’re still hungover and getting drunk.”

“And while we’re still drunk and emotional,” Erza looked at him. “We can still keep doing it, right?”

Gray shrugged helplessly. “I don’t see that we have a choice.”

“But when we’re not drunk and emotional-”

“-we don’t do it.” Gray nodded. “You know, the wine-cellar’s empty at this time of day.”

Erza considered this. “I’ll meet you downstairs in two minutes.”

Gray got up and ran.

1234567890

While on the train to their quest, Gray liked the fact that they got complimentary gin. Little bottles, but it was still something. Travelling first class sure had its uses.

“You know, I’m really upset that Wendy gets sick on a train,” he said as he finished his little bottle of gin in one gulp, drawing the attentions of both Erza and Lucy, though he knew from Erza’s eyes that she knew what he was getting at.

“I get rather upset myself,” Erza stated, finishing her bottle of gin and getting up. “And must therefore go to the bathroom.”

“Natsu’s in the bathroom,” Lucy told them. “And Wendy’s in the other one. You’ll have to cross into the next compartment. I’d be careful, though. Some sorta royal newlyweds are travelling with us and they booked up the entire compartment. You wouldn’t wanna intrude.”

“Aye,” Happy added. “Last I heard, the woman had lost one of her pet guinea pigs and the staff was looking all over the compartment for it.”

“I’m gonna go help them search,” Gray said readily, rising to his feet. “For at least thirty minutes.”

Erza said, “Or forty-five.”

“Well,” Gray smirked. “In forty-five minutes, we could find the guinea pig twice.”

“Mhmm. You want to do some searching with me, Gray?”

“Sure, I’ll… do it with you.”

Once inside the royal bathroom, though, Erza said, “Should we really be doing this here? The newlyweds would-”

“Oh, Erz-Er-Erza,” spluttered Gray in his hurry to interrupt her. “This is the honeymoon bathroom. The bathroom expects sex. It would be disappointed if it didn’t get sex.” He spread his arms pathetically. “All the other honeymoon bathrooms would think it was a loser.”

Laughing, Erza said, “Okay.”

Gray grinned and stepped closer to her. “Wow, your laughter-”

“Not enough time,” she said and started pulling off his shirt.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

1234567890

As soon as they’d checked in to their rooms, Natsu had grabbed Lucy by the wrist and ran out to explore, Wendy in tow, leaving Gray and Erza to deal with the luggage.

“Well, we’re certainly alone,” said Erza nervously as Gray helped her drag in all the suitcases to the girls’ room.

“Yeah,” Gray replied as he looked around to check that all the bags were in the rooms they were supposed to be in. Then he smiled at her. “Good thing we have that no-drunk rule.”

“Right.” Erza chuckled and came up to him. “Listen, while we are on that subject…”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to tell you that, uh, well, I was having a hard time that night.” She rubbed her left bicep with her right hand. “And just-”

“Right,” Gray cut her off. He didn’t want her to have to say it all again. She smiled at him.

“I just… that night meant a lot to me, and I just want to thank you, I guess.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Gray stuck his hands inside his pockets. “That night meant a lot to me, too. Not because I was having a hard time or anything, but because… you’re really hot.”

Erza stared at him wordlessly before she broke out giggling.

Gray chuckled. “Is that okay?”

“Yes,” she replied, still laughing. “That’s okay.”

He leaned forward mischievously. “And I’m cute too.”

“And you’re cute too.”

“Heh. Thanks. All right, I gotta go unpack,” he said and held out a hand. Erza smiled and slapped her palm into his. Gray pointed at her before turning away. “Bye.”

He closed the door on his way out and leaned back against it, sighing deeply. It was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? Getting out while the going was good? Before anyone got hurt?

Gray shook his head. Ah, fuck me.

He turned and opened the door, only to find Erza on the other side, a few paces away from the door herself, looking up at him in surprise. It seemed like she’d been on the way to opening the door as well.

Gray gulped as he entered, shutting the door with his foot. “I’m still a little buzzed from the gin. Does that count?”

Erza nodded vigorously. “Oh, that counts.”

“Oh, good,” he managed to mutter as he kissed her.

1234567890

The clock said it was three in the morning when the knock came. Gray had been pacing by the door for about three minutes, so he opened it before the knocking could even fully end.

Before Erza could say a word, he crashed his lips into hers, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in. He fumbled to close the door and pushed her up against it as she moaned into his mouth.

“What took you so long?” he asked her breathlessly after his spirited greeting.

“They wouldn’t fall asleep,” she replied. “But I’ll knock them out tomorrow.”

Natsu had sleepwalked himself into the girls’ room a half hour ago. Something about her scent being nice. He and Happy liked using her as a pillow. Usually Gray would feel sorry about Lucy but he was too busy feeling other things for Erza to care.

“Bed?”

“Please.”

1234567890

“Gray…?”

“Mmm. I’m awake. ‘Sup?”

“I have been… thinking.”

“About?”

“This… us.”

“Okay. And?”

“And… it’s been two weeks…”

“Yeah…?”

“So… where is this… going? Are we… just having fun? Or…?”

“Hmm. Where do you want us to go?”

“You first.”

“Ladies first.”

“I asked the question. You answer me. It’s only gentlemanly.”

“All right.” Pause. “I know that I don’t want to stop, that I want to spend more time with you. Outside of sex, you know? That I care about you very, very much.”

“Mmm. Then we want similar things.”

“Yeah. I guess we do.”

“So, do we tell the others?”

“Nope. Not yet.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and one more thing.”

“Hmm?”

“Can I be your boyfriend now?”

1234567890

“Hey,” Gray said as he sat down beside Erza in front of the fire. “The others all asleep?”

“Mhmm. Natsu is asleep in Lucy’s bedroll. The Exceeds are in Wendy’s tent. Not a peep out of any of them for a while.”

“That’s good news all around. Anything going on?”

“No. All quiet.” Erza looked at him. “You sure you got enough sleep?”

Gray shrugged as he poked the fire with a stick. “I’m good. You?”

“I was supposed to wake you in an hour.”

Keeping watch at night was basically their shared responsibility. The rest were pretty useless in that department. Out in the open, anything could swoop down and make everything miserable.

“This is nice, though,” he said with a smile. “Nice and quiet. And I get to spend time with you.”

“And none of the others are around, so we don’t have to hide.” She smiled back. “We can be a real couple. For all of two hours.”

“Long enough for me to do this,” he said smugly and took her hand in his. “Because that’s what boyfriends do.”

Erza laughed quietly and shifted closer.

“And I can do this.” She pecked him lightly on the cheek and lingered, rubbing her nose along his cheekbone. Gray turned and kissed her forehead, before gently cupping her face kissing her slowly.

It was hard, being around each other all day but being unable to do anything unless the cover of darkness came to their aid. Even then, they didn’t have the time to do all they wanted to do. It was insanely frustrating.

Erza sighed softly when he pulled away. “Can we lie down for just a bit?”

“Sure.”

The night sky was in spectacular form. The moon had gone to sleep, leaving her children to illuminate the vast canvas of darkness. And the stars did not disappoint.

“You know, back when I was training with Ur, I had trouble sleeping,” Gray said after they settled down. “All that was on my mind was Deloira, and how I was gonna avenge the destruction of my village. I spent my nights plotting, thinking how I would do what I had to do. Even despite the gruelling training, I couldn’t get myself to sleep.”

Erza said nothing, though she rubbed her thumb over his knuckles. Gray sighed.

“And I was going nuts, y’know? Obsessing over revenge… I was seven. Maybe eight years old.” He clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Anyway, we all used to sleep in this one room, right? Ur had a fire going and we’d all sleep on the hearth. I’d always sleep next to the window, and one night, I was really tired of everything – the training, the plotting, everything. All I wanted was to sleep for a day, but I couldn’t. So I look out the window, and all I see are stars. I started counting them. Just randomly. I was asleep before I knew it.” He was silent a while. “I never saw stars like that in the city. They never twinkled as they do when you’re outdoors.”

“I never saw the stars until after I escaped from the Tower,” Erza said after a while. “The rooms we were made to sleep in had boarded up windows. We could only make out lightning through the gaps between the boards, and sometimes rainwater would slip in. That was the most contact we had with the outside world.” She snuggled into his side and Gray put his arm around her neck. “When I was out, and I saw everything for the first time, I didn’t understand anything, and I knew nobody that I could ask. So after joining the guild, I spent most of my time reading, trying to understand the world and the people in it, how things worked and all that.”

“Yeah. I remember.”

“And you assumed I thought I was too good to be mixing with you guys.”

Gray grimaced. “Yeah, about that-”

“It’s okay. You were young and stupid.”

“It’s funny, though,” he said after her giggling had subsided. “I was having a bad day. Lost my wallet and fell in a ditch. And Cana gives me a reading for my future, right? And she tells me that I would have ‘brilliant luck’ that day. And I scoffed at her.” He smiled to himself. “And just a few moments later, you walked in.”

“I didn’t know this,” Erza said softly, though he felt the smile in her voice. “Fancy that.”

“Yeah. Fancy that.” He kissed her forehead. “It took ten years, but I guess it finally came true.”

“Mhmm. I am tired of sneaking around though. Shall we tell the others once we get back?”

“…well.”

1234567890

“So, Gray,” Mirajane began with a grin as he sat down at the bar. “Did you hear about Erza’s new secret boyfriend?”

“Uhh.” Gray glanced at Erza, who sat in the stool beside him, nervously sipping her ale without looking at him. He looked back at Mirajane. “I, uh, may have heard a thing or two about him.”

The barmaid’s grin broadened as she turned to Erza. “So when do we meet this mystery boyfriend man?”

“Oh he’s very shy,” Erza said. “He may not be up to meeting everybody yet.”

Gray nodded. “Yeah he’s definitely not up to meeting everybody yet.”

“I don’t care,” responded Mirajane as she served Gray his drink. “I wanna meet this guy who makes Erza the happiest she’s ever been.”

“Really?!” Gray exclaimed gleefully, downing his drink in one go and crossing a leg over another. “That’s what you heard?” He rounded upon Erza, grinning broadly. “You said that?”

Erza smiled back forcefully, and though Gray could see her brows twitching, he didn’t really care.

“I might have said that,” she replied carefully.

Gray started laughing. He placed a hand around his abdomen and covered his eyes with the other as his body shook violently with every guffaw, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Why is that funny?” Erza asked, unimpressed, and slapped his shoulder.

“Because I’m very happy for him,” Gray replied, still recovering. He slapped Erza’s knee lightly. “And you, ya lucky dog!”

Neither of them noticed the twinkle in Mirajane’s eye.

1234567890

Now that the quest was done and they were back in Fiore, Gray had more time to spend with Erza even outside of quests and meeting at the guildhall. Sometimes they took quests together, and sometimes they just met up wherever the other was.

It was closing in on six months since they’d first hooked up, and Gray was happier than he’d been in a long time.

“Hello, children,” he greeted Lucy, Erza and Mira with a grin as he joined them at the bar. “Got a quest in Crocus for the weekend. I’m taking the night train, so fill me up with ale before I leave, Mira.”

“That’s so funny,” Mirajane replied as she poured him his drink. “Erza was just telling us about this quest she’d taken in Crocus for the weekend.”

“Oh, really?”

“That is funny,” Erza said, smiling sweetly at him. “It seems like Gray’s quest could’ve been in Cedar or Clover Town.”

Gray smiled back. Don’t blow this now. “I’m not in charge of where the quest giver resides. Do you want people to think it’s a fake quest? It’s a real quest.”

“Of course,” Erza replied as she stood up. “But I take the evening train and I promised Lucy that I would help her with her landlord, so I shall see you after your quest, Gray.”

When both she and Lucy had gone, Gray cleared his throat. “Small world, huh?”

Mirajane placed her elbows on the counter and leaned in.

“Mhmm. Very small, indeed.” She smiled warmly, her eyes lingering on his chest. “That jacket looks great on you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she replied, running her hand down his sleeve. “The fabric’s so soft-oh. Hello, Mr. Bicep! Have you been working out more?”

“Y’know,” Gray laughed. “I try to squeeze things.”

Mirajane broke into a giddy laugh. Gray didn’t know what was so funny about what he’d said. Was she drunk?

“Mira?” he asked concernedly. “Are you okay?”

“Well, if you really wanna know,” she began but stopped herself, holding up her hands. “I can’t tell you.”

“Mira, it’s me.” He smiled at her. “You can tell me anything.”

“Well, actually, you’re the one person I can’t tell this to… and the one person I want to the most.”

Gray squinted at her. “What’s going on?”

“I think it’s just that, you know, I haven’t been with a guy in so long and you know when sometimes you’re looking for something and  just don’t even see that it’s right there in front of you sitting on a stool sipping ale.”

Gray had been bringing his glass to his lips but stopped and put it down. Mirajane smiled at him shyly.

“Oh no, have I said too much?” she asked coyly, covering her mouth. “Oh well, something to think about.” She straightened. “I know I will.”

Then she turned around, Gray still staring at her, smiled winsomely over her shoulder, tossed her hair, and walked away.

“What the shitcakes?” he asked himself as he sat there, horror-struck.

1234567890

“I think Mira has a thing for me,” Gray announced after they’d finished with their questing for the night.

“What?”

“You know. A thing. Like a crush or something.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, after you left the guildhall the other day, she was hitting on me.”

Erza propped herself up on an elbow, smiling incredulously. “Are you sure?”

“I’m telling you, I felt the vibes, okay?”

“That’s… not possible.”

“I know, right?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just… Mira has always thought you were charming in a brother-y sort of way.”

“Oh, I can’t hear that enough.”

“I’m sorry, I just… I think you misunderstood.”

“I didn’t misunderstand okay?” Gray said and sat up, frustrated that she wouldn’t believe him. “She was all over me. She even touched my bicep, for fuck’s sake!”

Erza raised an eyebrow and pinched his bicep. “This bicep?”

“Well it’s not flexed right now.” Gray sighed. “Why is it so hard for you to accept that Mira could be attracted to me?”

“It’s not. You are very handsome. It’s just…” Erza stopped, her eyes widened and she sat up as well. “By the gods, she knows about us!”

Gray stared at her in alarm. “Are you serious?”

“Yes! She knows and is messing with us! That’s the only explanation!”

Gray licked his lips. “But what about my rugged good looks and bulging biceps?” He slapped his bicep. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Erza nodded grimly. “What do we do?”

“Hold on.” Gray dug out his phone from his bag and called up Mirajane. It wasn’t all that late, so he was confident he’d get her. She picked up on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Mira, this is Gray,” he said, putting his finger to his lips to signal Erza to remain silent. She nodded and he put the call on speaker. “Listen, I’m here alone in my hotel room, and I couldn’t help but think about what you said to me.”

A pause on the other end. Then a strangled, “Ehhh?”

“Yeah, that thing you said before? Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued.”

“Really?” Mirajane replied. She sounded panicked.

“Yeah, so how about you come over after your shift the day I get back and I’ll let you feel my bicep.” He paused for effect. “And more.”

A long pause. “I’ll have to get back to you on that okay bye.”

As she clicked off, Gray tossed the phone back into the bag victoriously and lay down. “Two can play that game.”

“She thinks she’s so slick, messing with us.” Erza said in-between giggles as she snuggled up to him.

“Well, the messer just became the messee!”

“True. So what now?”

Gray thought about it. “More questing?”

“I don’t see why not.”

1234567890

“So, Gray, I would love to come over tonight.”

Gray almost spilled his drink at Mirajane’s words. He threw a sideways glance at Erza, who was seated beside him, and asked, “R-really?”

“Yes,” Mirajane replied, her voice sultry and eyes bright. “Shall we say around… six?”

“Six sounds… good.”

“Good. I’m really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.” She bit her lip and winked at him before floating over to the other patrons.

Gray stared helplessly at Erza, who patted the air, signalling that it’d be all right. Gray, who had never taken much on faith, took refuge in his drink.

1234567890

“It’ll be fine,” Erza told him as she folded his collars properly. “You just make her think that you want to sleep with her and it will flip her out.”

“Yeah, but how far am I supposed to go?” Gray asked uncertainly.

“Don’t worry about it,” Erza replied as she sprayed breath freshener into his mouth. “She’ll crack way before you do!”

After he was done choking on the spray, Gray croaked, “How do you know?”

“Because you’re on my team! And my team always wins!”

“At this?!”

Erza rolled her eyes. Whatever she was about to say was cut short by the knock on his front door. Gray felt his stomach clench up.

“Go get some!” Erza pecked him on the lips and clapped his back lightly to encourage him. “Go!”

He waited till she was safely hidden in the bathroom before he went to get the door, getting his sexy smouldering look on as he went.

I wanna die.

Mirajane stood on his doorstep in a sizzling black dress, the top button of which was open. She had her hair down, and smelled great. Overall, she looked stunning. Gray did his best to not crack up in laughter. Instead, he pocketed his hands and leaned against the door.

“Mira,” he said, deepening his voice.

“Gray,” she replied, her voice a tad breathless.

“C’mon in,” he told her, jerking his head towards the inside of the house and winking at her.

She smirked at him. “I was going to.”

Gray closed the door as she walked in, telling himself that it’d be all okay in the end.

“I brought some wine. Would you like some?”

“Sure. I’ll get some glasses.”

He gave her the glasses and, barkeep as she was, she uncorked the bottle and filled the glasses.

“So, here we are,” she said as he handed him his glass. “Nervous?”

“No. You?”

“No. I want this to happen.”

“Well, so do I.”

They clinked glasses, smiling at each other, and started to drink. Neither stopped until their glass was drained.

“That went right to my head,” Mirajane said with a quiet laugh. “Makes me wanna rip that shirt right off you.”

“Well, then,” Gray rallied, “why don’t we move this to the bedroom?”

Her smile faltered for just a second. “Really?”

Gray now smelled blood. “Oh, do you not want to?”

“No,” Mirajane replied quickly. “First I wanna… take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.”

“That sounds… nice.” Gray imagined it for just a second and shuddered internally. “I’ll go get the lotion.”

Then, making sure his stride didn’t exude panic, he went into the bathroom to consult Erza, who was waiting with lotion in hand.

“This is totally getting outta hand, okay?” he hissed as he took the bottle.

“She’s bluffing!”

“I tell you, she’s not backing down!”

“Doesn’t matter!” Erza replied maniacally. “You got out there and seduce her till she cracks!”

“All right, fine!” Gray sighed and looked around, finally noticing something. “Did you clean up in here?”

“Of course,” she replied like it was the most obvious thing, and pushed him out.

Gray scanned the room for Mirajane and found her facing away from him, halfway to the door.

“Oh, you’re leaving?”

She turned around, and he saw with horror that most of the buttons on her dress were now undone.

“Not without you, luv-er,” she said, though Gray could tell from her tone that it was unnatural. She kept looking at him and down at her chest as she walked up to him. “So, this is my bra.”

Gray had no idea what to say. “It’s very, very nice.” He held up the bottle of lotion. “Well, c’mere.” Oh my fuck what the gods. “I’m very happy we’ll be having all the sex.”

“You should be,” Mirajane replied after a slight pause. “I’m very bendy.”

At that moment, Gray was acutely aware of his brain rolling over and dying.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” Mirajane said and came even closer.

“Not if I kiss you first,” he replied mechanically, his voice cracking at the end.

Mirajane placed a hand on his waist, so he placed a hand on her waist. She responded by cupping his rear so Gray went upstairs. His hand hovered over her chest before he gave up and settled for her shoulder.

“H-h-here it comes,” said Mirajane.

Gray gulped. He stared at her face, doing everything he could to not look down. Then as she leaned in, he glanced her glistening lips and squirmed out of her grip.

“Good gods, Mira, cover up your boobies I can’t look,” he said in a high-pitched voice. “I can’t kiss ya, okay?”

“Hah!” Mirajane jumped while rapidly closing buttons. “And why is that?”

“Because I love Erza!”

Mirajane stopped her victory jump, her mouth falling open in shock. Even Erza came out of the bathroom.

“That’s right,” Gray declared, throwing his arms about. “I love Erza.” He pointed at her. “I! Love! Erza!”

“What?!” Erza and Mirajane exclaimed in unison, causing Gray to panic even more.

“What?” he asked. “I said I couldn’t kiss her and then I just stopped talking!”

“You just said you loved me, I can’t believe this,” Erza said as she walked up to him, arms outstretched. Gray shrank away, laughing nervously.

“No, I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did!”

“No, I didn’t!”

“You love me,” Erza said, waggling her finger at him, grinning broadly.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it,” Gray kept repeating as he started jumping in one spot. “I can’t even think anymore!”

“I thought you two were just doing it! I didn’t know you were in love!” Mirajane exclaimed happily, covering her face with her hands.

Erza finally wrapped her arms around Gray and hugged him tightly. “I love you too, Gray,” she said quietly.

A wave of exhaustion suddenly washed over him and Gray sighed deeply.

“Yeah,” he muttered into Erza’s hair. “I love you three, but I just wanna lie down, okay?”

1234567890

“Erza, your husband’s here,” Cana called as soon as Gray walked through the doors. He glared at her, but she stuck out her tongue at him.

Mirajane had been sworn into secrecy, so of course everybody knew. Not that there was much shock or otherwise overboard behaviour. If anything, Gray was astounded at how many people had been betting on him and Erza getting together, Wakaba chief among them. It was revealed that he had placed his bets the very day Gray had gotten his ass handed to him by Erza for the first time. It was mind-boggling.

Other than that, though, it was business as usual.

“But just imagine!” Mirajane said with a laugh and a clap of her hands as he sat down beside Erza. “If you two ever have kids-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Gray stopped her before she could get going. “We’re having kids?”

“I call Godfather,” announced Loke from a distant table.

“Lyon might have a problem with that,” Mirajane pointed out. “He is next-of-kin, technically.”

“Hey, if he bothered to call Godfather first, I would consider it, but I don’t see him around. Do you?”

Gray buried his face in his hands. Thankfully, Erza came to his aid.

“You’re all a few steps ahead of us.”

“Yeah,” Gray added. “Big, zero-gravity, moon steps.”

“Oh!” Mirajane exclaimed, undeterred. “I just thought of the greatest wedding present for you two!”

“I’ll go in on that with you,” came Cana’s voice. “I couldn’t think of anything.”

He knew they were joking around, but it was an eventuality. Well, a probable eventuality. They didn’t necessarily have to get married. For whatever reason. Maybe they would break up. Maybe Jellal would finally show up. The future wasn’t something he could control. Especially those of others. And if they had kids, who was to say he wouldn’t fuck everything up? What if he hurt her enough for her to turn away from him? Or the kid?

I’m not cut out for that sorta thing.

Gray pinched his eyes.

The responsibility for moulding another person’s life and personality and thoughts? Actually inspiring them? I just don’t have enough balls for that. It frightens the fuck outta me, thinking I’ll ruin the lives of others.

He leaned forward, pushing his fingers against his eyes until he saw stars against the back of his lids.

What am I doing?

There was no air. No sound, either. Except the drumming of his heart in his ears. He opened his mouth and took a breath to steady himself. Felt a hand on his back. Whispered words against his ear.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” he replied instinctually. The world was coming back to him. The chatter, the smells, the feeling of people staring at him. Gray opened his eyes and looked at Erza. There was so much concern in her eyes that it broke his heart to have caused that, for even a miniscule moment. She did love him, and the least he could do was be truthful. “No.”

At that, Erza stood up and barked, “Quiet!”

Immediately there was pin-drop silence. Even in his state, Gray almost smiled. As Erza sat down again, he shook his head, trying to dislodge the thoughts, but they were there to stay. They had been waiting to haunt him and now that the honeymoon phase was over, they had reared their head.

“What’s the matter?” she asked him.

Gray didn’t know what to tell her. So he placed his hands on the counter and pushed himself to his feet.

“I can’t. I gotta go.”

“Gray? Go where?”

“Take a walk.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “I’ll talk to you later, I promise.”

She knew he was good for his word. He saw from her face that she didn’t like it, but she trusted him, and she nodded.

Gray walked out of the guild and turned left. When in doubt, go left. That had always worked for him. He didn’t remember where from he’d picked up the habit, but he stuck to it.

Was he really going to think about abandoning her and all he had with her? Was that something he was seriously about to consider? Gray shook his head, both angry and ashamed at himself. Then he took a deep breath and shoved his hands into his pockets.

Don’t analyse data you don’t have, he reminded himself. So what do you know for certain?

Erza wanted a normal life. House in the country, lawn, pool, husband, kids. That he knew because she’d told him herself. And that was the natural progression, wasn’t it? People who loved each other mostly got married and had kids. Evergreen and Elfman, Gajeel and Levy, Alzac and Bisca… examples were all around him. He didn’t know for sure, but he guessed that he himself was the product of the union of two people who loved each other.

Gray didn’t remember his parents. All he had were faded memories. He couldn’t put a face to his mother’s name, and while he’d had to fight his resurrected father, there hadn’t been enough time for a meaningful conversation. Ur had taken him in when she didn’t have to. She didn’t fear the responsibility.

He passed a playground to his right. Kids aged four to eight were playing. Swinging on the swings, going around the merry-go-round, slipping down the slide, running around trying to catch each other. He smiled to himself and kept walking.

All the faces had displayed hopefulness and happiness. Happiness stemmed from security, and security from knowledge that there were people you could trust back home who had your back.

What did he have in his heart when he was their age? Vengeance and violence. Trauma from a demon having stampeded through his village and slaughtered everyone he knew. And that hatred in his heart had gotten Ur killed. It was a choice she’d made. That was something parents would do for kids. That was something he had done before for Erza and the others.

I trust you, Gray. More than perhaps you trust yourself, she’d told him. What had she seen in him? What had she seen that he didn’t? What did she know about him that he didn’t?

Gray passed by a store with a glass front and instinctually stopped and stared at himself. He couldn’t see what Erza had seen. Not really. Other than the fact that he had a similar facial structure to Jellal, nothing came to mind. He’d known a long time that they were similar looking. Jellal had had Erza’s heart in his hand, so to speak. He’d chosen to throw it away due to reasons both selfless and selfish.

Am I going to do the same? Am I doing the same? Am I pulling a Jellal and rationalising this as me not being good enough for her?

There were never enough answers. Never enough, if any at all.

He shook his head and when he looked back at the glass, his eyes focused on what was behind it instead of on his reflection. And he couldn’t help but chuckle.

It was a shop that sold baby products, with little shirts and diapers and soap and cots displayed behind the window. He wondered what all he’d grown up with, whether he’d been a handful. At least he’d had people to raise him. Erza never even had that. The Tower had fucked her up for good and still she wanted to bring new lives into this world. That took courage. Like Ur, she was willing to take responsibility when she didn’t have to.

Gray stared at the little shirts on display. He reached out and placed his palm on the glass against a white shirt with the face of a cartoon cat on it. It was marginally bigger than his hand if he stretched his fingers out.

Something this small can’t be that scary… right?

He moved on before the shopkeepers thought he was a potential customer. Not today, Devil.

For all his thinking, he only came away with two conclusions. The first was that Erza had never personally told him that she wanted marriage and kids right then and there. It was a conversation they would have in time, when they were ready for it. It was a nonexistent problem, and freaking out over it was a waste of time.

The second was more personal. I’m no Jellal.

So after a few more minutes spent walking around aimlessly, Gray set his course for the guildhall. Everything fell silent as he entered this time but he didn’t look at anybody other than the redhead at the bar who stood up. She came forward and opened her mouth to speak but he held up a hand to stop her.

“I have serious commitment issues,” he began. “I’m not ready for marriage or children, and that shit still freaks me out, I won’t lie. I’m all fucked up in the head, I guess.” He shrugged, smiling. “I have no idea how to be a good husband or a good dad. Honestly, I’ve never even been in a relationship that’s lasted as long as this. To get past the beginning and still want to be with each other is all new territory for me. And you know what?” He took her hands in his. “I’m excited, and I’m happy because all this is happening with you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s scary but in a good way, you know? And I want you to know that with time, I’ll figure stuff about marriage and parenthood. I do want to give you the life you want, but I can’t get there alone.” He sighed and looked down at their interlinked hands, then up at Erza’s attentive, albeit emotional, face.

“I’m not the best at this,” he told her. “Not by a long shot. But I’m trying, okay? So be patient with me because I think I’m capable of doing this.”

Erza responded by barrelling into his chest and wrapping her arms around him as the hall erupted in applause, whistling and sobbing. Gray was stunned momentarily.

“I know you are,” Erza told him. “Same for me, honestly. I’m figuring it out as I go along, too.”

Chuckling, Gray returned the embrace. “Lend me any books on babies you might have.” Then he turned and glared at Loke. “And no, asshole, you don’t get to call Godfather.”

Erza laughed giddily into his chest at that. As far as Gray was concerned, the world was a little bit more right than it was when he’d woken up, and that was good enough.

1234567890

“Did you ever realise that a house is just a place where you keep your stuff?” Gray asked Erza as she stepped out of the shower. She looked at him incredulously.

“What?”

“No, think about it. A house is a place to keep your stuff. If you didn’t have stuff, you wouldn’t need a house.”

“That is… a fairly true assessment.”

Gray nodded to himself. “Have you also realised that your shit is stuff and other peoples’ stuff is shit?”

Erza laughed as she dried her hair. “Is there a point to this, or are you free associating?”

While she could requip anytime she wanted, Erza still kept some of her things at Gray’s place. A toothbrush, a few spare clothes, a towel or two, a sword here and there. Normal, everyday things. Gray always made room for those but this was getting ridiculous.

So he’d decided to bring this up. And after two weeks of planning, he’d finally acted.

Gray got up and walked over to her. “Well, I was just wondering…”

“Hmm?”

“Where d’you keep all your stuff?”

“Pocket dimension.”

“Huh. So you don’t need stuff lyin’ around all over the place,” he said cautiously. “Technically speaking.”

She looked at him. “Not really. I can just summon whatever I need.”

“So you don’t need palatial suites to live or anything, right?”

“No.”

“So, I was thinking…”

“Gray, is this about the underwear I left at your place last week?”

“What? No, no. Nothing like that. I was just thinking what it’d be like if all your stuff was here.”

“Then I’d be going back and forth all the time,” she replied, tilting her head left and right as she considered it. “Wouldn’t make much sense.”

“Okay.” Gray sighed. “How about we live together? Does that make sense?”

Erza immediately ceased all action. “Live together?” she asked uncertainly. “We didn’t talk about this. Are you sure?”

“Well, I am asking, so.”

She immediately threw her arms around his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist, laughing mirthfully. Gray couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

“Yes,” she replied eventually when he stopped spinning her around and let her down. She looked really happy as she said it. “Yes, Gray. I would love that.”

“I would, too.” He kissed her gently. “It’s been a year, you know? About time we took the next step.”

“I could have waited.”

“Well, I was tired. Now we can totally be naked all the time.”

“Gray…”

“It wasn’t the only motivational factor, I swear!”

1234567890

Gray knew it was only a matter of time. He had known this could happen. He had thought about it endlessly. What had kept him from acting when he knew it was a very real possibility, he didn’t know. Almost a year had passed since Erza had moved in with in. More than two since the first time they’d gotten together. They were happy, but things never stayed the same for too long.

Two years was a long time, and he should’ve seen it coming.

It had all started so normally. So innocently. She made dinner. His favourites. She did that at least four times a year. Nothing suspicious about that. But she was tense. He should’ve noticed her body language, sensed that something was off.

One minute they were eating and laughing, the next she was on her knees, holding up a ring.

And all Gray could do was gawk wordlessly.

“Gray,” she began, smile firmly in place but voice shaky. “In all my life, I never thought I would be so lucky.” She sniffed. “As to fall in love with my best-” She covered her mouth with her hands and then flapped them in an effort to regain composure. He saw her tearing up and felt himself tear up as a result. “To fall in love with my best-” She stopped again, and when she spoke again, her voice was too heavy to be understandable. “There’s a reason why girls don’t do this!”

It’s your time, Fullbuster! Take the spotlight! Slay the demon! Marry the princess! Make it or break it, kid! Wax on, wax off! The Force is with you! Erza: the final frontier! Freedom!

He fell to his knees and took her hands in his, sniffing as he did so.

If you screw up now after that pep talk, Imma thump you.

“Okay, okay,” he said quickly. The words came to him without him even having to think about it.

“I thought,” he began, but choked up immediately. He held up a finger. “I can, I can do this.”

Erza laughed through the sniffing and nodded. Gray swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I thought that it mattered what I said, and where I said it.” He looked at her, ignoring the fact that his eyes decided to leak without his permission. At least he could see her face clearly. “But then I realised that the only thing that mattered was that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be.”

He looked at the ring in her hands. It was a simple silver band. No stones. He loved it.

But it wouldn’t do. So he took his hands away from hers, and squished his palms together.

“And if you let me,” he said as gentle white light radiated from between the gaps of his fingers. “I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.”

He held the ice ring between his thumb and forefinger and took her left hand. The ring was cold, but it would have to do for now. Erza chuckled when she saw it, so she wouldn’t mind it much.

“So, Erza Scarlet, will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

1234567890

“Well,” Gray said, hands on hips, after the last box was unpacked. “That’s that.”

“Mhmm.” Erza came and stood beside him, putting an arm around his waist. “That’s that.”

The house was a bit pricey – real estate was always tricky – but it was a good investment. It was a good neighbourhood, and not too far from the city. Two stories, plenty of space, lots of sunlight. There was no pool, but there was a lawn, and a little winding road dotted with oak trees that led down to a stream. It was nice and quiet, something Gray had no problem with.

“Marriage, house,” Erza said, looking around the living room. “Not bad.”

“We’re growing up,” Gray replied. “Now all we need is kids and we’re adults.”

“Yes. About that.”

Gray looked at her. She was smiling.

“Wait, what?”

“Welcome to an adult relationship. Is it everything you hoped and dreamed it would be?”

Gray said nothing. Erza placed her hand on his chest.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied after a while. “Just thinking what colour I should paint the swing set Imma build.”

There was no fear now. There was no room for it. Not anymore.

As he picked up his giggling wife bridal style and peppered her face with kisses, the only thing Gray Fullbuster felt was excitement.

Why Erza was so in love with her cakes, Gray would never know. They were much too sweet, criminally so, and they did your teeth no favours. And yet, the woman consumed more strawberry cake than a pubescent teen consumed porn. Not that he would know anything about that.

Smut, again, was Erza’s territory. The postman sometimes delivered her magazines to him and that was the extent of his exposure to her stash. One day, though, he would find and catalogue every bit of porn she had.

Unless she has a catalogue already, he thought with a grimace. Alphabetical, chronological, cross-referenced and colour-coded, probably. He shook his head and turned to Erza, who was seated beside him in a booth at the cake shop, sucking the cake off her spoon, her eyes closed and a happy smile on her face.

“You are so cute,” he found himself saying without meaning to. No sooner did the words leave his mouth did he freeze up. “Uhh. I meant.” Erza turned and blinked at him, still sucking on her spoon. “Never mind.”

“I believe it is normal for someone to find their girlfriend cute,” Erza commented with a tilt of her head. “Why does that embarrass you?”

“It’s not… it’s embarrassing to say, okay?” Gray made a helplessly flipped his palms. “Especially in public.”

“Do you disapprove of public display of affection, Gray?”

“Ehh. I don’t wanna see people sucking face while I’m going somewhere, y’know?”

“Why does that bother you?”

“I get embarrassed and uncomfortable, okay?” He shrugged. “I wouldn’t want people looking at me while I’m… doing stuff like that.”

“I see.” Erza nodded. “You like privacy.”

“I guess.”

“Maybe you’ll get more comfortable with it with practice?”

Gray chuckled nervously. “Whaddaya mean, pract-”

He froze again when he felt her lips caress his cheek, like a gentle autumn breeze picking up the dry leaves and spinning them around in a whirlwind. It threatened to carry his heart out of its cage along for the ride. It was the most indescribably pleasant feeling albeit a tad confusing: it filled his body with joy but also made him want to kill himself.

So Gray buried his face in his palm and sat there, unsure of how to respond. He heard Erza chuckle.

“It has been a month, Gray. This was long overdue.”

While Gray didn’t know whether first kisses were supposed to have this effect, he was certain that something which felt so good couldn’t be completely bad.

I can actually get used to this.

She was right, of course. It had been a month. Most couples would’ve done way more than just kissing by this point.

Wimp. Chicken. Chicken-man. You kept her waiting so long she had to take action herself!

Gray took solace in the fact that she didn’t take inspiration from her porn books and do something drastic. Like bring out her ill-famed Seduction Armour.

The thought jolted him out of inaction and he leant back into his seat with a sigh. Erza eyed him mischievously.

“Oh, are you alive again? I was wondering whether I would have to call a hearse.”

Gray sighed again and patted her head.

“You’re much too like a cat. Gimme a heads-up before you pounce, will ya?”

“Meow,” Erza said. Gray turned to look at her and she pawed at his nose playfully with a balled fist. Then she smiled and returned to her cake. “No, doesn’t feel natural.”

Just kill me already!

Fighting the urge to hide his face in his palm again, Gray thought back to how fortune always favoured the bold.

Be bold, Fullbuster! Step forth into the cute with your chest puffed out and head held high! Come back victorious!

So Gray dropped his arm from her head and put it around her shoulders and pulled her close. Erza looked at him curiously.

“Gray?”

In response, he cupped her cheek with his free hand and gently pressed his lips to hers.

“You are much too adorable for your own good,” he whispered as he pulled away slightly, brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. Though she was blushing, she smiled into the next kiss and placed her hands on his shoulders.

People would probably look. They would probably be embarrassed and annoyed and amused. Gray knew that.

Welcome to GrayZa Week 2018!!

Contributors can feel free to post any type of fanwork they want (fanart, fanfic, crafts, headcanons, etc), as long as it is GrayZa related. No skill level required! Just be sure to put the tags #grayzaweek, #grayza week, #grayzaweek2018 in the first five tags so we can see your post! Or, you can submit it to us here~.

Now onto the prompts for this year!

Day One/Aug 18: Playlist - This prompt is for you to celebrate a song that makes you think of grayza! We will try to gather all songs suggested into a playlist that everyone can listen to for the rest of the week! (feel free to recommend a good site to make this playlist on)

Day Two/Aug 19: Cooking Adventure - Ooohh, is it domestic home life, a first date, or something else? You decide!

Day Three/Aug 20: Rain - Time to bring out a little gloom. Or is it? Lots of things can happen on a rainy day.

Day Four/Aug 21: Crossover - A lot of us have moved on to other fandoms, which is only natural after a series ends. This is your chance to branch the two together! Or even if you find another creation reminds you of GrayZa, feel free to use that as your crossover piece too! Reasons why it works would be lovely to read (but optional).

Day Five/Aug 22: Friends to Lovers - We all know that GrayZa had/has amazing potential to be one of the greatest friends to lovers stories. Feel free to demonstrate your feelings/thoughts/ideas on the matter. Could be canon or au or anything you can think of!

Day Six/Aug 23: Assassin/Spy AU - A darker alternate universe. It could involve trespassing, and torture, impersonation, deceit. Possibly injecting a bit of angst/tragedy in the week with this one!

Day Seven/Aug 24: First Kisses - What better way to end the week then the first kiss? How do you think it happened?

Day Eight/Aug 25: Bonus Day - This day will be used to create anything of your heart’s content! It doesn’t have to match any prompt, it can just be whatever you feel like doing for it :)

Are there any question, comments, concerns?? Definitely feel free to come to our askbox and let us know!

Any late entries will still be reblogged, so don’t worry too much over that either :)

Crossing over one threshold to another was something not entirely unexpected to someone within Fairy Tail’s ranks.  New members came, old members left, new missions were taken, old missions finished.  The clientele changed every day.  The guild itself, while somewhat stable, was a whirlwind of activity and change.  People grew older, gained new experiences, and sometimes altered in a way that was irreversible.  Sometimes this was good.  Increased strength, a more open mind, a settled conscience.  Sometimes it wasn’t so good.  Painful pasts remembered, betrayals made, injustices never forgotten.

The guild, as Erza knew it, was all about change.

Natsu had grown ever stronger.  Sometimes she wondered when he would stop, but the fire mage just seemed to always improve.  Wherever a line was drawn to limit his strength, he somehow overcame it.  It was as though some force kept him exponentially improving.  Perhaps it was his will that he do so.

Lucy had grown into her role as a caregiver to spirits.  Once shy and meek, she now stood side-by-side with those she had once been hesitant to call upon.  She had a strong soul and a kind manner that only seemed to grow.  She also lost a great deal of the patience she had shown in the beginning.  Though, mused Erza, that patience had been more attributed to how curious and lost she had been in the early days and less to a trait she had possessed prior to admittance into the guild.  Either way, it helped her to keep up with the guild and its ever changing nature.

Juvia had grown as well.  While she still espoused that her destiny was controlled by her magics, she seemed much more easily given to friendship and did a better job attempting to understand others.  Except for Gray.  Despite how she tried, she never quite understood the man she had chased for so long.

Gray.  Now that was the man of the hour, and the reason she had begun to think of change in the first place.  So much had changed between the two of them.  It had begun with the changes she had found in Jellal.

Jellal’s change in the guild had been…turbulent, at the very best.  In his amnesiac state, he could have been happy with a normal life.  He could have welcomed it, but upon his memory’s return, he had decided that it wasn’t worth the hassle.  More accurately, that he wasn’t worth the hassle.  He had remembered his burdens and, upon deciding that they were quite hefty indeed, had left to carry them alone.  The queen’s pardon had given him freedom to leave, and he had.  Content to wallow in his guilt and atone in any way he saw fit, the man had left.  Their parting had…not been good.

Erza had required a change to move on from Jellal.  She had placed many of her hopes on a future together with him only to have it all fall apart before her very eyes.  It had taken several months and much encouragement from all of her dear friends in the guild.  Everyone had been kind, and she had noticed the changes everyone underwent in this time frame.  She, eventually, changed too.

Now, whenever she thought of Jellal, she thought that perhaps he would find his atonement somewhere.  She no longer dwelt on past fights and cold arguments, the pleading for him to stay or the begging that things could have worked out.  Now, whenever she thought of him, she thought that perhaps he would live the life he thought he deserved to live, and that perhaps he could be content with having lived it.  With the amount of change that surrounded them all, she believed it would be bound to happen.  That peace may eventually find him someday.  She wished him well, but never more and never less.  Her own change had been in moving forward.

What she did not expect, however, were her emotions being stirred again only two months after having successfully moved on from Jellal.

Not that Gray was a bad man to fall for, oh no.  On the contrary, he was loyal and determined, steadfast and strong.  He had the courage to stand up against orders he disagreed with and the respect to do so immediately.  There were not many who dared to challenge her on the rare accounts that she needed to be challenged or her plans needed to be changed, but he had come to do so.  And she appreciated it.

Not that this was new information to her.  Gray had been like that for a long while now.  When they had met, he had refused to let her be and challenged her daily.  Upon viewing her vulnerabilities, he’d taken greater care with them.  That had probably been their first change into friendship.  When she’d become an S-class mage, the respect he had shown for her had seemed to double as well as his training.  Another change.

Changes like this had been slow and steady.  She had watched him grow and improve as well.  He got a little cocky with his ice magic, but she knew that his pride was well-founded.

But that wasn’t romantic.  That was respect and admiration for a close friend.

No, the romantic had come only a small time afterwards.  It had been a change, just a little one.

“Good work today.”

“You, too.”

She and Gray were walking to the train station, where they would pick up tickets and head back to the guild.  After a mission such as theirs, both couldn’t wait to sit and rest for a few hours.  Erza turned to look around and was suddenly face-to-face with a patisserie.

The display window showcased a beautiful strawberry cake.

She turned to ask Gray if he would mind her making the stop, but to her surprise, he was already turning towards the shop.  Before she could ask, he grinned.

“I saw you looking.”

“And what if I didn’t want cake this time?”

“You always want cake.  It’s one of those things that make you you.”

It wasn’t a secret that she adored cake, particularly of the strawberry variety.  One would be hard-pressed to keep her away from it and most members of the guild knew it.  So his perception wasn’t off, nor was the fact that he perceived that she would want to detour to get some off.

He’d noticed the patisserie as she did.  Before she had to ask, he had already been angling for it on her account.  But as heartwarming as that had been for her, and it had been fairly heartwarming, that was just one little change among a sea of many.

“We can’t let them get away!”

“We won’t!”

It was another mission.  Several weeks after the last.  Gray and Erza had dashed ahead, leaving Natsu and Lucy behind for only a moment.  The former was helping the latter to stand after a surprise trap, and both Gray and Erza knew that the sooner the culprits were caught, the better.

Gray stopped in his tracks to turn the ground to ice.  Erza expected the move and switched to gliding over the ice easily.  The perpetrators, not so much.

Before they had time to orient themselves properly, Erza had knocked the two henchmen to the ground and tackled the leader.  The downed henchmen soon found their feet captured in ice.

When Gray caught up to them, they were attempting to free their frozen feet by scratching at the ice.  It was useless, but it gave Erza a thought.

“Why not bind their hands as well?  It would have been less trouble.”

Gray shrugged as he lazily approached.  “We want to catch ‘em, not give ‘em hypothermia.  ‘Sides, they’re just pickpockets that got too greedy.  It’ll be up to the client to decide how they want to deal with their actions.”

Erza nodded, conceding the point.  Typical pickpockets were susceptible enough to magic as it was; add the unnatural cold to their predicament and they could have risked damaging the targets too much to be put to trial for their actions.  She and Gray pulled out the rope they’d brought along and strung the goons together, preparing for a quick delivery to the client.  Natsu and Lucy caught up to them then.

“Aw, you guys could have spared some for us,” complained Natsu.  Erza watched Gray grin.

“Not my fault you’re a slowpoke.”

“Why you—!”

“Lucy!  How you doing?  These guys didn’t hurt you too bad?” called Gray, seemingly to ignore the angry Natsu he’d incited.  Relieved, Lucy called back.

“No, I’m fine.  They just surprised me is all, no lasting damage!”

“You sure?” asked Gray.  Erza watched him turn his gaze from Lucy to Natsu and grin.  “We could let one of these guys go and sic Natsu on him.  Maybe it’ll make him feel better.”

“You wanna go, ice princess?!”

“You’re on, flame breath!”

“All right, that’s enough you two,” said Erza, deciding to intervene.  “We need to take these hooligans back to town.  Then we can all go home.”

The team murmured in agreement and they prepared to get underway when Erza noticed Lucy wobbling.  She came alongside the girl.  “Are you injured?”

“Sorry,” said Lucy, seeming genuine.  “I thought I could walk it off, but it looks as though the trap made me hurt my ankle.”

Erza inspected the damage done to Lucy’s foot.  The ankle was swollen slightly and she was obviously favoring it.  Erza frowned as she looked into her pack for supplies.  “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Sorry.”

Erza rummaged around, but couldn’t find an ice pack anywhere in her bag.  She did, however, find a bit of cloth.  “Hey, would anyone gather some—oh.”

The ice had already been removed from the battlefield, likely due to Gray’s control over his abilities.  He and Natsu were standing guard over the prisoners when they heard her call.  “Sup?” asked the former.

“I need some ice for Lucy’s ankle.  I thought there was still some on the ground I could wrap in this rag.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”  Gray and Natsu dragged the criminals closer with them so they could look at Lucy’s injury.  Both men frowned.  “You’re not walking like that.”

“I can carry her,” offered Natsu.  “It’s not that long a walk anyhow.”

“Works for me,” said Gray.  He passed his rope to Erza, which she exchanged for the rag she’d brought out.  He pressed his hands together and, when he pulled them apart, a sizeable chunk of ice was created.  He wrapped this up in the rag Erza had given him and then tied it sturdily onto Lucy’s ankle.  He flinched when she winced.  “Think you can deal with this until we get you a better ice pack in town?”

“Yeah,” said Lucy.  “Thank you, Gray.”

“No problem,” said the man as he took Natsu’s end of the rope from him.  Natsu gathered Lucy up to carry on his back, Gray and Erza each had a hold of the rope that would carry the thieves, and they were off.

That mission had been full of behaviors Gray was typical of.  Quick thinking to keep the bandits from getting away or moving too far once captured.  Seamless teamwork with friends.  Genuine care for all of his friends, even when he fights with Natsu.  Improvisational skills.

None of this was news to Erza.  She had been aware of all of this, it was one of the reasons she trusted him as she did.  He was a good man and everyone knew it.  But for some reason, on that day, it seemed to strike a different chord with her.

It had sparked a change within her.

“Yo, Erza.”

It was Gray.  She had been adamant not to change her daily routine, despite the fact that being in Gray’s presence was now…different.  Not good different, not bad different.  Just…vastly different.

And despite how normal him running into her at the cafeteria was, it felt entirely too different.  Too new, somehow.  An old action, a familiar action, charged with this strange new and budding feeling.

“Gray.”  She was too good at sounding normal for her own good sometimes.  This, she decided, was a time that it was necessary.  “How was your mission?”

“Same old, same old,” he said.  “Some fifth-rate sorcerer gets a bit of power and decides he’s gonna be top dog.”

“Fifth rate?” asked Erza, amused by the odd terminology.

“Wasn’t good enough to be third rate.”

Erza chuckled at the joke.  She should have seen it coming, but surprisingly hadn’t.  She would have wondered more at it, had it not been for her noticing Gray’s expression.  Eyebrows lifted slightly, mouth slightly agape.  She felt suddenly self-concious.

“What?” she asked.  “Is something the matter?”

“N-no.”  Gray coughed into his hand, which made Erza sure that something was probably wrong anyways.  “Don’t worry about it.”

She examined him for a moment more, wondering whether or not to pry.  His health was quite important and she didn’t want him getting sick after a mission.  Hopefully, he’d take a few days to recuperate.

It was the first day she’d noticed, albeit belatedly, a change within him as well.  While his kind aspects had only drawn more of her attention and while she had begun to view him a bit differently, it seemed that his behaviors seemed to shift as well.

It was little things at first.  Whenever he entered a conversation, he would glance towards her before everyone else.  She had to thank Mira for that observation, because attempting to disprove it had become impossible.  And then it came to pass that he would enter the conversation beside her.  Standing, sitting, it didn’t matter.  If he wanted into a conversation she was a part of, he would arrive near her.  She didn’t mind.  In fact, she enjoyed the proximity.  It went on like that for a month.

And then came the day concerning their hands.  It seemed almost trivial, considering that they often used each other’s bodies as weapons or threw one another in a battle, but one day she had an urge to reach out and touch his hand.  An urge she simply could not deny.

Come on, Erza, she thought to herself, trying valiantly not to stare at it.  You’ve held it before in combat.  Why is this so different?

But she knew why this time was different than the others.  This time, she wanted to hold his hand just because she wanted to.  There was no enemy to defeat, no reason to lead him or have him lead her.  There was nothing to force it.  She just wanted to know what the feel of his hand would be in hers.

A portion of her told herself that she was being ridiculous.  This was Gray.  He was her dearest friend and someone she could openly ask if he were going to strip to sleep.  There was no embarrassment around him.

And yet, here she was, shy.

The thought intrigued and irritated her.  Intrigued because this… awkwardness was something she would have never foreseen.  Irritated because she had taken so long that now he was looking at her quizzically.

Crap.

“Need something, Erza?”

Okay, think… She looked around for a moment, then, struck by brilliance, she answered.  “Actually, Gray, I was wondering something.”

“What?”

“Are your hands cold?”

The blank look he had on his face was a force to be reckoned with.  Equal parts adorable and intimidating (she would not lose to this bout of shyness), she faced against it bravely.

“You’re an ice mage.  Doesn’t the magic you wield ever cause your hands to become cold?”

“I…don’t think so?” he said, pulling his own hand to look.  He stretched his fingers as if thinking about it for the first time.  He then put his hand down and grinned over at her.  “Why?  You wanna check?”

“I would, actually.”

Gray slipped on the chair he was sitting on.  It almost clattered to the ground and Erza wondered if perhaps the idea was not welcome to him.  Given what she had observed…  what she’d been told…  maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to make decisions based on Mira’s ob—

“Well…  here.”  Gray presented his hand to her, palm up.  He was once again seated in his chair, his eyes staring at her determinedly.  His cheeks had a pink pallor to them that she had not noticed before.  “You can check.  If you want.”

Erza wanted to wonder at the pause in his voice, but she wasn’t about to back down now.  Carefully, she placed her fingers atop Gray’s.

“Holy shit, Gray!” she exclaimed as soon as she touched his skin.  Her hand clasped atop Gray’s quickly.  “Are your fingers always this cold?”

“err…  I don’t…know?”

Erza began to rub the ice mage’s fingertips to warm them, hoping to get blood circulating into them.  “It feels like you’ve just put them in ice-cold water.  What did you just do?”

“Nothing!  I didn’t do nothing!”

Erza glared up at Gray, whose eyes had widened and he had that ‘look’ in his eye.  That ‘please don’t catch me at what I’m doing’ look.  He’d had the look ever since they were kids.  It never changed.  She glared a moment longer, then released the glare.  Instead, she focused on warming her friend’s fingertips between her hands.

“Honestly…”

Ever since then, Erza had made sure to grab his hand whenever she was around.  Sometimes his fingers were absolutely frigid.  Sometimes they weren’t so much.  The latter tended to happen when he hadn’t seen her coming.

So she had known he was using his ice magic to make his fingers cold, but the question she had asked herself was why.  It had taken an embarrassingly long time to figure out, and even longer to confront him about it.

“Gray.”

“Oh, hey Erza.  Jeez, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Nonsense, consider this training in stealth detection.”

“Oh, come on. Really?”

“Of course.”  Being in front of him, seeing him so relaxed, almost made her reconsider her idea of a direct confrontation.  But then she saw his fingers and knew, almost immediately, that they were ice cold to the touch.  She looked at his face, which sported that too-innocent expression.

“So… need something?”

“Yes,” she said.  She confidently took his hand—a few weeks’ practice had made the motion second-thought—and pulled it up between them.  “There are times I actually wish to hold your hand and not find your fingers freezing.”

Gray’s shoulders seemed to tense, and his not-so-innocent expression seemed to strengthen.  “I—I…”

“Of course,” she continued, lowering their hands again.  She loosened her fingers around his.  “I will never encroach on your personal space if you don’t wish me to.  Just ask me to let go and I will.”

A moment passed and her heart thundered in her ears.  She wanted to squeeze his fingertips gently.  To comfort herself, to tell him something, she wasn’t sure.  But she kept them loose.  This was his turn to respond and she would be patient.

When she felt Gray’s wrist turn, she almost tore her hand off his.  She never wanted to do anything he wouldn’t have wanted.  But then his fingers enclosed on hers and he gave her fingers a soft squeeze.

“What gave me away?” he asked.  Erza chuckled.

“You’re an exceptionally talented ice mage.  This was probably child’s play to you.”  She heard Gray give a weak chuckle in return before she glared at him.  “Next time, though, perhaps nothing that can give you hypothermia and risk having your fingers fall off?”

That had begun the awkward phase of hand holding and stolen glances.  It had begun both of them realizing that the other wanted a little more than friendship, but not entirely sure what that was.  They became almost joined at the hip, but painfully quiet as they each contemplated what was going on.

Thank goodness that had only lasted a few days.

Another awkward day.  Another awkward conversation.

Erza sighed.  When she had realized she wanted to be closer to Gray, she wanted to be physically and emotionally closer, not just physically.  She almost wanted to go back to normal so long as they could have a good talk about everything.  No embarrassment, no awkwardness.  Just the two of them, able to talk about anything and everything.

A knock her front door interrupted her thoughts.  She invited the person in.  Whoever they were, they were friendly.  Elsewise, her security system would have activated.

“Erza?”

She briefly thought about pretending she wasn’t in, but that was cowardly.  And she wasn’t a coward.  Neither was Gray.  He deserved better than that.

“In the back.”

She heard him approach and set her hair brush down.  She needed to look him in the eye for this.  Whatever ‘this’ was.  She turned around as he entered through the doorway.

Anyone who gave him a once-over would assume nothing to be wrong.  And they themselves would be wrong.  Erza saw the way he hung himself, as though looking battered from a war.  She saw the slight circles under his eyes, an indication of little sleep.  She saw him, just as he probably saw her and her weariness.

“Hey—”

“You look—”

Both of them looked at each other, mouths agape.

“Sorry, why don’t—”

“My bad, you can—”

Again they stopped.  Again they stared.  And Erza gestured that he go first.  He rose an eyebrow, so she gestured again.  He cleared his throat.

“Erza, what are we doing?”

Direct, beyond reproach.  She appreciated the blunt question.  Blunt questions were easier to answer than coded questions, but this one, for all its blunt language, seemed so complex.  So uncertain.  Its subject matter seemed so unsteady and subjective.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

Erza took a deep breath and exhaled.  She pushed her hand through her hair and gave it a little ruffle.  The movement on her head helped her to think and come up with the sentiment she wanted to express and the words she wanted to use to express it.

“Gray, I’ve had…feelings for you.  They’ve grown beyond the scope I thought they would reach until I simply had to act on them.  I’ve been acting on them.  Some of them.  You’ve seemed receptive, so…”

The answer seemed so vague at best, downright cryptic at worst.  She exhaled sharply, frustrated.  There had to be a better way to phrase it.  “I like you, Gray, as more than a close friend should and I would like to express it.  I’ve been attempting to figure out how best to do that.”

He seemed to absorb that answer little better than the first.  But it was far less cryptic and vague than the first, so she supposed she it would suffice for now.  She waited for a moment as he absorbed what she’d said before she returned with a question of her own.

“And you, Gray?” she asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.  “What do you think this—” She gestured to the two of them  “—is?”

The man stood silent for a moment and Erza understood the pause.  It was a difficult question, but one that needed to be answered.  For both of their sakes.

“What I think…is that I’ve…had feelings for you for a long time.  It feels like your reciprocation kinda came out of nowhere and I feel confused.  Before we do anything we might regret, I think I want to know where we both stand on this.”

It was an honest answer and a reasonable request.  They both had their hearts out on the line here, and these sorts of things needed to be discussed before they did anything too hastily.  She took a moment to reflect.

That moment felt as though it had stretched for eternity.  She took care to sift through her feelings, through her motivations.  Did she simply want to get closer to Gray on a platonic level, or did she want more?  While he had said he had feelings for a long time, she also understood that his bluntness was meant in no way to influence her decision.  He was being honest and up-front with her, and she felt it best that she do the same to him.  He deserved nothing less.

“The feelings I have for you have been building for some time.  I am unsure when they truly began, only that they have intensified until this point and they only continue to grow.  From where I stand, I want to be with you.  I still want to hold your hand, but I also want more.  I want a semblance of what we had back—to be able to talk and discuss anything openly and freely.  But I also want to be able to spend free time together, kiss, and eventually reach a point where we can be comfortable together and with these feelings.

“I want to love you, Gray, if that’s what you want, too.”

Erza had kept her eyes up and directly focused on Gray during the course of her explanation.  About halfway through, his entire face had begun to redden, and by the end he was attempting to hide that same redness behind his hand.  He fidgeted from foot to foot and he made a strange sound from the back of his throat.

Concerned for his health, she stood and came closer.  “Gray, are you all right?”

He nodded rapidly.

“Do you need some water?”

He shook his head.

“Do you need to sit down?”

A pause.  She took that as a yes and steered him into her room, easing him onto the chair she had occupied a moment before.  She, for her part, decided to sit on the bed in front of him.  For some reason, his eyes widened at that.  Her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“Are you sure you’re not thirsty?”

Another pause.  Maybe he really needed water after all.  She made to get up, but she was halted by a slight pressure on her hand.  It was warm.  Gray had reached across to stop her from moving.  She sat back down to give him some time.  Maybe he was just thinking instead.  That was fine, she could wait.

“Do you mean it?” asked he.  He was using a voice she had never heard him use before, but was so Gray that it warmed her heart anyways.

“I do not say what I do not mean.”

Gray’s other hand trembled as it made its way to her face.  The touch was so soft that it surprised her, but the warmth spread through her like a fire.  She raised her own hand to keep it there.  She could feel her heart thrumming in her ears, and she was sure if she listened harder, she would hear his fluttering through his very fingertips.

“Erza,” said Gray.  For all the hesitance in his actions, his voice seemed strong.  “I want you to know that you’re the luckiest thing to ever happen to me.  What I’ve felt for you…it’s been there for a long while and it’s only gotten stronger with time.  I want to love you like you should be loved, treat you like you deserve to be treated.

“And I want to kiss the hell out of you right now.”

A multitude of emotions swept over her.  Surprise, for she didn’t expect Gray to have been so bold so quickly; shock, for much of the same; excitement, for she hadn’t kissed anyone before; and…most of all…

Gray winced at what must have crossed over her face.  “Too much too soon?”

“No,” she rasped, squeezing her fingers over his.  She was gentle, but insistent.  “Kiss me.”

When his lips brushed against hers, when their teeth bumped each other awkwardly as first kisses often do, when they kept going and couldn’t stop, when they eventually found their rhythm, she knew the final emotion she’d felt sweep her at the sound of his statement.

Desire.

They’d come so far since that point.  They’d had their fights, their ups, their downs.  They’d had their disagreements, they’d had their celebrations.  Their relationship had been so full of change, just as the guild they remained a part of.

So, she wondered as she carried the ring in her pocket, unknowing of its twin in her boyfriend’s, she wondered just how much would change after tonight.