#grandure

    “Johnson!  What we got?”

“Looks like a man in his late twenties.  Suicide.”

“Ah.  Another one.  This has been a rough month.  I only wish we could get to the bottom of this.  Such ah shame.”

“Sir.  We found a series of notes from the victim on his computer.  Some we need a password but we can see a few without hacking.”

“Hmmm.  Sounds interesting.  We would be first to give an explanation.  Let’s read em!!!”

January 4th.  2018.  4:13 PM

 I can’t do it!!   I cant live in his shadow anymore.  Why is he the lucky one.  Tom’s a douche.  I hope he crashes and burns.  This is the end.  I gave it a try but I’m not living life as a noting!!  I hope he finds me hung with my corpse just staring at him.  Now my parents won’t have a reason to be ashamed!!!

“Wow!  This guy must have sad about his life.  Didn’t accomplish much.”

“I’m not so sure.  He has a number of awards on his wall.”

“Hmm.  Personal issues?”

“There’s another note from a few years back.”

October 6th.  2015.  5:14 AM

  I move to the city today.  I’m excited to find out what events will unfold in my life.  Ive been planning this for a few years now and I’m excited to accomplish my goals!  

“Wow.  Such a change of heart.  Sad.  Kid moves to the city with dreads and gets shit out in a few years.  Just a case of self hatred on a mass scale.”

“Couldn’t have been to bad.  I see lots accomplishments in the boxes.”

                                                   ****

“Johnson!!!  We ready to pack it in?!”

“In a sec.  I found a few more notes from this guy.”

“Johnson!!  Is this useful info!?”

“Come and take a look.”

November 12th.  2015.  6:31 PM

    I got accepted to be in a play.  Not anything noteworthy.  Just an off-broadway production in the heart of Brooklyn.  Its not to bad.  I met a cool guy named Brandon.  He gave me advice.  I’m sure it could do something.

November 29th.  2015.  5 pm

   Play went well.  I’m happy to say I got offered another role in a Brooklyn play house.  I had to leave my apartment in manhattan and move to Brooklyn.  I’m saving money but I feel like a failure. Brandon tells me to keep my head down and focus on myself.  Not bad.”

February 4th.  2016.  6:01 pm

   Been working at this play house.  I get a few roles here and there.  Nothing insane.  I did get the lead role in Phantasm.  It was cool but I feel stuck.  Brandon’s doing much better.  He got to play a minor role on Broadway.  People say it takes time but that’s not making me feel any less like a piece of shit.

June 21st.  2016.  9:30 AM

   I called Brandon and it seems he’s bailing on me.  He tells me he hasn’t had much time to hang.  I guess I understand.  He got cast in a few roles.  Things have picked up a little.  Having friends in high places really helps.  I got a few background roles on broadway.  I’m also able to help out behind the scenes.  Not to bad.  Although, I want what Brandon has.  I would love to be busy.  He sees it as a pain, I see it as a huge leap forward.

July 5th.  2016.  10:02 AM

   Me and a few guys went to a party for the 4th.  I met a few of the guys from the set.  This has been a good summer.  Plenty of auditions and plenty of good hangs.Brandon showed up.  He came late from a rehearsal.  Fuckin guy doesn’t know how lucky he has it.

“Cuts off there.  There might be more in his hard drive.”

“Hmm.  Seems like happy kid to me.  I wonder what happened in between now and the last note.”

“I might have to do more work to find out.  We can take the PC in and do a search.”

“We just might have to do that, Johnson!  Pack it in.  Let’s get back to the station.”

                                                   *****

“Hmm.  I feel odd.  Like I’m not doing enough to find out these suicides.”

“Sir!  I found more notes on his computer.”

“Great!!  Let’s here more!”

November 12th.  2016.  Midnight

  It’s shaping up to be a better year.  Me and Brandon are going to travel to Chicago for a performance.  We might be able to tour the country performing Hamlet.  I haven’t been this excited in years.

January 2nd.  2017.  2:19.  AM

   I just got back to Brooklyn.  I was busy for the last month and a half touring the Midwest.  Brandon got chosen to perform in the UK.  I’d like to say I’m proud of him but I’m hurt.  I feel like it should have been me but I’m sure everybody says that.  Well......I’m back in the city to look for my break.

February 3rd.  2017.  Noon

   Not a break but I am working in a broadway theater where they have many good plays from famous people.  Larry David is supposed to have his play hear next month and I was chosen as an extra.  I also get to pa for the production company.  I feel like a looser.  This just feels like I’m looking through a window at the thing I actually want to do.  Someday.

March 20th.  2017.  2:45 PM

   I got a few small parts in the background of the play.  It was okey.

April 5th.  2017.  5 PM

   Just found out Brandon was going to be in the fiddler on the roof.  Gah.  Kill m now.

June 30th.  2017.  2:13 PM

   Not to busy.  Just board.  A little sad.  Been getting booked less and don’t feel like showing up all the time.

July 2nd.  2017.  9:34 AM

   Brandon invited me to mingle in the Atlanta play fest.  Really big deal.  I might be able to get a bit part.

July 5th.  2017.  5:16 AM

   Fun night. A little drunk and having fun minglkingv .  Feel better bout this.

August 9th.  2017.  9:19 AM

   I’m having trouble feeling like I have a purpose.  I’m playing menial roles as the best friend of the lead.  Ive been making a little money doing this.  I’m going to be in the an acting conservatory even if it kills me!!!

December 11th.  2017.  10 AM

   I’m visiting my family for Christmas.  I haven’t seen them in a couple years.  Hope to have some pie.

January 3rd.  2018.  1:50 AM

    Well with trying to be a shitty optimist I am pissed.  I cant take much more of just being an after thought.  Of only playing these small roles in these infamous plays.  Its so embarrassing to be playing a bit part on fiddler on the roof.  I want to go a lot farther than this.  I don’t think I can take this.

“Thats it.  Than its just what we found earlier.”