#grayza forever

A/N: I’m sorry. You’ll know why.

Gray’s face lit up at the glorious vision in front of him. Erza was in a beautiful white wedding dress, smiling at him. The dress looked like freshly fallen snow that hugged her curves and flared out at the bottom. Her veil covered her face in a thin layer of lace, barely hiding the blushing bride expression of bliss and happiness that graced her. Her hands wrapped in milky silk clutched her bouquet of scarlet roses and sapphire irises tighter out of nervousness. A few strands of fiery hair slipped out of her braid framing her face. Her brown eyes flitted shyly around, completely out of character for the ‘Great Titania’. Never mind a bride, she looked like an angel. He expected snowy white wings to sprout from her back at any second and that she would fly away into the cloudy sky. He nearly blushed at the sight, he could’ve kissed her right there, but stopped himself, it wouldn't have been acceptable.

He settled for giving her a reassuring smile and a thumbs up, ignoring the small aching in his heart. She smiled back and mouthed a ‘thanks’ before turning her gaze to her husband to be.

He was sharply dressed in an indigo suit with a crimson tie to match the hair of his bride. His blue hair smartly slicked back, revealing shining eyes, one with a red mark over it.

Jellal smiled down at Erza, their eyes met then dashed away shyly, before settling on eachother once again. He took her hand in his, whispering a tender, “I love you.” Then they both looked to Makarov as a sign to start the service.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two mages in holy matrimony.”  Gray  stopped listening after that, it upset him too much to hear the words. He could only watch the proceedings, the exchange of vows, rings, etc. It took everything in him not to break down and cry from the hurt he experienced watching how happy Erza was with someone other than him. The fact, though, is that she was happy, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he ruined that happiness by doing anything stupid because of his emotions, so he tried to block them out.

Despite they persisted. He found himself settling into imagining a different reality where he was brave enough to stand up and object to the marriage. Where he took Erza’s hands in his and looked into her beautiful eyes and told her he loved her. That he had loved her from the beginning.

He imagined that in a miraculous world she would say those words back to him. He would take her into his arms and lean their heads close until…

“I’ve known both of you for a long time, and both of you are good kids. I wish only happiness and love for your journey together through life.” Makarov’s tearful words cut into Grays daydreams. He snapped back to the present where his face was stiff from the smile plastered on it, and his heart still ached from the love that would never be returned.

“There is only one thing left to do. I now pronounce you man and wife.” He finally broke, tears of joy streaming down his face. He barely managed to blubber out a “Youb bay khissd da bribe” before words were lost to him completely.

Jellal and Erza met eyes, wrapping their arms around each other, bringing their faces close, closer, closer.

Gray knew he should look away, but his body wouldn’t move, it’s like some part of him wanted his heart broken.

Their lips met fitting together like they’d belonged with each other from the beginning of time. Hands moved into hair as Erza was dipped back deepening the kiss. They were truly in love and happy, and that knowledge shattered the ice mage’s heart to pieces.

At that moment rain started to pour from the sky, breaking apart the kiss. Gray felt the wetness on his cheeks, but some of the drops were warm compared to others. He wiped away the wetness from his eyes, feeling the warm drops in his hands. It was at that moment he realized he was crying, tears mixing in with the rain. He kept staring at his hands, the world around him fading.

He barely even heard an exasperated Juvia shout, “This wasn’t Juvia, Juvia is happy for you two, and Juvia is also happy that a potential love interest close to Gray-Sama is out of the picture!”

Why was he crying, of course he was sad, but he should be happy. Right? Erza was happy. He’d promised himself to be happy for her. If she loved Jellal, and she did, that should be enough. He should be keeping the tears in, but they kept streaming down his face. He was glad the rain had came, or else Erza would’ve seen his tears.

He dropped his hands willing the tears to disappear as he linked arms with Lucy, who was the maid of honor to his best man, and walked down the aisle. The procession slowly walked out following the newlywed, glowing, Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez.

Gray looked away trying not to watch the happiness and pretend like his heart didn’t hurt terribly.

…

The hours passed by in a blur. The dinner, which Gray was sure was delicious, was put in his mouth emotionlessly. That was paired with dinner conversation, which he was sure was interesting, between the members of the wedding party including himself, Natsu, Lucy, Juvia, Wendy, Midnight, Laxus, Kagura, Millianna and others. That was followed by cutting the cake, strawberry of course, which he again was sure was delicious, but he didn’t taste anything except bitter shame as he chewed and swallowed.

Those events had finally brought him to the end of the night, the dancing. The tears had thankfully stopped flowing when they’d went under the tent for the reception, but the rain hadn’t. He could still hear it pattering on the tent roof, and if he squinted outside he could see the streaks against the darkness. He thought that it was almost like the rain could feel his emotions.

He mulled over these and other thoughts as music blasted around him. This part of the night had consisted of avoiding Juvia and turning down other woman who tried to dance with him. Now he was actively looking away from the dance floor since Jellal and Erza were dancing. Again. He just couldn’t look at the two of them together.

Lucy had noticed this a while ago, and instead of asking him what was wrong had gave him a knowing look and a hug. She was the only one that had known about his crush on Erza. Lucy was the only one he could trust that he knew wouldn’t make fun of him and be there for him as a friend. The celestial mage had made sure to try and cheer him up all night, and it had worked a little, but he had shooed her off a while ago telling her to go dance with Natsu.

He was ready for the night to be over so he could go and try to sort out his feelings, somehow, when a hand tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around to see the woman on his mind.

She was practically glowing as she stood in front of him, at some point her braid had come undone and was cupping her face gently making her look even more beautiful than before the wedding started. He couldn’t help the blush that creeped onto his face, turning away quickly to hide it.

“I’ve been looking for you,” she joked, “but it almost seems like you’ve been avoiding me.”

“Sorry about that, I was trying to hide from Juvia and my other various fangirls.”

“That’s okay, I found you now. Would you do me the honor of a dance? I’ve danced with everyone else, even Wendy and Laxus. It’s your turn now.”

Gray glanced around looking to see if Jellal was nearby, he wasn’t, so Gray made the choice he knew would hurt him even more. “Of course.” He smiled taking her hand and leading her to the dancefloor.

He placed his hands tentatively on her waist and she placed hers on his shoulders moving side to side while the song morphed into a slow one. They said nothing for a while until Erza spoke up, “Speaking of Juvia, are you ever going to confess to her?”

He nearly choked, sputtering stupidly, “Uh, um, I.” A blush coated his cheeks, he wanted to say that he loved her not Juvia, but he bit back the words. “I don’t love Juvia. There’s someone else I like, no I love, but there’s no way we could ever be together and she doesn’t love me back.”

“Who is it?” Erza went into matchmaker mode (learned from spending too much time around Mirajane of course) as they spun around amongst the other couples. “Lucy? Mirajane? Levy? Meredy? Kagura? Oh I know-”

He quickly cut her off before her guesses could get to far out, “It’s none of them, trust me, you would never guess who it is.”

“Secret crush aside aside shouldn’t you give Juvia a chance? She really does love and care about you. You said it yourself that you could never be with this other person, you should move on.”

He sighed as he spun her, “I wish it was that easy, I love her so much it hurts to see her happy with someone other than me at her side.”

Erza stopped the spinning and looked him straight in the eyes. “Listen Gray, you’ve always been there for me ever since you saw me crying by the river. You stood by me and protected me on countless missions before and after the formation of Team Natsu. In the Tower of Heaven I heard from Happy how you fought off that owl to get to me. After the Nirvana incident Natsu told me how you fought to stop Racer and I saw you prevent Lyon from maiming me, for which I am eternally grateful. We talked and laughed during the Grand Magic Games. You challenged me into doing the right thing and helping the villagers on Galuna Island. You carried me after I was injured. I love you. My first friend in Fairy Tail and the friend I will carry in my heart until the end. I want you to do what you believe will ensure you happiness. No matter who it is,” she cupped his cheek, “I want you to tell them you love them right now. You’ll feel much better, and if they reject you I’ll be here with a bucket of strawberry ice cream.”

Gray almost laughed at the situation. Here the girl he loved was telling him to express his feelings. If Erza knew it was her, she would be singing a different tune. He really didn’t want to confess, but it was better than living with this secret in his crumbling, fading, breaking, cruelly and twistedly in love heart.

He swung them back into the dance. “I did protect you all those times Erza, and I always thought it was because I cared about you as a friend. At the Tower of Heaven I remembered the feelings of loneliness when I first saw you by the river and my heart broke, I couldn’t let you ever be alone again. During the Nirvana incident I kept picturing you getting maimed or dying right before my eyes and there was nothing I feared more, I had to do everything so that you could live. I loved easing the pressure and expectations of winning while talking with during the games, and when I thought I was going to lose, I imagined how you’d probably already won and knew I couldn’t let you one-up me like that. On Galuna Island I knew your heart was crying out to help the people and that you just needed a push. I carried you because I couldn’t let you lie on the ground and I didn’t want anyone else to be close to you for all that time.” He could barely get the words out at this point, if he said them, everything would change. He couldn’t turn back now, but his mind urged him to. It urged him to abort.

He finally took a deep breath spinning Erza into a dip. “You asked me who I loved. It’s.. it’s. It’s you. I love you.” He watched her face turn shocked as he pulled her up out of the dip. “I loved you since the river bank, but I never felt I could tell you. Sorry that the time I worked up my courage had to be the worst time anyone could ever confess. All day I’ve been avoiding you because it hurts so much to see you happy with Jellal. I…”

He shifted to take her hands in his, a single tear falling down his face and onto them. “I’m sorry that I ruined your wedding with this. I guess I also ruined our friendship too, huh? Well I’m glad you at least get to know the truth. I’ll get out now, don’t worry about seeing me ever again. I know it would be too awkward, so I’ll stay out of your life.” He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, barely there, a ghost of a love that could’ve been. He dropped her hands giving her one last lopsided smile. “Goodbye Erza. Thanks for everything. I’m sorry that I ever knew you and that it came to this, but I would repeat it all again, because I really, truly, heartbreakingly love you.” With that he walked away, leaving behind the shocked bride.

“Wow, I am a jerk, aren’t I, “ he whispered to no one in particular. He started laughing maniacally, the laughs soon turning into sobs as he ran away. Away from his feelings, away from Lucy and his other friends who called out to him as he ran, away from Jellal, away from the wedding, and away from Erza. His legs kept carrying him along as he passed people on the street giving him weird looks.

Tears streamed down his face, mixing with those from the sky, his sobs adding to the thunderous roars of outrage from the clouds, the spiking of his hurting heart in time with the lightning.

He finally stopped running at a place that looked familiar to him. Wiping his eyes, he realized it was the river, where these cursed feelings had started. He knelt on the ground, screaming at the sky, the Gods, the Fates, whatever higher being had cursed him, his heart pounding painfully in his chest.

“Take this hurt away!” Over and over again this shout was heard. A cry of desperation, a shout of anger, a ballad of agony.

Gray shouted until he could no longer, and cried, until that too was taken away from him. He collapsed to the ground exhausted. His eyes drooped no matter how hard he fought.

Before he succumbed to unconsciousness, he managed one last agonizing sentence, “It hurts so much to love the girl with scarlet hair, please take it all away”.

…

It was sad for the boy, that he’d run out so soon, for if he’d stayed even a few moments longer he might’ve heard the words whispered by the girl of his dreams.

“I always loved you too, but I thought I was the only one.” This secret floated out into the air getting caught by the wind and rain, blown away like all the others of secret loves. “That’s why I married Jellal, I loved you more, but at least I knew he would return my love. If only you told me years ago. I gave up on you then, but now..” A gripping pain tugged at her heart causing her to fall to her knees, clutching her chest.

“Take this hurt away,” she whispered over and over again, too low for her friends that had rushed over to hear.